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Charles Prashaw, 24 May
EXAM season is coming into view. Many students have underlying worries
approaching their exams, regardless of their academic capabilities.
No matter how big or small, all exam worries can affect a student’s
exam performance and overall wellbeing. These worries can also appear
in various disguises including lashing out, negative self-talk,
unexplained physical ailments, or going from a diligent to an
indifferent student overnight. For parents, exam season can be
difficult to navigate and cultivates a mixed sense of protectiveness
and powerlessness. However, a parent’s support during exam season is
imperative.
Emphatically listening to your child’s worries without dismissing any
(no matter how irrational they seem) can help ease much stress. This
non-judgmental listening ear gives your child the opportunity to
express their underlying worries in a healthy way. Try opening up
conversations when you are shoulder-to-shoulder rather than
face-to-face to help them feel more comfortable and less exposed or
interrogated. They may not want to share their worries with you
immediately, but will know that you are willing to listen when they are
ready.
Under the pressures that accompany exams, thought patterns can often go
askew and lead to irrational thoughts predicting worst-case scenarios
or backing an “all or nothing” mindset. As parents witnessing this you
can take the role of acknowledging the thoughts of your child while
also letting them know that you believe the opposite to be true. Remind
your child of how strong they are and help them recall a time or
situation when they came through, managed, survived a similarly anxious
time. This will help support your child in coming up with a more
balanced way of thinking.
During exam time, there is an apparent shift in values. Many children
will begin to measure their own self-worth on exam performance, or by
comparing themselves to siblings, peers, or others around them. As a
parent, remind your child of their individual intrinsic qualities,
which truly represent who they are (caring, humorous, creative, etc.)
and avoid adding to the comparison dialogue with examples of how well
others handled a similar experience. Most importantly, let your child
know that no matter what the outcome, you will be able to deal with it
together and that you accept them regardless of their academic
achievements.
Exam season can be physically, mentally, and emotionally energy
zapping, with study demands often placing a healthy lifestyle balance
by the wayside. However, maintaining a healthy balance will benefit
your child hugely. Keeping a balanced diet, drinking enough water,
engaging in regular physical activity, getting a good night’s sleep and
preserving time for enjoyable interests is essential. Now, before the
exam stress commences, is also an ideal time to encourage your child to
begin practising some relaxation techniques or mindfulness exercises.
Practising these skills now will allow your child to readily draw on
them as a healthy coping mechanism during unhelpful exam stress. A
healthy level of stress naturally improves motivation and exam focus,
and all of the above will help keep these stress levels at this optimal
level.
This article was written by HSE Primary Care Child and Family
Psychology Services, a member of Parenting Limerick. Parenting Limerick
is a network of parenting and family support organisations. For more
information on this and other topics go to www.loveparenting.ie.