💾 Archived View for gemlog.blue › users › birchkoruk › 1647059569.gmi captured on 2024-06-16 at 13:14:22. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
⬅️ Previous capture (2022-04-28)
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We were nervous about the house appraisal because our realtor says sometimes the va appraisers like to be tough and give a low value to "help the veteran" which just makes it harder to close the deal with the seller (i get why sellers are leery of va loans). But we got the appraisal back and it's $3k over our offer with no required fixes! So things are looking good. We're still finishing some repair issues and getting the furnace checked but the appraisal was the big deal. The foundation insulation in the crawlspace is being replaced, the attic with vermiculite insulation is being sealed, the wood fireplace is being checked out and cleaned, etc. The garage is a converted carport and we're going to need to add gypsum board to make it a proper firewall. Nothing scary, just bringing it up to code. It's looking more and more like the house will be a reality and thank god, because i do not want to have to start over. The one time was enough - anchorage may not be as tough as seattle or denver or san diego, but we still hear it's really hard to get an offer accepted due to low inventory, like everywhere. We lucked out - right realtor, right time. Plus i genuinely like the little house better than most of what's on the market. I think it's just right for us.
We visited spouse's parents. I didn't end up arguing bitterly and leaving to sit in the car, so that's good, but i had to listen to a whole bunch of ridiculous conspiracy bullshit nonsense and just not get into it because it wouldn't be worth the effort. On the upside i listened to all their crap and don't think they're into qanon, so that's positive. I was hoping they'd have the manners to leave the politics aside, but no, from greeting us with a pointed "we don't social distance here" to circling everything back to how terrible biden is and how we were living "in the pit of darkness" (meaning DC), they just couldn't not rub our noses in their politics. Really tiresome. And frankly they seem angry and miserable. They are poor and living in a home that is rotting around them. They excitedly told us they fixed the one toilet so it could flush properly (!). It's tough to challenge them on anything because they seem so fragile and vulnerable. Especially in their own home. So we just bit our tongues a lot and "mm-hmm'd" and didn't engage. I did get snippy when spouse's mom was saying bad things about where we lived. I told her the people were really nice and how i went for walks and everyone was friendly EXCEPT ON SUNDAYS. She's never been there - she's got no clue - she's just got a script in her head. It was good living in the land of crab. We make fun of their dumb rules, sure, but we also had good renter's protections and they gave a shit about people catching disease. We prefer alaska, of course, but we are glad we got to live there. The perspective shift is invaluable. So fuck her for saying bad things about the DC area. It was nice getting to experience the culture there and they have a lot of great things going for them on the east coast. Still kinda salty.
Visits went much the same as in the past. They dominate the conversation and talk focuses on them but they don't ask us much. I think it's defensive. We're buying a house (kind of a big milestone!) and they didn't ask how it's going or what the house is like or anything. They did say they didn't like anchorage anymore because there's "too many people and too much traffic" (which we thought was hilarious) which means that it will always be us going down to see them, never them coming to see us. If we invited them to a housewarming they woudn't come. On the one hand, you don't want brag about your good fortune in front of people who are not doing so well, but you would think they could be happy for us. I dunno. It's awkward.
Apparently spouse's oldest sister and her boyfriend are living in a bus on the property (the bus no longer runs). The oldest sister went through a rough time when her small business failed. She has developed agoraphobia and has such bad nerve damage in her feet that she is in constant pain. So she doesn't leave the bus much, and she didn't come out to see us/request we visit her. They have at least 2 or 3 more people living in another bus, and two more in a metal shed structure that is constructed halfway decent, but doesn't have plumbing or proper electrical. I dunno how many health and safety laws they'd be violating in the land of crab, probably a lot. Spouse's mom has grand plans for the summer to organize and rebuild, but that's kinda always how it is with her. She makes it sound like she has amazing skilled people champing at the bit to solve certain problems when the weather gets better. But she tends to greatly exaggerate the skills and resources of people in her orbit. Unfortunately, you can't call her on that without spotlighting their poverty. So she spins a lot of fantasies and we kinda smile and nod and say "that sounds nice".
Spouse said there would be food, but i was skeptical from past experience and packed a sandwich and snacks anyway. Spouse's mom fed us cold leftovers from the fridge. I'm not hating on leftovers (leftovers are awesome), but i'd never feed them to visiting guests, esp a son you haven't seen in 4 years. So it's just weird, there's no normal gathering for dinner as one might expect. Next time we go down there i'm going to insist we take his mom and dad out to dinner (there is one local place) just to avoid the bizarre food awkwardness. Maybe getting them out of the house would be good too. I split my sandwich with spouse on the way back. (Somebody feeds you leftovers - you don't eat much because it feels like you are eating what they had saved for their next dinner.)
It's like playing a psychological game of chicken where they pretend they aren't desperately poor, but secretly they want us to see how poor they are and perhaps volunteer the $$ help they are too proud to ask for. Spouse doesn't want to just give money because they'll spend it bringing in another stray person or it will otherwise mysteriously not go toward the issue it was intended to solve due to some other higher priority thing, like buying weed. So they pretend they're fine and we do the same and nobody blinks. Perfectly fine to be excited that the toilet flushes properly. Perfectly fine to point out water damage on the ceiling and mention a cabinet is rotting because the roof needed replacing many years ago. Perfectly fine to make the 2 hour drive to visit them and get fed leftovers.
There's nothing wrong with being poor. There is a problem when you're so stuffed full of pride and arrogance that you can't acknowledge the reality and limitations of your situation. They could have asked us to pick up some groceries to make dinner and we would have been more than happy to do so. They could have tactfully put their politics aside because they know we're vaxxed and masked and not trump voters. They could have asked us about what DC is like and what we observed. They could ask us about our moving logistics and where we're going to live. They did none of that, because they're too busy wallowing in their own situation and justifying their overblown pride to themselves.
Anyway, it still felt like a good visit because we didn't get into a yelling match. I guess my bar is low.