💾 Archived View for gem.lizsugar.me › 2024 › 05 › 17 › Some-Updates-2.gmi captured on 2024-05-26 at 14:35:55. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
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Electric Boogaloo
// 2024-05-17, 5 min read, #life #tech #software #queer #disability
As promised, here's the follow up post.
I've largely enjoyed my time in Gemini space (a few[1] assholes aside[2]..), and I've been looking to reconnect with actual older tech. Gemini invokes a lot of that feel, but it's basically a brand new protocol, only a few years old. So what's next. Gopher? I can browse gopher using my gemini browser, and it's honestly largely the same experience. I don't think an old school gopher browser would change that much.
Bulletin Board Systems! My mom used to run one on her old 386 when I was a kid. I remember being fascinated by it, but any direct memories are hazy (such are the majority of my childhood memories). So I went digging, mostly for queer-focused boards. It's honestly a bit hard to find safe ones because a LOT are still named shit like "Dallas BBS System," "Elevator BBS", "Richard's Fun House" (oh god), etc. so it's not like the name gives you a real good idea of what to expect. I've already found some really nasty shit on a couple Walls, but those seemed to be due to linking up with wider networks and not actual users on the BBS I dialed into. "Dialed into" is a bit of misnomer as I'm actually telnetting. A lot of these also offer more modern SSH connections too, but I kinda really enjoy the telnet experience :)
I did find one that I really enjoy, and it is explicitly run by a queer person for queer people! Big Beautiful System. You can find it at: telnet://bigbeautifulsystem.ddns.net:2323 It looks like it's been running for two or three years and has a fair amount of activity!
telnet://bigbeautifulsystem.ddns.net:2323
I was originally trying to do all this via my linux terminal, but that's when I discovered _codepages_. Most of this ANSI art is designed with CP437 in mind, and just completely looks like trash on modern UTF-8 or whatever terminals and shells. I found a really cool program simply called CP437 that was designed explicitly for this purpose. Well, for ANSI art in BitchX the IRC client, but it works perfectly here too!
But I've just moved to using SyncTERM since it actually displays things _perfectly_ perfectly. I was still having some issues with the width of my terminal only on certain pages within the BBS. SyncTerm cleared all that up. I was also really pleased to find SyncTerm in winget, so that made it even easier to switch over. It also makes it much easier to download files, as it has the various protocols built right in instead of relying on even more apps like using my linux shell would.
Anyway, it's fun :)
Love hate relationship right here. I tried three different distros on an old Dell Venue 5855 tablet.
(all versions are whatever was the most recent at the time of publication)
slloowww, but display scaling works super well. rotate the screen too quickly/too many times and the whole thing just hangs. onscreen keyboard fits well, responds well. onscreen keyboard does not work on lockscreen despite explicitly enabling that option, lockscreen does not respect display scaling. UI works okay for tablet, looks like OSX. Cannot right click (long press) using touch screen
more responsive, display scaling is wonky. rotates easily and quickly. onscreen keyboard does not fit well, hangs, especially on the lockscreen. the lockscreen does hold the display scaling though. UI works okay, but designed for desktop, mimics windows. Cannot right click (long press) using touch screen.
Holy shit it's working so well! Fast (enough), keyboard is perfect and responsive and is always accessible but swiping up from bottom of display. Rotation is quick. It automatically chose a perfect display scaling that works beautifully. No timed dark mode? Display scaling and onscreen keyboard work perfectly on lock screen! UI is perfect for tablet use. CAN RIGHT CLICK (LONG PRESS) USING TOUCH SCREEN OMG. Battery life is AMAZING.
AND THEN I go to do some routine package upgrades, you know, NORMAL SYSTEM MAINTENANCE, and the whole OS hangs on the 489/576 (ish) package. It hung for half an hour, none of the physical buttons were responding, so it was truly and well _hung_ (not like myself anymore post-estrogen). I had no choice but to hard reboot the device, and what greets me after that? No bootable fucking kernel. This pisses me off so much. I was actually enjoying Manjaro, and Gnome is REALLY good for touch screens. And then it goes and destroys itself from the inside during normal usage. This device ran Windows 10 before this, and Windows NEVER had these kinds of issues. It was less smooth of an experience as it was bogged down with the usual Microsoftness, but everything JUST WORKED. I was actually about to be like "wow Linux, I've been unfair on you recently" until it decided to destroy itself.
I'm not sure I'm gonna try to recover it, reinstall it from scratch again, or just frankly put Windows back on it.
I'm rightly frustrated by the experience, and I'm just gonna set it aside for a while.
I'm still not ready to date, but I guess that's not enough to stop me from catching feelings for yet another long distance person. It's so frustrating. My wife put it well: It's easier to find people online. People that match my values (that is, people who still take COVID-19 precautions) are rare these days, but it's so much easier to select for them when curating my online connections. Talking to them is much easier too. We can't really meet up, which even local meetups are such a drain on my energy. So of course it makes sense most of my socialization and thus development of romantic feeling happens with long distance people.
I'm playing it real careful. The feelings are mutual, and I've explained my struggles/hesitation/concerns. She understands, having pretty much the same. I don't know what's next because I don't want to lose yet another friend over feelings. I've lost so many people because feelings either didn't line up or they became too overwhelming and kept me physically drained. I'm so tired of losing people and being alone.
But the thing that gets me is that even if I were to enter into another long distance relationship.. I will _still_ be lonely. I have my wife at home a lot, but that's it. I don't have any other connection in this city. This city of nearly 3 million people. This city that I've lived in since 2006. I know no one here. What I truly need is local connections. But when I barely have the physical energy to leave my house to take the trash out.. how am I supposed to meet people???
Disability can be a painfully lonely experience.
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