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 │  hisacro's ╔╣   ╓───────┐      Partner In Den 
 │ Sracpebo╳  ┊╠═══╣ Ascii ├──m─┬─m──────────────────────────╖
 ┕────────────┊╜   ╙─+ures─┘    │ gemini://displ.nl/golu.gmi ║
              ┊_ _              └────────────────────────────╜
            ·¯     `·.           
             ` ¯ ` . _ '·         
                       ` ´        

01-13

It's a chilly day,  I think I helped a person around me. Will this  do 
as a payback?


  
            *----------------------------------------------*    
            |  Yet Another  New Year                       | 
            |        Faded from memories                   |
            |                                              |
            |  Thanks  for      _  )     \   _  )  __ /    | 
            |   Unexpected        /    (  |    /    _ \    | 
            |    Pile  of       ___|  \__/   ___|  ___/    | 
            |     Feelings                                 | 
            *----------------------------------------------*                                               
                                


12-31

Year ended! Last year many new faces have entered my life but  this ye
ar  I  tried to maintain relations with the same ones who did  I meet? 
It did change  my  perception of things. 

12-18

Insisting to type a paragraph but, what to type here. This is a scrape
Wall of text - oh how to name a cyberspace scrapebook scrape Wall?

Just a mice passed by in the library  hall,   rabies  infected  maybe?
maybe not? 
    
       .~`. __
       '-*=(_.)8    Scropio 
                       Ratte?
                  
11-19

So Yes finally it's about time to take back of this  harddisk and reti
re it forever. Already saw signs for block  errors  nd it took me 2 hr
s for the last boot.. 

And Today is such a confusing day with all  the  things going on right
now I wasnt able to process but atleast I had  briyani in  a  mud  pot 
That one of the best dishes ever to have on  this concrete  jungle and 
it was really good too. Maybe I will miss  eating out with that partic 
ular company of her but yes. Something   something  unsure  people are 
taking a break but what am I doing with this JUlia  Boolia I'm getting
accousted with it. Oh  Damn  it's  scary how easy  things  are and how 
I how the earlier days of mine tinkering for hours  to  change a teeny
tiny configuration in fvwm hehe. Just  Thinking   about it is gving me 
a great pleasure 

Oh Yes the briyani is from Itamanaan. They packed  it really all marke
ting I suppose but I should be willing to  appreciate if the main dish
and it was so plus plus just after affects  of emotional damage is not
but yes all part of it.. comes very naturally to me 

Oh paragraph again because I fear this will be my last  post from this 
hybrid debian-mxlinux machine it served really well   from  2018 I was 
doing all sorts of crazy nukes on this endured  really well and I know
this was realible and that's what gave me confidence  to   indulge  on 
OBSD in the beginning days more without this It would have  been no go
it's that easy. And stage of retiring finally... 

Somehow it made me to slow down myself, it takes 5  mins  to   boot up 
and every time I have forced to run fsck from the grub menu  or intirm  
fs it's like a routine to boot up now and scary part is I got  so used
to it as if every *nix machine behaves like that.. that how it is 

Finally there's something really wrong with the mxlinx/antix installer
I know I never faced such issues in the past with  other distributions

---I'm killing Julia now---ate up all the giga juices in my box---

Okay coming back, I believe the installer is dump on the side of mxlin 
x it's never properly installs even on the fresh harddisk why so I did
go through it but from seeing it first hand 3 times on 3 difference ma
chines I knew it. There has to be something about bad blocks and  this
installation. Cause suddenly I friend was getting bad blocks too heeeh
so yes! but I don't have resource to delve on more and report on commu
nity - already on the verge of disk dying.

Oh yes what OS I should hop on *BSD are no go. I don't want to give my
time to tinker around in the middle of my dissertation. so yes I  have
ordered a simple 120gb ssd - it's cheaper and will stick to keeping 
things simple without further experiments. 

---now I'm seeing backup write rate as 14.88kB/s---hee dashing head---

Yeah The OS, I think it's time to switch from debian something arch 
based that has a way bigger community and come with some inbuilt packa   
ges so I wont be spending more than an hour to configure just copy pas
te configuration and install this herbstluftwm + this damn keybinds of
tapping and holding. I got so used to this re change I really find  it   
impossible to type on the normal layout without pressing caps lock mul
tiple times - dang it! so that package comes from  interception  tools 
or I could do with an older x package oh xmodmap if I'm not right.
Good thing is my write up is on the web so I just refer to it and move
on.

---so yes satisfied---not too fast---the rsync should finish properly-
only then----

okay bye and good night. Nothing else - everything digital is  someday 
or another going to disappear into  the void of unknown so no one reme
mber all these significant or down to zero things. Bye for now..

btw, Typing in pitch dark is cool too, not for eyes hehe ;)


11-03

I'm not sure it's already been a year. It feels like magic, I got new
people in my life that I will cherish forever. 


10-14

Not much going on other than cursing at julia,  although I want to get 
used to DynamicalSystems.jl,  skimming myself through  field  of Chaos

Oh I do think I'm making one soul simile at end of every day. 



10-12

State of Julia on this (-_- seems like I will plot the graph  on paper
and stare at blank wall 

julia> @time using Plots
    11.652682 seconds (4.76 M allocations: 265.165 MiB, 1.93% gc time, 
4.15% compilation time: 99% of which was recompilation)

julia> @time p = plot(rand(2,2));
      0.844877 seconds (1.38 M allocations: 90.247 MiB, 7.09% gc time,
 99.31% compilation time: 85% of which was recompilation)

julia> @time display(p);
    12.466280 seconds (5.29 M allocations: 312.184 MiB, 1.22% gc time,
 21.70% compilation time: 91% of which was recompilation)



10-01

Beginning of a New month, it was great news yesterday that the way  we 
worked really shown a result that validated  confidence in both  of us
especially boosted her so I was really happy for it.  30th of Sept.

