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Back in the green armchair

2024-02-23

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Currently sitting in the very same green armchair I spend most of my free time in. It is a comfortable, light mocha armchair from I believe IKEA. With a view of both my kitchen and living room I spend hours here with my laptop; writing, programming or just watching Youtube. It's a peaceful existance, but what is the fun in that?

I am home 4 days every other week, and while I love having the opportunity to see my family and go back to normality for a while, it makes me rather solemn to just sit at home, in this very armchair. I don't go outside and I don't meet up with friends. I just sit here. I wish things were different, but at the same time no one can change this but me.

I do think it might be seasonal depression. Half of the year I just go around longing for the snow to melt and being able to go outside and not get wet. I think the military has affected this as well. Spending a lot of time outside in the field has made me long more and more for a sense of safety and calmness that being dry and warm brings, and cold and wet definetly doesn't. Usually when you get wet or cold you can go inside and warm up, but spending several days outside complicates things. Joining the military (being conscripted) I hoped to overcome the dependency and reliance on comfort I had built up from my very comfortable and protected lifestyle. But the exact opposite seems to have happened. I am now way more scared of being wet and cold, because I have experienced what it entails.

That might help to explain why I spend my free days in this armchair. Not because I am scared to go outside when I can just return home, but because I feel the need to relax when I have the opportunity, even though I know I need to break this cycle of coming home and doing absolutely nothing. I was planning on doing some job searching this weekend, to have something to do after conscription ends. Some junior position in IT should not be unobtainable. Just have to write a CV first, which is not too enticing if I'm honest. We'll see what sort of progress I manage to make during the weekend.