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From: an222260@anon.penet.fi (Tristmegistis)

Date: Wed, 20 Dec 1995 14:41:35 UTC

Subject: Looking for Love (TG, in, et.al.) by Tristmegistis

I threw this together after having read one of those dreamy TG

genre pieces ("Diane" by Karen Elizabeth L. (KarenTV720)). As

those of you who've read my stuff before know, I'm a little less, ah,

subtle than many writers. I get *way* graphic. My version pretty

well stands alone, but reading Karen Elizabeth's nicely done prequel

might fill in some blanks. Enjoy - or not.

Looking for Love

by Tristmegistis

It's not every night you find a father sitting on his sixteen year

old daughter's bed crying his eyes out on her shoulder at two a.m.

Especially when he's wearing a white angora sweater, a short

black pleated skirt, and a shoulder length blonde wig. And, if his

daughter happens to be a male, at least between her silky thighs.

"Hush, Jenny," I whispered tenderly, blotting his mascara and

using the name he'd adopted when he'd begun cross dressing

several years before. "You're going to ruin your makeup and make

your eyes all red. You don't want Mom to know you've been crying,

do you?"

"Oh, Denise, I don't know what I want anymore! I feel so

confused about everything!" His voice was perfectly feminine,

even when he was upset - as perfect as the rest of him. He made

such a beautiful woman. In over five years of going out in public,

he hadn't been "made" even once, and his outings included our

annual beach vacation wearing string bikini's.

"I know," I replied softly.

He laughed and sniffed. "Yes, you're the only one who does,

the only one who could."

I kissed him lightly, tasting his ruby red lipstick. "Not true.

Denny does, in his own way."

That got another laugh. Denny was my paternal twin. Under

his cotton underwear was the anatomy of a female. We'd switched

names and roles about the time Mom first got Dad to dress up.

Ever since giving my sister my name, I'd used hers. Sometimes for

whole weeks at a time, I'd forget I'd been born male. I was Denise

now, and always would be. My brother was as happy with his life

as I was with mine - despite a few hard times for both of us. But

poor Dad was trapped in the middle. He was a married man, the

father of three children. He had a career under his male name,

and a whole lifetime of friends and memories and responsibilities.

But, with his wife and children's full support, he spent as much time

as he could as Mom's fictional sister, Jennifer.

As far as the rest of the world knew, Aunt Jenny lived with us

and had a job that required her to travel a lot. The neighbors got

used to seeing the pretty blonde sunbathing in the back yard or

going shopping with Mom. They also got used to her having a lot

of dates. After all, she was a very attractive single lady. She loved

dressing to the nines and being escorted to restaurants and clubs

and movies by handsome men. She went out a lot, but never

dated just one guy at a time, or any man for very long. Whenever it

started to get serious, Jenny broke it off.

And that had suddenly become a problem. Dad had been

dating a really wonderful guy named Steve for several weeks. I'd

seen them roll into the driveway around one that Saturday morning

after I'd spent two hours helping Jenny with her hair and watching

the fashion show of her trying on half the clothes in her closet,

looking for just the right look. With more nerves than usual, she

finally settled on the angora sweater and miniskirt .

"What's up?" I'd asked her as she rolled up her hose and

slipped into the black pumps.

"What makes you think anything's wrong?" she wondered right

back, innocent as a lamb.

But after dinner and dancing, they'd sat out there in Steve's

Camero for even longer than usual. Curious, I went downstairs

and found Mom standing in the dark living room in her nightgown,

looking out the window I'd been headed for. When I got close, I

saw tears glimmering on her cheek as she stared out at the car.

Following her gaze, I saw Dad's profile locked in a passionate kiss

with Steve. They embraced for a long, long time. I knew enough

about kissing to be able to tell that their tongues were dancing and

breath coming fast. Finally, they broke apart and looked like they

were talking. Steve lit a cigarette, filling the car with light for a

second, letting Mom and I both see Dad straightening his clothes.

I stepped up closer to Mom and hugged her from behind. She

relaxed into me and started sobbing softly. "It's all my fault," she

whispered. "Look what I did to him."

