💾 Archived View for lark.gay › posts › referring-to-the-lark.gmi captured on 2024-03-21 at 15:10:26. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
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I have kinda odd preferences for how my friends refer to me, and I want to share what my experience with that has been like.
I use they/it pronouns. For me, they/them is always appropriate and is what I generally prefer with strangers, in professional contexts, etc. But I do like when my friends use it/it for me. It's gender-affirming for me in a way that's difficult to articulate; I like they/them because it's gender-neutral, but I like it/it because it's *other*. It represents my disconnect with gender as my culture understands it.
There are some other elements of how my friends refer to me that I think are somewhat uncommon.
For one, I like being referred to in the third person in second-person contexts. So when someone is addressing me directly, they use my name instead of second-person pronouns like "you." Some examples:
Would Lark like to go out to eat?
I need to talk to Lark about something.
I also like when someone refers to me with the definite article. Instead of "Lark," I become "the lark," and my name becomes a common noun instead of a proper noun (and notice the lowercase L). I think conceptualizing my name as a common noun is fun, especially since "lark" is *also* an actual common noun. Here's some examples:
What's the lark's favorite hobby?
What's new with the lark?
None of this is mandatory. I'm always fine being referred to with they/them and second-person pronouns, and will never correct someone who does. I also don't need (or even necessarily want) people to refer to me this way all the time or in every sentence. But it is a nice lil treat when someone switches it up on occasion. It's fun playing and experimenting with gender and pronouns and forms of address.
I've really appreciated having friends who are willing to indulge me these experiments. I think one's experience with gender should be joyful and affirming, and I'm happy that mine has been.
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