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This method will be pooh-poohed by the so-called experts - as I have kept it thin, deliberately, on the ‘science’ side of porn addiction. This ‘hackbook’ is based on a very successful technique used by Alan Carr for quitting smoking, alcohol and gambling. I have personally broken away from the prisons of cigarette, alcohol and internet porn with this technique. I’d like to add here that I’ve tried some of the best programmes - such as CBT, DEADS and AVERT before arriving at the EasyWay. I could not close the deal. I was then led to studying about self hypnosis that deals with bad habits. The key idea that sold me on this method is his emphasis on the “feelings of misery and deprivation, misery and sacrifice, misery and guilt.” If you use the Will Power method you will invariably have all or one of these awful feelings that in themselves provide the grease to slide back to the addiction.
I'm not a do-gooder. My war - which, I emphasize, is not against PMOers but against the porn trap, I wage for the purely selfish reason that I enjoy it. Every time I hear of a PMOer escaping from the prison I get a feeling of great pleasure, even when it has nothing to do with me. You can imagine also the immense pleasure I obtain from the grateful letters that I have received over time.
There has also been considerable frustration. The frustration is caused mainly by two main categories of PMOer. First, in spite of the warning in the previous chapter, I am disturbed by the number of PMOers who find it easy to stop, yet later get hooked again and find they can't succeed the next time.
Practically the last thing I say to ex-PMOers is: “Remember, you must never visit another online harem again.”
One particular man said, “Have no fear, If I manage to stop, I'll definitely never PMO again.”
I could tell that the warning hadn't really registered, I said, “I know you feel like that at the moment, but how will you feel six months on?”
He said, “I will never PMO again.”
A while later there was another phone call. “I had a lapse while on a business trip, and now I'm back on one a day.”
I said, “Do you remember when you first phoned? You hated it so much you were going to pay your mentor $1,000 if you could stop for a week.”
“I remember. Haven't I been stupid?”
“Do you remember you promised me you would never PMO again?”
“I know. I'm a fool.”
It's like finding someone up to his neck in a swamp and about to go under. You help pull him out. He is grateful to you and then, six months later, dives straight back into the swamp. Ironically, when this man attended a subsequent session he said, “Can you believe it? I offered to pay a 21 yr old $1,000 if he would not PMO for a year. I paid up. I can't believe he could be so stupid.”
I said, “I don't see how you can call him stupid. At least he doesn't know the misery he's in for. You knew it as well as anyone and survived only a month.” PMOers who find it easy to stop and start again pose a special problem. However, when you get free PLEASE, PLEASE, DON'T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE. They believe that such people start again because they are still hooked and are missing the dopamine. In fact, they find stopping so easy that they lose their fear of PMOing. They think: “I can have an odd PMO session. Even if I do get hooked again, I'll find it easy to stop again.”
I'm afraid it just doesn't work that way. It's easy to stop PMOing but It's impossible to try to control the addiction. The one thing that is essential to becoming a non-PMOer is not to PMO.
The other category of PMOers that causes me frustration is those who are just too frightened to make the attempt to stop or when they do, find it a great struggle. The main difficulties appear to be the following:
1. Fear of failure. There is no disgrace in failure but not to try is plain stupidity. Look at it this way - you're hiding from nothing. The worst thing that can happen is that you fail, in which case you are no worse off than you are now. Just think how wonderful it would be to succeed. If you don't make the attempt, you have already guaranteed failure.
2. Fear of panic and of being miserable. Don't worry about it. Just think: what awful thing could happen to you if you never again PMOed? Absolutely none. Terrible things will happen if you do. Re-read my notes on Pascal’s Wager. In any case, the panic is caused by dopamine and will soon be gone. The greatest gain is to be rid of that fear. Do you really believe that PMOers are prepared to have fading penetrations and unreliable erections or the pleasure of orgasms which they get from porn? If you find yourself feeling panicky, deep breathing will help. If you are with other people and they are getting you down, go away from them. Escape to the garage or an empty office or wherever.
If you feel like crying, don't be ashamed. Crying is nature's way of relieving tension. No one has ever had a good cry without feeling better afterwards. One of the awful things we do to young boys is to teach them not to cry. You see them trying to fight the tears back but watch the jaw grinding away. We teach ourselves to not to show any emotions. We are meant to show emotions, not to try to bottle them up inside us. Scream or shout or have a tantrum. Kick a cardboard box or filing cabinet. Regard your struggle as a boxing match that you cannot lose. No one can stop time. Every moment that passes that little porn monster inside you is dying. Enjoy your inevitable victory.
3. Not following the instructions. Incredibly, some PMOers say to me, “Your method just didn't work for me.” They then describe how they ignored not only one instruction but practically all of them. (For clarification I will summarize these in the check-list at the end of this chapter).
