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Surrogate Mom

Penned By: Miss Deborah (Debi) Leigh Johnson

Chapter One

My ears could hardly believe what they were hearing. I stared at Ben

Erikson, my former step father.

He was a tallish thin man. He was not really thin, but he was sinewy

and muscular. He had a reputation as a strong hard worker, who loved

strenuous and competetive challenges. his dirty blondish hair was

curly, very curly, and long at the back, well down past the top of his

shirt collar.

He had a reddish rough looking complexion. I knew that this complexion

was because of the many hours that he spent working out in the

afternoon sun. I knew that I could never understand a person like

that, but he was like that. He loved hard strenuous work, and he loved

working outside in all kinds of weather. As for me, give me a nice

warm cozy kitchen anytime, and I'd be pretty happy. A man like Ben was

just beyond my understanding. But, I would never aspire to understand

a man, anyway.

This was the first time that I had seen Ben, let alone talk to him

face to face, in over a year. We had just never gotten along. We had

learned to live with a mutual dissinterest in each other.

My heart melted for my concern for him. I could see the great depth of

hurt that was in his eyes, and I wanted to reach out and comfort him

in some way. I knew his hurt, and I understood it. I would never have

ever dreamed that I could ever have felt feelings like that, not for

Ben though. He'd just been too damned mean to me when I had lived

under his roof. My feelings amazed me.

You see, I was born to my mother when she was only a thirteen year old

girl, still a child herself. She'd opted to keep me, rather than

giving me up to some adoption agency. I was forever thankful for that,

even if we did have a very hard life. She was not a very well educated

person. But she had a great deal of love for me, and that is what made

her so special. I'd always felt a sepcial kind of tie to her that I

had never felt with anyone else. It was almost like we were part of

each other in some strange way. We were certainly more like very close

sisters than any other kind of relationship, even if she was my

mother.

When my mother had met Ben, she was just turning eighteen. Ben was

already in his late twenties, and he was very well thought of in our

community. I was almost five years old then. I liked the big burly

man, but I could never understand why he did not seem to like me very

much. No matter how much I tried to get him to like me, he was always

cool and distant with me.

What my childish mind could not fathom was that I was a boy. I did not

feel like a boy. I did not look like a boy. I did not act like a boy,

and my mother had never dressed me as a boy. Most of the clothes that

I wore were the same little dresses and such that she had worn when

she was a five year old. They were stored in trunks in the home that

she had grown up in, till they were unpacked for my use.

Her parents had died shortly after I was born, and she was the only

child, so she had inherited the house. It is a good thing to, because

if she had not inherited the house, we would surely have been

destitute. As it was, she was just barely able to make enough money to

keep food on the table and to pay the property taxes. She certainly

did not have money to buy me lots of expensive new clothes, that was

for sure.

I do not know if that was the reason why she started to dress me up in

her old clothes, but I like feeling pretty so much, and I liked the

feeling of being close to her, as only daughters and mothers are, that

I just went along with it, and I enjoyed it. Mom knew I loved wearing

her pretty things.

I loved my mom and I had always felt very close to her. The first five

years of my life were the most happy years that I could remember. I

was her pretty little girl baby.

But then, she had met Ben. She loved Ben. She loved Ben a lot, and I

knew that I would never have the same kind of close relationship with

her that I had before she had met Ben. My little heart broke at that

realisation, but I also knew that mom was very happy when she was with

Ben. I was torn between my feeling loss for her closeness, and my

desire for her to be happy.

They got married about half way through my sixth year of life. Ben

bought me boy's clothes, because he wanted me to be reaised as a

boy. I tried them on, but I cried and I cried, because I hated the way

they felt on me. I begged and pleaded with mommy to let me wear my

pretty dresses and soft silk panties and slips again.

She knew that it was not right, but she could not stand to see me so

unhappy. She told Ben that I was just not suited to being a boy, and

that I could never adjust to wearing boy's clothes. They fought about

it for a number of weeks. In the meantime, I continued to wear my

pretty clothes. I hated the boy's clothes. I refused to wear them, now

matter how scared he made me. Ben was furious one day when he came

home from work, and found that I had stuffed all the clothes that he

had bought for me, into the kitchen garbage can.

We never got along after that. I often tried to get him to like me,

but nothing I ever did worked. I tried cooking his favourite meals,

making pretty drawings for him, and going out of my way to try and be

sensitive to his moods. Nothing worked for me though.

He always managed to make me feel like I was some kind of very strange

being. I did not like the way I felt when he was around. I did not

like knowing that I made him uncomfortable, even though I did not know

why I made him feel that way. I did not like the feeling of being

totally inadequate to him. I did not like the feelings of knowing that

he did not like the way that I looked or acted. I knew that it was

because I looked and acted like I was a girl, but I could not

understand that. Looking like, and acting like a girl was normal for

me.

Somehow, mom had even gotten the school to accept me as a female

student. I do not know if she lied to them about me or not, but no one

at school knew that I was a boy. I was just accepted as a girl

student, and it felt right and normal for me to identify with the

other girl students. I did not like boys very much, but neither did

the other girls at that age, so I was pretty happy about it all. I

loved being a little girl.

By the time that I reached eleven years old, mom secretely started to

give me some special pills that she had gotten for me. I did not know

what they were. All that she told me that they would help me to stay

more like a girl, and would stop me from turning into a boy. That was

all I wanted anyway, so I took them willingly.

Ben nearly went through the roof when he discovered what my mother had

done to me. By that time though, any of the production of the boy

hormones had pretty well stopped. It was when I was twelve that I

found out that she had gotten some hormones designated for cows for

me.

Also, by the time that I was twelve, I had to wear a bra. My breasts

were big enough that it really hurt if I did not wear a bra all the

time. I love having pretty breasts, but I really hated growing them. I

will remember with thankfulness, that first day that mom gave me a

training bra. My pain almost stopped when I put the training bra on,

and I was ever so thankful for it.

Mom and Ben had a daughter then, that they called Melissa. We called

her Missy for short. The next year, Kenneth was born. My mom told me

that I was a god send to her, as she taught me how to take care of the

babies, and by that time, I was old enough to learn how to run the

house. I did it very well, because I loved being a house keeper. I

loved thinking of myself as an older sister, who could help to take

care of the babies. I loved how dependent the pretty babies were on

me.

Ben got even more and more surly towards me. He was afraid that I was

somehow going to influence Kenneth and turn him into a fairy to. I had

no intentions of ever doing anything like that. I sort of felt sorry

for any boy who had to grow up, wishing that he was a girl, and I

would not inflict that kind of agony onto anyone. I loved doting over

Missy though.

I tried to explain my feelings to Ben, but he just flew off the

handle. He was not only not interested in my feelings, he had no

desire to even discuss them with me.

The day that I turned sixteen, I tendered my resignation at school. I

went home and packed up my belongings (no boy's stuff). Kenneth was

almost five by that time, and I was pretty sure that mom could get

along without me. I just could not live with Ben anymore. I did not

want to feel guilty for wearing dresses all the time any more. It was

just too hard on me to know that Ben considered me to be the center

source for most of the stress in the house. I wanted to be free, even

at the cost of leaving my mother.

She wept, but she understood what I was saying. By the time that Ben

got home that night, I was on a bus to the nearest city. Mom had saved

about four hundred dollars and she had given it to me to get a start

in the city. She cried when she gave it to me, pleading for

forgiveness for not having saved more for me.

Chapter Two

The size of the bus terminal was scary to me. Not only that, but as

soon as I stepped off the bus, I had these really creepy types of guys

coming on to me, offering to give me a place to live, if I wanted to

go home with them.

Mom had warned me about these guys. I was very nieve, but I heeded her

warnings. The first thing that I did was to buy a map of the city. The

second thing that I did was to buy a news paper and search for the

rooms for rent section of the classifieds.

Within three hours, I had located a room for rent, that was only six

blocks from the bus terminal. It was not a great room, but it did

have it's own bath room, and the entrance was very close to the front

door. It was in a rooming house. It was cheap so I took it. I did not

know how long my money was going to last, so I deemed it wise to pay

the first three months in advance, and hope that I would have ajob by

that time.

