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by H. G. Wells
The man with the white face entered the carriage at Rugby. He moved slowly in spite of the urgency of his porter, and even while he was still on the platform I noted how ill he seemed. He dropped into the corner over against me with a sigh, made an incomplete attempt to arrange his travelling shawl, and became motionless, with his eyes staring vacantly. Presently he was moved by a sense of my observation, looked up at me, and put out a spiritless hand for his newspaper. Then he glanced again in my direction.
I feigned to read. I feared I had unwittingly embarrassed him, and in a moment I was surprised to find him speaking.
âI beg your pardon?â said I.
âThat book,â he repeated, pointing a lean finger, âis about dreams.â
âObviously,â I answered, for it was Fortnum-Roscoeâs âDream Statesâ, and the title was on the cover.
He hung silent for a space as if he sought words. âYes,â he said, at last, âbut they tell you nothing.â
I did not catch his meaning for a second.
âThey donât know,â he added.
I looked a little more attentively at his face.
âThere are dreams,â he said, âand dreams.â That sort of proposition I never dispute. âI supposeââ he hesitated. âDo you ever dream? I mean vividly.â
âI dream very little,â I answered. âI doubt if I have three vivid dreams in a year.â
âAh!â he said, and seemed for a moment to collect his thoughts.
âYour dreams donât mix with your memories?â he asked abruptly. âYou donât find yourself in doubt: did this happen or did it not?â
âHardly ever. Except just for a momentary hesitation now and then. I suppose few people do.â
âDoes HE sayââ he indicated the book.
âSays it happens at times and gives the usual explanation about intensity of impression and the like to account for its not happening as a rule. I suppose you know something of these theoriesââ
âVery littleâexcept that they are wrong.â
His emaciated hand played with the strap of the window for a time. I prepared to resume reading, and that seemed to precipitate his next remark. He leant forward almost as though he would touch me.
âIsnât there something called consecutive dreamingâthat goes on night after night?â
âI believe there is. There are cases given in most books on mental trouble.â
âMental trouble! Yes. I daresay there are. Itâs the right place for them. But what I meanââ He looked at his bony knuckles. âIs that sort of thing always dreaming? IS it dreaming? Or is it something else? Mightnât it be something else?â
I should have snubbed his persistent conversation but for the drawn anxiety of his face. I remember now the look of his faded eyes and the lids red stainedâperhaps you know that look.
âIâm not just arguing about a matter of opinion,â he said. âThe thingâs killing me.â
âDreams?â
âIf you call them dreams. Night after night. Vivid!âso vivid ... thisââ (he indicated the landscape that went streaming by the window) âseems unreal in comparison! I can scarcely remember who I am, what business I am on...â He paused. âEven nowââ
âThe dream is always the sameâdo you mean?â I asked.
âItâs over.â
âYou mean?â
âI died.â
âDied?â
âSmashed and killed, and now so much of me as that dream was is dead. Dead for ever. I dreamt I was another man, you know, living in a different part of the world and in a different time. I dreamt that night after night. Night after night I woke into that other life. Fresh scenes and fresh happeningsâuntil I came upon the lastââ
âWhen you died?â
âWhen I died.â
âAnd since thenââ
âNo,â he said. âThank God! that was the end of the dream...â
It was clear I was in for this dream. And, after all, I had an hour before me, the light was fading fast, and Fortnum-Roscoe has a dreary way with him. âLiving in a different time,â I said: âdo you mean in some different age?â
âYes.â
âPast?â
âNo, to comeâto come.â
âThe year three thousand, for example?â
âI donât know what year it was. I did when I was asleep, when I was dreaming, that is, but not nowânot now that I am awake. Thereâs a lot of things I have forgotten since I woke out of these dreams, though I knew them at the time when I wasâI suppose it was dreaming. They called the year differently from our way of calling the year... What DID they call it?â He put his hand to his forehead. âNo,â said he, âI forget.â
He sat smiling weakly. For a moment I feared he did not mean to tell me his dream. As a rule, I hate people who tell their dreams, but this struck me differently. I proffered assistance even. âIt beganââ I suggested.