09-27

Looking at the vast blue sky, Drowning  myself in  Field theory. 
	
            _   +                       Thinking  hard  to  dumb  this 
         |  |  |       ---                down  with a  quantum theory
          \_|_/        \    +      *       of single particles analogy
           .i.   (x) =  >  a  (_|_) (x)      on   the  way  to  purge.
                       /        |               
                       ---


09-17 evening

yeah of course! < these are replies to m who is live  here typing with
me on golu's page we got ourselves connected with ytalk and seeing our 
terminals live. Golu in 2nd line now! I will better give a live commen
tary of what golu is doing hehe (oh oh hehe at the same time). Vim  is 
being used for this - guess the creator would  be  face  palming  from 
heaven.

Indeed we wrote together! actually we are writing.. these  teeny  tiny 
things mean a lot to me - Yeah A Lot - watching you type live :)

should I  make a ascii art for you? don't you think there are too many  
...................... dots .................. are you creating  morse
with it? haha! Okay shall we ZZ it? 

o_O will this do? don't slap me - I know you will tell this 
                                                           - see you m
oh I can do figlet, let me try - it's banner here 

                                 ######   ####   #####
                                 #       #    #  #    #
                                 #####   #    #  #    #
   Tooooo Much OF A              #       #    #  #####
         White SPACE             #       #    #  #   #
             What to FILL        #        ####   #    #
        
   ANY Ideas?  are you here still?            #    #   ####   #    #
    press o to insert after a line            ##   #  #    #  #    #
      and O to insert before a line           # #  #  #    #  #    #
       press o  nice, to insert before        #  # #  #    #  # ## #
         capital O                            #   ##  #    #  ##  ##
                                              #    #   ####   #    #
               Sun Sep 17   06:05:37 PDT 2023                Shall we?
                                                Okay!  ZZ


09-17

Down along the line, nothing seems to be hard - There is  always a way
out. All it takes is a hint  of thought - am I bounded by anything yes  
but taking out a year of my life to  disappear into the unknown, 
does it bother the  people  around - yes, it would -  but on the whole 
world scale this is just a yet another insignificant teeny tiny  break

Keeping people around you happy - or the least when they remember the
days let your simple smile strike their memory and nothing more - soun
ding very fullfilled to me.

09-05

Got the x201 shorted, something burnt in motherboard. It Was initially 
just the battery module issue, as the battery was getting recognized 
by acpi but just charging took forever, I was turning on & off with AC
on and boom lights went off with just (z)  led -  power  indicator on. 
Should have just called it a day without battery /o\. To add  to  this
lost a cherished fountain! it was cheap but cannot digest 

        Materialist Pleasures, 
               here today gone tomorrow - Just a gentle remainder

Also my trusty translucent pad which I had for 10 years from my second
ary school, what sort of absent minded I was no words - chii


09-03

Booted up my other x201, cleaned it up after trying to install n no of
gaanu linux because the machine throttles  itself  when trying to copy  
image from live disk. That's  me  putting off reapplying thermal paste

I believe today is end for several things! I was putting off how to 
but triggers gave me reasons to end right away, it will be painful lon
ely now but on the long run I guess this will be..

I'm leaving home too, a week here wasn't peaceful as I expected becaus
e two sick relations were here so I couldn't feel that zen den anymore 
but cannot complain any of it - All for good.

Oh plans are scattered now but fine I will try to use it up for myself
keyboard feels good after a long time.

09-02

It's a nothingness update again, I have only  2  more days to leave my
den! it's a total regret now

I'll be venturing to wild things now field theory, non linear dynamics
and condensed batter. Let me breathe now before the self harm.

              when will   , / l,/ 
                     I stop,__// being me?
              

08-18

Been hardly 15 days my roommate in dorm left to his  country  SriLanka
It was rough staying cramped this in one, he was telling me  the  same 
how it felt before I arrived. I was told a new  one  will  be  popping  
withing this week - Slovakian ? Russian?   seeing  vauge  correlations
between previous and future to be, Beautiful countries but war  ridden
countries - scapegoat citizens, ah peace!

Hoping to get some music recommendations hehe, let's see..  yikes with
semesters in between.


08-15

I'm miss my Kaidan! someday we will meet in rainbow bridge. I came acr 
oss a  journal I started when I first met her, I didn't continue after 
day one but even that single entry smashes me with all the memories.

I have no where to publish and I want that feeling here now, with  all  
backlogs currently this has made be close my eyes and drown..

----------------------------------------------------------------------

When  Ever  I  look into your eyes, I feel really special and sleeping
close to, makes  me think of a  time in  the  past.  Those  days  were 
'The happiest' in my entire life and wish I could struck to it forever
and ever and ever and ever and ever

D1 P1

I'm so frustated, chugging to  Iced  Earth - Wolf. I was never able to 
work out the rhythm part, it was a mix of  gallop  and  reverse on the 
same bar at ~150bpm I came to know this only after a days of playing!.
It was a damp and  dark afternoon, the  fake  birds screeched my ear I 
couldn't  take  it  anymore  but it  had  again  and  again to very of 
smashing I tried the riff again without any veil,  my  right arms were 
giving up begging to drop dead Okay enought of it.

