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=== et tu cute
bought a mirror on a whim today. it was cheap, it was pretty looking, i was looking for part of a halloween costume but i didnt find that. i wanted to take something girly home.
mirrors are part of my self-discovery... i dont think thats too uncommon, you know?
the most important thing is that i appreciate myself as a girl. (really as trans will do, but that has led to leaning girlier for sure.)
getting a bit girled up is part of that at least. and sometimes i honestly want a peek before i go to the mirror i cant move around.
so i thought i was doing a good thing, and im still working on that part of it-- meanwhile, i get it home and realise: oh, its a magnifier.
honestly, i didnt want that right now. but its not all bad.
of course my initial reaction was "oh, no!" because it shows me things that the other mirror just wont. i love my new electric because its great for details, but its still not as good as a proper razor which i need to get more of.
funnily enough, in all this adjustment, shaving my face has featured prominently but not as my top priority. ive been mostly making do with the electric and doing what i can otherwise.
the new mirror is very up front about this. i would really like to zoom out a bit, but it doesnt do that. i suppose this is why all the tech savvy girls are using webcams, phones and (for those over 30 anyway) tablets or something.
i think girls need to carry mirrors less often now. i should ask around (though i wont get a new phone for this, i can tell you that right now.)
making the most of this, i grabbed my electric and got to touching up. the plus side? now i look even nicer in the big mirror. so that much is great.
as for a bit of self-adoration (im putting a happy face on it, i am mostly happy with it but it honestly varies) even from bed, that might have to wait for a nicer mirror. or at least a kinder one. :)
ive hung it up by the handle on the wall, which is a nice place to store it if i want to pick it up and i can pretend its a wall mirror, even if its not very good for that.
meanwhile my lover and partner tells me ive been acting more like a wife lately, which she finds adorable. so thats very nice.
part of being a girl is being a girl on the days when youre not your prettiest. today i was definitely not my prettiest. but i never expected to be pretty every moment of the day. im not even girly every moment of the day. what i am is more me, more genuine, than ive ever had the pleasure of being, because ive accepted myself. and i love that.
but i wish the new mirror understood this better!
i mean, you know, its like that friend you can count on to give it to you straight when everyone else is being kind. ive got a new friend. sort of.
https://yewtu.be/watch?v=vO1CCXXMzBI
Reggie Watts - A Song About Apples (Always Love Yourself)
oh and dont worry if you love yourself all the time or not. just think of someone you care about a lot, then think about how youd convey your support to them, then do that for you. and practice accepting it.
i used to worry about every tiny aspect of my appearance when i was very young, though at the time you sure couldnt tell by looking at me. i got over that, but between makeup and getting my boobs straight and trying to keep the shaving good enough to be whatever i think is the best i can do without laser hair removal (for now) i get a reminder of what that used to be like, at least.
i have practice not worrying about that stuff too, so basically im fiddling around with the f***s / zero f***s settings until i feel im treating myself right but within reason.
this is where negotiating is a great skill to have.
"two more minutes!"
"cmon sweetie, youre the only person who is going to see this anyway."
"yeah but ill know!"
but theres a law of diminishing returns on this too. the first ten minutes do so much more than the last two when im getting prettier.
sometimes its gotta be good enough for the moment. smile and be happy youre you.
as for me, dont let me make it look too easy. its nothing but practice, sweetheart. practice has been the best day-to-day ally in everything about this. ive still got plenty of beauties to look up to for sure.
i dont aim for glamour, and im still a tomboy. i LOVE tomboys. im just aiming for cute-- but sometimes she (i mean cuteness, or the "pursuit of cuteness") really is just a bit of a dick. love her anyway if you can!
more importantly, love yourself. if your mirror isnt your bestest friend today, try just being sweet instead. someone i like showed me wedding photos today, and i didnt know the bride but when she got to the groom, i was way more excited than i expected to be.
i knew him, not very long ago, and hes moved out of town. hes a very nice person, one of the nicest people in town. its not that i had a thing for him, that applies more to the girl who was showing me the picture. but hes a dork, and a kind fellow, and i can easily see how someone would marry him of course. but it was a nice surprise.
wait, i dont care about wedding photos! or maybe i did, and thought i wasnt supposed to. i dont know, when you stop ignoring one of the most important things about your own personality, you can learn things like this.
and if the mirror is that bad, i can put it away somewhere and only take it out to check this or that detail when i want to. for now, its a new friendship approached with caution. :)
oh! and if you do have a handheld mirror, do be sure to hold it up a little higher than your face-- especially if youre like me and havent had laser hair removal yet. dont torture yourself like i do, moving it higher and lower while saying "girlish, guyish-- girlish, guyish!" i can laugh, but this is a bad idea! (i only did it once for a giggle, it would make a really awful habit.)
so be sure you take this advice: hold your head up high-- and your mirror, too.
this work can be freely reused: (cc by 4.0) https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
<3 zara