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Don’t try to change me, babe

I’ve never bought the standard advice about relationships and changes. ‘Don’t expect anyone to change, and don’t engage with anyone who wants you to change’, they say.

Relationships necessitate change. We can select our changes well, rather than imagining the worst case for each of them.

Case in point, I don’t care about my beard. I like being clean-shaven, but don’t like the hassle of maintaining the daily drag, so both beard and no-beard seem the same to me. I’ve always taken care of my beard on the basis of what my partner at the time wants, because I don’t want anything.

And I’ve always demanded plenty of changes in habit. I eat strictly vegetarian, so I need a vegetarian kitchen. If I ever live with anyone, the kitchen’s a meat-free zone.

Change and be changed, selectively.