"Don't feel bad. You just helped him discover something about

himself, Mom. You know that. Remember how quiet and unhappy

he used to be all the time? Now he's so full of laughter and joy.

And you are, too. Usually, anyway. Why the long face now?"

"Because he's falling in love with someone else. Look at them,

honey. Did you see that adoration in both their eyes when Steve lit

his cigarette? Look! They're sharing it now, like . . . like . . ."

She didn't finish. She didn't need to. They were acting just like

lovers. I felt a stab of Mom's jealousy and pain, but some envy,

too. I wished almost every day I could find someone as wonderful

as Steve was to be in love with.

I'd reassured her that I wouldn't tell Dad what we'd seen. I'd

barely gotten her comforted when I heard Dad finally come in, his

heels clicking on the parquet floor. A few minutes later, he

knocked softly at my door. "Denise? Are you awake, honey?"

And then it all came out. Mom's fears were justified. Steve had

been becoming more insistent about going further than just heavy

kissing, and Jenny simply hadn't been able to resist. Her tearful

confession was filled with a confusion of shame and happiness.

At the club that night, they'd danced so closely that Jenny had

completely lost her senses. After having his erection pressed into

her belly all evening, it had been automatic to reach out and grasp

it as they kissed in the safety of their isolated booth. She'd nearly

fainted with the intensity of the sensations running up from her

beautifully manicured hand. His throbbing heat awoke an aching

need to satisfy the desire she'd kindled and fueled. By being her

highly feminine self, rubbing her lush body against him all evening

and parting her eager lips whenever he wanted them, she'd

awakened the beast within him. And now, she longed to satisfy his

need. Her own desire had been so wild that she'd barely had the

will to stop his strong hand from probing too far above the tops of

her silky black stockings.

"I forgot," she sobbed, "I forgot I was a man, honey! I was just

Jenny, and he was Steve, the man I love, and I wanted to have sex

with him!" Her cries got louder. "So I did!"

That stunned me. I knew exactly what he meant about the

pressure he'd felt, and exactly why he'd succumbed and how he'd

done it. I had, too. But for me the after effects hadn't been so

totally devastating. For me, the lingering taste of Robby's semen

and the memory of the silky texture of his penis were things that I

still treasured six months after it'd happened that first time. We

were doing it weekly now, and I even let him open my bra and

suckle on my lovely little breasts until I, too, had an orgasm. But

Dad didn't have that luxury. My breasts were real, while his were

only the best falsies money could buy. And I never had to pretend

I was a man in any way but one.

They'd done it in a lover's lane by the lake. Jenny had adored

every moment of her first taste of oral sex. I knew what she meant

about the utterly feminine feeling of having an aroused male

member inside me. It was so perfect, so right, even if it was in my

mouth instead of a vagina. But Steve had groaned and hissed that

he was there, and she'd backed off and masturbated him until he

ejaculated in his handkerchief. Instantly, Dad had freaked and

demanded to be taken home. On the way, he'd had to stop at a

gas station and vomit.

"I realized," he told me, "that I was kneeling in a woman's

restroom, that I'd dashed in there without even thinking about it.

There I was, wearing heels and hose and ruined makeup, hugging

a toilet after giving a blow job. It was horrible. I must have been in

there for at least a half hour. I know Steve was worried sick,

waiting for me. The poor darling felt so guilty! Like he'd raped me

or something. He must have apologized a hundred times on the

way home."

"So what were you talking about in the driveway?"

Dad had blushed and cried even harder at that. "I was trying to

break up with him - but I couldn't make myself do it."

As far as I could tell, that was the only horrible part of it. Being

bi-sexual isn't anything to be ashamed of, but falling in love with

someone else when you're married is another story. There was

nothing I could say to him to take off that load of shame.

"About all you can do is have the same talk with Mom as you

had with me, Jenny."

"I can't!" she wailed. "She'd hate me! How could she possibly

love a cocksucking queer like me!"