I spent the next two weeks looking for a job. I knew that I had no

skills other than mostly domestic types of skills, and I knew that

girls got paid a lot less than guys got paid for doing even the same

jobs, but I just considered that this was a fact of life for me, if I

wanted to contiue living as a girl. I had left my home so that I could

develpe myself as a girl, and that was just one of the realities that

girls faced in life.

I found a job at last. It was not a great job, but it was a job that

allowed me to earn a living in some kind of anonimity for a while,

till I could find something better. It was operating a sewing machine

in a canvass factory. It was very hard work, but I kind of liked it. I

had operated sewing machines before, and operating the industrial

model was quite a challenge to my skills. I soon mastered it however.

I wrote to my mom, and she wrote back. I let her know that even though

the job did not pay very much, that I was able to keep my cost of

living down, and that after five months, I had been able to save about

$2,000.00. I was quite pleased with myself about that. Of course, I

knew that it was not nearly enough to do anything substantial with,

but it was a good start. The bigger the savings account balance got

every payday, the more that I wanted to see it grow.

I decided after six months, that I needed to get myself some more

modern styled clothes. I searched around till I found a good used

sewing machine. Then I went to the stores and I poured through the

racks and racks of dresses, looking for the styles that I thought were

really cute. I studied them, then I went home and drew patterns for

them, and I made my own dresses, skirts, blouses. I got really good

deals on fabrics at discount stores, so I ended up with a substantial

wardrobe at a pretty low out of pocket expense. I had also discovered

some of the fantastic deals that could be had at the thrift stores and

good will shops.

Making my own clothes at night provided me with an interesting

challenge, and it did not take a whole lot of weeks before I had

developed a really nice wardrobe. The only thing that I actually

bought outright, was really pretty lingerie, and groceries. I did not

think that I could get the same results that I could get from ready

made under wear, so I spent too much money on some delightful, pretty

not to mention sexy, lingerie. By the time that I had been on my own

for nearly a year, I had about $5,000.00 in the bank, and I had piles

and piles of clothes. I made the decision that I should move into an

apartment.

I searched the ads again, and I located a really nice apartment that

was in the area. It was cheap to. But it was really nice. It was on

the tenth floor, which I really liked. I loved the view of the city

scape at night. It had a small balcony that was big enough for a small

round table and a chair. I found that I preferred to sit on the

balcony at night and watch the scenery, more than watching the

television.

The apartment also had two bed rooms. I had wanted two so that I could

use on for a closet slash sewing studio. I was able to get my hands on

some clothes racks from a discount ware house, and soon I had all of

my new clothes neatly stowed away.

This was a very happy time for me. My mom had even come to spend one

weekend with me, and we were deleriously happy. I wished that she

could have lived with me, but I knew that she wanted to be with her

husband and her children. I envied her for her domestic life. I missed

having the kids around to.

That weekend, she asked me if I had regretted that she had raised me

as a girl. I told her that I was happier being a girl than I could

ever hope to be, as a boy. I also told her that though I had not tried

them out, that the city had places where girls like me could go to

meet boys who liked girls like me. She seemed happy.

I was a bit concerned for her, as she looked really drawn out and

wan. She assured me that she was feeling good though, even though I

did not believe her. But, she seemed really happy. She had brought me

pictures of the kids, and they were beautiful. Kenneth, I was kind of

surprised to realize had just celebrated his sixth birthday.

I should have expected that, as I had just turned seventeen, but

somehow, being as busy as I had made myself, had just taken awareness

of the time away. Missy was turning out to be a delightfully beautiful

young lady. I loved her long hair, which flowed in big waves almost to

her bum. Kenny took after his dad, she told me, and I was happy for

him. Ben treated him very well. I was glad that Kenny would not have

to grow up wondering if he was a boy or a girl. I loved being a young

woman, but I would not wish that on any other boy.

Mom told me that Ben said that he really missed me, even though he had

fought with me nearly all the time that I was at home. I kind of

missed him to, I admitted, but I was glad to be able to wear whatever

I wanted to wear, whenever I wanted to wear it.

I promised her, as I helped her get onto the bus that would take her

back home, that I would take some time to relax, while I was still

young. I also promised her that I would not neglect developing a

social life to. She smiled as she told me that she hoped that I would

meet a man who would treat me the way that I deserved to be treated. I

smiled. I did not know if I wanted a man or a woman, but a gentle

loving man would certainly pique my interest, I was sure.

I made the decision that I was going to keep my promise to my

mother. I bought some underground newspapers, you know the kind, the

kind that cater to adult tastes. I bought three of them, and I was

elated to learn that less than ten blocks from where I lived, there

was a club on the main street, that had a drag queen revue.

I decided that I would go to it, and see what professional female

impersonators were like. I hoped that I would not seem to be too out

of place in there. The idea of making a living as a female

impersonator was certainly an intriguing idea to me. I wanted to know

more about it.

I dressed rather conservatively in a lovely pink corduroy suit that I

had made a few weeks earlier. It had a pale pink silk blouse with a

ruffle of lace at the collar, and ruffle cuffs at my wrists. It was

really cute. The skirt was designed to be a mini, but I had made it

longer, to about three inches above my knees. The jacket was an eton

style that ended just below the waist band of my skirt, with three

large pink buttons on the front. With the outfit, I wore pink heels

and a pink purse. I felt so girlish. I loved it.

When I thought that I looked pretty good, I headed for the ten block

walk to the club. I loved it. I felt kind of sexually excited about it

to. I was glad that the skirt was a loose fitting one, because I had

not tucked myself between my legs, and crammed myself up into my panty

crotch. I loved the feel of my penis as it was caressed by the front

of my loose fitting panties, so that was the way that I usually wore

it.

The club was really crowded. The booths were all full. The only place

that I could go to, was the bar. I went over and ordered a white

wine. The guy that was at my right, stood up and offered me his seat,

which I gladly accepted. The ten block walk in heels had taken its

toll, and I was glad to get off my feet for a few minutes.

He told me that his name was Ron. I looked at him from under my long

lashes. He was good looking, that was for sure. He stood about 5' 8",

which seemed about right for my 5' 4" frame. In my heels, I would

still have to look up to see into his eyes. Being in a place like

this, he was very likely interested in girls like me to. I liked

him. He seemed gentle, yet retained his masculinity.

He had a bushy mustache and long side burns to. His eyes were a

sparkling light blue, and they almost made me feel like he could look

right through me. It made me feel very weak and vulnerable. I loved

the way he made me feel when he looked into my eyes, as he talked to

me.

I had never entertained the idea of going out with boys before, even

if I had spent a lot of time talking about it with my girl

friends. (They never knew that I was not a real girl.) I had just

never been that interested in interests outside of myself. But Ron was

certainly piquing my interests. He was friendly. He was courteous. He

was very affectionate to.

He asked me to dance, and I agreed with him. Once we were on the dance

floor, he put his arms around my waist, and I could feel the strength

in his arms. He felt ever so nice to me. He hugged me close to him,

and I could feel his erection pressing against my belly. I thought I

would not like that, but it felt kind of nice. I felt kind of

flattered to know that I could make Ron feel that way about me. I must

be pretty attractive to him, I thought, as I tried not to brush

against it, too much.

Ron and I ended up staying together for the whole evening. He got us a

booth so that we could watch the revue in comfort. I was fascinated,

and I admitted to him that I had never seen anything like that

before. He was utterly amazed when I had related the circumstances of

my life to him.

He told me that he did not know why, but for all of his life, he had

been fascinated with the idea of pretty and feminine boys wearing

pretty girl's clothes, and acting like they really were girls. I

smiled and admitted to him that I certainly fell into that ctagory, as

I had worn nothing but pretty clothes since that time when I was six,

and my step dad had tried to make me wear boy's clothes, and that I

certainly did act like I was a girl. I even worked as a girl, I told

him.

Ran was just fascinated. He told me that all of the girls that he had

know like me, were either professionals like the girls on stage, or

they just dressed up once or twice a month, to get new boy firends. He

told me that he was fascinated that I lived 24 - 7 as a woman. I asked

what 24 -7 was, and he smiled and told me that it meant twenty-four

hours a day, seven days a week. I wondered how I could eve have been

so dense as to not know that.

He asked me about my feelings about boys, and I admitted to him that I

had never had a real boy friend, though I did admit that I thought

that I was interested in boys, in the same way that real girls

are. Ron told me that as far as he was concerned, that was a real

waste. He said that a girl like me should be loved and cherished, and

that I should have a man doting on me all the time.