With Climber swinging past over the head, dropping the build up potent
ial energy gradually  I pulled the mesh with  skid  rubber kissing the 
marble floor I'm walking past leaving the mesh door behind. I could go
on a verbal assualt if there was any trigger

I was hungry but it was well after the usual time, I felt quite guilty
that I was last to have lunch with that I found my plate a small round
shaped high brim one. Settled myself with  rice and gravy,  as usual I 
was searched a bit for my 'Elegante' spoon not bad this time picked at 
one go.  Give me Peace alteast when having meal, damn! I was so impati
ent I marched towards the side door asking to shut up

I just cannot believe what I saw when ma pointed out,  a kitty looking 
straight into my eyes meowing, all the moody things so far just doomed
away. I was so eager I took back the  plate  in  hand munching without 
losing eye contact. It was and still is - a fluttering feeling.


----------------------------------------------------------------------


08-13

end of drive. Totally drained doing nothing, just grining at my own re
flection, What to say and what not to say nothing will save me at this
point. Powerfully blank - Done for the day


08-10 Day

How to survive without a drive? possible? how to just do for the  sake
of doing, so what's left? will I finish scattering?


08-09

Having a close talk with a person you  trust  is always makes one feel 
lucky, feeling safe in each others  arm - whatever life is throwing tr 
usting the flow and moving on.                    My .  ,
                                                     |\/| in my teeny 
                                                            tiny world
                                    
08-03

There's nothing to say really,                             
     A   B I G   ____ __         _______ __     __              
                |    |  |.-----.|_     _|  |--.|__|.-----.-----.
 Too Much of    |       ||  _  |  |   | |     ||  ||     |  _  |
   Empty Space  |__|____||_____|  |___| |__|__||__||__|__|___  |
                                                   A N D |_____|
                                                          nothing more


08-02 

A slam textual paper for End of labs, It just happened that I tore ext
ra pages from  the  file  and made it  into  stack of  pages  stappled  
together And My friend followed too. Are we kiddos? we  all  were  and 
are, aren't we? The page has drops of ink from fountain multiple langu
ages - piece of art. That's it with this bunch of  people 8  months in
a puff.


08-01

Did we do something wrong/right no reasoning, felt great and that's it


07-31

Today is last day of this  month,  I can literally count in my fingers 
what I did till now - nothing totally nothing. It's making me loose my
appentite my mood my thinking my everything slowly I'm feeling I don't
deserve to feed myself I don't deserve face anything.. just  guilty is 
killing me slowly what I can do now. 

I want a change of atomosphere so I did go out with people but nothing 
has changed, is this my room making it - I can easily point around and
put my blame on it, will it change anything? NO

Then how to, how will I, how I reached this point? it's the same feeli
ng I remember. How will get up and go back now. 

Is anybody out there? is anybody out there? is anybody out there?

I'm dragging my M with me to bottom too, suffocating  everyone around 
me, please don't do this


What I did wrong, where I go wrong? should I speak out to people? am I
changed totally?  please please fecking please This is not me, not the
me I wanted, I want to go to my home my den and stare at  the  ceiling 
what became of you...

try and get myself going, why I'm loosing it all..

want to disappear into void, why none of the darkwave is helping I can
not cry out I want to, see my crocadile tears

                                       .    _~ .__.
                                __o_ ,'  `.;           Please, Beg you
                               ().\/                        Take me to  
                                 |\                       Nowhere Land 
                                 | >
                  
07-28

+--------------------------------------------------------------------+
| o++++::::+=+++:::+++=:::++=oo=++~~~.:++===+=+=+===++:++:::o=:~~+:: |
| +:++:++:~++++++++:+::+++:++++:::+~~.~~+:+==+====o=+      _ +::+:~: |
| :::++::::++++++==+++++==+::+++::::::~~.........~~  /_/ _\  ::::~:: |
| +:~:+::+=====ooo=o=++=oo=+++++:+::+::::~~:~~~..~~..      .:::::::+ |
| ::~~~.~~~~:~~~::::~~~~~~:~:. ... . .~~::+++:::+:+::~;:=+::::::~::~ |
| ~:~~.... .~..~..~  .   .~... ..  ...~~~+::~~::::::::::+:::+:::+::~ |
| ~~:~~~~:~..~~.~..... ..~.~..........~~:::~:::::::~:+++:+::~:::+++: |
| ~~~~~~~::~~::~:.~::~~~~::~~~:~:~.~...~~:~~..~::::::++:+=+=+ooo===o |
| :~~~~~~:~~~~:~~~.~..~~:~~~~....~ .    .~..    ....~~~..~~~:+==+::= |
| ::~:~~:~::~~~:::~~::~~.  ~~~~.....    .                     .~:+++ |
| ~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~++:~.   . . .~..~   .                          ~++ |
| .~:~~::::~~..~. ~~~                                              . |
| :~:+::~~~..                              .....                     |
| :~:::..                . .......       .~~~~~~:~.        ..~~.     |
| ~~~..               .~~~~:~~.~~~       .~.::~~~~..    ... ~:~~     |
| ~..                .:~~~~.~..   .      ...~~.    .~~~~~~...~~~     |
| ~..                ~~~::~....        .  .     ..~~~~~~:~.~~~~~.    |
| ..               ..     .~..   .     ...... .  ~~~~~~~~~~...~~~    |
|                 ..          ...~.   ..  .....  .~~:~~.    ...~..   |
|                                .... .  . .. .   ..     ....~.~~.   |
| .                                  .  ..  .        .~~~~...~~~~~~  |
|                                     ... .        ..~~.~~....~~~~~~ |
|                                  .   . . .       .. .........~~.~~ |
|                                     .  ..               ....~~~.~~ |
|                                  . .                 ....~...~~~.~ |
|           .                                        ..~.~~.~.~~~... |
|        .  . .                     ..            .. ...~.~~.~~~~~~~ |
|      ... ....                ... ....         ~..~. ....~~~.~~~~~. |
|  .. ........ . .          ~~.~.  .~~.. .~:~..:=+.     ....~.~~~~~~ |
| ~~....~..~.. ..  . .     .:~~~~  ......:+:.~::::.~.    .....~~.~~. |
| ~~~~~~........... .      .+=:.. .~..~~~~.~~:::~~.  .     ....~~... |
| ~~~~~.~......... .      .~+=~.......~...~.~. ..     ~.   .  .~~..  |
| ~.~~~~~.~.........       ~....~~~.~...... . ..      .~~      .~..  |
| ..~~~.~~~.~.........   ....~~...~.~.~...... .       ....      .~   |
| .~...~.~~........   ..~.~~~~~...~~..~..~~..  .    .  ~~~~~~~~~~~~. |
|  .~..~~....... ..  ....~~~~~~~..~~~...~.~~........~~...~~::+++++++ |
+--------------------------------------------------------------------+


