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Lenny

Lenny is a voice chat bot. If you've never heard him, I recommend for your amusement this YouTube list:

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLduL71_GKzHHk4hLga0nOGWrXlhl-i_3g

If you can redirect phone calls, you send cold callers to Lenny. The amazing thing is that Lenny's not listening to anything they say, but he can still keep them talking. They don't realise what's going on even when Lenny starts repeating word for word things he said earlier. All that Lenny does is wait for the other person to stop talking. Then he says his next bit.

I can't redirect my phone calls, so I thought it would be fun to play the part of Lenny myself. I needed a transcript, and I found one in a paper, "Using chatbots against voice spam: Analyzing Lenny’s effectiveness"*. They included transcripts of sample calls in the appendices, and I've translated them to Gemini text below.

* https://www.usenix.org/conference/soups2017/technical-sessions/presentation/sahin

If you want to try this, I suggest that you listen to a couple of the videos to get the idea, then follow the following rules:

Don't rush, speak slowly and deliberately.
Don't respond to what the caller says. Just stick to the script, even if it seems weird. A real life Lenny might not have heard the caller properly.
The transcript includes stuttering and stammering. Go with that, but you don't have to follow it slavishly (it's surprisingly hard!)
Don't overact being old
Record the call, because it will be entertaining. I put my house phone on speaker, and put my mobile next to it with a sound recording app.

The script

[The quoted lines are what you say. The blank lines are where the caller speaks]

Hello: thi- this is Lenny!

Uh-- sso- sorry, I'b- I can barely hear you there?

Ye- yes yes yes.

Oh good, yes, yes, yes.

[re-entry point - if you get to the end, just continue from here]

Uh yes, yes, uh::uh, someone, someone did- did say last week or some- one did call last week about the same (.) thing, wa-was that, was that, you?

Ye-yes. ss- sorry, what- wa- what was your name again?

Well, it- it it's funny that you should call, because, my third eldest Larissa, uhh, she, she was talking about this. (.) u:h #just this last week and .hh you you know, sh- she is-, she is very smart, I would- I would give her that, because, you know she was the first in the family, to go to the university, and she passed with distinctions, you know we're- we're all quite proud of her yes yes, so uhh:: yes she was saying that I should, look, you know, get into the, look into this sort of thing. uhh so, what more can you tell me about it ?

I: I am sorry, I, I (.) couldn't quite catch you th-, catch you there. whawhat was that again?

Uh. ( ) the: (.) ss sorry, aw again?

Cou-could you say that again- again please?

Yes, yes, yes...

Sorry uhh, which company did you say you were calling from again?

Well, you know. here's- here's the thing because the last time that I--that someone called up, uh #and spoke to me on the phone, I got in quite a bit of trouble from--with the people here because I went for something that I shouldn't have. uh, I probably shouldn't be-be telling you that. but um, yes, I-I think m-my- my eldest Rachel, she-she uh, uh would-wouldn't speak to me for a week, now, you know that-- that happens, you know but uh it bit--that really hurt and-and-and sometimes in the family you know these-these things are quite important you know. they're more important than uh--uh any, you know, job or-or-- Phone call or-or-- what- wha-- whatever it is.

Well yeah, since--since you-you put it that way, I mean you-you've been quite friendly and straightforward with me here. #um, h-hello?

Hello? #are you there?

Oh yes-- s-sorry. Is-is--I have a-- have a bit of a--bit of a problem with this phone-- --and-and my hearing is not so good. um, yes,# uh, w-wha- sorry, wha-what were you saying again?

Well, you know with-with the world finances the way they are I know you know we're not-we're not allowed to spend as much as-as what we were. [stammering] howhow:: how-how-how is this going to uhh h-how is this going to work?

Well,that-that-that does sound good. I mean, you-you have been very patient with an old man here and uh [laugh] Bt-it's uh-- yeah I mean, uh, it's-it's something that-that I've been told that I should be looking at-- uh-, my third eldest Laris-Larissa, she uh, I think I mentioned Larissa before (.) yes-yes she uh-- she says th-that I should be going for the--something like this but uh, it's just a matter of what, you know, what-what is most appropriate for--for uhh th-the time and I guess what not. sorry could you-- just hang on# for one second here? hang on. [ducks quacking in the background - improvise something here!]

Yeah. so-sorry #about that. uh-- s-sorry# wha-what were you saying there again?

[go back to the re-entry point!]