I laughed a lot over the evening. I had really liked Ron. He made me

laugh. He made me feel like I was pretty special to him to. He was

constantly reaching out to caress the back of my hand, and I liked the

way that he touched me. He made me feel like he really liked me for

being who I was.

When the revue was over, in the wee hours of the morning, I agreed to

let him take me to a restaurant. I only had a hamburger, but I sort of

didn't want to go home yet. I liked Ron. I also had to admit that it

was the very first time that I had ever been attracted to a real guy,

like a girl is attracted to a guy.

Ron hailed a cab, and he took me home. He got my phone number, and

asked if he could call me the next day. I wanted to see him again, so

I agreed to let him call me. I found that I hoped that he would call

me.

I slept till very late. I did not get up till 11 a. m. It was the

first time that I had ever slept so long. I spent nearly an hour on my

daily ablutions, and then dressed in a halter top and a loose fitting

pair of pink shorts. I always wore loose fittng shorts, because they

would hide me down there. I did not like to bind myself up down there,

as I loved how it felt for a pair of loose fitting panties to be

caressing me all the time.

About two o'clock, just after I had started working on a new dress,

the phone rang. Usually when the phone rang, it was my mom, or it was

one of the girls from work. I did not have a very active social life,

and I did not really want one either, so I was kind of surprised to

hear it ring. I picked up the phone, expecting to hear my mom's voice.

"Hullo?"

"Good afternoon Gorgeous. How are you feeling today?"

It took me a moment to recognize the unfamilar deep masculine voice,

as my paramour of the eveing before. "OH... Ron? How nice of you to

call? I was not expecting you to call? How are you doing?"

"Why not? I said I would call you, didn't I?"

"Yeah..?"

"You want to go out for supper, Debi?"

"I... I have a better idea? Why don't you come here, and let me make

supper for you? It won't be anything fancy, but it will taste good."

"That, dear lady, sounds like a plan. You like medium dry white wine,

right?"

"Yes, that's right."

"I'll see you in a couple of hours, okay? Oh, and Debi?"

"Yes Ron?"

"Promise that you will not dress up real fancy. Promise me that you

will wear whatever you are wearing right at this very minute, okay?"

"Really? I'm... I'm not really dressed for receiving company."

"Promise me, Debi?"

"Alright, Ron. I promise that I will not change. I will wear what I am

wearing right now."

"I will not know that if you do not tell me what you are wearing right

now, will I?"

"I guess not. Okay..." I sighed a feinted exapseration. "I am wearing

a white halter blouse and a pair of pink shorts, with bobby socks and

pink running shoes. Okay?" I could not hlep but laugh at his

insistence that I do not change my clothes.

Chapter Three

I put a large steak into the oven, to broil it. I also put some

potatoes in for baking. I made a tossed salad, and I made a small

custard for desert. I hoped that Ron would like what I made for him. I

had to admit that I felt very pleased to be making an intimate dinner

for two, for a man that I liked. I put flowers and candles on the

table.

I was able to get finished up with my new dress before I heard the

heavy knocking on the door. I felt so odd, knowing that I was going to

have a man in my apartment. I quickly double checked my makeup, and it

semed to be okay for an in home dinner. I hped that he would not

notice that I had an erection in my panties. I was glad that my shorts

looked more like a loose fitting skirt than shorts. I was acutely

aware of how femininely I was dressed, as I opened the door.

Ron's face broke in a warm smile when I opened the door. His eyes very

slowly took me in, from my face down to my toes, then back up

again. He did it in a very slow and deliberate manner. I did not know

whether I should feel like a piece of meat on a butcher's shelf, or to

be flattered that he liked what I looked like.

I opted to be flattered. I took the wine from him, as he stepped

through my door way. Then Ron did something that was totally

unexpected. As he passed by me, he stooped over and planted a little

kiss on my lips. I was flabbergasted. I was stunned. This was the

first time that a guy had ever kissed me. I wondered what I felt like,

and I decided that I liked the way he had kissed me. It was even tht

much nicer, because he knew that I was a guy, and he liked me for

being the girl that I was.

Ron went out on the balcony to admire my view, and when the dinner was

served, I called for him to come in. He made short work of the big

steak that I put in front of him. He was a constant chatter of light

and friendly conversation, as we ate.

He made me feel so small, and I liked the feeling. He was making me

feel all over again, that magic of being special to someone. He was

also very masculine. I liked that. It made me that much more aware of

my own effeminaiton, and I really liked the way that it felt to me.

He had also rented a movie for us to watch. He told me that it was

rented, but I am not sure about that. I turned on the telelvision, and

the VCR. I went to the bath room to refresh my makeup, and to spritz

on fresh perfume. When I came out, Ron was relaxed on the couch. He

made my little couch look very small when his frame was sprawled out

on it the way that he was.

When I came back in to the living room, he was all smiles. He

straightened up, so that I could sit on the couch beside him. I

elected to take the easy chair so that the coffee table would be

between us. Ron giggled a bit at that. I am sure that he understood

the uncertainty that I was feeling, and he was having a bit of fun

with me.

"Debi, this movie is special. I got to warn you, it is a bit on the

raunchy side. It's about a girl like you, and a guy like me."

"It... It is? Will I like it?"

"I hope so. I took a lot of care with picking it out for us."

He then picked up the remote, and initiated the VCR. After fast

forwarding through the FBI warnings about copy rights, there was a

view of a lovely hill top in a city. A red convertible drove up the

hill, and parked in the driveway of a house right at the top of the

hill. A cowboy got out of it. He looked and walked like a cowboy, but

he wore a three piece light grey suit with his big white stetson

hat. He also had on cowboy boots.

He rapped on the door of the house, and it was opened by a very

attractive thin woman with a thick mane of brown hair. The suit she

was wearing was a mauve colour and looked like it might be a two

piece. The skirt fell to below her knees, and she wore three ich shiny

black heels. She looked kind of wild, and it was very attractive. I

knew from Ron's remarks that the cowboy was like him, and this woman

was like me. She did not look like she was a boy, but of course,

neither did I, thankfully. She was very attractive, lithe and graceful

when she moved. I hped that I was as attractive.

I watched intently. I knew that I had a bulge in the front of my pink

shorts, but I did not want to move, lest I call attraction to

myself. I did not want Ron to know that the idea of a girl boy being

with such an attractive cowboy was really turning me on. I wanted to

know what she would do.

The cowboy poured her some wine and they sat on a couch together. He

started talking to her, telling her that he was really thankful that

she agreed to see him on such short notice. She replied that any

friend of Jake Smith was a friend of hers.

They talked for about five minutes or so, then he really blew my

mind. I could hardly believe that I had actually heard him say what he

had said. "So, you really do like giving blow jobs, eh, Shirley?"

She just smiled at him, reached out and placed her right hand on his

thigh, and said back in a sultry soft voice, "If you treat me in a way

that makes me feel like a woman, I will make you very glad that you

are a man..."

Her next words were lost, as he slid across the couch, ensnared her

frail form in his arms, and drove his tongue deeply into her mouth. I

was shocked. I was fascinated. I saw the tip of his tongue moving

inside of her mouth, and I could tell from the hollows in her cheeks

that she was really sucking on it.

I stole a look over at Ron. He surprised me. He was watching me. In

particualr, his eyes kept falling to the little pink bulge that was

twitching in the front of my shorts. I blushed and looked away. Before

I looked away however, I did happen to notice that there was a bulge

in the front of Ron's pants to. I was even more flattered, and

humiliated, because I knew that I was responsible for putting it

there.

The copule on the screen kissed for a very long time. He kept feeling

her breasts, and he moved his hand down under her dress, as she

continually caressed his chest, and ran her hand down to caress the

front of his pants for him. Then she broke it up, and asked if he

would refresh the wine while she went to get into something more

comfortable.

She came back in a couple of minutes, wearing a very frilly satin tap

panties and camisole. The erection that she had was very evident

to. It swayed in a most obscene fashion, in the front of her

panties. She went over and sat on his lap, and they were kissing

deeply again for a very long time, as he continually caressed her

back, her chest and her upper thighs. He spent a long time, lightly

caressing her erection through her panties. I knew that I wanted Ron

to treat me like that.