"Hush!" I said sharply. "You love Mom, and she loves you -

however you dress or whatever name you use. Don't forget that

she set you up on your first date, and has supported you all the

way along. She *adores* Steve, Dad. She must have some idea

about how you two feel. Give her a break. I know you can work

through this."

Pretty lame, but it was the best I could do.

It was kind of reassuring to come downstairs in the morning and

see Dad in his sheer black teddy and robe, watching the Sunday

news programs and reading the paper. Especially since Mom was

decked out in her own pretty lingerie and wore a satisfied smile. I

tried to hide my own grin from both of them. I couldn't tell if they'd

talked or not, but I was pretty sure they'd done something else.

Seeing them both so relaxed and happy made me pretty sure

everything was under control.

I trucked off to the mall to hang with some of my friends and

play the see-and-be-seen game outside the arcade. It was a good

time, especially when Robby showed up and we got to spend a

little private time in his brother's van. The feel of his hard lips

against my soft ones, and the thrill of his hands squeezing my

breasts made me salivate with the need to drink his sweet cum.

But I played coy, teasing and flirting until he was half wild. I had

him believing my candy red lips were the best sex he'd ever have,

and making him earn them was crucial in keeping him happy. As I

licked him clean, savoring the last bit of sperm I could milk from

him, I wondered briefly how Dad could ever feel bad about

something so miraculous.

The peace and harmony of the morning was shattered by the

time I got home that evening. My happy glow evaporated the

second I came through the front door. There were two wine bottles

on the coffee table, one empty, the other almost full. Two lipstick

crescented glasses sat beside them. Dad was quailing on the

sofa, wearing only a lacy black bra and matching panties. Mom,

equally unclad, was pacing back and forth in front of him, half-

screaming at him.

" . . . spineless little wimp! How could you promise to see him

again tonight! Do you love him more than you do me? Answer me,

damn you!" Her voice was pretty slurred.

Dad was trying to answer her, but she wasn't giving him a

chance. "It's either Steve or me! Until you decide, you'll sleep in

your own room!"

When she saw me hovering in the foyer, Mom burst into tears

and dashed a little drunkenly upstairs. Dad just trembled on the

couch looking shell shocked. I took a step toward him, but he

waved me away with a freshly manicured hand. "Go away, honey,"

he said numbly, obviously more than a little wasted himself. "I

need to be alone for a while." He reached for his wine glass.

Swallowing my own tears, I went upstairs. On the way down the

hall, I could hear Mom alternately sobbing and cursing through the

master bedroom door. Feeling horrible, like I was responsible, I

quietly went to my room and closed the door.

It used to be the real Denise's room. I recalled the first time she

and our older sister Linda had dressed me in their clothes. A part

of me had realized, right then, what I was. From there to now all

seemed so perfectly natural and logical. But, if I'd been different,

Mom would never have been able to tease Dad into his first dress

and makeover. If I hadn't shouted with joy at the chance to go on a

two week vacation entirely as a girl, he'd never have done it, either.

If I hadn't been so enthusiastic about how much I loved playing like

I was a pretty little girl named Diane, neither he nor Mom would

have had to go through this. For the first time in five years, I

sincerely hated who I was and felt like my whole life was one huge,

perverted lie. If I'd had the balls to be a real boy, like I was

supposed to be, then both my parents would have been fine.

I could still hear Mom yelling what was probably obscenities, but

I couldn't make out any words. Then, after a while, I could tell that

Dad had come upstairs, and that she was screaming curses at him,

not at the walls. I heard the surprisingly loud sound of the slaps as

she struck him. Then things calmed down a little, and I began to

pray it'd be okay. The only noise was Mom occasionally barking a

loud sentence. I never heard Dad say anything.

Then, with amazing clarity, I heard Mom's voice. She was in the

hall. Her words were a kind of sneer. "Darling, it's about time for

your date to pick you up. Get your sleazy ass downstairs. A slut

never keeps her studs waiting."

"Please," I heard Dad say in Jenny's voice. They'd both had

even more to drink by the sound of things.

"Please what?" she mocked.

"Please don't make me do this."

"It's your decision, Jenny. Either you do it, or I make your photo

album public property and sue for divorce. You can have

everything you want - but only if you do it my way."