07-27

Your companion is struggling and you are blinking,  collecting all the
material for the stupid debate you are going to  win -  Doubebag  move

There was an intruding dog used me as a  cover for bark from all other 
mini doggos of that spot. What's relevant here? 


07-26

Is documenting memories useless, it isn't. But it is when you know the
only possible scapegoat who might read this is telling that.

Hurts. /o\


07-25

Just made an excuse for my lazy arse, precessing in a head spin  dummy
resoanace


07-22

What  to do when sense of guilt slaps you at end of the day? with only
few moments left in the day,  curling up in bed and drained of motivat
ion, rewinding past - people  who were no more, moved far away and the 
struck yourself hoplelessly waiting in the void.

Closing my eyes and sinking in distorted pleasures - darker waves.


07-21

days are scrolling past like banners, So fast. Trying  things  out but 
does it go into mind? unsure. The only great thing is my  little smili
ng companion around. Sleep is takimg me over 24x7.


07-19

Woke early and day went by tinkering normal modes - lattice vibration
07-18 day

Today was most natural day. I was feeling really safe in a tight embra
ce,  I cannot find  words to  explain these. All the teeny tiny things
about golu is burnt into back of head. So pure bond,  Nothing is taboo
between US!


07-18

This is morning of 18th, I have figured a way to use  this ed  wrapper
as well as asked my partner to delve into gemini too. Gave SSH- access
and simple script to getting started. Feeling good about these,  let's
see we can be regular from now on

.wq


07-17

Planning to write a simple wrapper to edit using ed text editor, let's
see how this is go


04-22

Right At this  moment I'm staring at my love, sleeping on my shoulders
I'm totally uncertain about the progress we made or about to  make and 
the things I have done so far were very 'unconventional me'


02-06

I have watched the one movie that I kept  reserve for around 8  years. 
I know I'll cry my hearts out watching that and I really  did, current
concrete jungle doesn't help either. 

It's Balu Mahendra's Thalaimuraigal. Final film of his, portraying the 
grandfather grandson relation. I don't want to blunt it out the incide
nt in my case. I was asssured by my parents it was peaceful atleast.  

I didn't have a  great  relation  with  my  pa  side  grandfather  but
I always  envied  the  lifestyle  he was having. After my grand mother 
passed 15 years back, he was surviving alone. Not  lonely though since 
he was always surrounded by 5(4, excluding my father) of his  children

That  was  the place I burnt in my mind as proper countryside, the old
tile roof, a stream at the back, a cow shed, a well where I was forced 
to learn swimming with bottle gourd shell tied to my  back -  haunting
memories of it were fresh still now, an unfunctional  gober gas plant,
thinnai - a raised pillar on veranda where I hurt my chin  and  had  a 
first stitch after bleeding for a while, forcefully plucking my first 
milk teeth, goofing around with younger cousins - not  in  contact any
more now.

I blurtted out words to that side of family  pin pointing their behavi
ours and  mistakes. Words! those burns wont go away easy.

Will I ever get myself to visit my native place? after the only reason
is lost now too. I don't think it will be happening anytime soon

Here today, gone tomorrow

The END. 


01-21

A lot has happened! I have moved out of home and shifted to a new stat
e made relations that will last for years hopefully and re-shifted  to
another state.

I just cannot process thoughts anymore, it's always hectic and this is
one of the congested shitehole city in the world. I have  been  called 
as sadists by many of close friends, now it feels like I'm doing  that 
to  myself in the name of coming of out comfort zone,  Let's see where 
this heads.  One thing that makes me shiver the most is I might 
suffocate my innocent friend too. 

Mental stability on the drain

11-09

A colleague of my pa's also a neighbour had an unforunate fall playing
shuttle cock and gone lifeless. He and his family were  close 15 years
back untill pile of verbal exchanges through third party reached ears.
Myself and cousin used to play gully cricket with him when  his family
goes away to their native place,  picture of me carrying my new bat in
red  cross bag to his home is burnt in my mind so  does  the mock from 
cousin for my bat's care. 

News was sudden this morning, my pa was on the way to visit him but he  
seemed to lost pulse on the spot of fall. Only  in the instance of pre 
funeral my parents went to their house after years,    such a fate! ma
prepared food for them later.
 
I have counted  many 'human life is short, here  today  gone tomorrow' 
dialogues today, even saw a elder doing visual action of shuttle smash
and fall to a person setting DTH dish 


11-08

The most difficult thing to write? describing nothingness.  What  I do
during the phase is playing  `tetris -l 9`  with background podcast or
music going, this is the only multi task I enjoy  without two thoughts
clashing.  


11-07

It happens every time when I'm nearing deadline, finding very interest
ing  things that would make me forget what's  happening  around  on an 
extremely tiring situation - it's called  'arse under burning cushion'  
effect 

  There's              Let me enjoy this           Oh shoot it got me!   
   Fire under     o     Fluffy cushion         o    (consolidates)                
    Your Arse!    \_                         ./      Anyways worth the 
                 .'./                      ..'|       Burnt Arse
                 
It's a manga/comics this time 'Hirayasumi' and theme is very  close to   
the described situation above! A slice of life about  a feel-good  man 
living in Tokoyo and how events fit+fold around. 