Then he stood up. She made a very slow production out of reaching up,

and undoing his tie. She removed his suit jacket, then undid his shirt

buttons in a rather erotic fashion. When his shirt was off, she

lowered her head and spent a very long time chewing and sucking on his

nipples. He moaned and pulled her head even tighter to him.

Then she sat on the edge of the couch, and she reached up and in a

slow way, she opened his belt, unclasped his pants, lowered his

zipper, and then let his pants drop to the floor. She knelt on the

floor, and she took off his boots, then removed his pants from his

feet. From that position, she stayed on her knees, but she

straightened up her back. Her face was right in front of the bulge in

his white jockey shorts. She smiled up at him, and she gently rubbed

the front of his shorts.

"You want for me to suck it now, for you, handsome sir?"

"You got it babe. That is why I am here, right?"

She smiled as her hands pulled his shorts down to his ankles. His cock

was right in front of her face. I could tell by the look on her face,

that she really liked doing what she was doing. But, in the back of my

mind was the certain knowledge that Ron expected me, a girl like the

one on the video tape, to also like doing to him, what the girl on the

tape was doing to her lover. I had always known what people thought of

fairies, but I also knew that guys expected for girls to like sucking

cocks. All the guys that I had gone to school with would have expected

for me to suck them and to like doing it, because if thier minds, I

was a real girl. I knew differently, and I had often wondered what it

would feel like to me, to do it.

I tried not to squirm, but the sensation of my silk panties on the

ultra sensitive underside of my cock was really driving me crazy. I

was fascinated by how womanly this man was, and it was very exciting

to me. I almost let out a moan when I saw her open her mouth, move her

head forward, and receive the end of the cock. She moaned like it was

a wonderful feeling to do that to him.

He moaned as he drove his cock deep into her mouth. I could see the

head of his cock moving on the insides of her cheeks, and I wondered

what that felt like. I saw her lock her lips, look up at him, and then

suck as she moved her head back. It was obvious from the deep shadows

in her cheeks that she was sucking him very hard.

She licked and sucked and masturbated him for a good fifteen or twenty

minutes, before she made him cum for her. I almost envied her. I knew

what people thought about girls like me, who did things like the girl

on the video tape was doing, but it was so terribly exciting to me to

see someone, a someone who was a girl like me, actually do such a

thing to a real man. It was also quite obvious to me, from the

experession on her face, that she was really enjoying what she was

doing to. It was giving her pleasure, to pleasure a man in the way

that she was doing it. I understood that.

I asked Ron to turn the tape off. It was too graphic for me. I found

that I wanted to do those things to Ron, but I was so ashamed of these

desires. Ron realized that I was kind of upset. He took the tape out

of the machine, and he apologized for bringing the tape over.

I told him that it was alright. He apologized to me again, kissed me,

and told me that he thought he had better go.

I agreed with him. What I wanted him to do though, was to take me in

his arms, kiss me like the cowboy had kissed the girl, and to make me

kneel down in front of him, and make me do to him, all the things that

the girl had done to her boy friend. But, I did not let him know that

this was what I wanted. I wanted for him to remember that I was a god

girl. I did not feel like a good girl. I felt like a horny slut.

Ron asked me if it would be alright for him to call me the following

weekend. I said that I would like that. As soon as he left, I had to

run into my bed room, lower my panties, and relieve myself. I had a

huge load to relieve. It is not very often that I am as cranked up as

I was then, but visions of that girl kneeling submissively in front of

her man, and the look of adoration and pleasure that was on her face

as she took him into her mouth, were terribly erotic to me.

Chapter Four

I had almost decided that I was going to get Ron to seduce me when he

saw me the next weekend, but that Thursday I got a call from Ben.

My mother had died. The funeral was on Saturday. He wanted to know if

I wanted to go home for it.

I called my boss, and she told me that there was no problem if I took

a week off to go home and help out with the arrangements. She told me

that she was sorry about my mom to. I thanked her for being so very

understanding.

I did not even think about Ron calling me, till I was half asleep on

the bus, and almost half way home. I had worn a white summery dress,

white two inched high heels and white earrings. I hoped that Ben would

not light into me about the way that I was dressed, but I had no male

clothes, and I had no intention of buying any either. I certainly had

no plans for wearing male clothes. Besides, everyone in the small town

thought that I was really a girl anyway, and they would be shocked to

see me dressed as a boy.

Ben met me at the station. He did not say much. He took in a quick

look at the way that I was dressed, but he did not make any

comments. He held out his hand to shake my hand, rather than the hug

that I had expected, the hug that I wanted. My heart cried for him,

because I knew that he had dearly loved my mother.

I could see the deep pain in his eyes. He loved her, and he missed

her. I wondered if he had loved her as much as I had loved her. It was

strange to think of the big gruff man loving someone like my mom in

the same way that I had loved her, but whenever I saw the pain in his

eyes, I knew that it was possible. I hoped so, for my mom's sake. I

knew that she had loved him dearly.

He did not say very much on the way home. I was thankful that no one

but Ben knew that I was not a real woman in the town that I had grown

up in. I knew that he would never tell anyone either. He'd be too

ashamed that they would identify him with me, and he would not be able

to handle that. I did not even know if the kids knew that I was not a

real girl.

When we got home, Missy and Kenneth just about drove me to the ground

as they atttacked me for hugs of greeting. I loved the way their small

arms felt around my neck. I had not realized how much I loved them and

had missed them, before this. I almost started crying, I was so happy

to see them again.

They ushered me into my old room. Missy had moved into it, so it was

still kept pretty much the way that I had kept it. Missy and I would

share her bed. I knew that I'd have to be more careful than I ever

had, because she was a smart and inquisitive little girl. I looked

forward to combing out that beautiful mane of her hair for her.

Neighbours from our church had brought over platters of sandwiches for

our supper. They just stayed long enough to pass on their condolences,

then they left. It was a very active time, and I did not have much

time to think. Everytime I started to think, Missy or Kenny needed

me. They were still young enough that there was very little that they

could do for themselves. I smiled and I loved being so needed. In a

way, I was kind of feeling like my mom, I guessed.

We had the wake that night, and almost everyone in the small town came

by to pay their respects. I cried to see my mom in her coffin. I cried

to see how Ben hurt so much. I cried when the ladies hugged me and

told me how much they were going to miss my mother, because of of the

little things that she was constantly doing for the neighbours. I

heard hundreds of little stories of how she had touched their lives

with her loving generostiy, even though she never had much money.

The funeral was on Saturday morning. I found that most of my time was

taken up with helping Missy and Kenneth to get ready. The just seemed

to need so much attention. I was only vaguely aware that I was

slipping into my mother's shoes. Finally, they left me alone for half

an hour, to let me get myself dressed.

Ben cried all the way through the service. It hurt me to see the way

the quiet sobs wracked his body. I had only had bad experiences with

Ben, but I saw how much he had loved my mother, and I was really hurt

for him. I wished that I could just go over, wrap my arms around his

shoulders and let him cry on my shoulder, but I knew that he could

never accept that, not from me.

The rest of the day passed in a whirlwind of activity. Finally, at

long last, we were left alone, Ben and I. The kids were in bed. We sat

on the couch, watching the late news on the television. Ben turned to

me to speak to me.

"Debi, I got to let you know somthing. I... I stand a very good chance

of losing the kids."

"Wha... What do you mean, Ben? How can you lose the kids? You're their

father..."

"I haven't got any money to hire a house keeper for them. You know

what kind of hours I work. I would hardly ever be here for

them. Welfare would see that they were left alone most of the day, and

they would take the babies away from me." He lowered his head into his

big hands, and he shuddered as he cried out his remorse. He really was

scared of losing the kids. I was frightened for them.

I could not resist my desires to comfort him. I was terribly afraid

that he would push me away, but I just had to do something. I got off

my chair, and went over to sit beside him on the couch. I wrapped my

left arm around him, and placed my right hand on the left side of his

head, and I pulled him into my shoulder. I was surprised that he did

not resist.

I held him there, crying with him, as he cried into my shoulder. A

number of times he tried to speak, but I shushed him, and let him

continue crying. It might have been the first time that this big man

had ever cried in his life, I realised, as I cradled him there. I felt

sort of special.

Ben cried for over half an hour. I kept petting the side of his head

as I hung on to him. This is what my mother had done to me when I had

needed consoling. Finally, I sensed that he was ready to stop. I did

not know what to do, so I just stayed there with my arm around his

shoulder.