âIt was vivid from the first. I seemed to wake up in it suddenly. And itâs curious that in these dreams I am speaking of I never remembered this life I am living now. It seemed as if the dream life was enough while it lasted. PerhapsâBut I will tell you how I find myself when I do my best to recall it all. I donât remember anything clearly until I found myself sitting in a sort of loggia looking out over the sea. I had been dozing, and suddenly I woke upâfresh and vividânot a bit dreamlikeâ because the girl had stopped fanning me.â
âThe girl?â
âYes, the girl. You must not interrupt or you will put me out.â He stopped abruptly. âYou wonât think Iâm mad?â he said.
âNo,â I answered; âyouâve been dreaming. Tell me your dream.â
âI woke up, I say, because the girl had stopped fanning me. I was not surprised to find myself there or anything of that sort, you understand. I did not feel I had fallen into it suddenly. I simply took it up at that point. Whatever memory I had of THIS life, this nineteenth-century life, faded as I woke, vanished like a dream. I knew all about myself, knew that my name was no longer Cooper but Hedon, and all about my position in the world. Iâve forgotten a lot since I wokeâthereâs a want of connectionâbut it was all quite clear and matter-of-fact then.â
He hesitated again, gripping the window strap, putting his face forward, and looking up to me appealingly.
âThis seems bosh to you?â
âNo, no!â I cried. âGo on. Tell me what this loggia was like.â
âIt was not really a loggiaâI donât know what to call it. It faced south. It was small. It was all in shadow except the semicircle above the balcony that showed the sky and sea and the corner where the girl stood. I was on a couchâit was a metal couch with light striped cushionsâand the girl was leaning over the balcony with her back to me. The light of the sunrise fell on her ear and cheek. Her pretty white neck and the little curls that nestled there, and her white shoulder were in the sun, and all the grace of her body was in the cool blue shadow. She was dressedâhow can I describe it? It was easy and flowing. And altogether there she stood, so that it came to me how beautiful and desirable she was, as though I had never seen her before. And when at last I sighed and raised myself upon my arm she turned her face to meââ
He stopped.
âI have lived three-and-fifty years in this world. I have had mother, sisters, friends, wife and daughtersâall their faces, the play of their faces, I know. But the face of this girlâit is much more real to me. I can bring it back into memory so that I see it againâI could draw it or paint it. And after allââ
He stoppedâbut I said nothing.
âThe face of a dreamâthe face of a dream. She was beautiful. Not that beauty which is terrible, cold, and worshipful, like the beauty of a saint; nor that beauty that stirs fierce passions; but a sort of radiation, sweet lips that softened into smiles, and grave gray eyes. And she moved gracefully, she seemed to have part with all pleasant and gracious thingsââ
He stopped, and his face was downcast and hidden. Then he looked up at me and went on, making no further attempt to disguise his absolute belief in the reality of his story.
âYou see, I had thrown up my plans and ambitions, thrown up all I had ever worked for or desired, for her sake. I had been a master man away there in the north, with influence and property and a great reputation, but none of it had seemed worth having beside her. I had come to the place, this city of sunny pleasures, with her, and left all those things to wreck and ruin just to save a remnant at least of my life. While I had been in love with her before I knew that she had any care for me, before I had imagined that she would dareâthat we should dareâall my life had seemed vain and hollow, dust and ashes. It WAS dust and ashes. Night after night, and through the long days I had longed and desiredâmy soul had beaten against the thing forbidden!
âBut it is impossible for one man to tell another just these things. Itâs emotion, itâs a tint, a light that comes and goes. Only while itâs there, everything changes, everything. The thing is I came away and left them in their crisis to do what they could.â
âLeft whom?â I asked, puzzled.
âThe people up in the north there. You seeâin this dream, anyhowâI had been a big man, the sort of man men come to trust in, to group themselves about. Millions of men who had never seen me were ready to do things and risk things because of their confidence in me. I had been playing that game for years, that big laborious game, that vague, monstrous political game amidst intrigues and betrayals, speech and agitation. It was a vast weltering world, and at last I had a sort of leadership against the Gangâ you know it was called the Gangâa sort of compromise of scoundrelly projects and base ambitions and vast public emotional stupidities and catch-wordsâthe Gang that kept the world noisy and blind year by year, and all the while that it was drifting, drifting towards infinite disaster. But I canât expect you to understand the shades and complications of the yearâthe year something or other ahead. I had it allâdown to the smallest detailsâin my dream. I suppose I had been dreaming of it before I awoke, and the fading outline of some queer new development I had imagined still hung about me as I rubbed my eyes. It was some grubby affair that made me thank God for the sunlight. I sat up on the couch and remained looking at the woman, and rejoicingârejoicing that I had come away out of all that tumult and folly and violence before it was too late. After all, I thought, this is lifeâlove and beauty, desire and delight, are they not worth all those dismal struggles for vague, gigantic ends? And I blamed myself for having ever sought to be a leader when I might have given my days to love. But then, thought I, if I had not spent my early days sternly and austerely, I might have wasted myself upon vain and worthless women, and at the thought all my being went out in love and tenderness to my dear mistress, my dear lady, who had come at last and compelled meâcompelled me by her invincible charm for meâto lay that life aside.
