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Positive Parenting: The correct answers to exam worries

Charles Prashaw, 24 May

EXAM season is coming into view. Many students have underlying worries

approaching their exams, regardless of their academic capabilities.

No matter how big or small, all exam worries can affect a student’s

exam performance and overall wellbeing. These worries can also appear

in various disguises including lashing out, negative self-talk,

unexplained physical ailments, or going from a diligent to an

indifferent student overnight. For parents, exam season can be

difficult to navigate and cultivates a mixed sense of protectiveness

and powerlessness. However, a parent’s support during exam season is

imperative.

Emphatically listening to your child’s worries without dismissing any

(no matter how irrational they seem) can help ease much stress. This

non-judgmental listening ear gives your child the opportunity to

express their underlying worries in a healthy way. Try opening up

conversations when you are shoulder-to-shoulder rather than

face-to-face to help them feel more comfortable and less exposed or

interrogated. They may not want to share their worries with you

immediately, but will know that you are willing to listen when they are

ready.

Under the pressures that accompany exams, thought patterns can often go

askew and lead to irrational thoughts predicting worst-case scenarios

or backing an “all or nothing” mindset. As parents witnessing this you

can take the role of acknowledging the thoughts of your child while

also letting them know that you believe the opposite to be true. Remind

your child of how strong they are and help them recall a time or

situation when they came through, managed, survived a similarly anxious

time. This will help support your child in coming up with a more

balanced way of thinking.

During exam time, there is an apparent shift in values. Many children

will begin to measure their own self-worth on exam performance, or by

comparing themselves to siblings, peers, or others around them. As a

parent, remind your child of their individual intrinsic qualities,

which truly represent who they are (caring, humorous, creative, etc.)

and avoid adding to the comparison dialogue with examples of how well

others handled a similar experience. Most importantly, let your child

know that no matter what the outcome, you will be able to deal with it

together and that you accept them regardless of their academic

achievements.

Exam season can be physically, mentally, and emotionally energy

zapping, with study demands often placing a healthy lifestyle balance

by the wayside. However, maintaining a healthy balance will benefit

your child hugely. Keeping a balanced diet, drinking enough water,

engaging in regular physical activity, getting a good night’s sleep and

preserving time for enjoyable interests is essential. Now, before the

exam stress commences, is also an ideal time to encourage your child to

begin practising some relaxation techniques or mindfulness exercises.

Practising these skills now will allow your child to readily draw on

them as a healthy coping mechanism during unhelpful exam stress. A

healthy level of stress naturally improves motivation and exam focus,

and all of the above will help keep these stress levels at this optimal

level.

This article was written by HSE Primary Care Child and Family

Psychology Services, a member of Parenting Limerick. Parenting Limerick

is a network of parenting and family support organisations. For more

information on this and other topics go to www.loveparenting.ie.