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The Jumper
Chapter 1 - Introductions
Chapter 2 - The reason
Chapter 3 - The shopping trip
Chapter 4 - The transformation
Chapter 5 - The first day
Chapter 6 - The second day
Chapter 7 - Picking up Tony
Everyone is mixed up over something in their life.
Sooner or later, everyone stands on a bridge or
something similar, thinking about the difficulties of
facing life. This story is about a young man that thinks
that he can't deal with life anymore because of his
gender confusion. A cop talks the jumper out of
jumping, with the promise of helping the young man
find a way to deal with his problems. After all, the cop
has friends that own boutiques and beauty salons. I
think that it is a very in-depth look at the negative and
postitive aspects of gender confusion.
The story has no sex in it. That's right. No bedroom
scenes. No ".....he stuffed it in my mouth, humping as
he.......". It is just the story of the mental confusion
that some of us are all too familiar with. The story of
someone searching for something that is denied them
because of that little block on the birth certification
that has either the letter M or F. At the end of the
story, I offer a couple of options.
Waldo
The Jumper
Chapter 1 - Introductions
The cop slowed as he turned the corner, seeing the
headlights of the cars as they crossed over the bridge.
His eyes quickly scanned the dark recesses of the
upper tresses of the river bridge. That is the area
where he would be, if he was up there. That service
area on the top of the bridge seemed to draw all of the
cuckoos. And also all of the kids looking for a place to
hide as they fucked their girlfriends or looked for a
place to enjoy their drugs. This cop had been on this
beat long enough to know all of the nooks and
crannies of his assigned territory.
He walked out onto the pedestrian sidewalk of the
bridge and walked toward the middle of the bridge, his
eyes constantly scouring the upper dark cavities
created by the tresses and the supporting trusses.
When he reached the middle of the bridge, the cop
climbed up on the old metal fencegate that was put
there to keep people away from the old maintenance
stairwell.
He dropped lightly down on the other side of the
fencegate. Not knowing what the potential jumper's
frame of mind was, approaching them could be
dangerous for both of them. That is, if anyone was up
here. But old Jeremy was not known to lie. If Jeremy
said that he saw someone sneak up here, then
someone was up there.
The cop took his time and listened. While the sound of
traffic crossing the bridge was loud, he was listening
for sounds of activity. He did not want to walk into a
drug sale or gang war unexpectedly. Just before he
went up the last set of narrow stairs, he heard a noise.
He took a deep breath and listened. Over the sound of
the traffic and the wind blowing through the bridge, he
could hear the sound of someone loudly crying. He
listened for a couple of seconds, his ears trying to
separate the sound of the person crying from the
mixture of sounds being echoed up here on this high
platform so high above the river below.
Satisfied that there was only one person up there, he
slowly started ascending, letting his eyes scan the dark
recesses of the platform. As his head reached the level
of the metal floor, he saw someone sitting over at the
far end of the platform. Having been up there before,
he knew that there was no way that he could walk
across that platform without being heard. The
platform was made to temporary store equipment used
to maintain the bridge and would squeak if he tried to
get close to the jumper.
He watched for a moment and saw that the person was
sitting on the end of the platform, with his legs
hanging over the edge. Because it was a storage area
for the bridge ironworkers, there was no guard rail,
only a metal cable. The person was sitting so that the
security metal cable was behind him and they could
easily jump from the bridge.
"Hello", he said quietly.
The person jerked and looked back at the cop, whose
head was barely above the floor platform, showing only
the policebadge on the front of his cap.
"GO AWAY." screamed the man.
The cop stayed where he was at and replied "It's my
job to make sure that the local newspaper gets all of
the details correct. They have a deadline and don't
have time to get the facts or time to correct incorrect
stories when the story is old. They will want to know
your name and age."
"I am not going to jump. I just came up here to be
alone so I could think."
"Good place for it. When I was a kid, I used to sneak
up here and smoke my old man's cigarettes, while I
wished I owned one of those big boats over at the
boatyard."
"Please leave me alone."
"I got a mean boss. He would kick my ass if I didn't go
through the motions of trying to talk you down. You
seem to be a good guy that knows what it is like to
have an asshole for a boss. You wouldn't want to get
me in trouble for not at least talking to you, to see
what your story is, would you?"
"I don't have a story. I just need a place to think."
The cop came up two steps and stopped as he
responded "If you are just thinking, then you won't
mind if I sat down and rest my feet also."
The man hesitated before replying. The cop could see
a worried look on his face in the dim light. For the first
time, the cop could see enough of him to memorize a
description. Male, about 18 to 26, small frame, about
130 pounds, maybe 5 foot 6 inches, long dark hair
pulled back into a ponytail, dark horn-rimmed
eyeglasses, baggy sweatshirt and jeans. Couldn't see
shoes because of feet hanging over the bridge. Face
was typical of the many kids roaming the streets. The
man said "Please leave me alone."
The cop recognized that the man had some control left.
If he could get close enough, he could grab him and
pull him away from the edge, if necessary. The cop
came up five more steps slowly hearing the clank of
his feet on the metal railing until he was standing on
the platform. He reached into his pocket and removed
his cigarettes, making a minor show of lighting one as
he continued to watch the jumper. After making a big
show of trying to be calm, the cop said "Cigarette?"
"I don't smoke."
Because he did not resist the cop's continuing
advancement, the cop decided to see how far he could
push his luck. He said "I don't want to get in trouble
for leaving you up here, without investigating why you
are here. I am going to walk slowly over to your side of
the platform and sit down while I smoke my cigarette.
I will ask you the official questions and then leave. I
would like for you to leave with me, but if you can
convince me that everything is OK, then I might leave
you up here."
The cop slowly started walking across the platform.
The man watched him as the cop approached and
started changing his position so that he was balanced
more precariously on the platform's edge. The cop
stayed to the far side of the platform and sat down,
with his legs hanging over the platform also. The man
was about eight feet away. Sitting like this, the cop
could not get to him fast, but it gave the man
confidence that the cop would not try to grab him.
The cop said "Cigarette", holding the pack out again.
The man paused and said "Yeah."
The cop threw the pack with the matches in the
cellophane. The man picked up the pack, removed a
cigarette and lit it. About five seconds after lighting it,
he started coughing.
The cop said "Thought you didn't smoke?"
"I don't. There are a lot of things in life that I wanted
to try at least once and this seemed like a good time to
try a cigarette."
"If you want to commit suicide, buy a carton of those
things every week. Sure death." said the cop, trying to
make a joke.
The man didn't say anything, but just sat there, with
the cigarette hanging from his lips. At this close
distance, the cop saw that the young man's age would
be difficult to guess. This was because his baby face
and complexion was so clean, without a trace of facial
hair.
The cop said "From here to the water is one hundred
and forty feet. A lot of people would survive that fall.
They would spend months in the hospital from the
broken bones, but they would survive."
The man replied softly "I wouldn't. I can't swim."
"Well, is that another thing that you wanted to get
around to some day? Learning to swim, that is. What
is your name?"
The man had a faint smile on his face as he replied
"Wayne."
"My name is Hank. Hank Thompson. This has been
my beat for six years. Haven't seen you before. Did
you just move here or are you passing through?"
"I live on 14th street. My best friend has an apartment
over there."
"Do you want me to get him to come over here?"
The man flashed an angry look at the cop. Then he
slowly shook his head as he replied "No. Tony
wouldn't understand. There is a lot that he doesn't
understand or know about me."
"Why don't you try me? I have been around a lot and
seen a lot of things. You look like you need someone
to talk to. I promise to not give you any bad advice
and won't charge you for it. I am so good at giving
advice that the Psychic Network wants me to go to
work for them."
"No one can help me. I don't want to talk about it." he
said as he flicked his cigarette butt out. Both men
were silent as they watched it's glowing ember float as
if fell to the river and saw it extinguished when it hit
the river.
"Do you have girlfriend problems? Got someone
pregnant? Or she refused you?"
"No."
The cop hesitated and then softly said "Do you have
boyfriend problems?"
The man looked up quickly and stared at him as he
said "No. Tony is just my best friend. We were in high
school together. He came up here to get work and I
followed him up here to get away from my home. It's
not what you are thinking."
"Why don't you tell me? That way I won't be making
these wild guesses. I have to have some facts in case
you do decide to jump. After all, it is my job."
There was thirty seconds of silence, except for the
sound of traffic on the bridge below. Then the man
finally softly said "I feel so funny inside. I don't know
if I can go on living, feeling this way. I feel so out of
place, so out of synch with what I should be feeling. I
feel confused about a lot of things. It bothers me. It
bothers me so much that I cry a lot. And I don't know
why I am crying."
"How old are you?"
"Twenty."
"How long have you been feeling this way?"
"About six or seven years."
"Since puberty?"
"Yes."
"What do you do for a living?"
"Bag groceries at the supermarket on 12th Street. Or
used to before they fired me this week. They don't like
my long hair."
"Why don't you get it cut?"
"You are sounding like my father. He used to march
me into the barber shop once a month and make me
get a flattop. I haven't cut my hair since I left home
last fall. I like the feel of my long hair, flowing down
my back."
"Don't get me wrong. I used to play in a band in
college and my hair was really long. I was also a rebel
back then. But I had to cut it when I got this job on
the force. When I retire, I will let it grow back out. Not
as long as I used to wear it, but it will be longer than
this. Is your father still alive?"
"Yeah."
"What about your mother?"