"Do you have any idea of how much you look like her, and act like

her?"

"No... I don't. Do I?"

"If you was the same age, you could have been identical twins. She was

so beautiful, so delicate, so loving and you look just like her,

Debi. I see you, and I see her." He sobbed quietly agian, as he looked

into my eyes.

I was aware that he was talking to me, like I was an adult, and a

female adult. Ben had never been able to bring himself to do that

before. I sat patiently and waited to see what else he would say. He

made me feel so womanly, and he was not even trying to do that.

"I... That is, we... I don't have even enough money to pay for all of

the funeral home, let alone hire a nanny to come in and see for the

kids, and if they get taken away from me... I just would have no more

reason to live? Those kids are my life..." He started sobbing again.

I knew how he felt. I loved those two kids to. The very thought of

them living in a stranger's home, and never seeing their bright eyed

smiles again was just too much for me. I cried again, as I wondered

what could be done.

I could help out with the funeral, because I had some money saved, but

I did not think that it would be enough to help out with a nanny. My

job just did not pay enough for me to try and take on that kind of

long term financial burden either. It was good for a single person,

but not for supporting a family to any degree. I knew that Ben, though

he worked hard, did not earn much of a salary. It was questionable if

they would have made it financially, if they had to pay for rent, or

mortgage payments. I was glad the at least the house was paid for.

Finally Ben sat up. I sensed that he had cried himself out.

"Would you consider coming hom, and living here again, Debi, for the

sake of the kids?"

This is the point in the story where I first started writing this

account. I looked at him. My heart went out to him. But, could I give

up the life that I had been living for the last year?

"Ben... I... I live as a woman, now. I have a job as a woman. I do not

even own one stitch of men's clothing. I... I even sort of have a boy

friend. I... I could never start to live as a man? It would be

impossible for me to do? I just could not do that?"

"No... No, I don't mean anything like that Debi. I mean, well, I guess

that I mean to ask you if you could sort of take over where your mom

left off? Would you come home and help me take care of the babies?"

"You want me to be Missy and Kenny's mother?" The idea fascinated

me. I'd always felt maternally towards them, and I'd always envied my

mom, knowing that I could never walk in her shoes. She was a good mom,

but I'd never be able to be a mom. Mom's don't have a penis in their

panties.

"Well... If you put it that way, I guess that I do mean exactly

that. Yeah, I guess that this is what I am asking of you?"

I looked deeply into Ben's eyes. He was looking back at me to. He was

not judging me. He was asking me for the help that I could give him,

by becoming a surrogate mother for his children, for my half brother

and sister. Could I do it? I knew that when the idea had first occured

to me that this was what he was asking, my heart had leapt into my

throat.

"Ben, if I was to agree to this insane plan of yours, I would always

be a female. You know that don't you? I would never want to be a male

mother. I'd have to be like a real mother, a female mother... You know

what I am trying to say, Ben?"

"Yes, I know that. I also know that if you do not do this, I'll lose

my kids. I couldn't bear to lose my Chrissy and then to lose the kids

to."

"I... I can try it for a little while, Ben, and see how things go,

okay?"

He smiled for the first time in days, and he threw his arms around me

and squashed me in a huge ber hug. I felt his strength, and it started

to turn me on. I felt ashamed of my feelings for my step father.

"I'll need to go back to the city, Ben. The law requires that you give

your employer two weeks notice, and I have accumulated a lot of stuff

over the last year. I need to take care of all of that

stuff. Uhhh... You said that you did not have enough for the funeral?

How much do you need?"

"Well, it's going to run about $9,000 and I have about $5,000. Once I

pay that down, I will have no more money at all. I never thought to

put life insurance on your mom. I just figured that since I was so

much older than she was, and the kind of work that I do, that I would

be the first one to go. I just never figured."

"Well, I have aboutt $6,000 saved. I was going to buy a car with it,

but you can have it if you need it."

"I appreciate that Debi. I sure never thought you'd be acting this

way, not after the way that I treated you when you were growing up. I

can not tell you how sorry I am about that."

"You never understood me."

"That is for sure. But, I got to say, you have turned out to be a real

fine young woman, Debi, a really fine young woman indeed."

My heart almost burst at hearing his words. This man knew how to say

things that opened up a feminine heart. I began to see why my mom had

loved him so much.

Chapter Five

The next three weeks were very hectic. Ben arranged for one of the

neigbour ladies to keep an eye on the kids till I would be able to

move back home. My life was a whirlwind of activity. I had to pack up

my huge collection of dresses, and ship them off to home.

I had no idea of where I was going to be able to keep all these pretty

things, but I should have known that Ben would have worked something

out for me. He did to.

Ron was really sorry that I was going to be leaving the city. He

wanted to know if he could keep in touch with me, and I agreed, but I

really knew that he would not keep in touch. The basis of his love for

me was a sexual attraction, and that is not a strong basis for any

kind of relationship. I hoped that he would find the kind of girl that

he wanted, then marry her, and turn her into an honest woman, instead

of a boy wearing dresses. He laughed at that, as he kissed me goodbye.

At long last, the time had come. I'd gotten all of my stuff packed and

shipped off. I got onto the bus, and I watched the city that I had

come to love, as it receeded into a distant memory, as the bus took me

away to a brand new life. I was scared, and I was excited. I hoped

against hope that I could be a good mom.

Ben met me at the station. He told me that all of my stuff had arrived

that afternoon, and that he had the boxes put into my room.

"My room?"

"Well, we can't very well let a mom live in her daughter's room, can

we? I cleared out a section of the basement, and I made a very nice

room there for you. I even but in a bath room, so you'll never have to

wait in line. Missy helped me with some ideas about what kind of

furniture to get for you. I hope you like it?"

"I will like it Ben, I promise."

The kids were all over me once again, when I got out of the car. It

felt so nice to be at home again, a home that welcomed me as a mother,

albeit surrogate mother. But my heart burst with happiness. It was

just too bad that it had taken my mother's death to bring such

acceptance from Ben all about.

The room was really special. Ben had tried to make a statement when he

had built it, and he had succeeded. It was all done in pale pink, even

the carpeting. The bath room was a four piece, with a built in vanity

desk that had a huge mirror with inlaid light bulbs. The bed was a

canopy styled double bed, with lovely shirred ruffle trimming.

The furniture was all done in an off white anttique applique. It was

lovely. My mom must have told him about how many dresses I had,

because he had built me a huge walk in closet. I figured that this new

room must have taken up half of the basement. It was absolutely

gorgeous, and I knew that Ben really valued my being here for him, to

do this kind of thing for me.

I had to shoo Missy out of the room, as she was just the most curious

little thing about the fiteen or twenty boxes that were neatly stacked

in the center of the room. The rest of the family agreed to leave me

alone so that I could get settled in. believe me, that was a very big

job.

It took me nearly five hours to get my clothes unpacked and stowed in

the closet. I also found that the closet was big enough that I would

have room to put a small table in there, and set up an area for my

sewing nook. I found just exactly the right table to, and I flopped on

the bed, exhausted, but deleriously happy.

There was a light rap on the door.

"Come in?"

It was Ben. He smiled at me, and he noted that all the boxes were

empty.

"Just put all of those boxes out here, and Kenny and I will take care

of them tomorrow for you, okay? Uhhh... I hope I am not being

presumptive, but your mother told me that all of your dresses were

very beautiful. I figured, well... If you would not be upset about it,

that maybe none of the dresses that you have are for... For doing

mothering types of stuff. If it is okay with you, I can bring your

mother;s stuff down here for you? You are the only one here who would

have any kind of use for it?"

"Thank you Ben. That is very thoughtful. And your are right. I do not

have house work clothes, that is unless you want to see me running

around the house in cute little shorts and halter tops?" I laughed,

knowing full well that his conservative nature would not let him be

very comfortable with the idea of a boy running around the house in

sexy not to mention skimpy, girl's clothes.

"Well, now that might not be too bad a sight to see at that, might

it?"

He closed the door with that remark. I was floored. Those were the

last words that I had ever expected to hear coming from him. As I lay

there, thinking about his words, I was ashamed to find that I had an

erection growing in my panties. I was even more amazed to find that I

was reacting to Ben as a girl would react to a sexy man. I had to

admit it though, Ben might be a back woods kind of person, but his

gentleness, not to mention his very good though rough looks, certainly

would turn on a lot of the ladies, me included.