ââYou are worth it,â I said, speaking without intending her to hear; âyou are worth it, my dearest one; worth pride and praise and all things. Love! to have YOU is worth them all together.â And at the murmur of my voice she turned about.
ââCome and see,â she criedâI can hear her nowââcome and see the sunrise upon Monte Solaro.â
âI remember how I sprang to my feet and joined her at the balcony. She put a white hand upon my shoulder and pointed towards great masses of limestone flushing, as it were, into life. I looked. But first I noted the sunlight on her face caressing the lines of her cheeks and neck. How can I describe to you the scene we had before us? We were at Capriââ
âI have been there,â I said. âI have clambered up Monte Solaro and drunk vero Capriâmuddy stuff like ciderâat the summit.â
âAh!â said the man with the white face; âthen perhaps you can tell meâyou will know if this was indeed Capri. For in this life I have never been there. Let me describe it. We were in a little room, one of a vast multitude of little rooms, very cool and sunny, hollowed out of the limestone of a sort of cape, very high above the sea. The whole island, you know, was one enormous hotel, complex beyond explaining, and on the other side there were miles of floating hotels, and huge floating stages to which the flying machines came. They called it a Pleasure City. Of course, there was none of that in your timeârather, I should say, IS none of that NOW. Of course. Now!âyes.
âWell, this room of ours was at the extremity of the cape, so that one could see east and west. Eastward was a great cliffâa thousand feet high perhaps, coldly grey except for one bright edge of gold, and beyond it the Isle of the Sirens, and a falling coast that faded and passed into the hot sunrise. And when one turned to the west, distinct and near was a little bay, a little beach still in shadow. And out of that shadow rose Solaro, straight and tall, flushed and golden-crested, like a beauty throned, and the white moon was floating behind her in the sky. And before us from east to west stretched the many-tinted sea all dotted with little sailing-boats.
âTo the eastward, of course, these little boats were gray and very minute and clear, but to the westward they were little boats of goldâshining goldâalmost like little flames. And just below us was a rock with an arch worn through it. The blue sea-water broke to green and foam all round the rock, and a galley came gliding out of the arch.â
âI know that rock,â I said. âI was nearly drowned there. It is called the Faraglioni.â
âFaraglioni? Yes, SHE called it that,â answered the man with the white face. âThere was some storyâbut thatââ
He put his hand to his forehead again. âNo,â he said, âI forget that story.
âWell, that is the first thing I remember, the first dream I had, that little shaded room and the beautiful air and sky and that dear lady of mine, with her shining arms and her graceful robe, and how we sat and talked in half whispers to one another. We talked in whispers, not because there was any one to hear, but because there was still such a freshness of mind between us that our thoughts were a little frightened, I think, to find themselves at last in words. And so they went softly.
âPresently we were hungry, and we went from our apartment, going by a strange passage with a moving floor, until we came to the great breakfast-roomâthere was a fountain and music. A pleasant and joyful place it was, with its sunlight and splashing, and the murmur of plucked strings. And we sat and ate and smiled at one another, and I would not heed a man who was watching me from a table near by.
âAnd afterwards we went on to the dancing-hall. But I cannot describe that hall. The place was enormous, larger than any building you have ever seenâand in one place there was the old gate of Capri, caught into the wall of a gallery high overhead. Light girders, stems and threads of gold, burst from the pillars like fountains, streamed like an Aurora across the roof and interlaced, likeâlike conjuring tricks. All about the great circle for the dancers there were beautiful figures, strange dragons, and intricate and wonderful grotesques bearing lights. The place was inundated with artificial light that shamed the newborn day. And as we went through the throng the people turned about and looked at us, for all through the world my name and face were known, and how I had suddenly thrown up pride, and struggle to come to this place. And they looked also at the lady beside me, though half the story of how at last she had come to me was unknown or mistold. And few of the men who were there, I know, but judged me a happy man, in spite of all the shame and dishonour that had come upon my name.