"She died when I was nine. Dad never re-married. He
didn't want a woman around the house. It was just us
guys. Me and my old man."
"When you were a kid, what did you want to do, when
you grew up?"
The man paused before he replied in a soft, calm voice
"You would make fun of me."
"I wouldn't be here if I was not interested in trying to
help you. Trust me."
Chapter 2 - The reason
The man picked the cigarette pack up, lit another
cigarette and held it in his hand looking at the burning
end as the smoke lazily drifted up. When he was
ready, he said "After my mother died from a heart
attack, I retreated into my own little world. I was
twelve. I read a lot of books. I liked the old hardback
westerns that I could check out of the library. One of
my favorite was an old Zane Gray novel about a
cowboy who got a job on a very small ranch. The
cowboy was working for a young teen-age boy, who
was trying to make it on his own after his only family
died. One day, the boy got hurt and was unconscious.
The cowboy unbuttoned the kid's heavy, bulky shirt to
see how bad the injury was and discovered female
breasts under the shirt. The kid was actually a young
girl with short hair. I was so naive at that time, that I
didn't know there was any difference between chests
on men and women. I was so naive - how naive was I?
- That I had to think about what the difference could
be. I started observing female breasts for the first time
and became fascinated with my discovery. I secretly
bought some playboy magazines so that I could look at
the fantastic looking women in the privacy of my own
room. I noticed that I became very aroused when I
looked at some of the pictures. Not of the naked ones,
but the ones where they were half dressed. I used to
look at them and masturbate."
When he paused, Hank softly said "Part of growing up.
Every kid goes through the same self discovery
process."
"Yeah, so I found out several years later. I also
discovered at that time, that I became more aroused if
I pretended that it was me wearing the model's clothes.
I became obsessive with looking at women's
photographs and pretending it was me, on that page,
dressed in that outfit and looking pretty. I would
memorize how they looked, what they were wearing,
and how their hair was fixed. One day, I went upstairs
to the attic where I knew my dead mother's clothes
were stored in boxes. I opened a storage box and
found a bra that used to belong to her. It still had her
very familiar smell. I sat up in the attic, smelling each
of my mother's clothes. I selected two bras, a pair of
panties, a slip, a blouse, a skirt, a tube of lipstick and
a bottle of her favorite perfume. I took my treasures
back to my room and read those passages from the
cowboy book again; as I held my mother's clothes. I
felt so strange inside. So funny. Sitting there with my
mother's clothes, I felt very strange strong urges."
The man paused, looked over at the cop, who nodded
that he was listening. Then the man continued "It was
almost as if something was controlling me. Making me
do things that I had never done before. I looked at
myself in the mirror as I applied my mother's tube of
bright red lipstick to my lips. I licked my lips with my
tongue and tasted the slight fragrance that I
remembered. I opened her perfume and rubbed some
on my neck. I quickly undressed, then put my
mother's white cotton panties on. My mother's adult
clothes were much too large for my child's body. The
panties wouldn't stay on my more slender hips. I had
to wrap my belt around my waist to keep the panties
up. I had the biggest erection of my young life, under
those cotton panties. I put her bra on to see what that
felt like. I adjusted the straps so it wasn't sliding off
my shoulders anymore. I put a pair of sweatsocks in
the bra's cups and stood there looking at myself in the
mirror. I wanted to dress myself completely in my
mother's clothes and read that part of the book again
that caused such strong emotions in me. I didn't
know Dad had come home early or hear Dad open my
bedroom door."
Wayne looked over at Hank. In the moonlight, Hank
could see the tears flowing down his face as he started
crying softly. After a couple of moments, he gasping
continued "He screamed at me and whipped me as he
pulled the bra from my body. He pulled my naked,
crying body into the bathroom and made me scrub
myself while he watched me. Then he made me go to
sleep in his bed. I cried myself to sleep, hearing him
go through my room. Before I fell asleep, I saw him
carry a large trashbag of my photograph books out of
my room. The next morning, he took me to the barber
shop and I got the first flattop of many flattops. We
went from there to the high school where he signed me
up for the football programs. When I finally went back
up to the attic, all of her clothes were gone. I felt so
empty and hurt inside. Since that day, I have not felt
right."
"What would you have done, if you had been in your
father's shoes?"
"He never said a word about that day again. I would
probably have done the same thing because he was
reacting in anger and fear as he tried to protect me, in
his own manner. But I would not have done the rest
of what he did to me. For the next six years, he spent
every spare minute trying to make me into a macho
man. I rebelled. I wanted to be a man, but wanted to
be my man. Not the man that he was trying to make
me into. He was very disappointed because I did not
grow much during my teen years or bulk up. He
wanted a son with a body like a football player and I
was a scrawny frail looking teenager with a baby face.
We used to do all sorts of guy things. He thought that
being machismo was the way to get me back onto the
right track. He took me to a strip joint for my sixteen
birthday. He thought that I was being aroused from
watching the stripper's boobs bounce around, but I
was really enthralled by watching the way that the
woman controlled the room full of men with her
dancing and strip-tease motions. I was familiar with
watching the girls at my high school manipulate men,
but seeing such a lascivious display of sexual
manipulation, created new feelings within me. I
wanted to be that woman on the stage. I wanted to
tease men, and to be able to invoke sexual desire."
An approaching tugboat on the river, blew a loud blast
of it's horn, causing Wayne to pause for a couple of
seconds. Then he continued "To please him, I started
dating a neighbor girl. He used to hint that it was all
right to bang her, only make sure that a condom was
used. So I fucked her. Not so much for myself, but to
make dad happy. We broke up soon after that. I was
kinda glad that we broke up because being near her
confused me. It's hard to be passionate when you are
more interested in where the woman bought her dress
than what she had under the material."
"Where does Tony come in?"
"Tony was my high school protector. The kids would
pick on me and Tony would stop them. Whenever I
would get into a fight and get my ass whipped, Tony
would challenge the guy and beat the shit out of him.
Tony hung around the house because we would play
some one-on-one basketball, which Dad liked. And we
would ride our bikes a lot. I always felt so good, when
Tony was around. It's hard to explain how I felt."
"Does Tony know that you felt this way?"
"Naw. I learned early not to tell anyone. That's why it
is so weird to be sitting up here on the bridge, telling
my life-long secrets to a complete stranger."
"Don't feel alone. Everyone at some time or another
has fantasized about being the opposite sex. Some
people do it more than others. I know that I have
drifted off to sleep, thinking about what I would look
like. What I would do. Who I would allow to share my
bed. I could spend hours telling you about some of my
dreams and how I used to imagine that I was a girl. I
always wanted to be a cheerleader and wear one of
those short skirts and tight sweaters. I used to
pretend that I was the head football cheerleader. She
was a blonde with a beautiful, dynamite body; and
that I was fucking my male body in the back seat of a
56 Ford. That car had some room where you could get
some pussy on a back road."
"My dreams were not always sexual. Frequently I did
lie in bed, imagining that I would wake up in the
morning as a girl. My most recurring dream was where
I was a girl with long blonde hair and blue eyes. I was
never a sex goddess such as Madonna, but was always
the girl next door. I would take a bubble bath, brush
my hair, put on a blue satin dress and go shopping at
a mall. I felt like I belonged there, which was
something I had never felt before. I would meet my
girlfriends there and we would giggle as the boys
would follow us around, trying to impress us.
Everyone seem so happy. I would wake up and not
move, knowing that the second I moved, my female
body was gone and I was a boy again."
"Have you ever seen a therapist?"
"No....OK, I did. Dad wasn't satisfied with something
that he thought I should be doing and sent me to one.
The guy taught me how to lie better about myself and
my mixed up feelings. After six months, Dad thought I
was cured."
"Why did your father send you to therapy?"
"He thought that I should be more of a horny little
teenager stud that was trying to fuck every girl in the
world."
"Have you ever had sex with a guy? Perhaps Tony"
Wayne shook his head as his tone softened so that
Hank could barely hear him "I am not gay. And
neither is Tony. He would punch me out, if I made a
play for him. We are just friends."
"Does he know how you feel? Can you talk to him
about your private quandary?"
"My gender problem is something that I have learned
how to hide, especially with my closest friends. That is
a discussion that is difficult to talk with those whose
opinions we value most. Though we have been friends
since grade school, I don't think that Tony ever got a
clue as to my inner state of gender confusion. I have
never shared my feelings with anyone, except you
tonight. How would you tell someone that you wanted
to be a woman? It is not easy to admit who you really
are."
"Sounds as if you have given it a lot of thought. Maybe
you should seek professional help and see if that helps
you resolve your inner dilemma. Are you sure that
you want to be a woman?"
"That is only half of the question. Can you or anyone
else tell me what it is like to be female? Most people
have trouble with the concept. I know that I don't feel
right as a male; but at the same time, I don't know if I
would feel right if I was a female. I read one time, a
self description of a person who called himself `not
male'. If I have a sex change, will I become a woman?
Or will I still be a `not male'? If I adopt a female name,
wear female clothes, have female grooming habits and
speak in a decidedly female vocal range and pattern of
speech, will I be a woman? Does being a female mean
having breasts? A lot of women don't have any breasts
at all, either because of illness or heredity. If I have a
vagina, am I a woman? I guess that I am saying that I
don't know. I have never been a woman and don't
know how I would feel or act. It would be the pits to
spend a fortune and discover that you have just as
much confusion then as you do now. That, my
policeman friend, is part of my quandary. I don't know
that I don't want to be a `not male' and I think that I
would like to be a woman, but I have no experience to
base my assumptions on."
