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Missing my Medication, Bipolar Edition

So I think it's really awesome that we want to be inclusive of mental illness

But I don't think a lot of folks know what that means

This log is about folks who don't take their meds consistently

Like me on this fine morning.

So at least in the companies I've worked, there's a push to be accepting of things like neurodiversity and mental illness. But despite all the webinars and heartfelt personal stories, I feel these initiatives rarely scratch below the surface of "acceptance."

Like, we'll talk about depression and anxiety, which is important! All well and good! But it feels like they're turning off the acceptance tap right before it reaches Bipolar Jaimie.

I realise bipolar disorder scares a lot of people, and a lot of people still don't see severe mental illness as compatible with the workplace. Heck, plenty of people don't see any mental illness as compatible with the workplace. Unless you know... you're medicated.

But the thing is, medication isn't a one time switch you flick and then you're Medicated. It's a process. It's an every day struggle, especially when you also have ADHD to make remembering medication difficult.

Like last night. I was sad, so I went to bed immediately after dinner and woke up uh, 12 hours later. I usually take my medication right after dinner, but instead I took a healthy dose of Nap that turned into Big Sleep. In short, I woke up this morning feeling drunk and hungover all at once because I Forgot My Meds.

That's part of my gripe. It's so hard to work amidst the brain fog of a medication blip. But I have no good way of saying "hey sorry I'm a bit woozy, missed a dose of psychoactive meds last night" that's not a lie of omission, anyways. And I have nothing against lies of omission! But acceptance they are not. (I wanted to draw a parallel here about how I COULD say I'd been out on a rowdy night of drinking and was hung over... which is a lie, and a much more acceptable one here)

The problem is that if I say I missed my medication for bipolar disorder, the assumption becomes that I'm about to go on a furious killing spree. Or buy a remote island. Or both. When really I'm gonna take my meds ASAP because the SNRI in my cocktail gives me an exciting withdrawal effect known as "brain zaps" and fuck that. And in the interim while it kicks in, I'm going to try to remember how to make a smoothie without accidentally dumping the contents of the blender down the sink before I pour any in my glass. That's a true story from this morning.

And it's not like there isn't anything scary about bipolar disorder. I've tried to fully go off my meds before, and I had to resist the urge to get into a fistfight with some catcallers outside the first Sonic the Hedgehog movie as a result. In my defense, I did NOT fight them but they WOULD have deserved it. But that's my blend of bipolar for you, it genuinely is violent impulses and I know that's scary. But as it is it's reality, and I still deserve the chance to hold a job without plastering over my reality.

I think anyways. Honestly it's not a big deal, I just have a headache and I'm tired of being edutained about how to accept people with depressive disorders at work.

But mostly it's the headache.

Email (normal): JaimieLBlack@outlook.com

Email (author stuff): author@rosalindwulf.com

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