💾 Archived View for gemini.arkholt.com › reviews › dennis-the-menace-5-christmas.gmi captured on 2024-05-26 at 14:47:59. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
⬅️ Previous capture (2023-01-29)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
2007
1/5
At one point in the movie, Mister Wilson says, "This is very, very bad," which I think adequately describes my feelings on this thing. He says that not long before explaining the premise of the movie to the audience, which is that he's Scrooge and Godfrey (who deserved far better than this) is the Spirit of Christmas, or the ghost of Christmas past, present, and future rolled into one. As always, by the end of the movie Mr. Wilson learns how much of a grouch he is, and in this case he also learns to love Christmas (because it's just capitalist garbage and he's a socialist, I guess).
Somehow, apart from the very basic Christmas premise, this movie exists in a strange fantasy world where things just work in extremely unrealistic ways. First of all, apparently Dennis is such a menace that the local insurance salesman (the only one in town, too, I guess) sells policies that include a "Dennis clause," stating that the company will not cover anything caused by Dennis. The insurance salesman also happens to be a gigantic jerk, and his son is the school bully who challenges Dennis to a race on Christmas day, which I guess is sanctioned by all the adults in town because they all show up for the event. Mr. Wilson, and possibly Mr. and Mrs. Mitchell, also seem to see Dennis as the kid from The Omen, I guess, because what might as well be "O Fortuna" starts playing when Mr. Wilson has to babysit Dennis for a day. Mrs. Mitchell also goes to a support group for parents of "spirited children," and has been so traumatized by her son that she quickly changes the TV channel when Bad Seed or Rosemary's Baby comes on (and why are those on TV around Christmas, anyway...???). This kid isn't just a menace, he's a horrific destructive force. I'm surprised there haven't been any Dennis the Menace horror movies by now. The people keep saying it hasn't snowed in that town in 30 years, and I think Dennis probably had something to do with it. In this movie, I think he has that kind of power.
Then, of course, there's the awful things that Dennis does to Mr. Wilson, such as getting him thrown in jail somehow for stealing a Christmas tree from the salesjerk, sending him to the hospital by making cookies that are so toxic that taking one bite of them requires your stomach to be pumped, and basically burning his house down by putting too many Christmas lights on it and catapulting a light up snowman onto the roof.
But, of course, it's all fine, because he's just a kid, and we find out that Mr. Wilson had a grouchy neighbor when he was a kid, too, who he also did horrible things to. We also learn that if Mr. Wilson tells Dennis there's no Santa Claus that the world will turn into an awful hellscape where Mary Kate and Ashley are the twin presidents and Dennis becomes an old grouch himself. So, better just be nice to him and tolerate having your life ruined, because otherwise it will turn out really bad for everybody.
Yep. This movie is bad. Don't see it, either at Christmas or any other time of year. I have nothing positive to say about it. Godfrey, please get a better agent.