There was a small vibration from his portable police
radio. Hank had turned down the volume before
starting up the stairs but had not checked in, for
several minutes. He pulled his radio out, turned up
the volume and discovered that the call was not for
him. As he put the radio back down, he said "Most
people have illusions of great sex on the other side of
the gender barrier. If you were a woman, would you
have sex with a man?"
"Naturally. But it is not the sex that I am after. I just
want to live the life of a woman and to have the
lifestyle choices that a woman has; which are not
available to men. As for sex, I have thought about that
a lot and think that I would be very bi-sexual. I would
have sex with a man because I was a woman. I would
prefer to have sex with a woman because they are so
soft and feminine. But I have never had sex with a
man, so I don't know what my personal preferences
would be then, if I ever crossed that gender barrier."
"So you think now that you want to be a lesbian.
Hand me back a smoke." the cop said.
"I guess that you are right. It is easier for me to think
of myself lying next to a soft female breast than to
think of myself lying next to a hairy, hard, muscular
chest. Or to kiss a luscious pair of soft lips instead of
being bearded by a man's face that needs shaving."
Wayne threw the pack back and the cop lit up another
cigarette as he looked at his watch. Almost twenty
minutes with Wayne now.
"Most people spend their life looking for something,
only to discover that what they are looking for, was in
their backyard all along. It sounds as if you have been
looking for things outside of yourself to make you feel
better. The sooner that you learn that the answer is
really within you, the better off you will be."
"What does that mean?"
"If you had a life-long dream of flying airplanes, and if
being unable to accomplish your dream, was enough
to make you consider suicide, then my advice would
be to get yourself down to the airport. Today, not
tomorrow. I would haul you down there, strap you in
and watch you fly off into the blue horizon. So why
don't we make your dream come true? Then you can
see if it was all that you had imagined it to be all these
years. If not, then you can proceed with your life."
In the dim light, the cop could see a faint blush on
Wayne's face as he softly replied "I have considered
that same scenario so many times and come to the
same conclusion each time. It would never work. I
couldn't pass as a girl. Although my facial features and
general body frame is within the range where they
could look feminine, I am not sure about my ability to
act feminine in a crowd. I just know that someone
would recognize me as a man. My worst nightmare
has me running out of a store wearing a dress, a wig,
and makeup as people stand on the sidewalk pointing
at me. The embarrassment of any possible failure is
worst than the pain of living this confused lifestyle. I
am scared to live my life and even more scared to live
the life that I desire."
"You are not from this area so there is not many
people that know you. With a little help and training,
you will blend right in as a woman. There are so many
different female body styles, shapes, and general
appearances, that you should be able to easily find the
correct clothes to make you look normal. Making you
look like a woman will be easy, compared to what you
have to do. You have to learn to think and act like a
woman to be accepted as a woman. A couple of years
back, I met this woman that was overweight, had a
very obvious mustache, and her body frame was more
stocky than most men. When I first met her, I knew
that she was a real woman, but my first visual
impression was that she was a drag queen. But ten
minutes after sitting down to talk to her, I didn't have
that impression of her anymore. I had changed my
opinion to think of her as a lady and that is how I saw
her from then on. I have met other women who had
the most beautiful bodies but their personality ruined
my impression of them in mere minutes. You don't
want to overdo it and you want your impersonation to
be natural as possible. I am willing to help and have
some friends that are miracle workers. If you decide to
do it, you have to do it for ten days straight before you
make any decision about returning to your former
lifestyle. Any less time would not be a fair test. You
have to change your clothes, your grooming habits,
your appearance and most of all, your attitude. If you
don't try it, you will always wonder about what you
could have been. You have to give yourself the
opportunity to express your inner feminine self. What
are you doing tomorrow morning?"
"I was going to go looking for a job. I have some money
saved up, but I need to find a job."
"Meet me at the Donut Shack at 9 am. Wear what you
are wearing now and tell Tony that you are going away
for the rest of the test period. You can stay at my
place. Bring your credit card and we will go shopping
in the morning."
"I can't walk into a woman's store and buy clothes."
"You can with help. Remember this is my beat and all
of these merchants are my friends. If things don't go
right, you can back out at any time up to a certain
point. You have to finally accept the reality of your
situation and make a commitment to do something
about it. I will help you, but first you must be willing
to help yourself. Is it a deal?"
Wayne gulped and replied "Yes."
The cop stood up and held his hand out. Wayne took
it and allowed himself to be helped up. They walked
down the stairs together and climbed over the fence.
When they got to the end of the bridge, Wayne stopped
and said "It's important for me to find out who I am
and to learn to live with who I am. Thank you for
listening to me."
The cop smiled and said "Donut Shack at 9 am. Don't
be late." as he turned and proceeded on his nightly
rounds.
Chapter 3 - The shopping trip.
The cop was wearing civilian clothes, sitting in the
Donut Shack and sipping on his coffee as he watched
the clock. It was 9:20 and Wayne was late. Maybe he
backed out.
"Hello" said a timid voice behind him.
Turning around, he saw Wayne standing in the
doorway. Wayne said "Sorry, but I had so many doubts
and came very close to backing out. I waited outside
the restaurant for several minutes with my palms slick
with anxiety; my heart racing in my chest. I felt that it
would be so easy to just turn and run, forget that I
had ever made this kind of stupid promise. It would be
easy, but it would also be something that I would have
to live with for the rest of my male life. I finally told
myself that maybe you were right and I needed to at
least try to see if that was what I really wanted. I
would hate to go through life, with all these doubts,
when I could resolve my mental anguish in only a
couple of days."
The cop looked up at the clock before he said "Good. I
was expecting you to have some concern and self-
doubt. Now that you have your rationalizing out of the
way, you are committed to what needs to be done.
Now we got to hurry. I got a friend to open her shop
up early for us."
"Ok, but please humor me. I am also very worried
about why you are doing this for me. You don't know
me and your desire to help me seems very un-natural
after my experience with other cops. What's in it for
you?"
"I do expect some payback, but not what you are
expecting. My brother got hooked on drugs while I
was overseas in the military. He was going down for
the count and some stranger stepped in, knocked
some sense into his head and put him on the road to
recovery. My brother doesn't know the man's name
that saved his life. This is my way of paying that
stranger back. Someday, you will have to help
someone else that is in trouble. That's the only
payback I ask."
"Do you expect to have sex with me?"
"No. You are not my type. Now, let's go before we lose
our private shopping time."
They walked a couple of blocks and knocked on the
back door of a boutique. After a couple of minutes, a
woman opened the door "Hi Hank. I was just getting
ready to give up on you."
She took a look at Wayne and continued "He's nothing
but a kid. Is he old enough to be doing this, without
parental permission?"
Hank replied "How old do you have to be, to know
what you really want out of life? I know people that
are in their sixties and still trying to decide who they
are in life. I had a long talk with him last night and
think that he is serious about this. Wayne, this is
Marge. Marge, this is Wayne."
Marge walked around Wayne as she looked him over.
Wayne just stood still while she scrutinized him. Then
Marge smiled as she said "Honey, you are going to be
one beautiful woman when we get finished with you. I
was expecting someone that would be a little more
difficult to clothe. It is not going to be as difficult as I
thought at first, when Hank called me. I can already
see what you would look like in some of the outfits
that I have in mind for you. Come on in."
Wayne had a dumb look on his face. Hank motioned
for Wayne to follow Marge into the boutique. When
they got inside, Marge led them back into the fitting
room areas. As they entered the room, she said "Strip
down. We have to hurry because I will have to open
the front door in about twenty minutes. I don't think
you want to be still standing back here naked when all
of my early bird female customers start wandering
back here."
Wayne looked at Hank who nodded. Wayne pulled off
his sweat-shirt, tennis shoes, and jeans. He was
standing there in his shorts, socks, and T-shirt, when
Marge came back in. She took one look at him and
said "All of it. And I mean all. Or do you want me to
undress you?"
Wayne quickly stripped down and stood naked as
Marge walked around him again. Then she handed a
memo pad to Hank and said "Write down as I measure
his chest, waist, hips, shoe size, and other important
measurements."
Then she started measuring various parts of Wayne's
body as she called out the various measurements of
his male body. When she was finished measuring she
said "His shoulders are just a little wider than most
women, but not as wide as most men. Recommend
that we start with a size 40 bra with a C cup. A size B
cup would make him look slightly flat. His general
body frame is sufficient large enough to make the
breasts look proportional, without making them
appear huge. His body will never fit into one of those
willowly size four dresses, but we have lots of options.
He is about the size of Marilyn Monroe, back when
women were women. As for the clothes, we will be
able to find plenty of material to fit him. Unlike men's
clothes, women's sizes vary from manufacturer-to-
manufacturer, label-to-label, material-to-material and
even one purchase to the next. Clothes sizing is not
an exact science. I have a couple of adjustable clothes
dummies that I will set to his size and use to pick out
some clothes. The clothes will be reasonably priced,
general purpose, mix and match outfits. I don't see
any problem with building a wardrobe for this future
young lady. Now what sort of breast forms?"
