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a single utterance

I often think about a sentence uttered a little over a year ago by my, at the time, project supervisor. I was being offered a PhD position, and he said that "[him] and [another researcher] have discussed it, and we think you'd be a good fit." It's been rattling around in my brain ever since. I accepted that offer, and in that moment the trajectory of my life was radically altered. All the lovely people I now know, the shape of my life in the current, the implications on my future. That offer has undeniably shaped not just my future but the person I will be.

It really happened that two people sat down and had a chat as to if they should extend me such an offer. I imagine my supervisor, the only person in the group I had interacted with, advocating that I was capable enough to make the cut. If it's not obvious, I'm struggling to put down in words how utterly absurd it seems. I'm sure that, to them, this was totally mundane - there is a free PhD position with funding, and here is a person that might be able to fill that role[1]. To me, it was an unbelievable out-of-left-field proposal that has altered my course forever and introduced me to a bunch of fantastic people. I think it is this disconnect that keeps me from forgetting that single utterance.

[1]: Of course, I struggle to believe that I'm nearly capable enough to fill the role of PhD student. I can only take solace in the imposter syndrome of my fellow PhD students and accuse myself of falling for the same trap.

last updated: 2023-05-05