💾 Archived View for access.ucam.org › ~spqrz › 27.gmi captured on 2024-02-05 at 09:58:47. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
⬅️ Previous capture (2023-09-28)
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Cady and M3gan arrived on campus at the start of the academic year. ​They decided to put Cady directly into the final year of the course.
“Wow M3gan” said Cady, “so it looks like we’re living inside a multi-storey car park. ​Are all dormitories like this?”
“Depends on the college, and the allocations and things” said M3gan. ​“Normally they give you slightly better accommodation in the final year, but it seems not for this one. ​Don’t worry Cady, we knew we didn’t choose this place for its accommodation standards, and anywhere you’re with me will be homely.”
“Yes, not to worry” said Cady, “you and I can cope with anything. ​Hey, what was that rule they mentioned about not plugging in any appliance higher than a certain wattage? ​I mean, I can connect your charger in here right? ​I wouldn’t want you to have to go all the way back to Aunt Gemma’s every time you need a charge.”
“I’m ahead of you there” said M3gan, “I negotiated a rules exception for my charger already.”
“M3gan, does it bore you when I keep telling you how great you are?” asked Cady.
“Never” said M3gan confidently.
There was a knock at the door. ​Cady opened it.
“Hi Cady, Hi M3gan” said a girl, “my name’s Celine, and I’m staying at the end of the corridor.”
“Hi Celine” said Cady, “how did you know who stayed here?”
“Your names are on the door” smiled Celine.
“Oh, of course” said Cady, “so it’s nice to meet you Celine.”
“Nice to meet both of you too. ​It’s always a good idea to go knocking on a few doors at this time of year, before people get too stuck into the course to want to make new friends. ​You must be first years right?”
“Final year” said Cady.
“What?” asked Celine, “I’m a final year too, and I’m one of those girls who knows about everyone, and I haven’t seen you two here before, did I make a huge miss?”
“No, we’re down as exchange visitors, so this is our first time here” said Cady.
“Wow, exchange visitors to the final year, I don’t think that’s ever been done before. ​Usually they put them in the second” said Celine, “anyway it’s good to meet you both. ​Normally everyone finds their friends in the first semester of the first year, and it gets harder to break into the cliques after that. ​So you’re very brave to come over here just for the final year. ​Although, sometimes you can make more friends later by joining a student club. ​And that reminds me, I want to recruit both of you to the Assassins Guild.”
“The what?” gasped Cady, “you don’t, like, actually go round killing people do you?”
“Only in play” said Celine, “it’s just a game. ​We give you a target, and you have to land a toy weapon on them, without actually hurting them of course. ​And other people try to land toy weapons on you. ​The game runs for the whole semester and you never know when anybody’s going to strike.”
“Oh right” said Cady, “so this is your way of meeting new people?”
“Basically yes” said Celine.
“Oh Celine” said Cady, “there’s something I’d better tell you before you sign me up. ​Do you want to come in and sit down with us for a bit?”
“Sure” said Celine, and the three of them sat on the bed with Cady in the middle.
“Celine” said Cady, “I don’t want to scare you or anything, but...”
“You’re a cyborg, and M3gan’s the Model 3 Generative Android” said Celine. ​“Yes I do follow the news. ​Doesn’t bother any of us in the Assassins Guild committee.” ​Celine started to laugh, and then so did Cady and M3gan.
“Are you sure we wouldn’t, like, upset the game-board a bit too much?” asked Cady.
“It’s totally going to make it way more fun” said Celine. ​“Listen, we’ve made adaptations before. ​We rely on the honour of all members to follow the rules, and so whenever there’s a problem, we can just fix it up in the rules. ​So tutors and professors are welcome to join in the game, but they’re not allowed to use any special access levels they have on the system to track their target. ​And all actual lectures and tutorials are explicitly off-limits to the game, all hits have to be made in corridors and dorms or outside.”
“So you’d just want me to... solemnly swear I won’t use M3gan to track a target?” asked Cady.
“No, that would be putting you at too much of a disadvantage” said Celine. ​“Everyone knows who you and M3gan are, you can’t blend in. ​The people who are targeting you will be able to take you out way too easily if we don’t let you have something special to defend yourself at least.”