I fell asleep in a lovely floor length pink night gown. It was my

favourite. I had never dreamed that I would ever be able to wear it in

this house though. When I awoke, I was very refreshed. Having my own

private bath room was a luxury in a house as hectic as this one had

seemed to be, when I was growing up in it.

I rose, wrapped my pegnoire around me, and made my way up the

stairs. The kitchen was still neat. The kids had not gotten into it

yet. I hummed as I put on the coffee, and started the eggs and

bacon. It did not take long for the aromas to attract my loyal

following.

First it was Ben. He came in, sniffed the air and grinned, advising me

that it had been a while since that smell had filled the air. He

leaned over the stove to check out what I was doing. He commented that

I looked very pretty, then he gave me another smile, and went off to

his bed room to prepare for the day.

The kids were dressed and seated at the table, bickering as per usual,

when he returned. He sat and gave me an appreciative smile, as I laid

out his breakfast for him. I sat down to, in my mom's usual

chair. Missy commented about how pretty my night gown and pegnoire

were. Ben smiled and told me that I did look very pretty in it. Kenny

just made a face which he finished off with a good humoured grin. He

was a nice kid, all boy, and I was going to enjoy being his surrogate

mother.

Before he left for work, Ben transferred a number of boxes that he had

packed the night before, into my room. Once the kids were gone, and

Ben was gone, I had the chance to finally take stock. I hung up the

dresses. They were worn for sure, but they were still pretty. I

searched through her lingerie, and I only kept the prettiest

stuff. The rest, I let go into the trash. Lingerie was one thing that

I did not lack for. Three of my dresser drawers were full of very

pretty lingerie.

I put on one of my mom's dresses, and I set about to vacuum the

house. It had not been cleaned in a long time. I guess that her

illness had carried on for a long time. I wondered why they had never

told me about it. I felt ever so nice to know that I was wearing my

mom's clothes, as I was walking in her shoes. She was the kind of lady

that everyone wanted to be around, because of her bright

personality. Now, it was my turn to be just like her. I felt lucky to

be able to step into her shoes, and I hoped that I could do a good

job.

It took me all morning to get the living room cleaned to my

standards. I would do the rest of the house one room at a time. I went

into Missy's room, and was surprised to see that she had already made

her bed. But she'd thrown her night gown and panties on the floor,

rather than in the laundry hamper, which was only two feet from where

she'd thrown them. I smiled. I was really going to like being her

mother, her guide, her role model. I just hoped that I could be good

enough for her. I already knew that we shared special times, when we

would sit on her bed together, and I would brush out her beautiful

hair. She did not seem to know that I was not a real girl, and I liked

that.

Kenny had also made his bed. I was surprised at how neat his room was,

that is till I opened his his closet. All of his dirty clothes were

piled up to waist high, on the closet floor. I smiled as I sighed, as

I commented into the air about how a woman's work was never done. I

lugged all the dirty laundry down into the laundry room, and started

on the massive task that was set before me. It was obvious that my mom

had not been able to do the regular house work for quite a while. I

missed her.

While the washer was doing it's work, I went back upstairs, and into

Ben's room. It was a mess. He had under wear all over the place. His

bed was not made. I started to make it, then I was struck with the

realisation that my mom had spent many years of her life, laying in

this bed, beside this man. She had let him make love to her in this

bed. She had pleased her man in this bed.

I lay down on the bed, and I had a myriad of feelings wash through my

psyche. I moaned for missing my mother. Even though I'd grown away

from her over the last year or so, I missed her terribly. I also knew

that she loved Ben. I wondered how I would deal with that. I could

smell his manliness in the room, and it made me erect. I knew that I

should feel guilty about that, but I had to admit that he excited me

that way.

I must have lay there for nearly an hour, weeping for my loss, and

wondering about how these strong new feelings that I was having were

going to affect my life. I also felt lonely. I walked in my mother's

shoes, and I now had a desire to do all of those intimate things that

she did with her husband to.

I wept because I felt totally inadequate to provide a maternal

influence on the home for Missy and Kenny. I loved those kids so much,

and I wanted nought but the very best for them. It all seemed to be so

hopeless as I lay there. The responsibility seemed to be too big for

my tiny shoulders to bear.

After a while though, I got up and managed to get together enough

drive to pick up all the dirty clothes, and to finish making the bed

for Ben. I trucked his dirty laundry down the stairs. It was time to

put the washed load into the drier and a new load into the washer. I

was exhausted. I checked my watch and saw that they kids were going to

be home from school in half an hour. Where had all the time gone?

I went back to the kitchen and prepared a light snack for the kids. If

I remembered right, they were always hungry when they got home from

school. I knew, after a check of the cupboards, that I should make

some cookies tomorrow. I was thankful all over again, at how thorough

my mother had been when she trained me to run a household. In that

regards, I was able to walk in her shoes, and do it competently.

Thus went my first day. I got through it, and I was successful. It got

easier as the days wore on.

We settled into a kind of a routine. Ben, as his job required, was

away till around eight every night. When he did get home, he was

tired, and he was dirty. I would have supper ready for the kids around

5:30. I would have something that was not quite cooked all the way

through, that I would put into the oven fifteen or twenty minutes

before Ben would get home. By the time he'd taken his shower, he was

ready to eat.

Usually, he'd fall asleep in front of the telelvision by 10:30 or

so. I would turn off the television, and that would wake him up. He

would stumble off to the bed, to make sure that he got a good night's

sleep for the next day.

This went on like this for nearly a month. I was getting a bit

frustrated at not having adults to talk to. The kids were great. They

were just so thankful that I had come home to take care of them, that

they went out of their way to be nice to me, and to show appreciation.

Ben, I had noticed over the few weeks that I had been back at home,

slowly but gradually become more surly. Even the kids noticed it and

wondered what was going on. I wondered if I was doing something to

cause him problems.

Finally, one Friday night, I decided that I could not take it any

more. I had to confront him about the way he was acting, and to see if

there was something that I could do to help the situation. I did not

want to live in the hell that I had grown up in, but it seemed like he

was getting that way again.

I waited till later that night, after the kids were in bed, and Ben

was well fed. As per usual, the kids went to bed around nine. Ben was

sprawled out on the couch, watching whatever on the boob tube. I

walked into the living room, turned off the television, and went over

to sit on the lazy boy in front of the couch.

"Ben, you and I have got to talk. Over the last three or four weeks,

you have been turning into a real bear. I gave up a good life to come

home, and to help you keep the kids. But, Ben, you have got to know

that I will not accept living with you the way that we did the last

time. If it means that you lose the kids then so be it. I am starting

to really feel uncomfortable around you. Is there something that I am

doing wrong, to make you not like me again?"

Ben just looked at me for a very long time. I could see by the

expressions that flitted across his face, that he was struggling with

something that was hard for him to express. I hoped that he was not

going to say that he hated me, not after all this?

"Debi?" He spoke, and I could hear the agony in his voice. My heart

went out to him once again.

"Yes Ben? You can say anything to me. I hope that you know that?"

"Do you... do you have any idea of how much you look like her and act

like her?"

"No... I guess that I don't."

"Everytime I see you wearing one of her pretty dresses, I miss her so

much all over again. I... I do not hate you, Debi. I love you. The

problem is that I sometimes confuse what I feel for you, for what I

felt for your mom? It's very hard for me. It is not anything that you

are doing wrong. You are doing a terrific job of taking care of the

babies the way that you are. It's me, it's a problem with me, Debi."

I really did not know what he was talking about. I did know that I did

not want him to feel bad about me. I went over to sit beside him. Like

that first time, I cradled him in my arms and I let him sob out his

emotions. I did not know what to say, so I just kept repeating over

and over again, "It's alright Ben, no matter what it is, it's

alright... We can work out anything, you and I. I'm here to help you,

Ben, no matter what it is, I want to help?"

After fifteen or twenty minutes of this, he sat up and looked me right

in the eye.

"Debi, I might as well tell you this, so you can try and understand. A

man... A man has certain needs, and the woman that he loves takes care

of those needs for him. The problem is that the woman who loved to

take care of my needs is no longer here.

