💾 Archived View for tilde.town › ~hush › gemlog › 2024-04-29.gmi captured on 2024-06-16 at 12:36:10. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
⬅️ Previous capture (2024-05-10)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
The past couple of years have really challenged my notions of what love can look like.
I was raised in a traditional Catholic household - we were told, for example, to wait until marriage, though that didn't stick. As a result, I grew up with some very traditional ideas about love, sex, relationships, monogamy, etc. But a few interactions have started to loosen the hold that those ideas have on me.
The first is following some women on tumblr who go very strongly in the opposite direction - polyamory, radical relationships, sex positivity, the works. In particular, one post I saw dug into the idea that Sex is often put up on a pedestal as this uniquely significant thing - a source of deep connection and deep trauma. The reality, the post pointed out, is that sex is really just a thing people do with their bodies. Sexual harm is real, but it's not the only type of harm that people do with each other; Sexual intimacy is real, but its not the only form of deep intimacy people can have.
My most significant romantic relationship to this point in my life was a 2-year relationship with someone who was my close friend through high school and college, and we dated as adults. Hypothetically, could I have viewed the sex we were having as just a thing we were doing with our bodies? could I have handled it if one or both of us were to sleep with other people?
The other challenging notion has been with my current closest friend. She's polyamorous, and has a partner currently. My relationship with her is interesting to compare to my ex - it's not a relationship that I would describe as romantic, and we aren't having sex. And yet, we share an emotional intimacy and openness that is greater than my former romantic relationship. Part of that is just me - I've come out as transgender since, so I'm being more open as a person than I was, but it's still interesting to think about. What constitutes romantic intimacy vs friendship? I love my friend - how different is that love, really, from the love I had for my ex?
I still consider myself to be monogamous, these challenges to my thinking about love haven't really changed the way I think about the romantic relationship I'd like to have. That said, maybe they've opened up my thinking so that my future relationships can be healthier - I won't be so solely dependent on my hypothetical future partner. I'll allow for other forms of intimacy in my - and their - relationships. I think just being around polyamorous people is so much better for my thinking about relationships in general.