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Re: "@oldernow 's post about a dream made me think about this...."
My wife is my battle buddy and my confidant. But we have fairly separate responsibilities in a lot of regards. And we designed it that way. She does most of the cooking because she likes it. I do maintenance on the home, I handle the paperwork and (while it's a team effort) spearhead the finances. It does feel sometimes like "Oh they don't understand how much work this is"... usually because they actually don't. That's why we have to talk about it on a regular basis and sync up. The magic from being young and stupid is still there, but it's tempered by a more mature realization that if we can't exist on our own then we can't truly grow and be happy together. So we do both and compromise.
2023-11-14 · 6 months ago
what you describe sounds to me like a good relationship and that is, i think, very rare and is a luck. not anyone has such a luck.
on similarities, i have a funny story:
many years ago me and my friend were in my sister's apartment, where she lived with her husband and kids. they are both painters. my friend just started dating someone and he said that he feels good except that he cannot share with her his successes and what he learned.
he said: imagine i come home and say: i did such a cool thing at work. and she won't be able to understand and appreciate.
my sister's husband joked: well i say 'look i have drawn such a cool painting' and she says 'it's not cool'.
first of all, as i said, i believe that well, there are not many chances for a good relationship and you are already lucky.
everyone has some path, and you both had some. you met and you liked each other enough to make some decisions that led to other decisions, and here you are.
that's okay.
not everything depends on you and not everything has to be exactly as you you may think you want.
and sincerely, a cite from neil geiman: be careful what you wish for. (:
i think what you have to value in this relationship is that it is currently happening and that you have some shared [hi]story.
you are what you are. you had this luck and it is already more than most people get.
there was a thread in which participants were writing what would be the <our country> of their dream.
and i think it is not useful, but disconnected from reality. we have our country which isn't very good place to live and we hardly will make it much better place. we should try, but i don't think it is very realistic to expect miracles, and dreaming of miracles will only put us down, it certainly won't help.
it is what it is. and to improve the situation we first need to embrace it.
to understand who are we? how came we exist here like this. where did we come from? what is our history? who were our parents? what were our opportunities? realisticly, could we solve those problems?
oh, we think that colours of our flag ore weird?
maybe, but this is the flag we used during those and those events, overcoming those difficulties.
it is real, it has history. it was used.
many of us have surnames or names that our ancestors changed to be less different or noticable in the powerful and dangerous empire. should we translate/change those back? or should we embrace the names we have, and perceive those as part of our history, as a trace of past oppression? and part of current us.
we didn't have perfect history we would dream of.
we won't have perfect future too.
that's not about us. that's about someone else. maybe imaginary.
forgive me for the parallels i used to convey the message.
we have what we have as a consequence of our past.
why would we have something else? is it really that important to satisfy our wishes?
i came to the thought that what we need is not something perfect, which doesn't probably exist, and if existed could be a nightmare.
we need motivation to care. we need that feeling that the life of this creature is very important to us. we don't need to 'have' or 'own' or 'use' but rather need to be very not indifferent to someone.
i can finish this with words from the king crimson's song:
you have to be happy with what you have to be happy with.
and another thought comes to my mind.
you write on gemini. you are aware about gemini.
that means you probably wasn't feeling happy by being thrown in the world of magical apps like instagram and facebook.
how many people today know about gemini? maybe in the future much more, but how many today? what part of the world?
that probably means you are different. for some reasons.
and i guess gemini isn't the only different choice in your life.
and she, for some reason, decided to appreciate such a person. i guess people like us don't usually feel normal enough to be in relationship with.
i guess the fact that she tolerates you around speaks that she is not an ordinary person. but very rare person.
@oldernow 's post about a dream made me think about this. My wife and I live seperate lives -she works days and I work nights. We also have different interests that don't overlap. Despite this, I have this strong affection that draws me to her. I need to be near her, to constantly touch her, and I'm happy to listen to her all day, of what she's interested in. There's a tenderness there that I'll always cherrish. However, there's a part of me that also wishes to have found a like-minded...