11-06

Within a blink, entries are 2 months old.  I can only vaguely remember
what came inbetween, wonder why 'go out and start now' doesn't work as
intended. Even the mere plain text isn't flowing consistently, 

                 Douché Mode - The Eejit in Me

 Nan nan Nana NaanaNa na na

 If I could just hide
 The Eejit inside 
 And keep him denied 
 How sweet life would be 
 If I could be free 
 From the Eejit in me


09-18                                
                                                    
  o         -  o          -   .o                        Going into
.|\          .<\          - .< \             -  ,-o_     Areo Position
) >()     - ()/ ()      -  () \()       -  ¯  ()/ () 


09-15

It was daunting to see myna  carry a  plastic  wrapper and  escape the
crow's chase. 21st century I suppose


09-14

                 [we know]   _
                    ˛.,   .´   `  
                  .´   `./  o  o \
   Fungi Are     / O  O  \    -   )
    Funtastic   (   -     )- - - ¯
                 ¯- - - -¯ |  |
                   │  │    |  | 
                 ad|  |ldsal  |ddlds 
               rrrkl dldkLdKrddklddld 
       

09-13

Last week a dragonfly wandered   ¸'¯l    When I was  visitng  my  pa's
on roof when I opened the door  /   j ,   native place, a delta region
I don't remember spotting one  /    /' \    full of paddy fields. 
since my  childhood  around   /   ./   j
these parts, water bodies    /   /    /     Draggos fascinated me with
have changed -  trashes     / ,/'  ,·'    striking  colors,  markings 
started to pile on the     /./  . ´     and each  being  almost unique
banks shrinking sizes     / /.·´ 
of  these.  Realized    8.-============o<   I remember hearing stories
dragonflies are now   ¯\/ \`,             from  parents;  kiddos   had
a rare sight!           __/_/_           assortments  of  dragonflies
                       / ˛    )        tied with threads  and  carried
Rewinding back to     /  /¯¯¯, \        around  showing  off!  organic
past my first encoun      ¯¯¯\ j         balloons I  suppose -  cannot
ter with draggos were         ¯´          picture my pa  doing though.


09-12

This was initially meant to be  a replay on the mailing but,  by the I
finished writing;  I looked back on  the thread and realized that  the
person was asking to choose from his list so it was never made  public
untill now, and there's no change from my early  2020 selections too -
I will still recommend these today.

           How not to be a creep and strike a conversation
                                                    
        +--------+                                     +-----------+
       .|favorite|                 .Bye     /¯¯¯/\   ¸·|let me toss|
     o´ | movies?|   o           o7        /_¯ /¯˜  o  | this list | 
     \\ +--------+  /|\         '´\       /_¯ /    /|\ +-----------+         
     |              / \          / \  ___/_¯ /     / \                
                                      \¸´ \¸´      
                                        ¯¯¯         
I'm more into documentaries than movies nowadays, very few movies real
ly resonated with me.  My three picks,

Yokomichi Yonosuke (2013)
Le Rayon vert      (1986)
Lucky              (2017)

Ever wondered what this person life/daily routine is?  that's the core
of these movies.  The storyline is just the character development in a
sense you're experiencing main character's life without any motive.

What's so different?

Artists get freedom to live as themselves than  acting as someone else
Since emphasis is more on character than the actual plot,  stories are 
developed based on exact actors in mind. This was  actually  the  case
with all Éric Rohmer movies; Yonosuke was adopted  from  Novel - never
got hold of it  and no translations sadly; Lucky was the  final  movie
of a great actor, Harry Dean - never admitted he was acting.

I picked these three in the order based on the timeline  they portray,
Yonosuke starts with early 20s, Eric's middle age and then lucky..


09-11

My personal best at starving/fasting was a week, even though I had res
pect for food before - it quadrupled that feeling;  Also made me  very
vocal towards careless people leaving non empty plates behind.  Noting 
down inherited recipes from ma is on my to-do list, that will make  me
appreciate the food even more.


09-10
                                . ,              ¸-,
Straight frames are a thing      HL_______________\\    Cycling Inside 
of beauty, it took me long      / (˜¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯˜k\       The  Frame
time  to   realize because     //^\\        o     //\\  
they are every where here     //   \\      /\    // '='   That must be
Very recently I stumbled     //     \\    ·\ () //     one of the hard
on these standard cycle     //       \\  ()·´¯¯//    est  ascent  with 
races, it's a show of      //\    ˛_o \\  /   //    sixty degree slope
sheer  determination    (¯¯  '\( )\ \  \\/   //   straight into handle
despite all  setbacks    ¯¯¯  ===..( )_ \\_ //   bar joints; 
and makes me not to whine           ¯¯¯==( )/   Descending into bottom
about things I don't have access          ¯´   bracket  shell  hole; a
to;  just   proceeding   further.             ticket  to  hell hole?


09-05

     ¸_   ˛_
    (~ ) (  )
  o   \  /´°
  \.  °`v       atleast I'm watering 
  | `˛  | 
       ¯¯¯  


09-04

It's fun to talk to friends after not being in contact for months even
years, you get the chance to recite what you have been doing since and 
relook at changed points of interest; only when I get asked 'are you
into that still' I realize it's a thing of past. 

I always had such calls in very unexpected moments   and  most of  the
time it ended with me appreciating good and idiotic past things;  like
one time when I drilled a  75 years old buliding with rental hammering
action dril, me and my  friend thought playing thrash metal will  supp
ress the sound - how navie, vibration shook the  whole block and I got
a  proper  dose from  my seniors, only made me praise the solid  const
ruction!


