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As an atheist, I'm going to tell you that you don't have to be "out" as an atheist. There is no "atheist movement" to which you owe allegiance to the detriment of your relationships or your own personal safety.
You can be a quiet, discreet unbeliever. If somebody asks, just tell them you're having a "crisis of faith" and would prefer not to discuss it.
My wife of almost 19 years knew from the start that I'm an atheist. Likewise, I know that she still believes in the Judeo-Christian God but has serious problems with the Roman Catholic Church. If she wanted to go to church I'd go with her but quietly not participate in any prayers or rituals.
It's no big deal for me; I've set foot in churches without bursting into flames before, after all.
Hi ~starbreaker,
"Coming out" in a broad sense, intended as a declared lack of belonging, more than a change of flag. It actually feels quite good not to belong, even if as I said most people I'm hanging around with are believers.
Ironically, I feel that not belonging results in the acceptance of people of different cultures. For example, in my youth I have been fearful of Islamic people around me, simply because I kept hearing the Islamophobic views of my catholic parents. Soon after I started recognizing myself as atheist, I realized that my fear was based on yet another biased standpoint.
If I may ask, I would be curious to know what are your wife's problems with the Roman Catholic Church.
For the record, I can also enter a church without bursting into flame, but I feel increasingly embarrassed when I listen to anyone professing their beliefs. I especially cringe when I hear about supernatural events such as miraculous healing.