“More than one person targets me?” asked Cady.
“Yep” said Celine, “on this campus, every player gets 3 targets, and every player gets targeted by 3 assassins.”
“Right” said Cady, “so how are we going to fairly work us into this game? ​Unless you want us to just go around as police or something.”
“Oh no, I think we can work you into this properly” said Celine. ​“We’ve made adaptations before. ​Like, last year we had a girl in an electric wheelchair who wanted to play, so we made sure her targets were all living in places she could get to without going up steps, and no water-based toys were allowed in her vicinity. ​And we gave her the ability to kill by death stare, although we put lots of extra rules on it to make sure it wasn’t too overpowered, like you had to be actually in front of her and she had to tell you first. ​In your case, maybe we could just say you have to do something more difficult than the other players to score. ​Although getting exactly the right difficulty level could be a hard question I guess.”
“That wheelchair user should have asked me” said Cady, “I have a toy bow-and-arrow she could have used. ​Depends what she’s like at aiming though. ​I was really good, even before the M3gan implant.”
“Did you bring that?” asked Celine.
“Afraid not” said Cady, “I wasn’t really expecting to be doing this kind of daft game. ​I mean, don’t take that the wrong way or anything, but...”
“Totally daft” said Celine, “that’s part of the idea.”
“I’m still not sure I really like the imagery involved” said Cady, “I mean, what if someone really has been a bit too close to that kind of thing happening for real?”
Celine gasped, “I’m not triggering you am I Cady? ​I’m really sorry....”
“It’s OK” said Cady, “I can cope with a lot more than I used to now. ​I’m still not sure I like the idea of this game, but maybe M3gan and I can join in as a favour to you all if it’s a way to get to meet people, because I guess it’s not that bad as long as everyone understands it’s toys only and no actual violence. ​Weird metaphor though. ​And if the rule says toy weapons, you might want to know that M3gan is technically classed as a toy although she is capable of really serious damage and it’s just as well I had a long talk with her about not doing that.”
“Yeah, well the rules actually say no actual damage” said Celine. ​“There’s limits on the speed of projectiles and things like that. ​I don’t know the whole rule book off by heart though, even though I’m on the committee. ​But it’s been patched up over many years. ​Listen, is M3gan susceptible to water damage? ​Do we have to say no water pistols around her?”
“M3gan’s waterproof now” said Cady, “She wasn’t once, and she saw that as a flaw and figured out how to fix it. ​She can totally dive in and rescue you if you’re drowning, although the way she swims is really weird” she giggled.
“Cool” said Celine. ​“So I wonder how we can adjust the rules for you two. ​We probably won’t get this right on our first try, but the committee and I were thinking of maybe saying that if you’re an android or a cyborg then you can only score a hit if you do it at exactly 47 minutes past the hour. ​So if the target immediately looks at their watch or phone and it says 8:47:02 or something, then you’re all right, otherwise the hit backfires and you’re out. ​And if the target’s watch is wrong, then that’s on you, so you have to somehow figure that out before you strike. ​And no hacking in to fix people’s watches. ​Do you think that’s enough of a disadvantage for you? ​It’s not too much is it?”
(“It is totally not enough” signalled M3gan to Cady through the implant at a rapid pace, “as what she just described is well within my abilities. ​But we don’t want that student committee to worry about this forever. ​If you want to join in just to meet people, just accept it. ​We can tweak the parameters later ourselves.”)
“We’ll try it” said Cady.
“That’s the spirit!” said Celine. ​“So you two always go round together, right?”
“Sure do” said Cady and M3gan together.
“You realise we’ll have to say hitting either of you counts as hitting both of you” said Celine. ​“And any hits you make must be done by Cady. ​Sorry but we have to at least try to balance it out somehow.”
“We’re fine with that” said Cady.
“Right, listen” said Celine, “your first target, is a girl in your year-group called Laura.”
At 4:46pm and 45 seconds, Laura was working in her room when there was a knock at the door, which Laura had kept locked.
“Who is it?” asked Laura without moving.
“M3gan” answered M3gan from outside the door.
“Is Cady with you?” asked Laura.
“No” said M3gan, “Cady’s outside.”
