💾 Archived View for bluet.flounder.online › may24.gmi captured on 2024-05-26 at 14:35:49. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
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05222024. good morning flounder
my forehead is being creative again
seeing "i saw the tv glow" with S tomorrow. i've never seen lindsey jordan's face on a big screen before and i think that will be powerful for me specifically
i've been getting to work early so i have time to have coffee and read. but somehow starting my morning routine 45 minutes early still only leaves me like 12 minutes to have coffee and read. the extra time/activity still does something for me though. life hack, you have more time to read if you just go to everything early (precursory life hack: you have more mental availability to read if you just stop attempting reconciliation with [])
feeling very weak pull to respond to (spring 2023 ex)'s letter, maybe none. the strongest pull comes from the fear that me not responding might contribute in some way to a hatred of women that would affect his future behavior. that's not a good reason though and i have enough faith in him to doubt this outcome
N sent me an indecipherable text about robert greene today and after some questioning i was relieved to find that he was being a hater. you never know with N
ok quick rant about []. he is an idiot. one manifestation of this is that he uses chat gpt to write all of his all staff emails. and he actually uses gmail's suggested replies that are like "Absolutely." "Thanks for the heads up!" even when they don't make sense. he doesn't think anyone can tell because he himself wouldn't be able to tell. one time i sent an email to everyone and he said, you used chat gpt to write that right? in that moment i realized he thinks the rest of the world is as stupid and empty as he is, and he behaves accordingly by treating everyone else like they're stupid, and then gets confused when this behavior causes harm. he is a person who is constantly saying things he doesn't mean, assuming everyone else is being just as insincere, and then gets confused when people are confused or hurt by his insincerity. he's like, "i didn't know you took that seriously." yes i took it seriously because i thought you were being serious. it is kind of the basis of communication! the assumption that people are saying things they mean, on some level, especially if the things being said have real implications for the other person. and the thing is he did mean the things he was saying on some level but not on a level that he had the courage or honesty to admit. i am actually not even able to describe the complexity with which he uses language to be a bad person, i do not understand it. but basically it's like he is playacting all the time, and sometimes it's like, are we still in the play? and the answer just depends on whatever his ego can handle at the moment. i wonder how it feels to be so alienated from your own soul. of course he will continue being exactly how he is, and to have a concerning and unchecked influence in the local music scene, because that's what local music scenes are for, enabling weirdos
05192024. hello flounder
feeling ok
finally put some stuff on my walls
shopping list
cook rice
05162024. good morning flounder
the man who was standing at attention waiting for me to put out today's new york times lol
my scalp is itchy
S and i saw the beast last night with one other person in the theater, who did not freak out at all, whereas S and i were freaking out
léa seydoux has mastered the soft intense gaze of love
tomorrow will mark one week since i last had any contact with [] which has not been the easiest task as his coworker but still easier than i thought it would be. bye bye bye
healing text from [<3] about it
i felt such passive aggression being put out by his behavior but also it didn't even feel like he was aware of that or maybe it's more that he doesn't seem to care—which made his performance even more fucking weird and almost shocking? like it self awareness possible (as the song seemed to want to claim) or is he just playacting literally everything the whole time? it's so gross, the total opposite of accountability and honoring being in relation to/with others
05152024. good morning flounder
forgot deodorant but i found some
05142024. feeling better (second day in a row) but not great. seeing the beast tomorrow with S <3
M spent the weekend here love her so much
received a random ping from [spring 2023 ex] moments ago. haunting. gonna read my old flounders about him
aww damn i deleted them
05082024. grrrrrrRrrrrrrrrrrrrr.......
05072024. hey flounder
at work just mainlining my twitter feed
we had a meeting today. someone made a mistake and we were told to be careful about making that mistake again. but it is not clear who made the mistake and whether or not the mistake maker has even been specifically notified, so it could be any of us. i think it was me
floundering standing up because my hips are feeling weak from my eternal sit
distantly worried that [event] this week will not be well attended because registration is still low but we could always be surprised by walk-ins and if we aren't well then i guess it will be a short night the end
05062024. good morning flounder
i have the scoop and the scoop is that [] and i's friendship as we know it is over, because he has handled [ongoing situation that idk how to explain anymore] with continued dishonesty, and uses his new christianity feelings to shut down conversations by saying stuff like "it's all love on my end" "you can lead a horse to water..." (<-- he actually couldn't remember the whole saying)
05052024. hey flounder
feeling a little better
05042024. hey flounder
feeling pretty bad
05012024. hey flounder
going to a work thing that i don't have the energy for but am letting the momentum of the plans carry me
from my may cancer alice sparkly kat horoscope
You never really owe anyone anything. That’s not quite the right language. You owe the world everything because you are part of the world. The world is where you find your everything, your home, your people, and your food. The world around you is always inviting you to do things. Try to see if you can hear any of those invitations.
Questions for Cancer for May 2024:
Where do you need forgiveness the most?
What do you take from the world?
What is your responsibility to tend?