She stared at Wayne and when he didn't answer, she
continued "Breasts have to look natural. Too many
wannabe's wear breast forms too large for their torso
giving them the Dolly Parton look, causing them
undue attention that they don't need. You don't want
something in your bra that will move around, such as
several pairs of socks which will be too lumpy, and too
light. Natural breasts jiggle and you need a form with
some weight which gives them the proper movement
and helps them attain a realistic contour. Foam
rubber is only good if all you need is a little padding to
add one cup size to real breasts. I carry two different
silicone breast form models. The $120 molded
silicone-rubber tear-drop shaped breast forms with
slightly raised areola and nipple are firmer than real
breasts. They are covered with a couple of shaped
layers of flesh-tone stretch nylon tricot so that the
fabric lies smooth against the form. The weight is
correct but they are too firm and don't mold to your
chest. My personal preference would be the $350
flesh-tone silicone-gel; which are secured to your body
with adhesive and Velcro. They are individually shaped
for Left and Right, and taper both at the side and the
top, much more like natural breasts. The edges can be
blended more naturally with your own flesh with the
right make-up. Both types of breast forms warm to
body temperature after ten minutes."
He stammered "The gel ones."
Then Marge said "Good. I think that you will like those
better. They will provide the right curves, with the
right jiggle that you need. Men have a tendency to
stare at breasts, so you need to make sure that you
have the right size and type. I will also pick out some
padded panties to help round out your hips. Only one
more measurement and then you need to get out of
here so I can get ready to open up for my other
customers. Don't move."
She bent over and pulled his penis down and back
between his legs. Then she stood back up and said
"OK, I know what size gaff would fit you best. Look at
the time. You need to get dressed and get out of here."
Hank said "Give Marge your credit card so she can
ring it up. How much do you think it is going to be?"
She smiled as she said "The breast forms will be the
most expensive single item. Shoes, lingerie, a couple
of nice dresses, blouses, and skirts will add up
quickly. It will just be a basic wardrobe, with the
clothes being normal day wear, except for a couple of
outfits suitable for evening wear. Nothing slutty,
flamboyant or too campy. I will pick clothes that help
him look like a real girl. Something between casual
and evening wear. I think that I can do the initial
wardrobe for about a thousand bucks, including a
twenty percent discount because Hank is such a good
friend."
Wayne handed over his card and Marge ran it through
her impression machine. She handed it back to
Wayne and said "I will have them ready after lunch.
Good luck."
A slightly perturbed Wayne followed Hank out of the
store. When they got into the alley, Wayne said "I
can't afford this. A thousand dollars and I don't even
know what I am getting."
Hank leaned against the building wall and responded
"The decision to look like a woman, is not a simple or
cheap decision. However, it is a relative bargain, when
you consider the cost of having surgery to become a
woman. You can go back in there, tear up that credit
card charge and walk away now. I trust Marge and
her choice of clothes to let her pick out some of the
basic items. Afterwards, if you wish to go shopping on
your own, you can walk around the shop at your own
leisure when you look like a woman. Or you can quit.
If you quit, you can go back to your room and put on a
bra which you probably have hidden away somewhere,
in the privacy of your room, and enjoy the limited
satisfaction that brings you. Or you can proceed onto
the next place with me, which will cost you about five
hundred more dollars. After that, you should be set
for the next seven to ten days. If cost is a problem,
consider that most vacations cost two thousand
dollars. This vacation from your normal everyday life,
is going to cost you about the same. What do you
want to do?"
"I don't know. I feel so confused. Part of me is
screaming to run with you. And part of me is afraid.
Afraid of the unknown. Afraid of finding out that just
looking like a woman is not enough. Afraid that I will
enjoy it so much that I won't want to go back to my
real life. Or that I won't like it and will feel more
confused than before."
"I can't make the decision for you. You have to make it.
Once you decide what you want to do, I will help you.
And you should make it before we get to the next
place. Because we are headed to a beauty salon to get
your hair color and style changed. Changing your
mind after that, will be more difficult." Hank said as he
lit a cigarette.
Wayne watched Hank put the match out and then said
"I used to imagine that I was a beautiful girl with long
blonde hair, sitting in a slinky low-cut gown that
exposed my cleavage, in a nightclub. I would light a
cigarette and every man in the place would watch me,
thinking how sexy I looked. I would wrap my lipstick-
coated lips around the cigarette and hear some man in
the club moan slightly, wishing that it was his cock
instead of a cigarette. Giving the man a blow job was
never part of my fantasy. Just sitting on the bar stool
and being a woman. Although I used to fantasize
about being a woman smoking, I never tried a cigarette
until last night. You were very right when you said
that I would always wonder about some things. I need
to find out what I really want out of life. Where are we
going next?"
"To Arlene's beauty salon. She doesn't open up for
normal customers until noon today but came in at ten
for us."
Chapter 4 - The transformation
Wayne was sitting in a beauty salon chair. Although
they were the only customers in the shop which
wouldn't open for another two hours, Arlene had taken
them into a back room, where private treatment or
training could be given to preferred customers. There
was a mirror on the wall in front of the chair, but as
soon as they entered the room, Hank covered the
mirror so that Wayne could not see the results of what
was happening to him. Arlene instructed Wayne to
strip down to his shorts as she told Hank to get out of
the salon and "leave us girls alone for awhile."
She put some small bowls beside him and put his
hands in the liquid so that they could soak. His long
wet hair was being brushed by Arlene after the
shampoo. She had led him to a shampoo bowl and
washed his hair, spending a little time on massaging
his scalp to make this a more relaxing and pleasant
experience. Then she said "Beautiful hair, but it needs
a slight trim because the ends are splitting. You need
to wash it more often and condition it after washing.
While your hair is long for a boy's hair, it is short for
the way that I would like to see you. And I know what
I am talking about. I have a lot of special customers
that come see me back here for the first couple of
treatments, then we move them out to the front area
with the rest of the girls. So I propose that I trim your
hair, color it a soft honey-blonde with dark natural
highlights, give you a permanent to give your hair
some body and then blend in a couple of matching
hair pieces to give you a little more length and fluffed,
curly hairstyle. With your skin tone and general facial
structure, that should make you make you into a
normal looking, attractive female. Until you have real
boobs and a little more practice at being a woman, you
want to stay away from the vixen and siren look and
go for the normal girl-down-the-block look. With your
face and overall body shape, we should be able to turn
you into a very realistic looking woman. How does
that sound?"
Wayne was expecting this drastic action and knew that
he was committed to whatever she recommended. He
nodded his approval.
"Good. Now, let's talk about cost. My normal fee for
this type of work and confidentially is fifty dollars an
hour. But Hank is a good friend of mine and has
never asked me for a favor before. At least not one like
this. So I will make a deal with you. For a flat fee of
three hundred dollars to cover my expenses and lost
income where I could be doing other work today, I will
spend the day transforming you and helping you learn
how to look, act, and be a lady. Then for the next
month, when I am not working on other customers, I
will train you how to fix your hair in different styles,
learn different make-up techniques and all the other
stuff that most women are familiar with. In return, I
need some help in getting this place painted this
summer. Is it a deal?"
"Yes."
She rubbed a hand against his chin and smiled as she
said "Thank god that we don't have a heavy beard
growth to worry about. You can get by with shaving
only once a week."
She had him raise his arms so that she could shave
his underarm hair. Then she put a pink plastic cape
around his shoulders and pinned it around his neck.
She spent a couple of minutes trimming his hair,
shaping it up so that it was a hair style and not just
hair allowed to grow long. Then she pulled a cart over
next to the chair and started combing Wayne's hair as
she applied the chemicals to his head. As she worked,
she talked to Wayne as if he was a very good friend
and long time customer. Before he realized it, she was
finished with applying the color. She started a timer
and filled a bowl with warm water. She kneeled beside
him, pulled the pink plastic cape up to his waist and
started putting lather on his legs. Then she carefully
shaved his legs, and gave his feet a quick pedicure.
After she finished applying nail polish to his toenails,
the timer went off.
She rinsed his hair and brushed it out, and put a
series of pink plastic curlers in his hair, continuing
until all of his hair was rolled tightly to his scalp on
the rods. She explained that she was rolling the hair
on the proper size rod for the amount of curl desired.
When she put the perm solution on the hair, it
softened the hair and made the hair assume the shape
of the rods. When she finished rolling, she went back
into the shop, returning with a very foul smelling
permanent solution in a plastic bottle. Using the
pointed tip, she began to apply the strong smelling
solution to his hair that was rolled around each of the
rods. When she was finished applying the solution, she
placed a plastic bag over his hair and went into
another room.
Another woman came into the room pushing a
different cart. She was pretty, with long, wavy dark
hair that fell to her shoulders, deep blue mischievous
eyes, teeth as white as milk, and the type of
cheekbones that Wayne wanted for himself. Her dress
revealed a curvy feminine figure that Wayne also
envied as he watched her position herself beside him.
Her radiant natural beauty affected Wayne's self-
assurance just a little.
"Hi, I am Jenny."
Wayne smiled an awkward sort of smile and replied
"Hello. I am Wayne."
Arlene was coming back in the room, and said "No
way. You might have been Wayne when you came in
here, but you won't be Wayne when you leave here.
What is going to be your new name?"
"I have always liked Nikki."
"Good, Nikki it is. From this moment on, refer to
yourself only as a female. We will do the same thing
because before you go to lunch today, you will look
like a normal female. You will no longer be a he, but
will be a she. When you think of yourself, don't think
of being a he. Remember that you are a she. The
pronouns that describe you now are she and her. He,
him, and his no longer describe you. Jenny is going to
give you a manicure and then work on your face a
little, to get it in shape, Nikki."