And the problem is that you look so much like her, that it drives me

crazy. She was so sexy, you know. You do not even know it, but you are

just like her. You drive me crazy with my desires, Debi. It has

nothing to do with you. It is something deep inside of me that is

wrong. I hope that you can forgive me?" He shuddered and collapsed

into my arms again.

I held him as he sobbed in my arms. I did not know what I was feeling,

but I loved this bear of a man, and I wanted to help him. I turned my

head down so that my lips were on his forehead. I genlty kissed him

and told him that it was alright. I told him that I understood, and I

kissed his forehead again.

He responded slowly. He sat upright again, and he stared deep into my

eyes.

"You... You understand, and you do not hate me for it?"

"No, I do not hate you, Ben. I... I love you. I have always loved

you. I have always envied my mother for having you. I had a boy friend

in the city, because he reminded me of you, Ben. He was strong, and

masculine, and gentle with me."

"You... You would do that for me, Debi?"

"Ben, I have come to love you over these last few weeks. You asked me

to be a surrogate mom to these kids. I guess that being a surrogate

mom to your children also means that I am a surrogate wife to their

father?"

He stared at me for a long moment. I was afraid that he was going to

hate me for saying that to him.

He stood up, reached for my left hand, which he gently took, and he

indicated that I should stand up. I stood up, right in front of him,

closer than I had ever stood to a man, excepting Ron. I tingled

inside. I did not want it to happen, but I did want it to happen to. I

wanted to become his wife to.

I smiled very nervously.

"Debi? Do you understand what you are saying to me? There is no going

back you know. If you choose to do this, there is no going back. Do

you really know what you are doing?"

I smiled up at him. "Ben, I love you. I want yo to stop being so

grumpy all the time. If I can help, I want to help..."

Chapter Six

His face broke apart in a wide smile. He slowly put his left arm

around my shoulders, and he pulled me against his hard muscular

body. His body was really hard to. I had never been so close to him in

my life, and it made me feel so small and weak, and vulnerable. I

could

not help it. I trembled inside, and I yielded to the wonder of this

new sensation that was wracking my body and emotions. My cock sprang

to instant erection in my mother's panties. It was beautiful.

He lowered his face to me, and his mustache scratched my face in a

most delightful fashion, as he planted a very warm, very tender light

kiss on my lips. I felt like I was going to feint away and swoon to

the floor, so I put my arms up around his neck to hold myself up. He

made me melt, and my knees buckled from the excitement he genereated

in me.

I felt the heat of his fingers right through the thin material of my

dress and slip as he gently caressed my back, tracing out the outline

of my bra straps. He made me so weak in the knees. I began to

tremble. I placed my hands on his hard chest to steady myself, but I

still felt very weak. His heart was beating wildly under my palms. I

excited him, I knew.

I slid my hands up so that I could rest my palms on his shoulders, to

lend me support. I wanted to melt, he turned me on so much. I knew

that this was the moment that I began to feel a womanly type of love

for this man. I could feel his erection rubbing against my tummy, and

it was terribly exciting to me. I shuddered.

"Debi? Are you alright dear?"

"Ummm. Yes. Why?"

"You are shuddering? Are you sure you are alright?"

"Yes."

"Why are you shuddering?"

"It's because... I... Uhhh... You really excite me. Ben.. You excite

me..."

Once the words were heard, I could almost sense his puffing up in

pride. I loved being able to affect him the way that I did. That was

part of the excitement. A lady had a great deal of control when she

submitted to her man, did she not? I marvelled at how much power a

owamn seemed to have over a man, when she submitted to him.

He kissed me again, then he reached down. In a seceond, I felt his arm

under me, as he picked me up, as though I were of an inconsequential

weight. He made me feel so small and weak. I let my arms go around his

neck, and my fingers knit together behind his head. I smiled at him,

as his pleasure with me was written all over his rugged face.

He carried me into his bed room, the room where he had made love for

so many years to my mother. He went around to my mother's side of the

bed, and he gently lay me down on it. It was a subliminal message to

me that I was truly walking in my mother's shoes, and I was not a male

son to him anymore. I'd become, in his mind, his surrogate wife. He

was going to use me like a wife, and I could hardly wait for him to do

it to me.

I watched as he stood up straight and he stared down at me with a

gentle smile on his lips. I felt his eyes, as I watched them move very

slowly from my face, down to my high heeled feet, and back up again to

my face. His eyes stopped for a moment at the twitching bulge in the

front of my dress, but he seemed to like it. He did not hate me for

it.

"You are so beautiful Debi. You look so much like your mother. You

could be her identical twin, a younger version. You are very

lovely. You are a very sexually attractive woman, young Debi."

I watched as he walked over to his side of the bed, and he started to

undress. His removed shirt revealled the knotted muscles in his arms

and chest. He was so completely masculine. I watched, fascinated. I''d

seen my own naked body before, but it was nothing like this

man's. This was a man's body, so very unlike my soft shapeliness.

Soon he w as completely naked. He turned to face me, and stood there

for a long moment. It was my turn now. I let my eyes move from his

face, down over his chest, over his flat hairy belly, down to his

throbbing jutting cock. It seemed so big, and so very ugly that it

fascinated me. I was amazed to find that I was drawn to it. I wanted

to feel it with my fingers. I wanted to feel it inside of my mouth. I

wanted to taste it.

I'd heard about guys like me before, but I had never really ever

understood what their attraction to guys was. Now I knew. I wanted to

touch this man in intimate ways, and I wanted to please him. I wanted

him to like me, and I wanted to really please him. I wanted to please

him in the same ways that my mother had pleased this man that she had

loved.

My dress was throbbing with the erection that pushed out at the front

of my panties. I had never been so excited before. I stared at his

cock, taking in every little detail, and then I slowly let my eyes

move back up over his belly, over his wide hairy chest. I liked his

hairyness. I looked back up into those gently smiling and loving eyes.

"Are you sure that you want to go through with this, Debi? You look

like you do, but are you really sure? There will be no going back..."

"Yes, Ben... I am sure. I want to please you. I... I want to love

you... I want to love you just like my mother loved you..."

He knelt on the bed and then he moved so that he was laying on top of

me. His cock was grinding into the front of my panties, and I could

not resisit how exciting it was. I clung to his neck. I sucked his

tongue deeply into my mouth, and I bucked up against his weight. I

came in a most shattering orgasm. I pumped up into his cock, and in my

mind, I could feel him inside of me, as though I really were a girl.

It took me about fifteen minutes to recover from the intensity of the

orgasm. All the while Ben was kissing my face, ears and neck. His

strong fingers treid to be gentle, as they kneaded my sensitive

breasts. He made me feel as though he really loved me, and that I was

a cherished prize of his. It is no wonder that my mother loved this

man, if he treated her the same as he was treating me at the

moment. When he sensed that I had recovered, he rolled off of me, and

lay on his back.

"What do you want me to do now, Ben?" I asked timidly. I was still

somewhat breathless.

"Well, have you ever fantasised about what you would like to do to a

real man?"

"Yes, of course I have. All girls do that."

"Why don't you just do whatever you fantasised that you would like to

do, just like in your fantasies?"

I smiled. I rolled up onto my right side. I could not believe that he

was going to let me do whatever I wanted to do. I reached up with my

left hand, and with the tips of my fingers, I gently began to caress

his face for a few minutes. Then I watched my hand as it moved down to

gently caress his hard little nipples. I loved the way his hairy chest

felt, and the way that his nipples got so rock hard.

Then I did what I had only dreamed of doing. I watched my hand as it

moved down over his flat muscled belly, down to his cock. For the

first time in my life, I saw my hand reach out and grasp the shaft of

a man's cock. I did not consider my own cockette to be a man's

cock. It was so exciting to touch Ben this way, I shuddered in pure

bliss.

It felt like a rod of iron, under the satiny smooth covering of his

skin. He moaned and I felt him throb in my hand. I gently masturbated

him for a very long time, mesmerised by the sight of my girlish hand

doing what my mother's hand had done to this man before me. I was in

her place. I felt that it was one way of passing on my love for my

mother, to love her husband for her, as she had loved him.

I leaned over and began to kiss his chest. I could not resist my

desire to kiss, to nibble and to suck on his nipples. They were

terribly hard, like little rocks. He gently caressed my back, and he

moaned out his pleasure, as he let me kiss him in this fashion.

