💾 Archived View for ashley.cities.yesterweb.org › gemlog › 2024-05-16-abort-mission.gmi captured on 2024-05-26 at 14:36:07. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
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this experiment cannot continue anymore, for a variety of reasons. the internet has always been one of the few things keeping me sane, for better of for worse, and this is wholly unnacceptable. see more details in the diary I wrote:
it actually kinda worked at first, mind you. I managed to write quite a lot. I was going to publish an all pompous "seven day theory" but frankly, after what I've seen all writing seems so utterly inane it's kind of like a slap in the face. maybe I'll get around to finishing that in some form or another in the future. for now it's going into the steadily growing pile of "rejected".
in all honesty there's a lot of writing I would like to retract. I honestly fail to recognize myself at all in just about anything I've made. it's like I become a completely different person every two days. it's seriously fucking terrifying. granted my gemlog generally consists of fairly low quality stream-of-consciousness nonsense thought up precisely while not exactly in rational or giving-a-shit states of mind, but still, you would think I would manage at least SOME form of consistency. NO-PE.
for now I'll focus on trying to come to terms with what I saw. at the very least I think I'm somewhat closer to understanding my own past, of which I had apparently forgotten much. "coming to terms" meaning desperately trying to forget for the rest of my life, until I eventually rediscover it and become horrified again. hmm, "moving on" that's what normal people call that. fortunately the internet is prime moving on material.
...alright, hold your horses, the cat-5e is going back in.