Dad was near tears. "I'll give him up! I'll never see Steve or

anyone else ever again! I'll burn all my clothes! I'll never -"

"It's too late for that, whore. You've promised all that before.

Every time, you've begged me to let you start again. You've never

been able to quit and you never will. Especially now that you've

tasted your first cock."

"No!"

With impeccable timing, the doorbell chimed, interrupting Dad's

violent protest. There was a momentary silence, then Mom spoke

again. But her voice was entirely different, like Steve's arrival

shocked her sober.

"Go on, honey. Let's not fight any more, okay? It has to be

done. I think we both know that."

I heard Jenny clear her throat. "Will you kiss me goodnight?"

They exchanged whispers I couldn't make out, then one of them

laughed a little. I heard their bedroom door close.

I wasn't sure what was happening, but I was positive I had to

stop it. I heard Dad's heels click on the stairs as I got to my door.

My bare feet didn't make any noise as I raced down the hall. But

Dad already had the door open by the time I reached the landing.

My shout of warning died in my throat at the same time that Steve

gave a loud wolf whistle.

"Well, hello, doll! Look at you! Jesus, Jenny!"

Dad was decked out in clothes I'd never seen before, but which

he wore easily, like they weren't exactly new to him. His torso was

encased in a black corset, which showed clearly through his

transparent white blouse. His waist was cinched down to tiny

proportions, and a black leather micro-mini wrapped from there to

his round derriere. His legs seemed to go on forever, encased in

black mesh hose and capped with the tallest heels I'd ever seen.

He moved well in them. As he spun, like a model on a runway, I

got a clear look at the deep, more than believable cleavage on

display and the streetwalker type makeup he wore. His slim

fingers gleamed with rings, hoops dangled from his pierced lobes,

his smile was red and lusty, and we wore a longer than usual

blonde wig.

"Ready to party, handsome?" she asked Steve in the most

seductive purr I've ever heard, taking his cigarette from his slack

hand and taking a deep drag.

"As long as we do it at my place," he replied.

Jenny took his arm, pressed her boob against it. "That might be

arranged, if you play your cards right." She rose on her toes and

lewdly licked his lip with her tongue. Her hips bumped his as she

laughingly pushed away his sudden grope for her glistening scarlet

mouth. "Ah, ah. Good things come to he who waits, lover."

Her arm was around his waist and his hand caressing her tight

rear all the way to the car. Her legs flashed in the streetlight as

she swung them into the car. I could clearly see the black slash of

her garter in contrast to the pale white of her thigh.

I trudged back to my room, dumbfounded. My head spun, but a

picture gradually emerged. Jenny was out to get laid. There

hadn't been any coercion in her eyes in the foyer. Mom might have

forced her out of their bedroom, but she hadn't left against her will.

Clearly, Mom's threatened blackmail was little more than a way to

give Dad the excuse to do what he wanted to do anyway. It finally

dawned on me - duh! - that that's exactly what he'd done all the

way along. Mom had just picked up on offhand comments, maybe

even before any of us kids were born, about Dad's secret desires.

I'd always believed that she was responsible for the whole strange

family gig - that Denny, Dad and I had been manipulated somehow

into becoming what we were.

I mean, the words out of my mouth and the surface thoughts in

my pretty blonde head were all rosy and grand, but a part of me

had always known I had a way out - I could blame the whole thing

on her, if I needed to. It wasn't my fault. I was just a kid.

Malarky. I turned off my light and stared at the black ceiling.

My nails were busily rolling my nipples, coaxing them to

hardness. God, the way Dad'd looked! He was begging to be

fucked. Not just let Steve's ripe hardon slip between her slick lips,

but feel it deep in her guts, buried in her boy-pussy. Even I,

deepthroat artist that I was becoming, hadn't done that. I'd

discovered Mom's dildo the year before, and opened myself with it,

but never had the real thing. Oh, fuck! What would it be like to

dress like an open invitation for wet sex?

My hands were quite busy when the next knock came. I made

frustrated fists as Mom eased the door open. "Honey?"

