💾 Archived View for stack.tilde.cafe › gemlog › 2022-10-07.quitting.gmi captured on 2024-06-16 at 12:32:43. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
⬅️ Previous capture (2023-09-08)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
It is easy to get addicted to things; quitting is a bitch. And it feels awful to do something you know you shouldn't, be it using some substance, social media, eating meat, destructive behavior, or whatever.
The human brain is designed to optimize risk/reward behaviors, but it has bugs. The same circuitry that helps you learn, gets you hooked on stupid things, like checking how many 'likes' your post got or whipping out your phone every 30 seconds. When substances are involved, the results may devastating. But there may be ways to gamify quitting, by metaprogramming the addiction bug into a tool.
I am not a licensed professional, and as the old adage goes, don't take advice from someone whose life you don't envy, and god knows, no one should envy my life. Enjoy yours instead after reading this for informative purposes.
My approach is simple:
First of all, why are you quitting? If it's because of social pressure, perhaps you should consider quitting that behavior pattern first! Quitting is hard, and you should have very good personal reasons or you will fail.
In my experience quitting is a bad idea. I've never been able to quit smoking -- and I've quit unsuccessfully many times. But I managed to not smoke for over 10 years now!
Don't make it a big deal.
Quitting is a grandiose gesture, and it is almost guaranteed to fail. You are likely to slip up, which will feel terrible - you are a failure, so you may as well binge hard. Don't quit, or tell others you are quitting. If they notice, say you are cutting down, no big deal. The last thing you need is to feel guilty about what your friends think of you if/when you slip up.
Instead of quitting, consider setting an upper limit on use, but you don't need to hit it!. Once the resource is limited, it's value goes up, and you can use it to your advantage by asking yourself: is now the perfect moment to use it? Maybe later...
Malachy McCourt told me this story about smoking. Instead of quitting, he decided that he would quit after smoking his last pack of cigarettes. Every now and then he would take one out and ask himself: do I want to smoke this cigarette right here, right now? Neh, maybe after dinner would be better. Then he would tell himself, after an after-dinner walk... Then, maybe tomorrow morning... Maybe if the sunset is beautiful... He carried the pack around for five years, then just left it at home. He never quit, but he hadn't had a cigarette in 30 years (20 years ago...).
So ask yourself: will this bring me joy? Maybe another, more perfect time.
Instead, consider not doing it for now. Not today. And tomorrow is another day. If you slip, it's not great but OK - you are already making progress on average. Every day rewards you - your average is better, and you get that day.
Scoring the number of sequential days is dangerous - if it gets high and you slip you will be tempted to go on a bender, since you have to start all over, and it's hard to match the last run.
Instead, think of the big picture. Any number of days without X is a win, and your average is a win, and you are winning!
After a while, the game gets boring, and hopefully you will forget about the whole thing for a day, then another.
If you want to stop drinking, obviously, don't hang out at a bar or with buddies who drink like fish -- that will make cutting down hard. Find something else to do or another place to be. It won't be easy if that's a big part of your social life. But think about it - do you want to be that person who hangs out at the bar drinking club soda and watching people get sloppy? You really need another place to be.
There will be enablers. Addicts, in order to justify their own addiction, want others to participate. Avoiding these will help you in your goal.
If you have a friend you trust who can gently ask you "are you sure you want to do this right now?", you may be ahead of the game...
If you are addicted to a substance, things are more complicated, as your body will impose on your mind to come up with an excuse to continue using.
You will probably need some help to break the physical addiction before using the tactics described. Nicotine patches are great, especially as they are applied once per day; gum gives you a chance to escalate your addiction! Opioids will likely require something from your doctor.
And again, consider your health and social happiness against the 'evils' of the addiction. There are people who are social drinkers. Maybe that is a reasonable goal - sometimes have a drink at happy hour with friends. There are people who use heroin in moderation for decades (please don't aim for that!). There are people who smoke a cigarette at a party and don't experience any cravings.
There is a difference between using and abusing. If anyone else is suffering because of your use, consider it abuse!
And maybe you want to smoke two packs a day and ride a Harley or whatever. I believe everyone has a right to die, even if the State makes it illegal. If that is what you truly want, and you've taken measures to not burden your friends and family, do as you wish.
I pretty much stopped eating meat around 30 years ago. Very occasionally I will have some - my average brings my consumption very close to zero. I stopped smoking maybe 20 years ago. I drink socially (very occasionally too much), but it's never been a big issue for me as I like my brain work well. I can't smoke socially! Other substance use is not an issue for me.
I am pretty much off social media, and completely lost interest in getting buzzed with 'likes' and 'thumbs ups'. I post here for the joy of blabbing, without any attempt to 'gain an audience'. Although I have some questions about why I make it public at all...
I am working on becoming a better person and being kinder to people, even people whose opinions I disagree with. That is hard.
I hope this helps you cut down, maybe down to zero, whatever it is that makes you unhappy.