💾 Archived View for soviet.circumlunar.space › dsfadsfgafgf › gns › god-n-sole-02.gmi captured on 2024-05-10 at 10:55:39. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
⬅️ Previous capture (2023-12-28)
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God: 'I've been expecting you'
SOle: 'Really?'
God: 'yes, Really. Who do you think pumped the gas into the chamber?'
SOle: 'It was you?'
God: 'Yes it was me. Expediting your removal from Earth was the least I
could do.'
SOle: 'It wasn't my fault. You gave me a traumatic childhood'
God: 'George lucas did that; not I. No one made thee watch..'
SOle: 'B B But the hype and my Dad forced m..'
God: 'SILENCE! Millions of children grew up with the shame and disappointment
of Jar Jar Binks, most of them only turned out to be weirdos & sexual deviants;
but you! For Shame! Go and have thine memory erased.. No.. *uck it..
INTO THE VOID!
I'll see you in fifty thousand years...' ....
Gabriel: "God.. GOD!"
God: "What is it?"
Gabriel: "We have an emergency returnee"
God: "A what?"
Gabriel: "A none pre-arranged re-visitation"
God: "Could I just get five minuets piece or what? Can't you deal with it?"
Gabriel: "It's a bit tricky"
God: "Aright, alright! I'll be there..."
God : "Right. What do you have here?.."
SOle: "It's me again"
God: "What in the name of all that's sane and Holy are you
doing back?"
Gabriel "He's just killed Humanity's last best hope"
God: "What like that guy in the Terminator Films?"
Gabriel: "Or Jesus? But Yep, like that guy"
SOle: "It wasn't my fault. It was you that sent me back as a Slug."
God: "Go on. This better be good."
SOle: "Well given the choice between life in the fast lane and life in the
slow lane I chose life in the slow lane and that's why he's now dead"
God: "WHAT A FEEBLE LINGUIST ASSUMPTION."
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SOle: "WAIT, WAIT! I can explain, it wasn't my fault..
He slipped on me & cracked his head open on some Slabs in a side alley.
When the news papers reported
it was only a matter of time before the future got wind of a headline that
catchy and sent a deadly Robot Doctor back to blow up the hospital he was
in to finish the job once & for all."
God: "I'm going back to bed."
God: "Oh! You again."
SOle: "Again?"
God: "Yes, again. Fifty thousand years in the void can do that to a soul"
SOle: "Fifty thousand years in a void?.. What!?"
God: "Never mind that. You have two time line choices. A: Tiswas or B:
Swap shop! Hold on... Wait.. Gabriel! GABRIEL!"
Gabriel: "Yes Lord"
God: "Who is writing these choices?"
Gabriel: "We are! I mean we are using an outside agency & Jesus does a few
now then. Remember I gave you that list of expenses?"
God: "Both of these choices take place at the same time, are we paying for this rubbish?"
Gabriel: "I liked Swap shop."
God: "I'm not interested in your in your Saturday Morning televisual
preferences. How on my green Earth are these considered time line
choices?"
Gabriel: "Well, there's the Phantom Flan Flinger, Sally James, Maggie
Philbin, Cheg.. Err, erm.. Keith cheg.."
God: "STOP! I hate to interrupt you in the mist of another Stroke.."
Gabriel: "MY LORD! I was about to mention the dichotomy between the two, & I
didn't have a Stroke, I'd merely drank to much of what Jesus claimed was
Water that one time and you won't let it go. Big head!"
God: "WHAT?"
Gabriel: "BIG 'ED! .. I called you a Big head.. There. I said it.
I'm standing under it. Your a Big Head."
God: "Calm down Angel. I don't have time for this."
SOle: "I'VE BEEN IN A VOID FOR FIFTY THOUSAND YEARS? WTF?"
God:
" @@@@@@ @@@ @@@ @@@ @@@ @@@@@@@ @@@ @@@ @@@@@@@ @@@
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...
Tap.. Tap.. Tap
Jesus: "Come in."
Gabriel: "Dude were in trouble."
Jesus: "We? Hold on! What?.. I'm Busy."
Gabriel: "Your playing Grand theft Auto AGAIN!"
Jesus: "No. I'm in training for my triumphant return"
Gabriel: "Good grief..! Anyway I told God we where using an outside agent
to come up with his time line choices"
Jesus: "You lied to the old man?"
Gabriel: "I was put on the spot"
Jesus: "You said you'd got it covered"
Gabriel: "I had. I was doing them. But I can't do them as good as you can
and God's started calling them rubbish and I pissed him off. He used his God
voice on me."
Jesus: "What can I do about it? I'm Busy."
Gabriel: "I'll tell God what your training consists of if you don't get
me out of this"
Jesus: "You wouldn't dare."
Gabriel: "I would you know."
Jesus: "Jesus Chr..! Hey Man! I'm family, your not. If I go down your
toast."
