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Another of the great joys of quitting porn is to be free of those sinister black shadows at the back of our minds. All PMOers know they are fools to close their minds on the ill-effects of PMO. For most of our lives PMO is automatic but the black shadows are always lurking in our subconscious minds, just beneath the surface. There are several marvellous advantages to achieve from quitting PMO. Some of them I was consciously aware of throughout my life, such as the health risks, the waste of time and the sheer stupidity of making love to a two dimensional image. However, such was my fear of quitting, so obsessed was I in resisting all the attempts of do-gooders and anyone else who tried to persuade me to quit, that all my imagination and energy was directed to finding any flimsy excuse that would allow me to continue to PMO.
Amazingly, my most ingenious thoughts occurred when I was actually trying to quit. They were of course inspired by the fear and misery I suffered when attempting to quit by using willpower. No way could I block my mind from the health and sexual aspects. But now that I am free it amazes me how I successfully blocked my mind from even more important advantages to be gained from quitting. I've already mentioned the sheer slavery - spending half of our lives being allowed to PMO, doing it automatically and wishing we had never started, the other half feeling miserable and deprived because the knowledge of the destructive effects of internet porn won't allow us to PMO. In the last chapter I've referred to the incredible joy of having energy again. But for me the greatest joy of being free was not the health, the time, the energy, or the ending of the slavery, it was the removal of those sinister black shadows, the removal of feeling despised by and feeling apologetic to myself and to other quitters, and most of all to be able to respect yourself.
Most PMOers aren't the weak-willed, spineless jellyfish that both society and themselves tend to believe. In every other aspect of my life I was in control. I loathed myself for being dependent on an evil crutch that I knew was ruining my life. I cannot tell you of the utter joy of being free of those sinister black shadows, the dependency and the self-despising. I can't tell you how nice it is to be able to look at all other users, whether they be young, old, casual or heavy, not with a feeling of envy, but with a feeling of pity for them and elation for yourself that you are no longer the slave of that insidious trap. The other day I felt pity for the guy on a TV show who was so excited to get to watch porn - another case of society slipping one in your drink under the pretence of comedy.
The last two chapters have dealt with the considerable advantages of being a non-PMOer. I feel it necessary to give a balanced account, so the next chapter lists the advantages of being a PMOer.
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