💾 Archived View for midnight.pub › posts › 1671 captured on 2024-02-05 at 09:28:10. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
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This world is like spikes with nowhere to sit or rest. I wish I was somewhere else where my body isn't confined to how people perceive me, I would prefer if my body was a void instead or doll limbs stuck to my torso like I am Frankenstein's monster.
I feel like I'm sinking deep into a hole where the weight of people's expectations chain me up until I'm being squeezed into all directions. If I was made of rubber, I would have be able to slip away from their grasp before they can take me away.
That would be a world I'd like to live in.
I don't know what to say, I wish I can reply to all these nice comments with more than just short sentences, but thank you everyone who found the time to comment. This is gonna be my master reply to everyone here so if I reply to each individual comment to read this one, I hope you find that it makes you feel warm too like your comments. I mostly thought this was going to be lost in the sea of words and I really dont have much to say compared to a lot of people here.
I know I kept replying to everyone with a similar thing about checking out this reply, but I can't make a whole essay for everyone. ISO i'm gonna use this as my sincere thank you to everyone again. Wherever you are, I'm still glad we had this interaction, even if it was short.
I've seen stories from some of you that really made me feel seen and sad that those things happened to you, but I am relieved that you've all tried to work through it in your own ways. I'm mostly rambling so I'm gonna end this non-sense by saying another thank you to everyone here, you matter too.
This too shall pass, let's get out of bed and open a window.
what helps me is accepting that my pain - in whatever form it might take - is only ever temporary. maybe it'll help you, or maybe it won't; at least you're trying to find solace. i hope things improve for you.
I totally hear you.
I don't know where you live and how much those expectations affect your day to day life, but I'm starting to learn to simply not give a f#ck about what people expect of me.
I suffer CPTSD from emotional abuse in childhood and my "inner critic" is incredibly strong. I've found over the years of mindfulness practice and therapy that a lot of what I perceive is judgement from others is actually self-judgement. Shrinking the inner critic has been a HUGE part of my recovery (it's a lifetime's work!)
Another incredibly helpful thing I've done is to find non-judgemental, accepting, supportive, uplifting people and spend MUCH more time with them. I have dropped a lot of my old friends who judged me or placed expectations on me, or even harshly judged themselves without being conscious of it (my best friends still judge themselves but they are self-aware and we talk about it and laugh about it)
I hope you find your spike-free place. It's inside you somewhere. For me it was called my "authentic self"... I found it when I tapped into my authentic needs, desires, values and boundaries. Like I say, a lot of work but it gets more worth it every day.
i struggle with liking my body, dysmorphia, dysphoria, you name it, but i think what i've found to help me is disregarding what others think, and also asserting control over it. in part thats how i dress but a big one for me is tattoos, the more perminant change to my body asserting that it is mine and i can choose how it is. i may have been forced into my body, but that doesn't mean i can't make it mine.
to echo what others have said, you are not alone in these feelings, i often tell my theripast how i wish my body was more maluable, a changeling, a swarm of nanobots, anything non static. changing my body helps but yeah if i could choose i'd choose a conciousness in the void rather then a form. but alas i can't, so tattoos and other body modifications it is!
I've always had this feeling, moreso now as an adult and I'm even more uncomfortable in my body than during puberty probably since I've unfortunately gained weight and had health issues. Sometimes I dream about becoming an avatar and living like a ghost, but that's super unlikely so it's up to us to find power in our body. It's the gift we got alongside being born.
~theoddballphilosopher wrote (thread):
I often felt that way as a kid with Autism, as they just expected me to figure things out on my own without their help even in Middle School.
You're not alone. I hope you come to realize that people's expectations don't have to define you.
Carl Jung once said, "I am not what happened to me. I am what I choose to become."
You don't need to feel ashamed about your body. If anyone tries to shame you for it, they're just bullying you.