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25 [1] It is appropriate for a person to accustom himself in extra holiness, and in pure thought, and in correct thinking, in order to be saved from stumbling into [doing] a forbidden sexual act. And he should be careful from being alone because this is a great causer [of sinning.] And this is the way he should behave to distance from entertainment and from intoxication, and from the words of suitors (explanation, the words of entertainment and desire). And he should not settle without a wife, because this custom causes great purity. Greater than all of this, they said, "One should turn himself and his thoughts to words of Torah and widen his knowledge in wisdom, for forbidden sexual thoughts only grow stronger in a heart devoid of wisdom. [2] A man should not act with levity with his wife, nor should he degrade his speech with nonsense, even between him and her. The verse says, "He tells man what his speech is" (Amos 4:13) and the Sages comment, "Even light conversation between a man and his wife will be brought to judgement in the future." He should not speak with her during intercourse, nor before it, lest he direct his thoughts to another woman. If he does speak with her and proceed immediately to intercourse, about him the verse says, "He tells man what his speech is". He may speak about matters pertinent to the intercourse, to increase his desire, or if there was strife between them and he needed to appeal to her and appease her, he may speak with her to appeal to her. *Rem"a: He may do with his wife whatever he wishes. He may have intercourse whenever he wishes, he may kiss any part of her body that he desires, he may have vaginal [typical] or anal [atypical] intercourse, or stimulate himself with other parts of her body, so long as he does not ejaculate outside the vagina (Tur). Some authorities are lenient and say that he may even ejaculate during anal intercourse, if it is occasional and not his habit (Tur). Even though all of this is permissible, anyone who wishes to sanctify himself [by abstaining] from the permitted is called holy.* He should not have frequent intercourse so that he is always with her, for this is extremely detrimental and it is the way of boors; it is meritorious to minimize intercourse, only keeping to the minimum required by marital obligations. Even when fulfilling marital obligations he should not focus on his pleasure, it should instead be as on paying back an obligation, for he is obligated in marital duties, and to fulfill the mitzvah of being fruitful and multiplying, and to have children who study Torah and perform mitzvot for the people of Israel. He may not have intercourse without her consent, and if she is not interested he should appease her until she is interested. He should be very private during intercourse, having no people of any kind around, even a child, unless it is a baby who cannot speak. [3] One should not have relations in beginning of the night nor at the end, but in the middle. [4] It is forbidden to have relations in the marketplace, or in the streets, or in gardens or orchards, only in a dwelling place, so that it not look like prostitution and people would accustom themselves to prostitution. One who has sex with his wife in these places, they lash him with lashes of rebellion. [5] A man may not have sexual relations by candlelight and even if the light is darkened by a cloak. If it was Shabbat and he had no other house and the light was lit, he should not have sex at all. And similarly, he should not have sex during the day, for this is brazenness. *See Orach Chayyim, 240:11 and 315:1* [6] It is forbidden to have relations during a famine, unless the family does not have enough children already. [7] A guest should not have intercourse until he reaches his home. [8] A man should not have intercourse with his wife if he hates her during the intercourse. Similarly, if he has resolved to divorce her, even though he does not hate her, he should not have intercourse with her. [9] He should not have intercourse with her if he or she is intoxicated. [10] A man should not have intercourse with his wife and think about another woman, even if the other woman is also his wife. *Rem"a: For more of these laws see (Shulchan Arukh, Orach Chayyim 240).*
Version: Sefaria Community Translation
Source: https://www.sefaria.org
License: CC0