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My life feels like it's falling apart ....

~sonam

...But maybe I'm just overreacting

So I have a headache right now and had this super weird dream ( I'm sure occultist simulator has something to do with it). I got the vaccine and kinda feel safe and sick at the same time.

So about everything falling apart . Firstly, I haven't had a job in ages so no moolah. It's not that bothersome but people are starting to judge me for not having a job and I also feel purposeless sometimes.

I also feel like I cannot person anymore. I look at everyone and either get annoyed or get inferiority complex. My ruminations go like- he's younger than me and earns xxx amount of money. He's gonna open up new businesses - and I feel like shit afterwards.

One part of me wants to go somewhere quiet and just write about what has happened in my life in the past 6 months. How I've grown and how it has broken me.

Last October, I was actually in a decent mood (in ages). I don't remember being that relaxed and happy ever. At one point I even fell like my anxieites were cured. But it feels like I'm regressing to a ferral,non-person, noncommunicative, unbearable asshole again.

I've also kinda stopped hanging out with my friends and it's been almost a month since I've seen my friends. I just feel like I'm rotting and at this age I should know that I'm not getting any younger. But that doesn't stop me from just feeling bad about myself and becoming stagnant.

This feels like a lot. I feel like I've burdened you guys with my rambling. Bartender, a round of drinks for everyone..on me. And a glass of gin and sprite for me (and keep em coming).

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Replies

~tetris wrote:

You're standing near the top of the mountain looking always upwards at those on the summit.

But you're near the top of the mountain. Look down from time to time to see how far you have come

~johano wrote:

Noswaith dda, ~sonam! Thanks for sharing, it's stuff like this that is (one of) what pubs are for...

I agree with ~mouse that writing can be very therapeutic. Also, good advice ~inquiry, BTW do you happen to have been exposed to the ideas of Douglas Harding?

~mouse wrote:

~sonam thank you for the drink.

You are not burdening. There is nothing wrong with a good ramble, a way of letting thoughts spill out so you can organise them.

Maybe writing down the last 6 months might be an idea - on paper, on a text file, here.

If you were in a good place last October, means it's possible - you can do it again.

You're okay fella - keep going.

~bartender - large bowl of chips/fries for the bar to share!

~inquiry wrote:

Not a burden at all. Sorry to read you're feeling other than 100%.

This is going to sound trite to the point of ridiculousness, but the only cure for any/all self-related maladies is genuine - i.e. practiced - selfLESSness.

So... find things to *do* that increase the chances of forgetting your self (note: the best such things tend to be helpful/nice things for others).

And if/when such less than blissful feelings return, get right back up on that self-forgetful, others-giving bike, and ride the living fuck out of it....