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update

:@2023.10.14:

It's been some time since I posted an explicit introspective entry here.

Plus, the old ones are hidden away at the moment.

Perhaps I'll bring one back with this post.

I'm doing quite well.

I got my Bachelor's in May after a thesis that almost killed me.

I spent the summer with family, immediate and extended.

Now I'm working.

My favorite people in the world are among those I live with, which is new.

(Is it weirder if they (you?) read or don't read this?)

I'm meditating again.

I intend to continue.

Keep me honest.

(2024-01-20 update: oops.)

A few weeks ago I realized I was trying to systematize every part of my life.

I successfully let a little loose.

Although, I've been thinking a lot about a theory I have about when and how much to systematize and organize things.

Oops.

Writing to come on that, at least.

---

It's awfully kind of loneliness to be so blatantly complicated.

I maintain relationships better than ever, I live with angels, and my coworkers are all delightful.

Still, I have lonely twinges most nights.

I haven't been in a romantic relationship in a while, so that's probably a part of it.

It feels so uncool to say that.

The culture around me holds that no one should yearn for a relationship.

Enter one, sure, and treasure what you have, but learn to be happy on your own for everyone's safety.

I try.

Can I be someone who likes being with someone?

It also feels strange to say I'd like to be in a relationship when I know I'm looking for a particular type of person and definitely haven't met them.

Perhaps this is too much information for the public.

I convince myself that these thoughts are common, so to read me is catharsis for people who don't express them.

It's good to be back here.

As always, I hope my activity lasts this time.

I have a predictable schedule these days, after all.