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The ragged person sits down at your table, and stares at you with deep shadows under their eyes, and tells you this tale:
I used to have a blog. Still do, technically, it's still up, though the only thing I've published on it in the last two years is a note about Gemini Quickstart[1]. In large part, this is due to me writing mainly on my gemlog[2], where I have felt like I could be more open about my life, and not only post about technical things (though I still post too many technical things).
I feel an internal pressure to post to my gemlog, though, which bothers me. I have a vague idea for an article, really more of a rant, and I want to write it up, in a semi-polished form for "publication". But on the other hand, it's not a really great idea, or terribly original, and I've been pretty tired the last few weeks. It's fine for me to not publish things... but then I feel like I'm not active or involved somehow?
I think I need to recognize that my lack of motivation in general right now is a problem, but my lack of publishing things on Gemini isn't, really. Smol net is for people, not people for smol net.
The person stands up, pushing their tattered coattails behind them, and nods at you, leaving a small coin on the table before turning and heading to the door. The coin seems to be made of brass, and old but not terribly old, but you can't recognize the writing system on it, or any clues to what country it might come from.
I don't feel this way at all. I can sympathize because I believe having such a pressure would make it harder to write. Since I don't feel like I need to post, I can post whenever I feel like and that sometimes ends up being a lot.
I've had that "I've got to write and therefore I can't" feeling when working on novel projects or school stuff. But my blog is like… IDK, one third of it is notes-to-self (or friends), another third of it is stuff I either start writing elsewhere but end up posting on blog instead, or, actually do post elsewhere and then paste into blog also, and the last third are things that I write for future use, like a pre-emptive FAQ kind of.
I feel this urge too. I guess this is a negative way of expressing what I wrote a few days ago[1]. That is, my thoughts don't feel as real unless I publish it somewhere.
[1]: Public, accessible, alive
Well, well. I keep saying this:
Life is too short to eat bad food, drink bad drinks, or waste your time with people you don't like.
And, for example in the little sort of sports club I'm a member of:
We do this for fun, and the day it's not fun any more, we shall stop right there.
So, I explicitly allow you to "not" publish, should this help :-)
Totally get that feeling, friend. Feels like in this modern era of late capitalism, we all have "productivity" brainworms that we have to be constantly active, involved, and "doing something" to justify our own self-worth. The choice to *not* publish is just as powerful as publishing.