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hi kids!!!
I've never been that good at much of anything. indeed, I'm quite bad at most things, and worse yet at the others. this just does not sit well with me. indeed, I need to be constantly reminded of what an outstanding individual I truly am. surely I wouldn't succumb to such weakness, not I of all people. indeed, I came to the realization that I must become humble.
here I am again. huddled in bed again. holding my craptop and typing in vain again. things are not well. I don't know why. they just were not 3 hours ago. I need to write about expectations at some point. I'm not sure I can; writing is hard! the payoff is pretty big, but so is the cost. the irony is not lost on me.
fuck yeah. that's more like it. I can picture it already: the live updating leaderboard, our robot overlords holding the annual celebration on null island: and there, at the very top, my very name, the very humblest person on planet earth. and there I am indeed! I look down on the crowd, and I wave and I smile, and I look over to my right, and EU-WEST holds my hand up in the air to signal total victory; and I look over to my left, and US-EAST smiles, and I know then that I am become the humblest person on planet earth.
you forget very fast what inadequacy feels like. as horror slips back into normalcy so does your awareness. words survive, courtesy of solid state storage, but they may seem distant or even hollow -- someone else's prose, even. maybe that is the gift of horror after all. maybe the brief moments of genuine happiness can not exist without it. maybe that's why I enjoy horror the genre. perhaps not the only reason, but.
and my gaze falls on the crowd again, and I scan them left to right, and my fervent admirers cheer on as I pick one at random; let's see... 33052nd place? that's pretty good for a planet of eleven thousand million -- not. you think you're righteous? you think you're pure in heart? I'll have you know I'm a million times as humble as thou art!
take care folks.