âThe air was full of music, full of harmonious scents, full of the rhythm of beautiful motions. Thousands of beautiful people swarmed about the hall, crowded the galleries, sat in a myriad recesses; they were dressed in splendid colours and crowned with flowers; thousands danced about the great circle beneath the white images of the ancient gods, and glorious processions of youths and maidens came and went. We two danced, not the dreary monotonies of your daysâof this time, I meanâbut dances that were beautiful, intoxicating. And even now I can see my lady dancingâdancing joyously. She danced, you know, with a serious face; she danced with a serious dignity, and yet she was smiling at me and caressing meâsmiling and caressing with her eyes.
âThe music was different,â he murmured. âIt wentâI cannot describe it; but it was infinitely richer and more varied than any music that has ever come to me awake.
âAnd thenâit was when we had done dancingâa man came to speak to me. He was a lean, resolute man, very soberly clad for that place, and already I had marked his face watching me in the breakfasting hall, and afterwards as we went along the passage I had avoided his eye. But now, as we sat in a little alcove smiling at the pleasure of all the people who went to and fro across the shining floor, he came and touched me, and spoke to me so that I was forced to listen. And he asked that he might speak to me for a little time apart.
ââNo,â I said. âI have no secrets from this lady. What do you want to tell me?â
âHe said it was a trivial matter, or at least a dry matter, for a lady to hear.
ââPerhaps for me to hear,â said I.
âHe glanced at her, as though almost he would appeal to her. Then he asked me suddenly if I had heard of a great and avenging declaration that Gresham had made. Now, Gresham had always before been the man next to myself in the leadership of that great party in the north. He was a forcible, hard, and tactless man, and only I had been able to control and soften him. It was on his account even more than my own, I think, that the others had been so dismayed at my retreat. So this question about what he had done re-awakened my old interest in the life I had put aside just for a moment.
ââI have taken no heed of any news for many days,â I said. âWhat has Gresham been saying?â
âAnd with that the man began, nothing loth, and I must confess ever; I was struck by Greshamâs reckless folly in the wild and threatening words he had used. And this messenger they had sent to me not only told me of Greshamâs speech, but went on to ask counsel and to point out what need they had of me. While he talked, my lady sat a little forward and watched his face and mine.
âMy old habits of scheming and organising reasserted themselves. I could even see myself suddenly returning to the north, and all the dramatic effect of it. All that this man said witnessed to the disorder of the party indeed, but not to its damage. I should go back stronger than I had come. And then I thought of my lady. You seeâhow can I tell you? There were certain peculiarities of our relationshipâas things are I need not tell about thatâwhich would render her presence with me impossible. I should have had to leave her; indeed, I should have had to renounce her clearly and openly, if I was to do all that I could do in the north. And the man knew THAT, even as he talked to her and me, knew it as well as she did, that my steps to duty wereâfirst, separation, then abandonment. At the touch of that thought my dream of a return was shattered. I turned on the man suddenly, as he was imagining his eloquence was gaining ground with me.
ââWhat have I to do with these things now?â I said. âI have done with them. Do you think I am coquetting with your people in coming here?â
ââNo,â he said; âbutââ
ââWhy cannot you leave me alone? I have done with these things. I have ceased to be anything but a private man.â
ââYes,â he answered. âBut have you thought?âthis talk of war, these reckless challenges, these wild aggressionsââ
âI stood up.
ââNo,â I cried. âI wonât hear you. I took count of all those things, I weighed themâand I have come away.â
âHe seemed to consider the possibility of persistence. He looked from me to where the lady sat regarding us.
ââWar,â he said, as if he were speaking to himself, and then turned slowly from me and walked away.
âI stood, caught in the whirl of thoughts his appeal had set going.
âI heard my ladyâs voice.
ââDear,â she said; âbut if they have need of youââ
âShe did not finish her sentence, she let it rest there. I turned to her sweet face, and the balance of my mood swayed and reeled.
ââThey want me only to do the thing they dare not do themselves,â I said. âIf they distrust Gresham they must settle with him themselves.â
âShe looked at me doubtfully.
ââBut warââ she said.
âI saw a doubt on her face that I had seen before, a doubt of herself and me, the first shadow of the discovery that, seen strongly and completely, must drive us apart for ever.