I sighed. "Come on in, Mom. I wasn't asleep." She sounded

tight as a drum, ready to explode.

"How could you be after that tantrum I threw. I'm sorry, baby.

So sorry. I should explain something."

"I know, Mom. Dad talked to me last night."

"He told me all about it. But I'm not sure you really understand.

How much do you know about our personal life?"

"Personal?" I asked uncomfortably, even though I was pretty

sure I understood.

"Intimate."

I blushed, happy it was too dark for her to see me. "Uh, not

much. I, uh, don't usually think about you and Dad, uh, you know .

.. ."

"He wasn't really honest with you," she blurted. "He's not as

innocent as he told you he was. He . . . we . . ."

More impressions sank in slowly while Mom looked for words.

How graceful he was in those stiletto pumps, how comfortable in

the corset. Mom took a deep breath and forced herself to go on.

"We used to pretend. We did it a lot, starting that first vacation.

After his first date when he kissed Mike goodnight, while we were

making love he asked me to pretend I was him. I made love to him

with a, uh, false penis. I taught him to use his mouth on it. It was,

well, wonderful for both of us. The way his face looks when he . . .

oh, I'm sorry, baby. I'm embarrassing you."

"It's okay, Mom. I think I need to know, and you need to talk

about it to somebody who can understand - just like Dad did."

She nodded in the dimness. "You're sure?"

"Positive."

"Then you should see something else." She bent for the lamp

switch. In its blinding light, it took me a moment for my eyes to be

sure I was seeing right. Mom was decked out every bit as trashy

as Dad had been, only all in black leather. And she looked every

bit as at ease as Dad had. Her dripping red lips shaped an ironic

smile. She flipped scarlet talon tipped hands out dramatically and

sang, "Ta Da! Mistress Lori at your service."

I clapped my hands over my lips. "Mother!" I blurted, "My God -

you look awesome!"

Her corset made her breasts bulge ominously and her waist

smaller than mine. I caught a glimpse of black lace panties from

beneath the skin tight excuse for a skirt. The seamed hose looked

like real silk. For an instant, there was a bit of a predatory gleam in

her eye as I studied her body and face in detail. I'd obviously been

blind to a big part of my parent's life.

"You don't think I look ridiculous? Or frightening?"

"Hardly! You're super hot! No wonder Dad . . ." I caught

myself, bit my tongue.

"Will do anything I suggest? No dear. That's not why."

She gestured tiredly to herself. "He bought me this. He does

my makeup. He waits on me hand and foot. I don't mind. Really, I

enjoy it. But it's not enough. Nothing's been enough."

"It was his idea, wasn't it?"

She nodded, running her nails through my shoulder length hair.

"I told him about the fun you and the girls had dressing you up.

From then on, I just followed his lead." She looked from me to the

window. "I still am."

"The vacation when I . . ?" I asked with a dry mouth.

She nodded.

"*His* vacation? The whole Aunt Jennifer thing?"

"He never came right out and *asked* but he made weird jokes

about an all girl family for weeks. I surprised him with the whole

makeover and dress up thing, but it was the gift he'd been hinting

for." She glanced sharply down at me. "Not that I wasn't more

than willing, mind you. You can't blame -"

"I don't blame anybody, Mom. Not for what I did, anyway. I

really am Denise. I love it. Usually."

"But . . ." she prompted, her mother-like tone at complete odds

with her wanton, slutty appearance.

"Well," I confessed, "a little while ago when you talked so dirty

and kind of threatened Dad . . ."

"I was a little mean, but I was right." She didn't sound like she

was celebrating it, though. "I had to do it that way to get through to

him."

"To get him to do what? What was it about?"

Mom rocked back, carefully lacing her fingers over her knee.

"He told you last night was the first time, didn't he?"

"It wasn't?" I wondered, incredulous.

"No. It happened at least twice before, when he was away on

business. I didn't know until he confessed. He'd packed some of

his special clothes and makeup - like what you saw tonight - and

let himself be picked up in hotel bars. He swears he didn't intend it

to happen, but I'm sure he's not being honest with himself. He

claims it was either be raped or give them oral sex." She gave me

a quizzical look. "He loves the taste of sperm, you know. I've had

him masturbating into his mouth for years."

