💾 Archived View for corvidae.smol.pub › eighth captured on 2024-03-21 at 14:44:37. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
today was pretty okay! kinda boring.. and im very tired haha.. but.. my mind has felt loud today in ways i can't put into words. wagh
for the past few days ive been playing this internet and vaporwave-inspired game called broken reality and its so cool dude.. its such a creative and beautiful looking game! i adore the soundtrack as well, my favorite songs at least right now are geocity and dragon road.. especially geocity, i think ambience and that kind of softer music is super unappreciated by a lot of people, i love how it sounds a lot.. it sounds like being lost somewhere strange and unfamiliar.. i think im almost done with the game, im gonna continue tomorrow and see how long i can continue wandering around before i give up and look up an online guide XD i like figuring things out on my own but im not very good at that so. ig we'll see what happens haha
im so tired.. its kind of a good tired though. the kind of tired when you know you can sleep in for as long as you want, since you don't have anything planned for tomorrow lmao. and because of this feeling, you feel less guilty of staying up despite your drowsiness. you feel like you can just soak in your body's attempts of calming you down and preparing you for sleep... thinking about it too hard is weird, i'm gonna stop haha XD
sleep is a weird word. idk what it is about it that gets me. i is also a weird word, but i think i understand this reason a bit better. ive always had issues with depersonalizing from myself, realizing over and over again that im my own person and not just a part of some dream. i have my own thoughts and this is my own body.. even though i always feel more like a narrator to a protagonist. my body doesn't feel like mine, it just feels like im witnessing and spectating its life. how am i gonna shake this feeling off when its always been here..? is something happening in my life to increase my feelings of discomfort and unease throughout this week so far? idk.
maybe this is why sleep is a weird word to me. as is eat, smell, touch, feel... sometimes its hard to comprehend that i can do any of that. that im more then just my inner voice. im my body, too. this body feels so foreign sometimes but its mine.. this isn't ethan behavior. im probably.. no definitely dissociating while writing this. i was feeling switchy all day, anyway. that's probably what's going on
ill stop here, let myself breathe and rest. see ya next timeeee
---