I began to kiss my way down his belly. Soon, the cock that I still

held in my hand, was only a scant half an inch from my face. I raised

my head and I smelled it. I liked the smell. He was manly. I pursed my

lips, and I planted a loving kiss on his very dry cock head. It felt

so natural for me to do this. I felt as though I were honouring him

for being such a man, for having what it takes to bear the

responsibility of raising a family. I wanted him to know that I

honoured and loved him.

I knew that this cock had spawned my brother and sister, and I knew

that this cock had spent much time deep inside of my mother, as she

pleasured him for her love of him. I was aware of my complete feminine

nature, as I kissed this man;s sexuality.

I continued kissing the head of his cock, leaving light traces of my

pink lip stick all over it. I was amazed to find that I thought that

it looked kind of cute, even if it was so ugly. I genlty felt his

balls with my fingertips, as I kissed his shaft all over. I was amazed

at how much he trusted me, to let me do whatever I wanted to do with

his family jewels. Then I wanted more. I opened my mouth as wide as I

could, and I pressed my head against his cock head. I wanted to feel

the dry skin on my tender lips.

The cock seemed like it was too big to go into my mouth. I had a brief

moment of panic. Then my rational side took over. I realised that what

it needed, was lubrication. Hesitantly, I put the tip of my tongue

onto his cock head, and I started to taste it. I liked the taste. It

was kind of salty, sort of a bit like sweat, but there was also some

kind of other taste that I just could not define. I began to lick the

head of it all over till it was really soaking wet. Then, I licked all

the way around it, till my tongue went about half way down his shaft,

licking lovingly all the way around the hard shaft.

Ben was nearly throwing a conniption fit. He was writhing around,

moaning out about how good I was making him feel. He kept calling me

honey, and pretty. As he did so, I wanted even more to pleasure

him. Then I opened my mouth again, and tried to take him into me

again.

I felt the hard hot rubbery head of his cock as it slowly began to

pass over my sensitive lips. I could hardly believe that I was really

doing it, at long last. I prolonged the moment, to enjoy it. I felt

the head of his cock as it reached my tongue, and it slid even further

into me, till I began to gag a bit. I pulled back just a bit.

I felt the big head stretching out the sides of my cheeks from the

inside. I had never had my mouth so full before. It pressed against my

tongue. My lips were stretched. Ben was writhing and moaning and I

knew that it was only going to be a short time before he let me have

the same reward that he had given to my mother for so many years.

I lay there, slowly moving my tongue over his shaft, very aware of my

own effemination, and his masculinity in my mouth. I knew now, that I

had really finally become what I had suspected that I had always

wanted to be. I was a fairy cock sucker.

When I looked in the mirror in the morning, I would be looking at a

cock sucker, and the thought pleased me. I was doing what real girls

did, at long last, and I was really liking it. I felt more womanly

than I have ever felt, and it was exhilerating. I was acutely aware of

every feminine stitch that I was wearing, and it was wonderfully

erotic. I was hard again. I wanted to make wonderful love to this man

who was helping me become all that I wanted to become. I wanted to be

his new love, and his pleasure. I wanted to ubmit to the role of being

his loving wife.

I moved my tongue under him, as much as I could, and I moved my head

back and forth slowly. I loved the way his cock felt as it moved

inside of my mouth. I felt so utterly womanly pleasing my surrogate

husband in such an intimate fashion. I wanted the moment to last, but

I knew that it would not. Besides, my neck and shoulders were

beginning to get sore from all of the contortions and unaccustomed

stretching.

He tensed up, grasped my head by entwining his fingers in my hair, and

he drove himself into me, as I felt my mouth stretch to its

limits. Before I realised what was happening, his first jet of cum

spurted with a strong force against the top of my mouth, then the

second and the third, till I lost count because there were so many of

them.

Somehow, I managed to keep most of it in my mouth. Some of it spilled

out of the corners of my mouth, but I kept most of the thick salty

substance in my mouth. I did not really enjoy it, aside from knowing

how much I was pleasing Ben, but it was not a bad experience either. I

asked myself if I would do it again for him, and the answer was an

unqualified yes, I would suck his cock for him, as many times as he

wanted me to suck it for him. I did like sucking it, because it made

me feel so utterly womanly to suck it.

He lay still, utterly drained, emotionally and physically. I just lay

there for a long while, holding his cock in my mouth, and once in a

while, I would suck at it and lick it for him. I wanted him to know

that I had really wanted to please him in the same way that my mother

had done for him for their long years of marriage. I hoped that he

liked me as much as he had liked her.

When he started to shrink, I gave him one final suck, and I let him

escape from my sucking lips. I did not know what to do with the large

thick load that I had in my mouth. I rolled it around on my tongue for

a while. I liked the way it felt. I liked the way that it tasted to. I

decided to swallow it. I wondered what I would feel like, knowing that

I was swallowing the load of cum that I had sucked out of my step

father. I was mildly surprised to find that I did not feel anything,

excepting a satisfaction that I had been able to get it from him, just

like my mother had before me had taken it from him.

I moved my head up so that it was laying on his chest. I could feel

the beating of his heart. His arm hugged me tightly towards him, and I

felt him kissing the top of my head. I knew that this meant that he

liked me. I hoped that he liked me a lot.

Before I was aware of it, I was waking up in his arms.

I looked up at him, almost fearful of what he must think of me for

doing what I had done. I knew what he used to say to me, before I

moved back home. I wondered what he would think of me now. I was

certain that I had fulfilled his worst expectations of me, by

submitting to his desires for me in the way that I had.

He smiled at me, and he kissed my lips. Then he asked me how I had

slept. That was my first morning as a surrogate mom for my brother and

sister, and as a surrogate wife for my step father.

We kissed each other for a very long time. Finally, he told me the had

had loved what I had done tom him, but that there was somehting else

that my mother had done for him that I still had not done yet. I asked

what that was. He smiled and he told me that the main difference

between husbands and wives was that the husbands fucked their wives,

while the wives were fucked by their husbands.

I was scared, because Iknew how big he was, first hand, but he asked

me to trust him not to hurt me. I kissed him and told him that if he

wanted to fuck me, then I would just have to let him have his way with

me. He smiled and told me that I had no idea of how much like my

mother, I really was.

I rolled over onto my tummy. I felt his hand pushing my dress and slip

up. Then his fingers lowered my panties to about mid thigh. His strong

fingers spent a long time exploring my round cheeks, and he kept

commenting on how pretty they were.

Then he put some kind of grease on his fingers, and he very gently

worked the tips of his finger inside of me. It was uncomfortable, but

he was gentle, and he soon had me admitting that it was feeling kind

of nice. It was not long before he had a second then a third finger

inside of me.

He told me that it was time to become a complete wife, and I responded

that I wanted to be his wife as completely as I was able to be. It was

sore, but I was able to receive him inside of me. He treid to be very

gentle.

I lay there, knowing that I was in complete submission to him. His

weight pinned me to the bed, and I could not move away, even if I had

wanted to move away. I felt him ever so slowly move into me, filling

me completely, then he would pull back very slowly, leaving me feel

empty and waiting for him to fill me again.

He made love to me like that for a long time, whispering in my ear

about how nice my pussy felt on his cock. I liked it. I knew that in

his mind, I was his pussy. The idea of being his pussy, just like my

mother had been, was terribly exciting to me. The front of my panties

was being ground into my erection, and I could not stop myself from a

terrifically sensuously orgasming, as just the very idea that I was

getting my pussy fucked by a real man made me feel even more womanly

than I had felt the night before.

I received him into me, and soon found that as he pulled out, that I

was raising him to keep him inside of me just a wee bit longer. It was

not long before he just rammed deeply into me, and I felt myself being

filled with his cum, just like he had ejaculated into my mother before

me, on this bed, perhaps while she was even wearing the same clothing

that I was wearing.

When were were done, he asked me if I had liked being fucked.

I kissed him, and I asked him when he would be ready to do me

again. He liked that.

The kids smiled with silly grins when they saw me coming out of

daddy's room.

The kids are all grown up now, all moved away and at college. Ben and

I are still together. I love him more every day, and he treats me like

a queen. Of course, now that the kids are away from home, and we are

alone a lot, I have to submit more and more often to his rather

voracious sexual appetite, but I can assure you that I do so very

willingly. Ben is an excellent lover, and husband.

He is the kind of man that makes a woman enjoy her sensuality.