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we spent a portion of the night, tonight, watching old home movies of Linda's. i really can't explain the feeling that the experience has left me with. feelings, rather. heck, i don't know.
there were times that i smiled.
there were times i felt sadness.
there were times i simply felt depressed.
i think the most confusing emotions were those that i felt in viewing videos of Jade.
i feel like i had a hand in that. i feel like i could've. i feel like i might've been able to save her. i feel like there's nothing i could've done. i don't know what i feel.
...all that i do know is that i entered diana's life when i think she needed it.
...and i've tried to help.
...and still, i feel--i know that in several ways--that i have failed.
i'm afraid of doing more harm.
i pray that i won't.
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