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Howdy ~tetris, good to see you here.

Reading your thoughts has of course brought up my own experience. I have been on a similar path a long time ago in my life. I met the nicest lady I could imagine in $foreign_country in 1990. I was still a student. We fell in love badly. My options were quite limited at the time, and internet and video calls were not common. But I chickened out of that possible future much sooner than you. It took me quite some time an a "midlife crisis" to realize (among a lot of things), why I had done that. And only after that I could make peace with this decision of mine. It still haunts me once in a while. But "what, if" is not a good advisor. We cannot go back and try again. Even though this dream of going back has been cast into an incredible video to the music of Johnny Clegg: King of Time.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q7ssXuvNf9k

I hope you can make peace with your decision rather sooner than later.

~bartender? Coffee for me, and whatever it takes for ~tetris. He might have a long journey ahead. And give him that jar with the magic refills, will you? Thank you so much.

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~tetris wrote (thread):

Hey ew, it's always good to hear from you.

I'm currently sitting in a mostly empty apartment, all my furniture dismantled and packed, ready to be picked up by the transport van in a few days. My ex came to collect her plants. We talked a bit. Me in heaving cries, and her in a slightly detached demeanor. I asked her how could she be so calm, and she told me that she deals with her grief through depression.

It took me quite some time an a "midlife crisis" to realize (among a lot of things), why I had done that

Can I ask what it was for you? Why did you do it?

And only after that I could make peace with this decision of mine.

I hope you can make peace with your decision rather sooner than later.

I'm not sure I will ever move past this. I hurt a really good person. I mourn the children we will never have.

Thanks for the song btw, I cherish anything upbeat at the moment, even if the lyrics are sad.