âNow, I was an older mind than hers, and I could sway her to this belief or that.
ââMy dear one,â I said, âyou must not trouble over these things. There will be no war. Certainly there will be no war. The age of wars is past. Trust me to know the justice of this case. They have no right upon me, dearest, and no one has a right upon me. I have been free to choose my life, and I have chosen this.â
ââBut WARââ she said.
âI sat down beside her. I put an arm behind her and took her hand in mine. I set myself to drive that doubt awayâI set myself to fill her mind with pleasant things again. I lied to her, and in lying to her I lied also to myself. And she was only too ready to believe me, only too ready to forget.
âVery soon the shadow had gone again, and we were hastening to our bathing-place in the Grotta del Bovo Marino, where it was our custom to bathe every day. We swam and splashed one another, and in that buoyant water I seemed to become something lighter and stronger than a man. And at last we came out dripping and rejoicing and raced among the rocks. And then I put on a dry bathing-dress, and we sat to bask in the sun, and presently I nodded, resting my head against her knee, and she put her hand upon my hair and stroked it softly and I dozed. And behold! as it were with the snapping of the string of a violin, I was awakening, and I was in my own bed in Liverpool, in the life of to-day.
âOnly for a time I could not believe that all these vivid moments had been no more than the substance of a dream.
âIn truth, I could not believe it a dream, for all the sobering reality of things about me. I bathed and dressed as it were by habit, and as I shaved I argued why I of all men should leave the woman I loved to go back to fantastic politics in the hard and strenuous north. Even if Gresham did force the world back to war, what was that to me? I was a man, with the heart of a man, and why should I feel the responsibility of a deity for the way the world might go?
âYou know that is not quite the way I think about affairs, about my real affairs. I am a solicitor, you know, with a point of view.
âThe vision was so real, you must understand, so utterly unlike a dream, that I kept perpetually recalling little irrelevant details; even the ornament of a bookcover that lay on my wifeâs sewing-machine in the breakfast-room recalled with the utmost vividness the gilt line that ran about the seat in the alcove where I had talked with the messenger from my deserted party. Have you ever heard of a dream that had a quality like that?â
âLikeâ?â
âSo that afterwards you remembered little details you had forgotten.â
I thought. I had never noticed the point before, but he was right.
âNever,â I said. âThat is what you never seem to do with dreams.â
âNo,â he answered. âBut that is just what I did. I am a solicitor, you must understand, in Liverpool, and I could not help wondering what the clients and business people I found myself talking to in my office would think if I told them suddenly I was in love with a girl who would be born a couple of hundred years or so hence, and worried about the politics of my great-great-great-grandchildren. I was chiefly busy that day negotiating a ninety-nine-year building lease. It was a private builder in a hurry, and we wanted to tie him in every possible way. I had an interview with him, and he showed a certain want of temper that sent me to bed still irritated. That night I had no dream. Nor did I dream the next night, at least, to remember.
âSomething of that intense reality of conviction vanished. I began to feel sure it WAS a dream. And then it came again.
âWhen the dream came again, nearly four days later, it was very different. I think it certain that four days had also elapsed IN the dream. Many things had happened in the north, and the shadow of them was back again between us, and this time it was not so easily dispelled. I began, I know, with moody musings. Why, in spite of all, should I go back, go back for all the rest of my days, to toil and stress, insults, and perpetual dissatisfaction, simply to save hundreds of millions of common people, whom I did not love, whom too often I could not do other than despise, from the stress and anguish of war and infinite misrule? And, after all, I might fail. THEY all sought their own narrow ends, and why should not Iâwhy should not I also live as a man? And out of such thoughts her voice summoned me, and I lifted my eyes.
âI found myself awake and walking. We had come out above the Pleasure City, we were near the summit of Monte Solaro and looking towards the bay. It was the late afternoon and very clear. Far away to the left Ischia hung in a golden haze between sea and sky, and Naples was coldly white against the hills, and before us was Vesuvius with a tall and slender streamer feathering at last towards the south, and the ruins of Torre dellâ Annunziata and Castellammare glittering and near.â
I interrupted suddenly: âYou have been to Capri, of course?â
âOnly in this dream,â he said, âonly in this dream. All across the bay beyond Sorrento were the floating palaces of the Pleasure City moored and chained. And northward were the broad floating stages that received the aeroplanes. Aeroplanes fell out of the sky every afternoon, each bringing its thousands of pleasure-seekers from the uttermost parts of the earth to Capri and its delights. All these things, I say, stretched below.