Jenny removed one of his (I mean her) hands from the
solution and examined it as she said "Your hands will
be softer looking if you soak them occasionally and
then apply moisturizing cream." She skillfully and
carefully shaped Nikki's nails, then applied inch long
acrylic nails to her fingernails. Then Jenny brushed a
base coat, a bright red coat and a clear top coat of
polish enamel.
When Jenny finished that, she adjusted her stool and
said "We are going to thin your eyebrows some. Not as
much as I would like to thin them, but enough to
remove some of the heavy masculine look. Later,
when you make up your mind as to which lifestyle you
wish to live as, you can finish it yourself. If your skin
is sensitive, try freezing the skin with ice cubes first.
Then apply a cloth dipped in warm water before
starting to open the pores. Use a small brush to brush
the eyebrows away from the part you intend to pluck.
Remember that the highest point of the brow should
be in the arch just above the point were your iris
meets the white, on the outer corner. Are your glasses
reading glasses?"
"No, they are for driving."
Jenny looked at the black horn-rimmed frames and
grimaced as she said "Don't drive and you won't have
to wear them. You will need to get yourself fitted for
contacts later."
She began carefully plucking hairs from Nikki's
eyebrows. When she was finished, she walked around
to the back of Nikki's chair and attached a metal
clamp onto Nikki's right earlobe as she whispered "just
a quick pinch and it is done". Jenny squeezed it and
Nikki jumped slightly. She removed the clamp and put
it on the other ear, repeating the process to pierce
Nikki's earlobes.
Arlene came back into the room, looked at a timer, and
said "Time to rinse the perm solution out and apply
the neutralizer."
Arlene removed the plastic cap and rinsed Nikki's hair,
and then dried it with a towel, before she began
applying the neutralizing solution to her hair. After
she applied the neutralizer, she rinsed Nikki's hair,
removing the neutralizer. Then she started removing
the curlers.
Jenny sat back down on the stool and turned Nikki's
face slowly so that she could examine it. After a quick
examination, she said "My next task is to help you
choose the correct make-up for your skin and facial
characteristics. Genetic women don't have beard lines
or rough skin to deal with. A woman's skin will retain
softness and smooth texture well up into their middle
age. Men's rougher features have to be soften and
blended in, so that their natural features lose that
rugged look. While your face skin doesn't look like a
doormat, it is still going to require a little more daily
effort and makeup to achieve that soft look. When you
start taking hormones, it will help your skin soften so
that it won't be so time-consuming to apply your
makeup. You are lucky that you don't have a beard
that needs covering up, because applying your beard
mask, power, base, more powder, and everything else
needed to achieve a smooth look, can add greatly to
your daily routine."
Then, Jenny began applying a liquid foundation to
Nikki's face, chin and upper neck, followed by a
blusher to her cheeks and cheekbones. Nikki could not
see the effect of what Jenny was doing because of the
covered-up mirror, but could feel it as Jenny used a
pencil on her eyebrows, and colored her eyelids with
what had to be a shadow. Jenny had her look up and
then down as she applied a thin line of black eyeliner
to the lashline of both upper and lower lids; before
using a lash curler to lift and sweep Nikki's upper
lashes higher before applying a coat of mascara. Nikki
watched as Jenny selected a lip pencil which she used
to shape Nikki's lips before Jenny filled in with a
bright red lipstick that matched Nikki's nails.
Jenny said "You must learn to be a mimic. You must
watch woman, pick up their motions and learn to
mimic them. You will quickly discover that men and
women have different ways of moving, standing, and
gesturing. Arlene can't open her mouth with gesturing
and her gestures are different from her husband's
gestures. Your new image requires that you learn how
to move your body as if it was a woman's body. Watch
the way women walk, sit, rise from a seated position,
eat, stand, and gesture. Learn to hold yourself more
erect to walk as a woman. Thrust your chest out and
walk with your arms slightly behind your body. Walk
from your hips by pulling in your stomach. Take small
steps with your knees ever so slightly bent, and feel
your hips rotate as you walk. Watch women walk and
practice their walk."
Arlene stepped in front of Nikki as she said "Listen to
Jenny. She knows what she is talking about. She is
my resident expert in femininity."
Jenny smiled then said in a masculine voice "This is
my normal voice. Or the voice that I was born with. I
had the surgery four years ago and have been living as
a woman for the last nine years."
Nikki jumped and stared at the beautiful woman
standing in front of the chair. Jenny's voice returned
to it's more familiar soft mellow feminine sound as she
continued "I knew when I was a teenager that I did not
want to grow up to be a man. My mother spent a lot of
money on me trying to convert me. I spent two years
in therapy before she finally gave in. When I was
seventeen, she allowed me to live as a woman and
begin my odyssey. I went through the same self-
doubts that you are experiencing. Thanks to Arlene
and some other wonderful friends, I was able to make
it through my transformation period successfully."
"You look so real."
"Thanks. It was hard work to look natural. Old habits
were hard to break, but if I can do it, you can do it.
Just remember to watch and mimic what you see. As
you are walking, don't just move your hips back and
forth. Women have a lower center of gravity and move
from the hips as they let the rest of the body come
along. A woman walking should look balanced. Men
walk by starting to fall over and moving their feet
underneath to give support before they finish falling.
You have to concentrate on the subtle ways of
expressing your desired gender, such as your choice of
words, and loudness or pitch of laughter. You have to
observe and practice to become perfect. Like an
actress preparing for a new role, hold your rehearsals,
consulting your mirror and tape recorder. The more
that you prepare, the more confident you become. And
after the appearance issue's process is over, you have
to learn how to deal with issues of relationship and
sexuality in your life."
Arlene laughed "You should have seen Jenny when she
first started coming here. She was just as beautiful as
any of the real girls sitting out in the front part of my
salon, but she didn't believe she was. At first she was
timid, and unsure of herself. But I watched her
change into the extrovert that she is now as she
developed confidence in herself."
Jenny smiled "I had to develop my self image and feel
comfortable with it. Although I knew that I was a
female inside and wanted to be a female on the
outside, I had some very strong self-doubts because of
my self-image. You have to learn that a healthy self
image starts with the knowledge that you are not sick,
perverted, or strange just because of the desires that
you are feeling. You build your self-image by
experiencing life, living it as the person that you want
to be. You let the feminine side of your personality
control your actions, your appearance and your
thoughts. You start by assuming an externally female
role to conform to your internal female brain. You
learn to be at peace with yourself. Even when
someone reads you. It will happen, but you ignore it
and continue living the life that you desire. Remember
that what the mind can conceive, the body can
achieve. Or in our case, what the mind can conceive,
the body can be modified."
"Have you had a sex change?"
"There are many ways that I can answer that question.
I had surgery to augment my breasts so that I do not
need to wear breast forms. I had nose surgery to re-
shape my nose and to build out my cheekbones. I had
electrolysis to control my facial hair. I take hormones
to maintain my soft skin and to supplement my breast
fatty deposits. I have not had the final surgery, which
is the one that is the ultimate Sex Reassignment
Surgery. I have a penis. It is small because of the
hormones and only functions as a urination method. I
have a boyfriend and he knows about my penis. He
didn't know about it the first three times that we made
love. By the time he found out, he was so much in
love with me, that he didn't care anymore. He is very
open-minded now and accepts me for being who I am.
I have had several boyfriends and all of them have
known about my penis. There was only one guy that
couldn't cope with my body being the way it is. My
current boyfriend doesn't care because I am able to
completely satisfy all of his sexual needs. In the
bedroom, I am his female whore. In public, I am his
lady. All of his friends think that I am a real woman,
so it really doesn't matter if I have a penis or a vagina.
My real sex change occurred not in the operating room
but in my day-to-day life as a woman."
"Will you ever have the vaginal surgery?"
"I don't know. And at this point in my life, it is a
minor issue. I am happy with whom I am, how I look,
and my lifestyle. I would like to be a mother, but a
surgical created vagina won't let me bear children. A
vagina would make me more female looking, but it is
not something that I desire at this time. I am happy
with my life and my body at this time."
Arlene was brushing Nikki's hair and pulled a long
blonde hair strand forward so Nikki could see it; as
Arlene said "While your hair was long, it was cut in a
man's style and doesn't really have the length or
fullness that would look good on you now. So, I am
going to clip some of these hair extenders into your
hair. They are made of 100% natural human hair and
will make your hair look much fuller and richer. I will
put a golden blonde segment up here to add a
flattering highlight and a couple of longer darker
strawberry blonde segments back here to add depth
and color."
As Arlene brushed in the hair pieces, Nikki's head felt
heavier and warmer because of the extra hair and
different hairstyle.
Jenny continued "A woman is always more
sympathetic to other people. You have to start
listening carefully to what people are saying and try to
understand what they are not verbally saying. A
woman talks with her face and her expressions. You
must learn to communicate with your eyes and
expressions as much as you use your voice. You must
be more interdependent with other women and not be
so independent. Looking like a woman is only half of
the transformation. The other half is acting like a
woman. Remember that although you are fooling most
men because they are so easy to fool, it will be difficult
to fool most women. You can only do it, if you think
like a woman."
"I know nothing about thinking like a woman."
"It will come with time and experience. Soon it will be
second nature. I suggest that when you are with a
woman, that you only discuss normal female interest
subjects. Keep it simple. I found it easy to discuss
weight control as a starter because that was
something that I was interested in and easily crossed
the gender barrier. If the woman is married, ask about
her children, what their names are, what grade they
are in. A woman will talk endlessly about her
children, giving you a chance to pick your next
subject. Another good subject is clothes."
