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Ok so this isn't what I was planning to write today, you were supposed to get either me talking about a game jam I should be working on, or my weird opinions on a niche platformer game and how it peaked at games 2/2.5 out of 4 BUT instead you get somewhat of a vent post! Sorry!
I am a transwoman. I'm not out as such at work so most see me as a guy... it's not too much of a problem but it is sad I can't be myself/I have to be careful with how I say things.
Today I realised it's a problem when one of the other mentors posted lots of stuff about dresses (specifically bridal) with all the other girls jumping in to how pretty they are (both the mentor that posted and the dresses) and I was going to do it too but then realised how with me being seen as a guy it would seem both weird and maybe potentially creepy and just. Yeah that's some hefty dysphoria right there...
And thus: I Want To Be Involved. This is however a scary prospect. Even after coming out internalised transphobia (fuck that shit really) will probably leave me standing on the sidelines once again... I realise that's something that I will have to work through myself but god, it's exhausting wanting to both be myself and also terrified of what might happen if I do.
Anyway hopefully whatever I post next will be slightly less of a personal vent post and more silly stuff!
contact me!: luna@soup3461.com
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