09-03

I developed a stigma around mobile phone, it all started with speaking
When I was kid I used to run in circles around home refusing when pare   
nts hand the mobile to me for continuing conversation, nothing changed
after all these years - I just refuse bluntly and no more sprinting. 

This wasn't the case with answering telephones firsthand, game of pred
icting  who  within seconds always brings joy.  Another aspect of tele
phone calls were, the calling party  doesn't expect you to  know them;
overlooking fancy tele-messagers and registers.  

If I call a friend on mobile, ofcourse I want them to answer; hell-o X
same goes for them.  I have prolonged conversations to guess the party
instead of asking 'who are you' right away, why so?  it  might be  sad 
knowing they weren't registered on  my mind so my goto reason - a very
different digital voice 

Around one time my mobile had only parents' number for  emergency  and
contacts were noted on paper. It didn't make me to love answering  the
phone but was fun attending and seeing  how  parties  reacted  with my
horrible guesses. I remember one such call, it was from my grandfather
but it had a reverb of someone speaking from well's inside,  initially
I thought it was my naughty friend mimmicking  and spoke colloquially.
By the time I realized  I asked the blasphemous phone question, he was
taken back  

I hope that day he wasn't sad thinking that his grandson hadn't stored
his contact.


09-02

            c.Ɔ_o                    o                       o7     
           (  ) |                   //\                      /\ 
            ¯˜ ╱|                     |\                      |\
           |------              c.Ɔ  |------                 |------
           |                    (  ) |                       |
           |______               `¯  |______                 |______
                 |                         |                       |
                 |                         |                       |
o                |      -   o              |             '* '      |
\¸               |       - /\¸             |           ` < > ´     |
 ()              |     - ()\ ()            |           _)o/_/()    |

          if you were the cyclist here, what would you do?

Although not same, here's the one. It was just before  dawn and I  was
drolling over the hovered clouds on the hills straight up ahead  while
riding. Bam! a douchebag lady disposed the  trash from the first floor
onto road, I didn't get hit but dodged a juice packet projectlie which
ended right on the middle of road. Continued straight for  few seconds
before making an u-turn, stepped off the  cycle and  gave the packet a
hard kick; it landed right in front of her gate. 

I was really furious and wasn't sure to control myself if eye  contact
was made because this was the street I was litter picking,  but I wish
she witnessed the kick; hard to miss the thud sound though. 

Continued on the ride but that day was ruined afterwards

I should have brought the litter picker from home which was few meters
from that douchebags' and slung the whole trashbag+packet by transferr
ing momentum like a shotput-er, smashing her 1st floor bedroom  window
and making a headshot  to put some senses into her brain.

damn it's not an ideal world!


09-01

I had  been fascinated with  bus trips especially  the  ones that goes 
to every remote village on the way instead of  point-point,  scenaries 
are fresh but the main aspect is forceful evasdropping of copassengers 
and taking a  glimpse of their daily life.  I planned on one such trip 
on a whim after seeing a  recycling centre listing, it was a tech city
in nearby state. I was dropped by family on the  town's bus stand with
in few hours because I planned all this  coinciding the outing.  I was 
on vaccation and a distinct cousin of ma lived there so convincing was 
easy.

Forward trip was boring because, the moment I stepped into the bus sta
nd I saw point-point bus, as stubborn I could be I waited another 2hrs 
till midnight and got into the similar bus. Task there went good; Resc
ued 2 X201 for $, which I still daily drive. On the return strip, I st
arted  on morning taking a local bus to city outskirts then onto inter
state and 2 transits to hometown. 

I prefer backrow despite the bumpy rides cause I  could  stretch  legs 
all the way  till goods space which is  usually  empty on these buses. 

Interstate one was filled, but I managed to sit near a  70-80 year old 
man. He was streaming a movie on his  2inch phone! no complaints I was 
pocketing a similar one too but without all this internet coolness. He
saw me peeking and offered to share the screen, phone was flipped with 
holding dailpad horizontally. I tried to make  sense of  language  but 
the noise outside made it hard. We parted with a simile after entering 
my state. 

It was midday and unlike the previous, only 3/10 was filled in backrow  
even the highways were scarce with vechicles; ideal for immersing into
thoughts.  I didn't  notice  a  copassanger untill a call he answered,
apparently it was from his  wife asking  what happened?  -  his friend
commited suicide by hanging and he stayed there to sort all the things
with family; he was in tears and tried containing anger while reciting
I just blinked and let the mid-30s man alone in bloddy eyes. 

Reached a bigger town on evening;   a final transit bus to my hometown
There were  quite a few lined  up for depature,   picked one at random
surprise! myself and last copassanger  were sitting in  backrow, exact 
postion. Later I learned while   getting ticket from conductor  he was
going to a town just before mine,  I  was  thinking the  whole time to 
consolidate with some quotes or  chat but When the bus stopped for the
mid trip break, saw him shift to an another bus that's about to go and
I just went out for air  with regret of not uttering a word to man who 
was letting go of emotion in public.  Bus  restarted  after  30min and 
reached home just before midnight.


I couldn't see myself doing these public rides in this   present world
never thought it would become a thing of a past era.   Cycling  to  my
rescue now! 


