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Sleep Pains

November 6, 2022

I planned to start the week off on a relatively good note. Got my affairs done quick, said goodbye to my lover and other internet companions early in the night too, and laid down for some rest at approximately 10:19 PM. As I reached for my computer, downtrodden and frustrated as the blare of my computer's startup sound announced my failure, the time was about 11:42 PM. I might as well provide an update to y'all in the meantime.

I've never been able to sleep. My insomnia is to an extent that even various doctor visits, sleep aids, and forceful removals of technology have provided no aid in my goals(and this was *before* all the childhood fears to assist in keeping me awake, mind you) to the point that going to school tired and missing at least one fraction of a period to falling asleep in class was a non-negotiable fact of life for me. It's gotten much worse since then.

See, since about a month ago, I've started doing this thing where I involuntarily nod my head off in class(the rest of my body turning to spaghetti along with it) for about 5 to 30 seconds, meanwhile my mind remains fully conscious while doing it. I find it funny at this point along with annoying and scary, but my mom is unflinchingly convinced that it's some sort of bit. I've stopped trying to convince her otherwise, but the extremely worrying part is that it happens on days where I get 8, 9, even 10 hours of sleep before school that day, meaning that even at my most desperate where I'm willing to skip doing homework entirely and just sleep immediately upon getting home, I still look like a fool or a junkie the next morning. I need to tell my doctor this when I get my flu shot this year. I'm fucking done with my degrading health. I already know it's going to happen tomorrow based on the time on the clock as I'm finishing up this entry. Good night.