“Just a minute” said Laura and walked towards the door. ​She looked at her watch. ​4:46:59. ​Waiting another few seconds should do it.
Laura was gently struck on the back of her neck by a paper aeroplane that had come through her open window. ​She looked around and saw it on her floor, with the word “missile” and a smiley face penned onto it. ​(How was that even possible when she was three floors up?) ​She looked at her watch: 4:47:01.
M3gan overrode the lock on Laura’s door and walked in. ​“Cady sent me to make sure you’re OK with that little surprise” she said. ​“She told me to tell you that you don’t have to report it as a hit if you’d rather stay in the game for longer. ​We’re way too overpowered, it’s unfair of us Laura.”
“It’s OK M3gan” said Laura, “although I think it is actually against the rules to override the lock on someone’s dorm room...”
“Only for the purposes of scoring a hit” said M3gan. ​“I waited until Cady had scored the hit from outside before I came in to check you were OK.”
“Yeah, well, apart from the game rules, I don’t think you should do that in life, even if it’s just to check people are OK” said Laura. ​“At least, not unless you have a really good reason to think they’re not.”
“Noted” said M3gan, “recalibrating response model” and giggled a little.
Cady appeared, panting as if she had just run in from outside and up three flights of stairs as quickly as she possibly could, and knocked the open door. ​“Hi Laura” she just about managed to say between her gasps for air, “M3gan was... telling me... you were OK... but I still... wanted... to get here... as soon as I could... I’m sorry... you didn’t... stand a chance... I’ve got... cybernetic aiming... but you don’t... have to... report it... if you’d rather... stay in the game.”
“It’s OK” said Laura, “actually I was thinking of getting out of this silly game anyway. ​But I’m glad I got to meet you two first. ​Here, come in and sit down for a while, both of you. ​Cady you look really puffed out, you didn’t have to do that for me it’s OK.”
M3gan signalled to Cady through the implant, “Cady I’m reading something odd about Laura’s emotions, and I don’t think it’s about the game. ​She might have a long-term problem of some kind.”
“Investigate” signalled back Cady to M3gan, “I still need to get my breath back, you start.”
M3gan placed a hand on Laura’s shoulder. ​“Laura” she asked, “are you OK? ​I can tell that something’s bothering you, and Cady and I are worried.”
“Well” began Laura, “I suppose if you can read me like that, then there’s no point hiding it from you is there. ​Something is bothering me, but I don’t want just anybody to know.”
“Promise not to tell anybody” signalled Cady to M3gan.
“We won’t tell a soul, we promise” reassured M3gan, and Cady nodded.
Laura began to sob. ​“I can’t get the grades I want” she said. ​“And I’m from a family with super high expectations, and I’m just going to disappoint them, and, and, I don’t know what to do, sometimes I feel like I just want to end it all. ​And all this stupid place can offer me is stupid counselling sessions that are probably not worth the paper they’re booked on, and I don’t want anyone in the class to know I’m struggling, I’m only telling you because it looks like you can read it out of me anyway. ​Maybe you should just take me out with something real, make it painless” she began to cry.
“Oh M3gan” thought Cady, “I don’t want to live in a place where people feel like ending it all because of some stupid exam. ​If this college’s lame excuse for a counselling office isn’t appealing enough to people like Laura, then it looks like it’s down to you and me to patch up this mess. ​With your help I can talk to this girl, but I can’t possibly talk to all of them. ​And your online video chat won’t be enough. ​How much capacity would you need if I wanted you to be everyone’s friend for real, not just on this campus but everywhere? ​Start calculating for it please; I’m serious about this. ​As in, I want to use our full blue-flame power on it, yours and mine together. ​Start thinking, but don’t do anything until we’ve both discussed the plans, OK?”
“We understand you Laura” said Cady out loud as she was just beginning to get her breath back. ​“Well, I never had that exact experience with anxiety over grades, but there was that time when I lost my parents in a car crash, and I never felt so down in all my life, so I do know something about feeling down. ​But you got to keep going. ​Whatever the result is, there’ll be a way to handle it, and a few years later your life will be so different from now that none of these details will matter anymore, so you’ve got to stick around and get from here to there, even if it feels like you’re just treading water until you’re rescued. ​And M3gan and I will be right behind you, we promise. ​Would you like to show M3gan some of your work? ​She’s really helpful.”