When Jenny finished, she wheeled her little cart out
and returned with some clothes. She said "Hank just
brought these in. They are what Marge selected for
you. She wants you to wear this first outfit." as she
opened a package of brown nylons.
Nikki stood up and Arlene removed the plastic smock
from Nikki's shoulders. Then tugged on Nikki's shorts.
She took the hint and dropped them to the floor,
standing there bare ass naked. Jenny helped her pull
up a little black leather g-string around her hips.
Jenny got down on her knees and looked at Nikki's
very evident erection. She flicked it with a fingernail
very hard and Nikki jumped from the pain. Within
seconds, it was back to it's normal shrunken self.
Jenyy tucked Nikki's cock back under the gaff, then
tied it in place to compress Nikki's cock and balls so
that they were hidden between her legs.
Jenny handed her the nylons and watched as she sat
down, rolled them up and started unrolling them up
her shaved legs. Jenny smiled, knowing the wonderful
sensation of slipping stockings up bare legs that she
was experiencing when Nikki smiled as she pulled the
stockings up.
Then Jenny handed her a black waist cincher, which
Nikki slid around her waist. As Nikki was doing this, a
long wave of golden blonde curls fell across her face.
She brushed it back, with a simple reflex motion as if
she had been doing it all of her life. Arlene handed her
a pair of padded Spandex panties and white satin
panties. The Spandex panties were padded to fill out
Nikki's hips and to turn her male butt into a female
butt.
Jenny held up something and squeezed it as she
examined it. Then she said "Marge knows what she is
doing. This is a silicone gel breast prosthesis made
primarily for mastectomy patients, but it also works
well for a lot of our friend's lifestyle needs. It's taped to
your body so it doesn't slip out of place and moves as
you move. It is made of silicone gel in a skin-like
material and it is as close as a false breast can come to
the natural weight, consistency and appearance of a
breast. Because it is taped to your body, it can be
worn with or without a bra, and works well with an
athletic lifestyle. She gave you two packages of five
supporters which is enough for about three solid
months. The supporter is a V-shaped, rubbery
substance, with adhesive on one side and Velcro strips
on the other. A supporter creates a tight seal that
adapts to your body's contours. Don't use the same
supporter more than a week. The adhesive withstands
normal body movement and moisture. If your skin
gets a little sensitive, just put the breast form in your
bra and don't tape it on for a couple of days. I went
through the many types of breast forms myself before
the hormones. I was very pleased when a little
surgical assistance made breast forms no longer
needed for me."
Jenny opened one of the packages and held up the
breast forms against Nikki's chest until she had them
positioned where and how she wanted them to be.
Then one at a time, she applied the supporter adhesive
to Nikki's chest and then attached the breast forms.
Nikki looked down at the unfamiliar weight hanging
from her chest as Jenny handed her a front clasping
bra. She slipped the bra on and Jenny adjusted the
straps. Then Jenny gave her a slip, for her to put on.
Next was a white blouse trimmed with lace at the neck
and sleeves. Nikki had a little problem at first because
the buttons were on the opposite side that she was
used to. Then Jenny handed her a short skirt of clingy
knit.
Jenny had Nikki sit back down in the chair and
slipped some pumps with two inch high heels on her
feet. The shoes seemed small to Nikki because there
was only a small piece of leather for the bottom with
several small straps crisscrossing over her toes and a
little strap slipped behind her heel. Jenny told Nikki to
stand up, knowing that she would have difficulty at
first with the heel height. After Nikki got her balance,
Jenny placed a delicate gold chain around Nikki's neck
as Jenny said "The shoes will strain your arches and
you will have to change the way you walk, balancing
more on the balls of your feet and taking shorter steps.
Also never over-do in makeup and dress. It is always
best to understate rather than exaggerate your
appearance. The key to being accepted by others is
your own self-acceptance. Remember that thousands
of people are happily and successfully working and
living in their gender of choice. Transition is possible
and can be done. It requires sacrifice, hard work, and
stubborn determination. And most of all, it requires
friends. Hank, Arlene and I are willing to be your
friends. I know that you don't have any jewelry yet, so
you can borrow this for the week."
"Thanks. I don't know anything else that I can say."
"Then shut up and try it on."
Arlene held up a sparkling gold bracelet and matching
earrings. As Nikki put the bracelet on her wrist, Arlene
was putting the stud earrings in Nikki's ears. Nikki felt
a tug on her earlobe then a weight pulling at her ears
and felt the earrings swing whenever she moved her
head. Then Jenny put a small dab of cologne behind
Nikki's ears, in her d�colletage and on each forearm.
Both women walked slowly around Nikki standing in
the middle of the floor. Nikki could not see what she
looked like because the only mirror in the room was
still covered. She could look down and see Nikki's body
and clothes but she did not know if she was
succeeding. Arlene and Jenny smiled and then Arlene
opened the door as Arlene said "Hank, come on in
here."
Hank walked in, looked at Nikki and said "You look
good enough to get yourself a job as a model. Let me
introduce you to the new Nikki."
He pulled on the sheet covering the mirror and as it
fell to the ground, Nikki saw her female reflection for
the first time. It clearly wasn't Wayne's reflection. It
was a beautiful young woman.
When Nikki saw her new image in the mirror, she
couldn't believe how different she looked. Instead of
dirty tousled long dark hair pulled back into a
ponytail, she had long blond teased hair that was
hanging down over her shoulders, carefully framing
her face.
Nikki could barely believe that the image staring back
was her own reflection. It was a vision of sexy
womanhood that she had dreamed of, but had never
thought possible to achieve. Although she was seeing
herself as a woman for the first time, it was a very
familiar reflection because this was how she had
dreamed of looking. The long flowing, blonde hair, the
sultry looking eyes with long dark lashes, the
glistening lips, the glimmer of gold earrings hanging
down from her ears, the frilly lace collar of a blouse
showing the outline of very feminine breasts, the skirt
covering rounded hips with a little rounded derri�re,
the slender shapely legs covered with skin covered
nylons, standing on a pair of high heel shoes. The
clothes fit her body and showed off the new curves.
The jewelry glimmered as it reflected the light. She
held up a hand and was amazed how different the
hand looked with the manicured long fingernails and
gleaming polish. Nikki had expected to see herself as
this but it still shocking to see her dream come true.
She could only stare at her new lovely, unfamiliar but
familiar image.
"What do you think?" asked Hank.
Nikki stepped toward the mirror for a closer look
because she could not wear her glasses now and
almost lost her balance in her new high heels. Quickly
recovering she softly said "I can't believe it. This is
what I always pictured myself as looking like."
Arlene said "Hank, Nikki and I have been in here all
morning and I am starved. Would you like to take two
of the most beautiful ladies in town out to lunch?"
Nikki looked at Jenny and said "Aren't you coming
with us?"
"I have to go to work. This is not where I work. When
Arlene called me and requested help, I took part of the
morning off. I manage a computer software firm."
Chapter 5 - The first day
Hank, Arlene and Nikki, were sitting at a table in a
restaurant. Nikki was beaming as she realized that no
one had stared at her as if she was a man in woman's
clothes. Instead, a couple of men had smiled at her
and tried to catch her eye, but she focused on keeping
her balance in the heels that she was becoming more
used to.
When they entered the restaurant, the headwaiter had
escorted them to a table and held the chairs for each
of the women. The waiter came immediately and
asked "Would you like something to drink while you
are looking at the menu?"
Arlene quickly replied "Bring my friend and me a glass
of white wine and a beer for the gentleman."
As the waiter walked off, Arlene said "I ordered for you
because I wanted to remind you that you have to be
careful with your voice. You look like a natural woman
but your natural voice doesn't match your image yet.
The ability to have a natural sounding female voice is
what will make your impersonation successful or a
failure. It's not how you speak, but how you sound.
You have to learn how to modulate your voice to give it
the correct timbre. Until it becomes a natural part of
your life, you have to think about what you are going
to say and how you say it. After lunch, we will go back
to the shop and I have a tape recorder that you can
practice with. Also you have to concentrate on your
sitting posture. Keep your knees together, and arms
close in, making sure that you don't take up too much
room. If you sit with legs apart, shoulders hunched
forward, and elbows on knees, you will look like some
jerk kid. Your walking performance was successful
because no one you passed, turned to take a second
look as you walked by. A couple of men smiled at you,
but as good as you look, that is expected."
After the waiter brought the drinks, Hank said "How
do you feel?"
Nikki smiled, paused, and in a very soft voice said "I
feel great. But I also feel so normal. It is almost as if I
was really a woman. I don't feel out of place. I was
afraid that I would look like Milton Berle in a skirt and
seeing myself in the mirror proved to me that I could
look and live as a woman if I wanted to. Thank you
Hank and Arlene."
Arlene held up her wine glass and said "A toast to
tomorrow and the new you. May you have the
strength and wisdom to make the choices that you
now face in life."
Hank said "I took the rest of your clothes over to my
place. You are going to stay in my spare bedroom.
After lunch, I am going to take you down to the
Department of Motor Vehicles, where a friend will
make sure that you have a driver license with the new
picture, description, name, and a birthdate showing
that you are over twenty-one. Then I will bring you
back to Arlene's place where she is going to give you
some make-up training and you can settle your bill
with her. Jenny will come back and work with you on
your walk, your posture, and your motions. Then I
will pick you up and take you to a bar where I am
working tonight as a bouncer. They have a band and
get a nice crowd there."
