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I have two major goals for 2024. Unfortunately, they aren't particularly S.M.A.R.T. goals, but I'd like to articulate them here in hopes that I can break them down into something more achieveable.
One of the things I've struggled with in the past year is how I use technology, and particularly, how I use the internet. I've been unemployed for a while now, and one thing that definitely has not helped is my tendency to stay in bed for upwards of 12 hours a day doom-scrolling. It comes and goes for me, but I've been more than happy to waste several hours each morning laying in bed browsing the same sites over and over.
What I'd like to do is cultivate a habit of mindful computer use. Instead of sitting in front of my computer as the default, I'd like to sit at my table where I do my writing and planning by default. I'd like to reach a point where I only boot up my computer when I have something specific I want to do with it, and only use it to accomplish that one thing before returning to my non-digital life. This is made tough because there's so much I like to do with the computer - I'm a linux with tiling WM user, so I enjoy fiddling with my desktop. I'm writing this blog, and potentially pursuing other writings with my computer. I use it for work and job hunting and bills and to-do list tracking and recording songs, so there's plenty of opportunities to get sucked in.
There's probably two steps to making this a reality. First, block access to the offending sites. What I've done in the past is to redirect them to 0.0.0.0 in my hosts file, and then change the root password to something I can't remember, and store it on a flash drive. That way, I can't trivially access these sites that cause me to waste time. The second, and harder step, is to change my reaction to the boredom that makes me seek these sites out in the first place. I need to recondition myself to seek out text or music in these situations. Or, heaven forbid, learn to tolerate being bored.
Simply put, I spend far too much time alone. Living alone has been a terrible decision for me - I need other people around to body-double off of. So, this goal is much simpler - reach out to people to organize things, to ask to hang out, or even just to chat.
The trouble here is, of course, social anxiety. I don't like to burden other people, so reaching out because I need them is anathema to me. So I need to work on my thought counters in these situations - my friends enjoy talking to me, my friends want to hang out with me, my friends don't think I'm weird or needy in a bad way. They will be happy to hear from me.
Some concrete actions I can take:
1. Reach out to a particular friend to ask about the open mic scene in my hometown - she seems like she's in the know.
2. Send texts to my best friends randomly, when I see something that makes me think of them.
3. make a habit to be more responsive to texts and calls. I've tended to avoid responding since it makes me anxious.
In addition, I have some "small" goals: