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37 ‎[1] **All the Laws Concerning Betrothal of a Minor** • 27 Paragraphs
The father may betroth his daughter without her consent, all the time she is a minor. Likewise when she is a *na’arah* the father has control over her and the betrothal money belongs to him. Likewise he is entitled to her finds, to the production of her hands, and to her wedding contract. If she be widowed or divorced from the betrothal, he is entitled to everything until she comes of age. Therefore the father accepts the betrothal money, etc. of his daughter from the day she is born until she comes of age. Even if she was a deaf-mute or insane and the father betrothed her, behold she is a fully married woman. If she were three years old and one day she may be betrothed by means of *Bi’ah* with the consent of her father. If she is younger than this, if her father hands her over for intercourse, she is not betrothed. [Note: There are those who say that there is no binding betrothal with a non-viable infant, if his father accepted for her a betrothal and the one who betrothes her later betrothes her sister, she needs a bill of divorce.] (*Or Zarua*) ‎[2] When the daughter comes of age her father has no control over her, and behold she is like all other women that are not betrothed except by their own will. (If women are able to testify that she is of age, see below Chapter 164 paragraph 11 and Chapter 155 paragraph 15.) ‎[3] If she was married by her father and if she were to be widowed or divorced during her father’s lifetime, behold she has control over herself, even though she is still a minor since she was married, her father no longer has control. However if she were betrothed and were to be widowed or divorced a few times before she came of age, control returns to her father. ‎[4] If she were to be betrothed, before she came of age without permission of her father, it is not a valid betrothal. ‎[5] If her father were to betroth her in the morning and she betrothed herself in the evening and both of them did it on the day that completed the six months of the days of her *na’aruth* and they examine and find her to be of age then she is considered to be adult and the betrothal of her father is not valid. There are those who say that even if she does not contradict him and say that the signs of maturity were there in the morning. However, there are those who say that this applies only if she contradicts him, but if she does not contradict him she needs a bill of divorce from both of them. ‎[6] If during the six months of *na’aruth* she is betrothed by her father without her knowledge and she betrothed herself without her father’s knowledge and she is found showing signs of maturity behold it is doubtful and she needs a bill of divorce from both of them. ‎[7] Just as the father is able to make a betrothal for her by himself, so too is he able to arrange a betrothal for her by means of his agent or by herself, that he would say to her go out and accept your betrothal. (Note: he is required to say this to her before witnesses because an agent who accepts the betrothal requires witnesses. (The *Pesakim* of R. Israel B. Petachian Isserlein, paragraph 50) as was explained above, Chapter 35 paragraph 3. And if it is visible to all that he is preparing her for the marriage ceremony and to accept betrothal it is as if he had spoken before witnesses (R. Isaac Ben Sheshet, #479) and there is no distinction between a *na’arah* and a minor (R. Nissim B. Reuben Gerondi, first Chapter of *Kidushin*) and this is the correct view. However, some disagree and say that a minor is not able to accept betrothal, rather her father by himself must accept for her (R. Isaac Alfasi and Mordecai b. Hillel in the name of R. Meir).
In order to remove himself from the controversy the father should hold the hand of the minor at the exact moment she accepts the betrothal or stand next to her when she accepts so that it is as if he accepts by himself (Kol Bo and in *T’rumat Hadeshen*, #43). And it is more preferable than his accepting it alone, for beheld there are those who say it is forbidden to betroth a minor daughter as will soon be explained. And when one does (same place as above in *T’rumat* *Hadeshen*) betroth a minor he says to her “Behold you are betrothed to me” (R. Nissim B. Reuben Gerondi in first Chapter in *Kidushin*) and if he said “your daughter is betrothed to me” this is betrothal for behold she stands in place of her father even though he gives her the betrothal (R. Isaac Ben Sheshet, paragraph 479).
If he betrothes her with a document, he writes in the document, “your daughter is betrothed to me” and at the moment that he gives it to her he says “behold you are betrothed to me” (*Ibid*. R. Nissim B. Reuben). And if he uses different words even so she is betrothed. And when they send the minor daughters to another place and the father is not with them, when they accept their betrothal since he has prepared her to enter marriage and betrothal it is as if he is holding her hand at the moment she accepts [*Pesakim* of R. Israel B. Petachiak Isserlain #33).] ‎[8] It is a *mitzvah* that one should not betroth his daughter while she is a minor, rather until she has grown and can say “I want so and so” [Note: There are those who say that it is customary in this time to betroth our minor daughters since we are in exile and there is not always sufficient money for the dowry and also we are few in number and we are not always able to find a worthy match (Tosaphot) and thus is the practice]. ‎[9] The father that gave permission to his agent to betroth his daughter and then goes out and betrothes her to another, if the agent betrothed her to a different one, which ever of them came first, this is betrothal. But if it is not known which one was first she is forbidden to both of them and she needs a bill of divorce from both of them. ‎[10] If you appoint another agent and do not cancel the agency of the first explicitly, and each of them goes out and betrothes, she needs a bill of divorce from both of them. ‎[11] A minor or a *na’arah* that betrothes herself without the knowledge of her father or marries herself, this has no validity at all and even a *mi’un* is not needed. This is the case even if the father originally made the match and even if the father explicitly consented after the betrothal. There are those who say that if the father consented when he heard, there is a betrothal from the exact moment of hearing even if he did not make the match. Even if he did not consent immediately upon hearing but rather was quiet and did not object and afterward was satisfied, “the end of the matter proves the beginning” and there is betrothal from the moment of hearing even if the money was spent before hearing. [Note: There are those who say that if the money is spent before there is no betrothal, Mordecai Chapter *Haish* *Mekadesh* in the name of R. Samuel b. Meir and R. Eleizer b. Joel Halevi and R. Eliezer b. Nathan.]
To what does this refer: when she or her father did not object before he consented. However if she objected or her father objected before he consented there is no betrothal even if the father consents afterwards. [Note: There are those who say that if the father heard and was silent and did not object immediately it is as if he had consented, but if the father did not hear or if he went away on a trip and the daughter grew and she was quiet and did not object, then the betrothal grew with her and she needs a bill of divorce (R. Isaac Ben Sheshet Chapter 479). And there are those who say that he must have intercourse with her after she has grown (R. Solomon Ben Adret Chapter 1 #1219). There are those who are strict according to the first opinion. ‎[12] A minor who betrothes herself to one whom the father had expressed his desire to have her betroth, we assume that he is satisfied. ‎[13] She became betrothed with her father’s consent, yet was married without his consent, whether her father is present or whether he was away, they are not married. (Thus) if she dies he does not become her heir, he is not allowed to defile himself on her behalf. (And there are those who say that this same ruling applies if the father dies before she is wed and thus she is wed. This is the meaning in Mordechai, Chapter 2 of *Kidushin*, citing some rabbis). ‎[14] A minor whose father went to a distant land, and whose brothers and mother marry her off--this is valid betrothal, and requires *mi’un*. And so when her father returns no other betrothal is required. Yet there are those who claim that it is not considered a valid betrothal and she does not need even *mi’un*. In any case, we do not have to prohibit her to him, on the grounds that she could be considered as one who is a single woman living like a harlot with him, since she was with him in a situation akin to betrothal and marriage. [Note: Even if the father comes and objects, we should not prohibit her to him, and his intercourse with her is not considered fornication. Yet he can keep her with him until she comes of age, and then her betrothal will be completed. However, in the case when the father betrothes her to another before she comes of age, she requires a bill of divorce from both men (Yizhak ben Sheshet, Chapter 193). And there it is written that she requires a bill of divorce from the second but Isserless ruled that she requires from them both. It is proper to rule strictly in accord with the first opinion. There are those who rule even more strictly to say that in every case where her father is in a distant land, even if a minor betrothes herself we are concerned that if he were to find out, he would be satisfied, it being then a doubtful betrothal (Mordechai, Chapter *Haish* *Mekadesh*). There was a case of a man who divorced his wife and arranged with her that she should take care of his daughters--to feed them, to raise them, and to marry them off, and that is what she did. But along came the father and objected to the marriage of his minor daughters, and they ruled that if he ordered to have them raised and married off, whatever she did is post facto valid and that he has no right to object, as long as he expressed his will in the presence of witnesses, since an agent who accepts betrothal on someone’s behalf requires witnesses, as it is explained above in Chapter 35, Sec. 3. However, if he empowers her to marry them off when they come of age, and she married them off in their minority, her deeds are null and void and he can object because she deviated from what he requested of her. (Yizhak ben Sheshet, Chapter 493)]. ‎[15] If one betrothes an unspecified daughter, or says to him: “one of your daughters is betrothed unto me,” the grown daughter is not included, even if she gave him permission to accept her betrothal and that the money would belong to him, but only if she designated him as an agent to accept betrothals, in an unspecified way and did not specify “from Ploni.” But if she did specify Ploni, she too is doubtfully betrothed, and the rest of the grown daughters are not included. ‎[16] If he who has two daughters, even if they are both minors, and he arranges a match for one of them with an individual, and then after a while accepts from him a betrothal, and said: “Your daughter, unspecified, is betrothed unto me,” even if both were busying themselves with her, they are forbidden to him, and they require a bill of divorce from him. [Note: And even if he corrected himself within a very short time and specified “your daughter named so and so,” is of no help. (Mordechai, Beginning of *Kidushin*, citing R. Eliezer B. Joel Halevi). And in all cases like this, where there is betrothal which cannot lead to consummation of the marriage, we compel him to divorce. (R. Solomon ben Adret, p. 236).] He who betrothes his daughter in an unspecified way--the grown one is not included. ‎[17] He who has two sets of daughters from two wives, and all of them are within his jurisdiction to betroth, and he said to the betrother at the time of the betrothal: “I have betrothed unto you my eldest daughter, yet I do not know if it is the older of the eldest set, or the elder of the younger set, or, whether it is the youngest of the eldest set, who is older than the oldest of the youngest set!”--they are all permitted except for the oldest of the eldest set. ‎[18] Similarly, if he says to him: “I betrothed unto you my young daughter, yet I do not know if it was the youngest of the younger set or the youngest of the eldest set, or the oldest of the younger set, who is younger than the youngest of the older set!” they are all permissible except for the youngest of the younger set. ‎[19] If one has five sons and they appoint their father as an agent to betroth for them and the father of the sons says to one who has five daughters “One of your daughters is betrothed to one of my sons,” and the father accepts the betrothal, each one requires a bill of divorce from each brother. If one brother dies, all of them require four bills of divorce and *Halizah* from one of them. ‎[20] The father who said, “I betrothed my daughter and I do not know to whom,” she is forbidden to all until he says: “It has become known to me to whom I betrothed my daughter!” even if he does not find out until she has come of age. [There are those who say that if the groom stood before him at first, and the father did not recognize him but afterward said that he did recognize him he is not believed. (*Bet* *Yosef* in the name of the Tosephot.)] ‎[21] If one came and said (before the father) (Rabenu Nissim and Rabenu Yeruham) “I betrothed her,” he is believed and she is permitted to him, since the father says “I don’t know” and when he marries her he need not betroth her. However if the father contradicts him there are those who say that he is not believed, even to require in her behalf a bill of divorce. ‎[22] If two men come and each one of them says “I betrothed her” both of them give a bill of divorce. However if they want, one may give a bill of divorce and one may marry (and he needs a betrothal when he marries her inasmuch as she is divorced from another) (R. Nissim B. Reuben Gerondi and R. Solomon Ben Adret). ‎[23] If one came and married her and afterwards another came and said “I betrothed her” he is not believed so as to forbid her to him. And there are those who say that even if he did not actually marry her but rather they only gave her license to marry, it is the same as marrying her. ‎[24] A woman says “I betrothed myself and I do not know to whom” and a man came and said “I betrothed you” he is believed. Give her a bill of divorce, to make her available to all, but not to marry her, but if he married her, we do not take her from him. [If there is one witness that he betrothed her, he is â priori permitted to marry (R. Nissim B. Reuben Gerondi, Chapter *Haomer*)]. ‎[25] The father that said, concerning his daughter while she was yet a minor or a *na’rah*, “I betrothed her and I divorced her,” he is believed, to make her unfit to the priesthood, only if he said “I divorced her” at the same time he mentioned “I betrothed her,” but where she is presumed to be a man’s wife according to his own mouth, he is not believed if he says after a while “I divorced her.” ‎[26] If after she came of age he said “I betrothed her and I divorced her while she was a minor,” he is not believed. ‎[27] A father that said that he betrothed his daughter, and afterward betrothed her to another, and he said the first betrothal was done in the presence of witnesses disqualified by the Torah, and had no validity whatever, then he is believed. (It appears to me that only if he said this within a very brief time is he believed, as was explained close by in paragraph 25.)
Version: Hilchot Kidushin, trans. by Steven H. Garten. HUC, 1975
Source: http://library.huc.edu/pdf/theses/Garten%20Steven%20Howard-CN-Rab-1975%20rdf.pdf
License: CC-BY