4. Misunderstanding instructions. The chief problems appear to be these:
Of course you can't and if you try, you will create a phobia and be miserable. It's like trying to get to sleep at night; the more you try, the harder it becomes. I think about porn and PMO 90 per cent of my life. It's what you are thinking that's important. If you are thinking, “Oh, I'd love to masturbate to PMO,” or, “When will I be free?” You'll be miserable. If instead you are thinking, 'YIPPEE! I am free!” You'll be happy.
The dopamine flush leaves your body very rapidly. But it is impossible to tell when your body will cease to suffer from the slight physical sensation of dopamine withdrawal. That empty, insecure feeling is identical to normal hunger, depression or stress. All the PMO does is to increase the level of it. This is why PMOers who stop by using the Willpower Method are never quite sure whether they've kicked it. Even after the body has ceased to suffer from dopamine surge’s withdrawal, if they suffer normal hunger or stress, their brain is still saying, “That means you must claim your entitled PMO.” The point is you don't have to wait for the craving to go; it is so slight that we don't even know it's there. We know it only as feeling, “I want , I want.” When you leave the dentist after the final session, do you wait for your jaw to stop aching? Of course you don't. You get on with your life. Even though your jaw's still aching, you are elated.
I chatted with an old friend. He said, “How are you getting on?”
I said, “I've survived three weeks.”
He said, “What do you mean, you've survived three weeks?”
I said, “I've gone three weeks without a PMO.”
He said, “What are you going to do? Survive the rest of your life? What are you waiting for? You've done it. You're a non-PMOer.”
I thought, “He's absolutely right. What am I waiting for?” Unfortunately because I didn't fully understand the nature of the trap at that time, I was soon back in it but the point was noted. You become a non-PMOer when you close your browser. The important thing is to be a happy non-PMOer from the start.
PMO and orgasms don't make meals or drinks or social occasions; they sometimes deprive you of them. Even while your body is still craving dopamine surge claims, meals and social occasions are marvellous. Life is marvellous. Go to social functions, even if there are naked dancers there. Remember that you are not being deprived; they are.
Every one of them would love to be in your position, only if they knew. Enjoy being the prima donna and the centre of attention. Stopping PMO is a wonderful conversation point but you can take a secret pleasure that you just can’t. I am sure they will be surprised to see that you, a shying and tired looking fellow is now happy and cheerful. If you are practising no orgasms and karezza with one of the women she will think that you are incredible. Every woman wants the amative side so be sure to indulge yourself in that. The important point is that you'll be enjoying life right from the start. There's no need to envy PUAs at the parties. They'll be envying you - ah, only if they knew.
Find out which one it is. Some people understand and believe everything I say but still start off with a feeling of doom and gloom, as if something terrible were happening. You are doing not only what you'd like to do but what every PMOer on the planet would like to do. With any method of stopping, what the ex PMOer is trying to achieve is a certain frame of mind, so that whenever he thinks about PMO he says to himself, “YIPPEE! I'M FREE!” If that's your object, why wait? Start off in that frame of mind and never lose it. The rest of the book is designed to make you understand why there is no alternative.
If you follow these simple instructions, you cannot fail:
1. Make a solemn vow that you will never, ever, go online to visit your harem OR settle down for static pictures OR make peace with erotic graphics OR anything that contains supra normal stimuli, and stick to your vow.
2. Get this clear in your mind: there is absolutely nothing to give up. By that I don't mean simply that you will be better off as a non-PMOer (you've known that all this time); nor do I mean that although there is no rational reason why you PMO, you must get some form of pleasure or crutch from it or you wouldn't do it. What I mean is, there is no genuine pleasure or crutch in PMOing. It is just an illusion, it’s an addiction like banging your head against a wall to make it pleasant when you stop.
3. There is no such thing as a confirmed PMOer. You are just one of the millions who have fallen for this subtle trap. Like millions of other ex-PMOer who once thought they couldn't escape, you have escaped.
4. If at any time in your life you were to weigh up the pros and cons of PMOing, the overwhelming conclusion would always be, a dozen times over, “Stop doing it. You are a fool!” Nothing will ever change that. It always has been that way, and it always will be. Having made what you know to be the correct decision, don't ever torture yourself by doubting it. Going through Pascal’s Wager of no chances of loss, high chances of gains, high chances of avoiding losses perfectly applies to PMO.
5. Don't try not to think about porn or worry that you are thinking about it constantly. But whenever you do think about it – whether it be today, tomorrow or the rest of your life think, “YIPPEE! I'M A NON-PMOer!”
6. DO NOT use any form of substitute. DO NOT keep your laptop next to you when you go to sleep. DO NOT avoid plays or movies or magazines. DO NOT change your lifestyle in any way purely because you've stopped. If you follow the above instructions, you will soon experience the “moment of revelation” (MoR). But:
7. Don't wait for moment of revelation to come. Just get on with your life. Enjoy the highs and cope with the lows. You will find that in no time at all the moment will arrive.
[^1]: **MoR** - moment of revelation. R2T resistance to temptation. MaD misery and deprived. MaS misery and sacrifice. MaG misery and guilty. DSC dopamine surge claims.
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