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Made this when I realized that wasting space in Misc. for what were in practice blogposts was a waste of space and would only clutter.
My school's hosting a cosplay event tomorrow, and I just barely convinced my mom to let me go as Scout. It was through the invitation of a friend(which she has been led to believe that I am dating) that I even got the chance to go at all, so I really have to be thankful.
I've wanted to dress as Scout for something since like....middle school? I just never got the chance because my mom would always say "no one knows who that is" or some other reason that I couldn't go as him. I never thought I'd be so happy seeing myself as him. Could you believe that young me felt icky even looking at cosplay? It was some sort of "uncanny valley" feeling, or something comparable to that at least. I can only hope that tomorrow delivers on its promise.
Yeah, It definitely did. I and various friends got to shoot the shit while in-character, and I got the entire crowd cheering for me during my performance as the character. The only reason I didn't win is because the other person had a more high-effort costume and the judges didn't know what TF2 even was. It bummed me out for at least a week, but I didn't blame anyone for the loss, just wished it was me.
Depression made it so that my grades aren't as good as I'd have hoped, especially since this is the year colleges will be looking at them, and I've started developing anger issues that I didn't have before up to this point. I don't like the combination of either of these, they're the traits that the people that hurt me in my life had and I don't want to see myself subjecting that to other people. I already had an angry outburst in the hallway after an encounter with an asshole teacher that just ended up with me repeatedly chucking my gym lock against the wall and then screaming at the classmate that asked if I was okay; I felt bad after that and tried to re-assure him that my anger was not his fault and had nothing to do with him, but I don't think it worked. I hope this is just horomones, and not a sign of further mental health decline.
Well, I made it through the school year. That's a plus. I decided to turn off entirely for a while and just start getting more into music as a way to distract myself over the last couple days, and I have to say it did more for my mental health than any other break in recent memory. My taste is pretty narrow(trying to explore the space rock genre since Helios Creed is the first band that really 'popped' for me), but I'm working on it.