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I found out my 18-year-old girlfriend is pregnant this morning. She just told her mother a few minutes ago. It didn’t go well.
Most ‘disasters’ I’ve experienced are irrelevant after a little while, or else happen so gradually that you don’t feel them as a shock.
This is sudden, life-changing, world-upending.
4 weeks ago · 👍 wee
Glad to hear y'all are taking your time and trying to stay true to yourselves. Having a kid is definitely a lot of work. I'm glad my wife and I waited until the ideal time for us to have ours, but that's us. As you can see from this thread, not everyone feels this way! The best you can do is try to figure out what'll work best for you. · 2 weeks ago
Kinda cool that y'all's love-giving could be life-giving. You're ready enough if you were planning to get married. Don't let the "fast fashion" life advice kill your future. IME, There's never an "ideal" time to have a kid... that's what's so cool about it. Life is a gift, not a purchase. Why wait? · 3 weeks ago
@danrl we are already pretty darn committed to each other. I’d already been planning to propose to her this coming November before we found out that she was pregnant. Thank you for your vote of confidence! · 3 weeks ago
Another thing that makes the decision hard is that, although because of our limited life experience and financial resources this is definitely not an ideal time to have a child, we both know it really would be okay and wouldn’t ruin our lives or anything like that. We are more prepared for something like this than most couples our age, and we believe that we would be okay. It’s just not what we *want*.
The question which is bothering her is, is that too small of a reason? · 3 weeks ago
The hardest part right now is helping her to trust her own judgment and not be pressured by the opinions and feelings of others. She has real trouble knowing what she really thinks about anything, and while she is pro choice and before this felt roughly the way I and @lykso do about the ethics of early term abortions, actually being pregnant introduces a lot of complexity to the situation that is difficult for her to navigate. · 3 weeks ago
thank you all for your well wishes
@lykso my girlfriend is taking a little bit to do some introspection and figure out what she wants. Neither of us really want to have a child now, although we both want to do that in the future. She just needs to make sure that if she decides to get an abortion it is something she won’t be stuck feeling guilty about forever.
If what she decides is that she wants to keep the pregnancy I will support her in every way. · 3 weeks ago
Congratulations! It's definitely world-upending, but having children is a real blessing. I'm very thankful to have the kids that I do.
There is a lot of support available out there if you need it, both financial and access to medical services and counseling, designed to help couples going through this lifechanging event. Don't be afraid to reach out and make use of it. · 3 weeks ago
Lord have mercy! · 3 weeks ago
If you *want* to have a kid, if you've planned and are ready for one, then go for it. But please, FFS, don't let people's weird, poorly considered ideas about what constitutes human life derail whatever y'all had hoped your lives would be. IMHO, early stage abortion, the only abortion legal anywhere AFAIK, is less akin to murder than killing a pig is. There is no feeling, thought, or independent life in that fetus.
I feel compelled to say all this because I feel like there's an assumption here in the comments that you're going to actually *make* a baby here. I just want to make sure you know that choosing *not* to is just as valid a choice. · 3 weeks ago
I feel like there's a lot of pressure out there for people who aren't ready for kids to have kids. I don't think it usually works out well, and I don't think it's a good idea to try using an unplanned pregnancy to try to "rise to the occasion." I've seen that turn out poorly far more often than I've seen it work out well. I have a kid, and I can tell you that it's likely a lot harder to take care of a baby than you think, however hard you think it is. Right now, what's in your girlfriend's womb isn't a baby. It's not sentient in any way. If you are not in a good place to have a baby, then I recommend you don't. · 3 weeks ago
sorry for that bad news bro, your life is fscked up for several years now... · 3 weeks ago
one option: commit to her and the kid, and build a life from there. that is, use the time until birth to strengthen your relationship and imagine a life long partnership. how would such a thing look like to both of you? what compromise has each of you to make to get there? there is tremendous potential in early commitments. too many people wait for the perfect partner or moment, many don’t find either and lose the time build and strengthen together. a challenge can help the bond and i think you just got one served on a silver plate :) sincere congratulations! · 3 weeks ago
Kids are awesome. Source: I have several. I've also been a kid. Now I can share my fave games / skills with them. Ignore the horror stories and the haters. imo, marry the girl and work towards a good life for the three of you. It's not as hard as it sounds/seems. I'd bet there are people who could help if you asked. · 3 weeks ago
Sounds like you have some hard decisions ahead of you. Good luck. Whatever you two choose together, don't let anyone else make y'all feel like shit for making what y'all felt was the right choice. · 3 weeks ago
not to mention younger grandma/pa could help out more, don't panic :) · 3 weeks ago
baby are tiny scream box, it is better to have a few when you could easily pull all nighters · 3 weeks ago
this is life-changing, but as userfxnet said, it won't be that big of a deal few years from now · 3 weeks ago
If you're in the same age range the good news is that you have more energy than you would have in your 30s. · 4 weeks ago
this'll be a fun story for them 19 years from now :0) · 4 weeks ago
life has called you upon you with a new challenge. this can be a beautiful, despite stressful, thing. · 4 weeks ago
If it wasn't "This is sudden, life-changing, world-upending." I'd think there was something the matter with you. Now, deep breath and lots of listening in the short term. No matter how things run in the long term, determine to do your best. · 4 weeks ago