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not much better

i slept all day, not one lucid dream tho. its ok, but the problem is i woke up very grumpy with that empty and depressed feeling. to top it off im out of vape liquid so i was quite on edge. i think i managed to get my mom to go to sleep without worrying about me tho. i dont want them to suffer like i do, its awful. constant suffering. anyways im betting on sports again, maybe my luck will change or ill learn better ways to win. or learn that its a scam and im just wasting my money. in 7 days my cousin will get married and have a party. i cant go. i cant put on a happy face on command. she will have to understand, or maybe she doesnt even care. a friend of my dad is travelling and my dad told him to try and buy me some old phones that i really like, maybe if he is able to ill be a little bit happier. im working on that game while i gamble, but what i really want is get back to work on my software rasterizer and produce some good games with it. games that i really love. i just wish this feeling of wanting to die would go away. and hey! maybe when this game is done ill actually earn a bit of money. also i was thinking of re-writing my software rasterizer in rust, what do you think?

by: ash

Mon Dec 11 04:55:21 UTC 2023

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