08-31

A treat for end of the month,  one of the  earliest  ascii collages  I 
made. Published on a mailing list when discussion about  ascii art for 
explaining programming popped up. Ofcourse I didn't dive off  creating 
my own, there were 2 miniatures I borrowed 

                                 |
         2   _                _  |    .-----------------.
        d   |        1         | |    | Witch of Agnesi |
        --- |  --------------  | |    |    on a unit   +-------------+
          2 |    /      2 \    | |    |      ˛---.     | Start Here! |
        dx  |   |  1 + x   |   | |    |     /     ╲    +------+------+
            |_   \        /   _| |    |     L  ·  j     |     |
      0                          |    |     \     ╱     | .---+------.
    /                  _.--.     |    |      `---´      | |  Place   |
    | f(x) * dx =  ---´     ',   |    |   Inflection    | | Holders  |
    /   ___                  |   |    |       plot      | |are really|
  -1/ \| 3                  \|/  |    `-----------------' |  tough   |
                 __v==c.     '   |          _===__.       `----------'
       ____v==/~~      '\.       |        v~      '~~===____.
~~~~~~~------------------'i------+-------/------------------'~~~~~~~~\ 
                          !._(_)_|      v`           _
                           \_)_(_|     i`          .' `-.         _
    W (,,.----------------. t(_)_|     /      /~\       /  -¯`-.  \|
    | d`o|  Sucked into   | 'i_(_|    /      C oo *    |   '    `-oD8
    c--(_|    Flatland,   |  \_)_|  i¯       _( ^)     `.__:      /|
    |  ( |     Lost &     |   t(_| /        /   ~\  +--------+    ¯
    PhS  |  Asciilarious  |   'i_|/     --Keely-----|Hey-Pal!|--------
         `----------------'    '=/                  | Dirac  |
               _                 |  _               +--------+   \~/
              |   /      \  \    |   |                         * oo D
              |  |  i * (|)  | - m   | (_|_) = 0                )^ (_
              |_  \      |  /       _|   |                      \~   /


08-30

There are times when  I doze off all day but still  feel  accomplished
and productive. Nice manipulation! 

2 days back I wrote on smell memory.  After a quick dive I found there
is dedicated discipline  olfactory -  to record scent,  what a strange 
sounding name. Main aim is to cash alongside augmented media but  work
still seems to be under way. Damn ask  Maude  from  'Harold and  Maude
(1971)' how she diy-ed it! 


08-29

On my usual cycle route, there's a great view of a  banyan tree on the
top of flyover. If I start the trip at 5am sprinting  I reach the spot
after 10mins. At the hint of pale blue in pitch black sky with the day 
light emerging from the hills behind,  bats  start  returning to their 
banyan home. It was scary at first  with bat  flocks  hovering over my  
head but soon got used to observing with still head;  avoiding  rabies 
kisses. By the time more than half  the flock of bats reaches the  ban
yan, criping of birds start indicating their shared home quota for the 
night was over; all these are synced within 15min    

                                                           
   .>                           <        .-,              <¸  
   '>°                                ,(    )-,_         °<'  
      o                           ,-.(     .- . ')_           
     ¸\\         >              .(  (     (   _)   ),  >      
    ()|()       ˝>°            (    ||               )        
     ----.             <        ¯-|-||_| |  / /|.·-|¯         
          \                       | l| |  v' / |   |          
           `,                     l  | |    |  |   l          
             '-,                     l j   ~l  |                    
                \                     /      \ 
                 ¯`·-   ¸·- ¸ _ _ _          
                        `._          ¯ )     
                             · - , _ ·´       


There used to be lake infront of this  banyan but over the  years it's 
depth has been decreased and the bank is now filled with plastics!  On 
my way back I pass through another banyan tree and a  temple  under it  
this is on the sides of service road.            

No matter where the banyan is, staying under it even fo a minute gives
me a sense of peace.


08-28

I was going through daily chores which is sitting idle   and  suddenly
remembered a peculiar smell, was  nowhere near any things that give it
off. These sort of hinting occurs at random times to me and the smells
itself have a story, a place and a past ingrained to it strongly.

This time though it was streets of Pusan and I believe  I picked up on
the flower-ish scent on a mattress storefront. It was  first  night of
arrival in foreign country. Lights were buzzing on stores  and apartme
nts as taxis was on the way to rental home. That mattress shop was the
first stop, it was almost closing time we-family brought quilt and pil
lows; later I was sitting on rear seat very tired.  My  memories after
that faded away but I remember on the next morning stroll  I was given
a similar smelling strawberry shake by pa. The depature  date  clashed
clased with my annual test and it was on my mind when  travelling  but
sudden change of scenary made me forget all that for months. Even then
I was sitting idle during weekdays as we-family  sideloaded  pa as  he
was visting the university for work. 

Ventured into something there ^  

Oh the smells, another that strikes now is my pungent senior secondary
school dorm; it has to do with cleaning agent.

Btw I still have that quilt on my bed,  if it was fresh piece on store
then it's almost 20years old now

Present Pusan I'm seeing on videos has  changed  much From early 2000s
it's same for all the cities on earth, isn't it?


08-27

When I'm reciting a past activity I soon  jumble point of view s/I/you 
it's under the assumption that someone reading is  about to  undertake
the same; In fact I have done the same here a couple of days back.

It gets really annoying-faking as an instructor and in reality differs
for each person so I'm boycotting 'you get to' in favour of  'I did X'

this wasn't very evident to me untill I came across a post with  exact
above perks, hehe thanks alter ego stranger


08-26

I wonder  how every doggos find  shelter under heat  and rain nowadays 
there are  no  overhangs  or  space surrounding   new buildings it's a 
perfect square with 0 cms to spare  moreover  concrete is layed on top 
of road to building edge - what, a zero soil policy?

In a  country where humans are finding road pavement  as  cozy bedroom
it's not surprising for doggos to squeeze, atleast this isn't the case
with pack around this vicinity.


08-25

I was brushing basics on space curves and polar systems, took  a close 
