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15 September 2021 The mind is a funny thing. Work has been frustrating and I am stuck in a sort of cannot be arsed loop. Lots of waiting for others to get stuff done and a bit of too many projects to keep in mind at once with some good old Covid related 'the business is suffering so lets cut our nose to spite ourselves' thinking over resources. Add to that some realisation that I have made some mistakes for sourcing and so will be late and I found myself spiraling yesterday and today. Yesterday's spiral was stopped through having to make last minute planning changes for Scouts last night. It did not feel a significant spiral though. Today felt bad. Anger appeared. Anger is unusual for me, especially when it becomes a driving emotion and so it can be a trigger that something is rather wrong mentally. Today, I got out of the spiral of negativity, anger and helplessness through music distraction. The past couple of hours has been fundamentally listening to a lot of soul to make the body feel something different, some 60s psych like 13th Floor Elevators and Cream for musical power gasps and finally some System of a Down and Rammstein for a feeling of purification. The soul lead to dancing while washing up, the psychadelia expands the mind and the metal leads to air drumming tiredness. It is odd but it helps. However, working out if the pressing issues are side effects or root cuases is important but difficult. I am fairly convinced work is the main root cause with some help from bad quality sleep. Though an open mind is important. Fault finding the mind is hard. I had a bad reaction from my team after a resource planning session with another department. They are also tired and I was expecting a negative reaction but probably not quite so negative. Time to start meditating daily again to clear the mind of the monkey jibber jabber I suppose.