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How to appease the Goddess of Traffic Lights

Original question on worldbuilding.stackexchange by Amianas

Disclaimer: The following question is an in-Universe question for a wip project called “The gods of ordinariness”

My friends, I am in a spot of trouble. On my daily drive to work, I have to pass a grand total of 34 traffic lights. This of course entails a lot of waiting around and in my boredom, I tend to make up fantastical stories and characters in my head. Lately, I have been reading up on the mythology of ancient Greece and Rome, and, inspired by their slew of minor gods for all manner of things, I came up with one myself:

Enoia, the ample bosomed goddess of traffic lights (a pun regarding my annoyance at red lights and the German word for traffic lights, “Ampel”)

I would say stuff like “Please turn the next light green, Enoia” when approaching an intersection and “Praise be to you Enoia!” and “Why do you hate me Enoia?” respectively depending on if my prayer came true. This was just a lighthearted way to deal with the annoyances of commuting, until today.

You see this morning, I overslept. Luckily it wasn’t for a very long time, about fifteen minutes, but long enough to make it very likely for me to get to work late and get in trouble with management.

As I jumped into my car, I mumbled something along the lines of “Come on Enoia, if I get nothing but green lights on my way, I swear I’ll make it up to you somehow.” I didn’t really mean anything by this, but surely enough, every single traffic light either was green already or jumped straight to green as I approached. In the end, not only did I manage to get to work in time, I actually arrived five minutes early. This has never happened before and statistically, the chance for every single one of these 34 traffic lights to be green must be close to zero percent.

Personally, I’d call myself agnostic, but this strange occurrence has got me a little spooked. I don’t really believe that there actually was a goddess of traffic lights watching over me, but what if?

I don’t want to incur her wrath by failing to uphold my promise and get nothing but red lights from now on, you know. But on the other hand, I have no clue how I can actually please her. Thankful prayers don’t seem to cut it given how hit-and-miss my experience with traffic lights was before. I also don’t have a clue about her other than the name I have made up for her and that she has the power to cause traffic lights to change. This leads me to my question:

What would be a good offering to Enoia, the goddess that controls traffic lights and how can I make sure she receives it?

Oh, and human sacrifice is off-limits!

Answer by byMaelstromer

Become her champion and Stand vigilant in the dark places that have yet to see her colored lights.

Locate a pedestrian crossing in your area that lacks traffic lights and is notoriously problematic to cross safely. Impersonate the traffic lights using the means bestowed upon us mortals by Enoia herself for this very purpose:

crossing guard lady in Bournemouth from Wikipedia

The colder the weather and the denser the smog, the greater your sacrifice to Enoia becomes.

Answer by Ted Wrigley

Believe it or not, many ancient religions have a ‘god of the crossroads’: Papa Legba in Vodun, Janus in Roman mythology, Hermes in Greek mythology, Saruta-Hiko in Japan. It’s an old, old idea, because crossroads are seen as transition points where one can be blocked, or robbed, or lose their way, or discover something or someone new. Your Enoia would just be a modern version of that. Typically one would place a shrine on the corner and offer flowers, food, or trinkets to earn the god’s blessing. Or if you want something more proactive, one might maintain the crossroads by painting crosswalks, cleaning the traffic lights, picking up litter... One might even spread Enoia’s message more broadly by extending traffic control into new areas: allowing others to pass through doorways first, saying a short prayer to Enoia before turning left in a hallway, making a mystical gesture when a lock is opened or closed....

Comments

I would like to add that these aren’t just “ancient” (in the sense of nowadays-uncommon) religions. In Bali, for instance, offerings at crossroads are a very serious business part of Hinduism, and essentially every traffic intersection will have several religious offerings placed there every day — and the industry making these offerings is big money! –Alex Meiburg

Answer by Mickaël C. Guimarães

Enoia, like all Gods, expect from their believers Worship

And to her, there is no greater joy than to see a devot believer respecting the red light, stopping its engine in sign of submission and loyalty to their loved Goddess.

Answer by Nepene Nep

Prioritize pedestrians

https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/montreal/montreal-traffic-lights-pedestrians-1.5363500

Montreal Mayor Valérie Plante plans to install pedestrian lights and countdown timers at every set of traffic lights in the city as part of a “paradigm change” that will put pedestrian safety ahead of traffic flow.

“What is more important: the lives of people or [for traffic] to be more fluid, in a way that it goes faster?” Plante asked Monday.

“For me, as mayor, the choice is obvious. It will always be security.”

The plan, which Plante said will take five to eight years to complete, will see pedestrian signals installed at all intersections, countdown timers added to all pedestrian signals, and the time available to cross increased to accommodate “the most vulnerable road users,” such as children and elderly people.

Valérie Plante is clearly a worshiper of Enoia. They seek to build more temples for people to worship Enoia, with the make believe cause of pedestrians and children used to inspire people.

Go to your local city hall and argue you need a city with more support for children, the elderly, the disabled. Argue you need more traffic lights to protect the public. You’ll need excuses, because few prioritize her worship, but with those excuses you can help support her ascendance to greater godhood and increased worship.

Answer by chasly

Become a priest

Decorate your vehicle with flashing lights. When you draw near switch on the lights. A siren is an optional extra. This will warn other road users of your superior status.

You will be allowed passage.