Nikki was sitting on a stool at the bar and looking at
the image being reflected in the bar mirror. All day
long, she had been practicing her voice lessons with a
tape recorder. She now felt very comfortable now with
her ability to use the new speech patterns. It was
easier to get used to than walking in the high heels.
Hank had selected a chair at the bar, where he could
watch her and had asked the bartender to take care of
her. Then he returned to where his bouncer position
sat at the front door.
She opened her new purse and saw the makeup that
Arlene had given her. Also there was a tampon to help
with the illusion. She smiled as she remembered
Arlene's last word of advice "Don't screw up by walking
into the Men's Room." She removed the pack of
cigarettes, pulled the little pulltab on the cellophane,
and removed a filter cigarette. As she started to strike
a match, a hand holding a lighter jumped in front of
her face. She turned slowly and saw a handsome
young man, about twenty-eight years old, dressed very
neatly in a suit, holding the lighter.
She put the cigarette in her mouth, and leaned her
head slightly forward as he moved the lighter under
the end of her cigarette. A wavy strand of loose blonde
hair fell forward, but with one hand, she brushed it
back into place. He flicked the lighter and the flame
rose to meet the cigarette end. She inhaled slightly,
creating a draw which lit the cigarette. As the now
familiar warm rush of smoke filled her lungs, she
leaned back to a normal upright position, crossed her
legs, feeling the skirt rise slightly. She slowly removed
the cigarette from her mouth, looking at the red
lipstick on the filter. She looked at the man still
holding the lighter as his eyes jumped back from her
legs, to her breasts, to her eyes and softly said in the
feminine voice that she had been practicing all day
"Thanks."
"May I buy you a drink?"
"I already have one. Thank you for the offer."
"Is anyone sitting here?" he asked pointing to the stool
next to her stool.
"Please sit down. I am Nikki."
"My sister's name is Nikki. I am Jeff Robinson. I have
seen you somewhere before. I think it was at the
White Horse Inn."
She looked at him, with a faint smile on her lips,
knowing that he was trying his lines on her to find out
about her, before he attempted his moves. She slightly
turned her head away from him, slowly pursed her lips
and exhaled the smoke from her warm lungs as she
checked out her image in the mirror again. She was
holding the cigarette in her hands and with her long
fingernails, flicked the lipstick coated cigarette so that
the ash fell into the ash tray. It felt so natural to be
sitting here, doing this as a wave of d�j� vu flashed
before her. She was a debutante and sitting on a bar
stool, smoking a cigarette, was her debut down the
symbolic staircase. Instead of a hallway full of
admiring young men watching her walk down a
staircase in a long flowing gown, there was a barroom
full of admiring young men watching her sit on a
barstool, hoping for the opportunity to get her into
their bed.
Then she said "I don't think so. I just moved here."
The man smiled and recognized his opportunity "A
newbe. It is your lucky night because I am almost a
native of this town. I would like to show you around
town. I know the best places to shop and some
wonderful places to eat."
"My uncle has been helping me find my way around."
"It's more fun to go with a friend. Why don't you plan
on going with me tomorrow and we can go in my
sports car."
She nodded toward the door and said "That's my uncle
at the door. Why don't you ask him to see if he
objects?"
The guy looked at the door and saw Hank standing
with his arms crossed, watching them. Hank smiled
at the guy.
Jeff turned around and said "The off-duty big cop is
your uncle? I see. Would you like to dance?"
She took a last drag of her cigarette, put it out and
stood up as she said "I would love to."
Hank drove her home. All evening, she had danced
and flirted with the many men that tried their luck at
picking her up. He had watched her to make sure that
she didn't drink too much or get into trouble at this
early stage in her metamorphous. But she had
behaved herself, limited her drinking and acted like a
lady out for a relaxing night on the town. She laughed
at their jokes, tossing her hair back as if it was
something that she had done all of her life. Just about
every song, someone would ask her to dance. When
she wasn't dancing, there was usually two or three
men standing around her, talking to her, trying to
score with her. During the slow dances, Hank
watched her blend into her partner's body and move
as if she was attached to him. He smiled when he saw
one guy's hand drifting down toward her butt and she
firmly moved it back up to her waist.
On the way home, she was very quite. When Hank
asked her if she enjoyed herself, she replied "My
arches hurt. It only took two dances for me to learn to
kick the high heels off while dancing. But aside from
that, I am still in heaven. I was just sitting here,
relaxing, thinking about all of the wonderful things
that I have experienced today. Even getting a run in
my hose, seemed so natural and wonderful at the
same time. Things that I used to dream about. Things
that I can now do, whenever I want. I feel so good
inside and so very comfortable. Did you realize that
everyone in that bar accepted me as being a woman?"
"Yes. What did you expect?"
"I was afraid that someone would rip my blouse apart
and yell that I was a man as they exposed my body.
Every moment, I expected to do something stupid and
be recognized. I almost peed in my panties, when that
one jerk handed me his business card, with his hand-
written phone number on it. He was cute, but was a
real jerk."
"But you weren't recognized. You acted like a lady and
they treated you like a lady."
She laughed and said "That one guy was trying to cop
a feel. He was pulling me against him so hard that I
was afraid that my gel would burst. By the way,
Marge was right. These boobs were expensive, but
they feel so natural. As I walk, I can feel the bounce
and jiggle. I never expected that boobs would feel this
way. And going to the bathroom was a riot. I was
sitting on the commode after getting that damn gaff
unfastened and some woman in the next stall was
really cursing some poor man. The way that she was
describing her date, made him sound like the old me."
"The old you???"
"You know what I mean."
"It's been a long day for you. Do you feel better now
than you did last night on the bridge?"
"Last night seems so far away. I feel so comfortable
and relaxed now that I got over the initial confusion.
And I feel so natural, dressed in these clothes, wearing
this make-up, and with my hair fixed this way. This is
the real me. This is how I should look."
"Your problems are just starting. You have a lot of
decisions ahead of you. Remember that this is only a
test for ten days. When that time is up, you have to
decide if you go back to being a man or if you live in
this half man, half woman lifestyle. Or do you have
surgery to turn you into more of a woman; if not
completely into a woman?"
"I can't go back."
"You may have to. There are legal, medical and
business issues that you need to resolve."
He parked the car in his parking spot and escorted her
inside the apartment building. He opened the
apartment door for her and as she looked around, he
showed her where the bathroom was, where the
kitchen was, and the bedrooms. Then he gave her a
spare key to the apartment and said "good night."
He shut his bedroom door, undressed, took a quick
shower and got into bed. About two minutes after he
turned out his light, there was a light knock on his
door.
"Come in."
The door opened and the living room light silhouetted
Nikki standing in the hallway. She was still dressed.
Nikki softly said "Hank, I would like to thank you for
what you have done for me. Would you like for me to
sleep with you tonight?"
Without lifting his head from the pillow, he responded
"As I told you earlier, I am not helping you for the
eventual result of getting sex from you. I don't work
like that. Your thank you is enough gratitude for me
and You are welcome. Today has been a most unusual
day for you and you have experienced a lot of new
emotions and did a lot of new things. I appreciate
what you are offering, but I would like to know that it
is offered because you like me as a person and not
because you are trying to pay me back for trying to
help you out. If you wish to make the same offer at
the end of the week, I will consider accepting your
offer. Or turning you down for other reasons. You
haven't asked, but I have 100 percent heterosexual
desires. I think that we should get some sleep tonight.
Good night."
She blew him a kiss and whispered "Good night.
Thank you for saving my life, my friend." as she shut
the door.
Chapter 6 - The second day
A tired Hank opened his front door. It had been a
rough day at work and he was looking forward to
getting out of his uniform and relaxing for a couple of
hours before he went to his bouncer job.
As the door opened, he immediately knew that
something had changed. First to hit him, was the
warm and refreshing clean smell of potpourri. Then
there was the smell of food cooking in the kitchen. As
he shut his front door, he saw that his apartment had
been cleaned; or at least what he could see from where
he was standing in the living room. Everything had
been dusted and straightened up. The pile of
newspapers had been carried out. The carpet had
been vacuumed.
Although he considered himself to be an average sort
of housekeeper, he had grown used to living in his own
mess. And Nikki had cleaned it up.
"Hi, your fridge was a little bare, so I bought some
groceries. Dinner will be ready in about forty minutes.
Why don't you change clothes and relax." she said as
she handed him a cold beer.
She was wearing women jeans and a woman's halter
T-shirt. With her jiggling breastforms, other padding,
hairstyle, and make-up, she looked quite real. And
very attractive.
He was sitting at the head of the table as she carried a
plate of steaks over to the table. He was filling his
plate with salad, potatoes, corn and bread.
After she sat down, he said "Delicious. I didn't know
that you could cook."
"It was one of the skills that my father used to let me
practice because he got tired of eating out, after my
mother died."
"What did you do all day?"
"Nothing. And it felt so good. Last night after you
went to sleep, I tried on every piece of clothes and
looked at myself in the mirror; before hanging them up
or putting them away. This morning, I took a quick
shower, put on a dress and went shopping."
"Buying more clothes all ready?"
"No. Just some essentials that I need. Bubble bath,
women's deodorant, lotion, razors for shaving my legs
and arms, hair spray, tissues, and some more hosiery.