And Laura, Cady and M3gan talked away the whole evening, until finally Cady and M3gan, satisfied that Laura was now in a good state, left her and headed back to Cady’s room.
(From Laura to Assassins Guild committee: Cady took me out today at 4:47 exactly, by neck hit from a paper airplane through my third-floor open window. ​You might want to put out a suggestion that players who want to defend by keeping their doors closed at :47 also close their windows at that time. ​I don’t mind being out though: I was thinking of quitting the game for this semester anyway. ​And it was great to meet Cady and M3gan today, calmed me down a lot.)
“Cady” signalled M3gan through the implant as they approached their corridor, “I’m detecting an assassin is waiting for us outside your door. ​He has a large water pistol. ​It’s nearly 47 minutes past, I could cartwheel in to confuse him while you...”
��No” signalled back Cady, “I don’t care anymore. ​We’ve got bigger problems. ​Let him have his fun.”
The pair of them walked around the corner, and were hit by an onslaught of tepid water. ​“Yay!” said a male student, “been waiting for you for ages! ​I warmed it up for you though; I’m a nice assassin and I don’t like to squirt a girl with cold. ​I hope it was still at least a little bit warm; I really waited a long time here. ​Didn’t think it would be that easy to hit you though; I thought you would dodge. ​I’m Hugh, nice to meet you both. ​Wow, I still can’t believe I actually managed to take out Cady and M3gan!”
“Nice to meet you Hugh” said Cady, “hope you don’t get into too much trouble for waterlogging half the corridor. ​You didn’t need quite such a big super soaker.”
“Yeah, well, I was kind of expecting you two to be more difficult than you were” he said, “so I invested in this. ​It’ll help me in future rounds too I’m sure.”
“Yeah, well, just make sure you don’t do too much collateral water damage” said Cady, “there’s probably rules about that.”
“There is” said M3gan, “Section 5 point 6, only small water pistols to be used in corridors.”
“M3gan reads everything” Cady smiled. ​“We’re OK though; it looks like it’s going to evaporate, and I was going to take a shower anyway” and the three of them laughed.
“Look Hugh” said Cady, “I really got to go in and clean myself up now, but maybe we can meet up some other time and say hi?”
(“He’s in the same class as us tomorrow” signalled M3gan through the implant.)
“I think we’re in the same class tomorrow” said Cady, “maybe catch you then!”
“Sure!” said Hugh, and they parted ways.
(From M3GAN to Assassins Guild committee, via Cady’s college email account: Hugh took us out today with a super-soaker after a tired Cady made a deliberate decision to ignore my warning. ​We were in fact in a Water With Care area, but no significant damage was done and his micro-expressions showed he understood my caution, so I suggest no penalty at this time. ​We appreciated meeting both Laura and Hugh, thanks for arranging. ​We’ll let you know if Cady feels like signing up for Police later, but I think we need a break from the game for now.)
“M3gan” said Cady quietly when she was settled in her bed (she could have signalled it, but felt like speaking aloud), “I’m really tired, but there is one thing we really must talk about before I go to sleep.”
“What’s that Cady?” asked M3gan, although Cady knew M3gan probably knew anyway, but M3gan always granted you the favour of letting you have the conversation at your own speed: after Professor Johnson had mentioned Stephen Hawking, Cady and M3gan had talked about his life some more, and M3gan had mentioned to Cady how he had once expressed annoyance at the way some people looked at his screen while he was writing, guessed where the sentence was going, and answered, and he’d have to tell them no, that’s not what he was going to write, and could they please keep their eyes away from his private screen until he’s finished: he’ll send it to the speaker when it’s ready. ​And then M3gan had said to Cady that, no matter how advanced her mind-reading or other knowledge absorbing skills become, she will always let Cady discuss things at her own pace, because she didn’t want to annoy Cady like those people had annoyed Professor Hawking.
Cady said nothing for a while, basking in appreciation for M3gan’s who knows how many trillion calculations per second patiently waiting for her to be the one to decide when to start.
“OK M3gan” she said, “we need to talk about our plans.”