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< Things I'm Feeling

~george

Interesting. I am a lot older than you (late 40s) but my best friend has a similar background to you.

He struggles to have an identity because moving around forced him to fit in to whatever surroundings he found himself in. He became a chameleon.

Only now is he starting to find his true identity... to like what he likes, to not like what he doesn't like, to want and not want things, to have opinions about stuff that might be unpopular, to set boundaries and educate others how to treat him.

I don't know if this matches your experience at all (of course, if you're not changing to fit in, you might feel like you don't fit at all... your "faceless world with faceless people" sounds a bit like that might be the case?)

But it's worth building an identity. One way I heard it put is: Better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you are not.

I may have missed the point totally, and in your situation right now some of this stuff might be impossible... but I thought I'd just share his story. (I, too, had no identity but that's because of emotional abuse from my mom who didn't allow me to build an authentic 'Self').

I hear you on struggling with sexuality too. I have come out three times in my life... the last time was literally a month ago. Each time I crept back into the shadows because being straight was more socially acceptable. (But my soul died slowly).

Whatever happens, good luck... this stage WILL pass, and whoever you are right now, and whatever you want or don't want, you are OKAY to be that person, you are OKAY to want/not want whatever you want/don't want.

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~kai wrote (thread):

Thank you! I'm gonna sound conceited, but by faceless world with faceless people, I mean that I feel that the people outside my circle of friends are very narrow in the way they view the world. I'm not saying i'm superior, I just mean it seems like they are tryna fit into an archetype. They never seem to think about anything deeper than surface level and it's quite difficult to relate to them.