I did walk into the women's section of a large
department store to see if the clerks accepted me. I
wandered around the racks, just looking at the clothes
and found one particular dress that I really liked. I
stood there and imagined that I was wearing it for
several minutes, before I asked the clerk to let me try it
on. I didn't buy it, but just wanted to try it on. As I
shopped, I studied women shoppers to see what they
were wearing and what they were buying for
themselves. I followed Jenny's advice to notice other
women and what about their appearance is working or
not working. Then I came home, filled the tub with
warm water and luxuriated in a tingly refreshing
bubble bath, while I sipped on wine and enjoyed a
couple of cigarettes. I spent over an hour, sitting
there, playing with the bubbles and just enjoying
myself."
"I would have looked like a prune if I stayed in a tub
that long."
"I almost did. I would still be in the tub but I was
beginning to wrinkle up. After applying lotion to my
whole body, dressing and putting on my make-up, I
changed clothes a couple of times. Jenny lent me
some more jewelry. I like to wear jewelry, and quickly
got used to the bobbing feel of the earrings. I love the
gold necklace and bracelet that she lent me. Then I
spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning up your place."
"You should have been out doing something that you
wanted to be doing. Housecleaning is not my ideal of a
fun afternoon."
"It was what I wanted to do. Speaking of fun, are you
working at the bar tonight?"
"Yes. Did you want to go back?"
"Just try to keep me away from there."
It was busy at the bar and Hank had been busy
working as the bouncer and doorman, so he didn't
have much time to watch Nikki. She was sitting at the
bar talking to a man when the bar closed. When Hank
walked over to her, she stood, leaned over quickly to
kiss the man on the cheek; and then said good night
as she walked out the door with Hank following her.
In the car, Hank asked "How was tonight?"
"Beautiful. I felt so comfortable. I had a very good time
tonight. Thank you for taking me down there."
"Who was the guy?"
"His name is Juan. He hit up on me earlier in the
evening, but I had some other company so I brushed
him off. I am glad that he came back. He talked the
band into playing a song that I like very much. As I
danced with him, I felt the strong sensual emotion that
the music creates within me. I started dancing slow
and sensual because I felt so sexy. As we danced, I
stared into his eyes with a burning look, wanting him
to caress my body with his hands; but knowing that I
could not let him do what I wanted him to do, so
much. He is a tall man, with beautiful dark hair and
the most amazing eyes. I felt myself shiver when he
smiled at me. I could not stop myself as I stared at his
lips, because his face was right in front of mine. I
allowed myself to let him kiss me briefly. I could not
resist him, and opened my mouth, accepting his
tongue as it entered and touched mine. When I pulled
my lips away, he pulled himself closer to me and I felt
myself melting into his body. I could smell his strong
masculine scent as he nuzzled my neck while we
danced. I felt his hands drifting down to my ass and
stopped him. He hugged me close to his muscular
chest as we danced to the music. I just wrapped my
arms around his neck and held on to him as I let him
lead me around the dance floor. While we danced, he
kept whispering in my ear, how beautiful I was. I told
him to stop but I really didn't want him to stop. I was
enjoying the pressure of his chest against mine, the
touch of his hand on my back."
"Sounds serious. What else happened tonight?"
Nikki laughed as she replied "I tried to limit my
drinking because I was having such a good time,
chatting with people, being eyed by all the men. I
played the flirt. When I went to the bathroom, I was
listening to the women, as I checked my appearance in
the mirror to make sure that my hair and clothes were
ok. You can learn a lot in a busy bathroom. Anyhow,
I was listening to two women in adjoining stalls talk to
each other. Not so much to snoop on them, but to
listen to their vocal patterns. Well, one of the women
called the other woman a whore. The second woman
yelled that she was only flirting with the man to show
how unfaithful he could be. I thought that those two
bitches were going to start throwing some real shit
over the partitions. I looked at the attractive brunette
woman standing next to me and she was trying to
keep from laughing out loud over those two bitches."
"Yeah, we get all types in there. I have to break up
almost as many fights between women as men."
"I got out there and went back to my little seat by the
bar. A kid was sitting on my stool and he tried to get
me to sit on his lap. The kid moved on when the guy
on the next stool stood up to remind him of his
manners. The brunette from the bathroom walked up
to me and introduced herself. Her name is Donna.
She came to the bar with a guy, but he was such an
asshole, that she sent him packing. She wanted to sit
with me and talk about the men. She was really
beautiful. She is 5'6", brunette, and has the body that
I would love to have. As we talked, more men came up
trying to pick us up. Donna gave me a phone number
and asked me to go out barhopping with her. She
doesn't like to go into bars by herself. Men zero in on
a single woman."
"Sounds like your masquerade is very successful. You
convinced not the men but her that you are a real
woman."
"I hope so. I still find it difficult to realize that I am
actually pulling it off. I did a lot of thinking today
about this new life. All day long, I kept having the
same nagging thoughts. Hank, I need some guidance.
I want to see how Tony reacts to the new me."
Hank didn't say a word as he pulled the car into the
parking garage. He shut off the engine before he
replied "Are you going to tell him that it's you from the
start?"
She rolled down the window as she opened her purse,
looking for a cigarette. She removed one from the
pack, allowing Hank to light it for her as he lit one for
himself also. Then she said "I don't know. I went over
several different plots today. None of them seemed
correct. The easy thing to do, is to never let him see
me like this. But something deep within me, wants
him to see me as a woman. I have to see if he accepts
me this way. I need to show him who and what I truly
am. I knew there is a big risk that he might turn his
back on me forever. I have to chance it, for my sanity
and self esteem. I know it will not be easy."
"Are you seeing him because you want to see if you
want to have sex with him? Or because you want to
open your heart and tell him how you really feel
inside?"
"I don't know. Today it was to tell him how I feel. But
when I was dancing with Juan, I let myself dream for a
moment, as I imagined that it was really Tony that I
was dancing with. I became very aroused when I
thought about Tony and felt Juan's body."
"What if it doesn't work? What if he tells you that he
never wants to see you again?"
"It's something that I will have to face."
"You will do ok. Whether or not Tony accepts the new
you."
"Do you really think so?"
"Yes. You are definitely not the same person that you
were two days ago. You are now more self-assured,
more confident. You are happy with your image and it
shows in your personality. One of the dangers of
crossing the gender barrier, is that a lot of people
become bimbos. They live only for the fact that they
now look like a woman. While it is obvious to me that
your are enjoying your new lifestyle, it is also obvious
that you don't want to be a drag queen and flaunt your
neutral in-between gender. You want to be a woman.
And the woman that you want to be, is a lady. I can
tell and so do all of those men that were hanging
around you tonight. You have class. You radiate
confidence. You have the capability to do what has to
be done, to be a functional, whole, loving human
being. You will succeed with or without Tony. Now I
suggest that you decide tonight what you are going to
do, when you face Tony."
Chapter 7 - Picking up Tony
Author's Note:
As you can see, I have stopped the story here without
getting into any bedroom activities (which may
disappoint some people that have read this long story
so far). I have been working on and off on this story
since Christmas. And I am at that quandary that all
writers experience. At what point do you end a story?
I can go on and on and on forever on this storyline,
but like all stories, it has to end somewhere/somehow.
I decided to put this story out on the net and see what
sort of feedback I get. Should I continue it? Or just let
it die at this point?
You are the deciding factor. I will listen to your
comments and suggestions. Or to your non-
comments, which means that I do not go any further.
Somewhere around April 1st, 1996, I will decide what I
am going to do. I will post my decision on
alt.sex.stories.tg. If I continue it, I will finish it and
release it @ the Fourth of July.
If I continue it, my general direction is:
You know that Nikki will have to face Tony. Does
Nikki march straight up to Tony and announce his
new identity? Or does Nikki put Jenny up to going out
with her to a bar where Nikki knows Tony hangs out;
to see if Tony recognizes his best friend?
Tony will either accept the new personality or reject
Nikki. If he accepts, does Tony share his bed with
Nikki, offering Nikki the first opportunity to experience
the feminine side of sex? If he declines, does it throw
Nikki into a minor depression; where her friends help
her recover by building herself stronger. I forget who it
was that said "Through adversity comes strength." but
it could help Nikki prepare for the hard decision that
must be made.
What happens when Jenny shares her bed and open-
minded boyfriend with Nikki?
What happens when Donna (the brunette) goes out
barhopping with Nikki, expecting that they will pick up
a couple of guys? What does Nikki do, when placed in
a situation where she must put out or get out?
What happens when it is the end of the week and a
more experienced Nikki offers to sleep with Hank? Will
he remain 100 percent heterosexual?
Or a very depressed Nikki runs back to the bridge after
Tony rejects her. And Hank follows her. Again they sit
on the bridge talking, with a somewhat more
composed Nikki eventually cuddling next to Hank to
keep warm.
What happens when Wayne's Dad shows up
unexpectedly to visit his son and discovers Nikki in
Tony/Wayne's apartment?
What happens at the end of ten days when Nikki must
make a decision about going back to being Wayne or
continuing as Nikki? From the way that things have
developed so far, the choice will probably be Nikki.
But does Nikki decide to take hormones, sign up for
breast augmentation, and the other steps for eventual
Male to Female surgery?
The new Nikki will have to find a place to live. Will it
be with Hank, Tony, or Juan?
I read the alt.sex.stories.tg newsgroup weekly so
comments can be left there or e-mailed to me.
Waldo