💾 Archived View for castle.flounder.online › gemlog › 2024-06-20.gmi captured on 2024-07-08 at 23:15:39. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
⬅️ Previous capture (2024-06-20)
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Late night realization that for the past few years I've been in observer mode. Right now I feel like life has two modes: observer and doer. In observer mode one is taking in what is happening around them, watching others go to work, take care of their children, talk to their neighbors etc. [realizes I'm basically describing an NPC, but we're just gonna go with it...] Doer mode, on the other hand, is taking actions towards certain goals/being in the rythm of a schedule. Observer mode is thought focused, while doer mode is action focused. I think I've been physically passing through all these places, observing others living their lives, while my mind has been in a constant thought cycle of, 'what are they doing? Why is that like that? What am I doing? What do they think I'm doing?...' Obviously we are all constantly both observing and doing, but certain phases seem to be focused on different things. I think in high school and college it was easier to be in doer mode because there were specific goals, but now that I'm out of that it's time to really decide how I want to shape my life. I guess I'm just frustrated with getting into the same cycles of thought, while feeling stagnant in where my own life is headed. Sometimes I feel like I'm having the life crisis my 30 something year old coworkers had when they left their first careers, except I never had that first career and am only 25. And to be honest, even when I was in doer mode, I was overthinking it.