"But he said . . ."

"That it made him sick?" she guessed.

"That he had to make Steve stop -"

"So he could fix his makeup, the little tramp" she finished.

There was a little silence. I finally asked again. "But what's he

doing? Is he going to let Steve . . . do it?"

"I don't think it'll be the first time even for that, baby. I think your

father's been getting his ass fucked for some time. I'm positive

he's still taking his favorite clothes on the road. I've tried to call his

hotel rooms late at night, and he's still been out. I'm afraid he's

been fucking regularly for a year or more."

"So you made him - I mean - let him kind of go public? Let him

do it in front of you?"

She sighed. "When he told me about Steve - and he didn't try

to pretend with me that he didn't adore doing it - I knew that's what

he was after. Really, I wondered a long time ago if it wouldn't end

up this way. With Jenny becoming the brazen slut you saw

tonight."

I tried a lopsided grin. "Well, she sure wasn't shy. I was awful

surprised she was so good at it. Steve was ready to creme his

jeans in two seconds flat."

"Was she that good? I wish I could have seen it." Her voice

was getting more throaty. Her darkly painted eyelids were

drooping. "God, she was beautiful standing there in the hall. She

begged me to lube her ass with my fake cock. She took all ten

inches, then licked it clean, telling me that Steve wasn't that large.

She fixed her lipstick and I let her out of the bedroom, her ass

already open. By now, she's probably on her knees, full of cock,

humping him like a bitch in heat and making up reasons why he

can't fuck her nasty cunt."

She shook herself out of her guttural fantasy. Her nipples were

trying to rip through her leather bodice and I could scent female

excitement emanating from between her legs. There was pain in

her eyes.

I swallowed. "You're not jealous?"

"No, baby. Not really. He loves me with all his heart. I know

he'll never leave us. It's just that I get so lonely for him. For a

man."

I astonished myself with my response and the awesome power

of the impulse. I reached out and fondled her heavy breast. She

hissed and jerked, but didn't pull away. I tickled her inner thigh

with my other hand. "Well, I may not be much of a man, but . . ."

That night happened over a year ago, and there've been a lot of

changes made. We never call Jenny "Dad" any more. That'd be

even crazier than calling me Denny. He quit his job rather than try

to live as a man. With Mom's approval, they spent a lot of their

savings on semi-legal surgery that gave Jenny the ripe, firm 35-C

jugs she loves to show off. Her throat is slim and delicate, and

hormones are making her ever more feminine. Her clit still works,

though barely. She works part time as an exotic dancer in a gay

bar downtown. I'm pretty sure she's not above turning a few tricks

on the side. At least some of the guys she's always out with treat

her like a hooker, and there always seems to be enough money to

make ends meet.

She and Mom double date sometimes with some pretty

questionable looking guys. I guess maybe that if Jenny really is

hustling, she may have dragged Mom in, too. She's still following

Jenny's lead. Not that Mom's unhappy. She's having the time of

her life, and her daily wardrobe has become almost as slutty as

Jenny's, and she's never lacking a bed partner when she wants

one. Or more. Jenny, the gossiping little slut, insists that she and

Mom took a barful on once and that Mom fucked them three at a

time all night long.

Steve's still around sometimes, but he's usually hosing Mom

instead of Dad. I caught them in a wild threesome a week or so

ago. Jenny was getting it in the ass and licking Mom off while she

and Steve kissed. I'll never know what I'm going to walk in on any

more. Usually, though, it's just Jenny getting porked. At least

Mom's more discrete. My former father's a total nympho cunt.

I've even had her. Since that night I balled Mom, I've loosened

up a little, too. Oh, I'm not a total slut like they are, but after

screwing both your Mom and Dad on a regular basis - and being

fucked by them, too - things can't help but change. I've found out

that there are lots of guys and girls out there willing to accept me

for what I am, and love me for it.

The love I'm looking for isn't the same kind my parents have. I

just hope I find mine like they did.