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I need some life advise..
I'm, and I think most Station users are, one of those geeks who gets excited over new innovation. And maintains library for fun. Espically most of my close firends are met through GitHub and OSS communities. This makes dating much more difficult. It's very difficult to not be seen as a weirdo when the 'what's your hobby' quesion comes up eventually. Not to menthing learning I can spend the entire weekend patching and discussing specs - well, that's fun for me.
Too many dates have fail right after that point.. what can I do
2 years ago · 👍 tenebre
Be proud of what you do but matain a cool humbleness about it. Don't hide yourself. When someone introduces you to something they like, try and respect it and take interest. Or get lucky! My girlfriend is a Computer Engineer and even geekier than I am. · 2 years ago
I hear ya! Don't be embarassed or think you have to hide what you like to do, instead present it in such a way that other people can continue the conversation. Instead of saying "oh yeah I maintain and submit patches for multiple open source libraries over Github for various communities" I'd say something like "I like to write software with my friends." Don't dumb it down, just make it more accessible. · 2 years ago
E.g., "I'm trying to set up a federated social network because it really bothers me how commercial interests have come to dominate so much of our social interaction these days." This sort of thing lays a much broader foundation for someone else to work off of than, e.g., "I'm trying to figure out why Friendica's ignoring the settings in my php.ini."
The former statement may still be a "miss," but at least you'll have revealed something about yourself that the other person *may* find relatable and be able to speak to. 2/2 · · 2 years ago
Ask what they're into and try to find common ground. If your lifestyle doesn't leave you any foundation for finding common ground with others, then consider adjusting your lifestyle. Remain true to yourself, of course, but if you're so monomaniacal that you cannot build connection with others outside of the narrow range of your present technical challenges, you might want to consider letting yourself spread out a bit.
It may also be helpful to consider *why,* in a *broad* sense, you're doing what you're doing. Communicating *that* tends to be a lot more accessible than communicating *what* you're doing. 1/ · 2 years ago
Btw, I'm writing this from a first date perspective. If you're at the point where you're going on regular dates with people, things are probably going well so don't hold back. Learning about and teaching people about new things can also be a fun part of dates. · 2 years ago
Just my two cents... don't shy away from your hobbies. The goal of a date is to learn about the other person.
But a big part of having a date go well is finding common interests, so don't spend too much time talking about yourself and your interests if you can tell the other person is having trouble relating. Just move on and look for something that you do have in common. · 2 years ago
And I too agree to what @smokey had to say : If you have hobbies beside "computer stuff" start with those. · 2 years ago
I too am a geek / weirdo. I too hate when people just avoid me / talking to me. And it doesn't feel good when they do so. But there also are people (surprisingly mostly girls) who just love listening to my nerdy talks. Not everyone should like the same thing as you do, but they should have the ability to listen to your things too. So if someone cannot listen to your interests It's not going to work (also vice-versa). My dates are full of nerd talks and apparently dates with a weirdo like me is possible! You too will surely find someone who respects your weirdness. · 2 years ago
IMHO If the only answer you can honest to God come up in your mind to the question"what are some of your most meaningful hobbies" is "I like computer programming! Dont even get me started on SQL libraries." If the whole summation of your interest is making computers do things, that might be a sign that you need to work on your lifestyle and personality a bit more before considering dating. Having one hobby and that hobby being their main talking point is a sign that a persons life and personality are as boring and bland as a piece of raw dough. If you DO have other hobbies, activities, or passions besides computers, then start with those. If not, get some. · 2 years ago
Either find a fellow nerd to date or develop some more widely relatable hobbies - or both! · 2 years ago
"What's your hobby?" "I'm a part time innovator who supports the collective good by turning blank screens into living systems, what do you do in your spare time?" A bit pretentious maybe, but you get my drift - there are always ways to translate your interests into "normal" language. As with most things a balance is good to strive for, so I'd suggest balancing your online life with getting out into the world, meeting lots of real people and make some connections. There will be some that will get you and some that won't. · 2 years ago
Embrace your weirdo. If a date fails at that point, it probably wouldn't work anyway. At the same time, practicing empathy is always a good thing. Reading normie fiction is great way to get insights into their strange minds and the things that are important to them (I quite liked Iain Banks). Or strictly date only geeks, I suppose! :) · 2 years ago