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I have some new hobbies. I am thrilled to have hobbies. As a teenager I always struggled socially when people asked me what I like to do and I didn't have answers. Now I am surprised and proud to have lots.
I got a book "the Complete Book of Drawing" and it's very helpful for the complete noob. I'm still at step 3: draw simple objects. Just get the shape right. Correct the lines (by drawing new ones, not by erasing). Repeat until competent at jugs, cups, and fruit.
I have always been decent (for someone who never does art) at copying from photos or objects I have in front of me. Somehow, I didn't think it's the real thing or worth doing, so I didn't do it much. Sort of cheating, and producing boring results. This book shows that there is a path from there to making really good sketches with some artistic quality, so now it's worth doing. I am copying down many simple household objects.
I have a very talented artist brother and I had a very talented artist high school "best friend", so it was not my thing - I was too overshadowed to try.
Now that I'm old being good at anything is not important. In fact, not being good is a great time.
I have been going at this hard for 3 days and might stop just as suddenly. This all doesn't matter.
So sketching is clearly the thing for me. I have tried (thinking everyone needs to choose at least one of the "creative" pastttimes) to write fiction. I have tried hard to make myself write fiction for nearly two years now, and gotten nothing but bad feelings. I thought writing would absolutely be the easiest choice and I would be good at it: I'm great at scientific and high school essay writing; I already wrote a PhD thesis, which is sort of like a book; I read a lot; and I'm good at talking. I tried to take the probable path of least resistance to ever expressing myself.
But no. I don't know how hobbies are handed out, but it turns out that drawing is the one for me.
(book reviews forthcoming)
That's Jane Eyre's signature hobby, and consequently that of the narrator of Rebecca. I don't much like to have anything in common with either.
When I first read Rebecca I thought this was the most brilliant move on th part of the author - there isn't a more absolutely pathetic and bland non-hobby for an absolutely pathetic non-person than this: "sketching". Especially if one never actually does it.
In that regard, "writing a fantasy novel" was my "sketching", and I am over it.
This is a surprisingly good and relevant move for my goals of getting away from the hyperreality of culture as seen through the smartphone glow - in other words, developing "first sight". See an ad on a billboard? A screen? Learn to not see primarily that - deliberately look at what's next to it, around it. It's hard, because I'm "hyperlexic" of written words and we all are a bit hyperlexic of ads and images, especially glowing and moving ones - it's hard to see anything else in the scene.
This book too says to learn to really look at the bare form and visual impression of things, without filling in from cultural conditioning what they are and what they look like.
Intresting that I say "think less like a smartphone camera holder", looking for instagram-ready scenes only, wanting to photograph everything. But the book says think more like a camera - just recieve the 2d image as meaningless areas of light and color.
My favorite sketch so far is of a bus security camera. It's not technically good because it was done quickly on a bus, black glass over black machine parts is hard, and the lighting kept moving. But it's very powerful, the "eye" of the camera is very black and looking straight at you, and centered by the rest of the composition being more or less jagged black arcs around it.
It was scary to do - I feel like it's probably forbidden to be looking "back" at a security camera too closely. It has to be done - I dare anyone to tell me I'm not even allowed to look directly at details of my surroundings and take them in anymore. If I'm spontaneously policing myself from doing it, then that's just the type of reality distortion we are trying to see beyond.
That is, indoor bouldering.
It started as going to the bouldering gym a few times - now I'm a regular. They lowered their membership price, I got a rolling membership, now I go a lot because it's "free".
It can replace some other sports.
I'm basically scared of everything, all the time. But I'm especially scared when halfway (1-2 meters) up a climbing wall.
And that's why we do it until we get used to it?
I have a friend that I go with, and things are escalating. Now he wants to go to a rope climbing gym. And get crash mats for outdoor bouldering. I'm afraid he'll want to buy lots of ropes and climb some truly scary and faraway mountain next.
This all seems highly inconvenient and dangerous. I'll go as far as climbing a rock near my house.