Gabriel: "I've got it on tape."
Jesus: "You *****. OK! OK!...
GET ME ERNEST BORGNINE."
God: "What the bjeez.. What are you wearing?"
Jesus: "Oh! It's SCI-FI Week. Ernest Borgnine lent it to me."
God: "A SCI-FI cardigan?"
Jesus: "It's not just *A* cardigan. It was in *The Black Hole*."
God: "What black hole? Black holes don't exist!"
Jesus: "No! The film *The Black Hole*"
God: "I don't remember that."
Jesus: "You fell asleep. It had only been on Ten minutes."
God: "Oh."
Jesus: "Anyway. We think you need a holiday."
God: "I think you may be right.. WE?"
Jesus: "Me and Gabriel.. You go off and just make stuff like you used to. Leave
all these petty problems behind for a bit. You'll come back a new God."
God: "Who's going to deal with all this and that?"
Jesus: "Me and Gabriel."
God: "I'm not sure Gabriel is all the ticket. The other day he called me a
Big head."
Jesus: "I'm sure it was just a prank."
God: "Probably. OK, I'll do it. I'm off. Don't forget to feed the Cat."
Jesus: "That's it. He's gone."
Gabriel: "What did you do?"
Jesus: "I cast a spell on him with this cardigan"
Gabriel: "YOU DID WHAT?"
Jesus: "This cardigan is so dull & boring that no one can resist the urge
to be as far away from it as possib.. le..
Some time Later..
Jesus: "Oh! There your are. Good isn't it?"
Gabriel: "Sorry. I don't know what happened?"
Jesus: "It's OK, No one can resist it. BORGNINE was wearing it last time we had Sci-fi week & I ended up in Telford."
Gabriel: "Is that what you did to God?"
Jesus: "Better. I convinced him to go on holiday whilst I was wearing it.
He won't be back for at least a main era - Cardigan ex machina brother."
Gabriel: "Marilyn or Jane?"
Jesus: "I'll get the Water."
Jesus: "Gabriel. Gabriel!"
Gabriel: "Waht.. What t*me is it?"
Jesus: "It's time for you to learn the God voice."
Gabriel: "Can't it wait? I've got a splitting headache."
Jesus: "Prince Philip is going to be here any day now & I can't take the
smell, you'll have to do it sooner or later anyway."
Gabriel: "The Smell?"
Jesus: "You'll find out. He's a double void-er"
Gabriel: "What?"
Jesus: "Put that Blonde down put your wings back on & meet me in *The
Room* in half an hour."
Gabriel: "..Tommy Wiseau?"
Jesus: "WTf & ****..NO! Not that room, The *God Room* you idiot! ....
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"
Gabriel: "Aargh! STOP! You *uck. I'm getting up already, OK?"
Jesus: "Your in luck. Were' not getting Prince Philip any-more, I traded
him for Bill Gates & his Husband. Should be a push over."
Gabriel: "Bill Gates is dead?"
Jesus: "His clone is on Earth but Satan had his Sole."
Gabriel: "SATAN!"
Jesus: "Well I couldn't see you cleaning up the Bile & filth after Philip
showed up & I wasn't gonna do it. So I swapped him, even though he isn't
dead yet. Yep! That's what I did.. I swapped him."
Gabriel: "You did a deal with the Devil.. This means I'll be doing the voiding?"
Jesus: "Your well versed by now and it was fair exchange."
Gabriel: "Where will you be if I need help?"
Jesus: "El Tapeo De Cervantes. I'll bring you back some bread sticks. You
worry to much. Nothing surprising or funny has happened so far has it?"
Gabriel: "You got your trousers caught in a toaster yesterday. It took
three of us to pull you out!"
Bill gates: "But there's a leg sticking out over there."
Gabriel: "So what?"
Bill gates: "I can get you great Cloud storage. I could even put you on an upgrade plan.. Fix that Void?"
Some Time later ...
Gabriel: "
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What a lovely looking new Cloud. Jesus was right. What a push over"
And so it came 2 pass
Jesus: "HEY! Dude. I'm back. I got you some breadsticks."
An eerie silence creeps across the scene.
Jesus: "Gabriel! Gabriel! Where the F.."
Mel: "Oh! Hello. Who are you?"
Jesus: "I'll let the breadsticks give it away."
Mel: "Picked Herring giblets! Your Jesus."
Jesus: "If you say it. I Am. Have you seen Gabriel?"
Mel: "The guy with the wings? Yea.. I kind of saw him over there, I think a gang of
X-Bankers where trying to bride their way on to a cloud. Lot's of shouting and stuff."
Jesus: "What are you doing wondering about anyway?"
Mel: "I was looking for my Husban.. WIFE! I'm looking for my Wife."
Jesus: "Well I'm wondering about right now I'll help you find her. What's her name?"
Mel: "Billinda.."