š¾ Archived View for station.martinrue.com āŗ alienskeptical āŗ tinylog captured on 2024-07-09 at 01:09:27. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
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author: alienskeptical
Itās so discouraging to constantly shift between being optimistic and joyful, to just falling into the same melancholy all over again. Thereās some sort of inherent sadness that comes with each one of the paths I take in life ā as if I was losing something every time ā as if I wasnāt enough for something ābiggerā ā self discovery is fun until you find something you werenāt supposed to., -š
I was going to post something depressing about patterns and grief, but I ate some food and now the world feels less dull. Who wouldāve thought that giving your body the energy it needs makes oneself feel better! Amazing discovery of today ~šŖ
hello everyone!! not a daily log posting but a question ā what do you think about the commercialism of science? had some sort of talk in uni about this personās company, and their biology-relevant project. My problem with this is, not only did the person completely ignore the work of those under his company (mostly underpaid students that just graduated, of course) and took the credit for THEIR job, but the way they described the project feltā¦ corporative. No concern about the ecological impact of their company, completely avoiding questions regarding the probable dangers of modified products, etc. my question comes from a place of āis this how things *have* to be?ā
stressed out !!!!!!!!! The interrogation was so hard, and Iām seriously considering to take this class next semester ā planning how my weeks will be in around a month is one of my biggest motivations rn ā got obsessed with horror media again ā I want to write but I havenāt had the motivation lately, maybe joining a contest might help ā just a few more weeks until break, I can do this š½
Today was a good one , I had some friends over and we had tea, and studied together ofc! ā Iām actually so ready for the next semester at uni, and Iām trying to get more things to look forward to ā lately, the thoughts of deep connections, of intellectualism, of, again, the same overarching patterns that seem to shape my life have been stronger than ever.. why is that? ā I want to write again, my own stories, but I feel blocked. I need to read, and come back to my pen and paper after ā have a great week, everyone š½
spent most of the day studying, but I somehow feel like things are getting better? Studying shouldnāt feel like some sort of task, but, instead, a joy! Itās such a privilege to be learning what Iām learning, and I just know that, even if itās so hard, itās worth it š½
I believe reading is the one thing that keeps me alive. Words are kind of like water to me ; I wouldnāt be able to sustain myself if I didnāt engage with them constantly, you know? Iāve always felt like the odd one out in my social groups, but Iām starting to accept it - maybe you just have to let things come in and itāll all work out at the end - maybe I just need to learn how to meditate so my thoughts can calm down - or maybe I just have to create, as much as positive, until my mind is finally silent, and I can rest.
studying and thinking and working and thinking and reading and thinking again and working and thinking over and over !!!! does your brain ever go quiet?? Iām starting to get tired of constantly being at a million places at once // at the same time, I feel like itās exactly how I want to be. curious. š½
Just went through a precalculus test. I hope university is the real path for me
[1] whatever I think about
Lately, I have found myself trapped again in whatever-that-big-tech wants me to be trapped in. Itās frustrating, but itās also an addiction that I have to be honest with myself about. Maybe āpostingā little things, just thoughts or feelings that come to me randomly can help. Maybe I just need a break from thinking everyone has expectations over me.
Thereās this fear of being perceived that has begun to grow inside me. This year, I found myself lingering for love, missing more people than I expected too. More than that, I discovered that Iām scared of failing [someone]. Me. My own perception has became some sort of toxic relationship.