look on TNB frames of accelation.   
 
                                               \o/ made it!           
        finish                                /\┤
         /                                  _/  \ 
      ,·´                                  /     \
      l            ───────────────→       /       \                   
      ╰-,         project this onto      /
         \            a steep hill      /   
        start

the first  path is  bird  eye view, imagine you  are  walking  forward 
along this; you can keep the head  straight and either  walk  straight
or sideways -  corresponding former acceleration is Tangential, latter 
being Normal

now project the path onto different terrain - a  steep hill.  Although 
the traced path is same, as you move forward  you start  to gain altit
-ude and body twists with respect to ground  accomadating ascent,  not 
like old video games where you kiss  the hill always   with  just legs 
moving.   This twist is in  perpendicular plane to both  directions in 
first case and acceleration associated is Binormal

let's tackle a real life situation. Riding on a corner, what do you do
you do to stay along? ofcourse steer maintaining a constant     _     
speed. Normal acceleration is what deals how fast swaying    .─˙   .─╶
sideways changes with amount of steer. The full picture   ,·     ,·  
                                                         ╱      ╱           
     accel_normal = curvature × (velocity)²                 ↑                   
                                                    attacking a corner                 

steering increases curvature of path linearly  but  doubling  velocity
quadruples the swaying! so  next  time when cornering slow down or 
maintain the speed as usual at start and while on attacking the corner
pump a  teeeny bit and steer  less - very handy for non power steering 
vechicles.

on pro cycling/skating track,s corners are  banked/elevated at a angle
where gravity helps to sway. Also in these cases binormal acceleration 
is different for each path, one closer to inner edge has maximal bi
normal acceleration(?)  due  to  less  steepness but banking help from 
gravity is minimal.  Gamble on the riders 


08-24

Sleash's (dis)comfort  is broken finally, let  me  lay  my how-to. 

start a timer at midnight 12, a daily cron job for  xtimer will do now
fix how much free time you're allotting to the  day -  includes  daily 
chore and anything that only resembles consumption;  if that number is 
13, that's 13hrs of nothingness! awesome

now pause the timer whenever there's work/reading being  done and make 
sure by end of day  around 9-10pm,  the timer is behind the number. By
above example you would have progressed close to 11hrs! 

why this works?  since you can pause timer whenever there's some thing 
done,  you get the fake sense  of  controlling the time your self and  
when you stray away,  the  guilt will poke you even mid day because of
the time constrain 

from my trails, the best way is to pause  the timer around 5 ie waking
 before 5 and going into production, that's gives optimism later duing
day, since 13-5=8hrs of nothingness in the daylight!  and doubt I have 
done anything worthy after  8pm so I go lenient after that, calling it 
a day.

my timer now is about to reach 18 (11pm now), quite a progress compari
ng yesterday 

I do believe this works for night owls too with an offset in resetting
at midnight 12 - maybe 12 noon


08-23

I  stumbled  on  a  cycling  manga -  bikings by Jun Fudo, initial set
up  was very  honest,  similarity  to  hajime no ippo  really  stricks
mc here  is   s/ ippo/ itto   ipponogi,   conincidence?  
the bikes  mentioned  were  real,  early  2000s  steel       ·¯` 
frames, straight  geometry  and  art  made  me  droll     o__|/¯`
even info  on  frame  setup  and    parts were drawn
at  end of  few  chapters,  sponsored?  while  reading    dare disrupt
I  thought  a  hill  climbling   technique   was  bluff      my  sleep  
tested  it  on  my   short  night  ride  today,  fatigue       cadence
throught  the  thigh  and  legs  were  more  apparent  than 
my  past  20km  rides!  racing  and  time  trial  were  ballgame level 
different  than  my  endurance  rides -  20km  pun 

here's the  technique,  change  to  reasonable  inner  lower gears and
imagine pushing the  pedal with  thigh  bottom  instead of  foot  heal 
pick  a  straight   course  and  pump  the pedal as  fast  as you can.
On  the way back  alternate with  single  leg, I  can   only  make 3/4 
ish  with  slippers.  I was  panting  when I  reached  home street but
2 doggos I know were running  ahead  cheering, pumped  one  last  time   
and  breeze in  hair was  awesome. I  did  feed them  before  egg rice
so not for food hehe

oh sleash cycle, I did get away from it - doesn't look like with above
 description?  atleast partially..  


08-22

There's a sense of guilt that struck only at end of the day, reminding
planned things aren't complete yet. Keeping away from sleep as well as 
progressing, ending with yet another late night and getting on this
(sl)eep-(ea)t-shi(th) cycle again the next day   

     o_                 o  .·¯¯¯¯·,            o
    /`·./\              \`/ 88    /          ¸´·╮
 a morning pose?         ·`-----·´           ╰´ '
                      pisces on table        °
                                           DownLoading...   
                                                
I'm a fallen victim to this infamous sleash cycle for 4 days I do know
multiple way outs, testing it tomorrow. 

yesterday I reminded family about month off from chewing quaterly anti
helmintics tablets, came across a  smithsonian artilce about excavated 
15th century monks with proper sanitation had twice the worm infection 
than the regular mass,  analyzed from  unhatched worm eggs on skeletal 
remains! why so? hint hint smelly fertilizer
                                             

08-21

After  a  tedious  thinking  for few nights,  I have decided how to re
ssurrect this  year  old  space.  One  major  thing that drove me away 
was the  replication  of  www.  Why  would these small webs 
need  indexed  pods, holes  for each post,  in the world    /\  .___¸  
of  www  it's makes sense for  web  crawlers to snatch      o/__|/\  
single page instead of century  long  life dairy but       \/      `-  
aren't  these  small  webs  trying  to achieve the 
opposite?   over  the  years  I   have  made ascii arts, collages some 
were  purged  on  mailings  lists others  reside  deep, few  cool ones 
have lost to disk failures. 

In the  upcomings day  I  will be squeezing all (un)interesting things
people into this  one  plain  txt  and try to engage  myself + friends