âBut we noticed them only incidentally because of an unusual sight that evening had to show. Five war aeroplanes that had long slumbered useless in the distant arsenals of the Rhine-mouth were manoeuvring now in the eastward sky. Gresham had astonished the world by producing them and others, and sending them to circle here and there. It was the threat material in the great game of bluff he was playing, and it had taken even me by surprise. He was one of those incredibly stupid energetic people who seem sent by heaven to create disasters. His energy to the first glance seemed so wonderfully like capacity! But he had no imagination, no invention, only a stupid, vast, driving force of will, and a mad faith in his stupid idiot âluckâ to pull him through. I remember how we stood out upon the headland watching the squadron circling far away, and how I weighed the full meaning of the sight, seeing clearly the way things must GO. And then even it was not too late. I might have gone back, I think, and saved the world. The people of the north would follow me, I knew, granted only that in one thing I respected their moral standards. The east and south would trust me as they would trust no other northern man. And I knew I had only to put it to her and she would have let me go... Not because she did not love me!
âOnly I did not want to go; my will was all the other way about. I had so newly thrown off the incubus of responsibility: I was still so fresh a renegade from duty that the daylight clearness of what I OUGHT to do had no power at all to touch my will. My will was to live, to gather pleasures, and make my dear lady happy. But though this sense of vast neglected duties had no power to draw me, it could make me silent and preoccupied, it robbed the days I had spent of half their brightness and roused me into dark meditations in the silence of the night. And as I stood and watched Greshamâs aeroplanes sweep to and froâthose birds of infinite ill omenâshe stood beside me, watching me, perceiving the trouble indeed, but not perceiving it clearlyâher eyes questioning my face, her expression shaded with perplexity. Her face was grey because the sunset was fading out of the sky. It was no fault of hers that she held me. She had asked me to go from her, and again in the night-time and with tears she had asked me to go.
âAt last it was the sense of her that roused me from my mood. I turned upon her suddenly and challenged her to race down the mountain slopes. âNo,â she said, as if I jarred with her gravity, but I was resolved to end that gravity and made her runâno one can be very grey and sad who is out of breathâand when she stumbled I ran with my hand beneath her arm. We ran down past a couple of men, who turned back staring in astonishment at my behaviourâthey must have recognised my face. And half-way down the slope came a tumult in the airâclang-clank, clang-clankâand we stopped, and presently over the hill-crest those war things came flying one behind the other.â
The man seemed hesitating on the verge of a description.
âWhat were they like?â I asked.
âThey had never fought,â he said. âThey were just like our ironclads are nowadays; they had never fought. No one knew what they might do, with excited men inside them; few even cared to speculate. They were great driving things shaped like spear-heads without a shaft, with a propeller in the place of the shaft.â
âSteel?â
âNot steel.â
âAluminium?â
âNo, no, nothing of that sort. An alloy that was very commonâas common as brass, for example. It was calledâlet me seeââ He squeezed his forehead with the fingers of one hand. âI am forgetting everything,â he said.
âAnd they carried guns?â
âLittle guns, firing high explosive shells. They fired the guns backwards, out of the base of the leaf, so to speak, and rammed with the beak. That was the theory, you know, but they had never been fought. No one could tell exactly what was going to happen. And meanwhile I suppose it was very fine to go whirling through the air like a flight of young swallows, swift and easy. I guess the captains tried not to think too clearly what the real thing would be like. And these flying war machines, you know, were only one sort of the endless war contrivances that had been invented and had fallen into abeyance during the long peace. There were all sorts of these things that people were routing out and furbishing up; infernal things, silly things; things that had never been tried; big engines, terrible explosives, great guns. You know the silly way of these ingenious sort of men who make these things; they turn âem out as beavers build dams, and with no more sense of the rivers theyâre going to divert and the lands theyâre going to flood!
âAs we went down the winding stepway to our hotel again in the twilight I foresaw it all: I saw how clearly and inevitably things were driving for war in Greshamâs silly, violent hands, and I had some inkling of what war was bound to be under these new conditions. And even then, though I knew it was drawing near the limit of my opportunity, I could find no will to go back.â
He sighed.
âThat was my last chance.
âWe did not go into the city until the sky was full of stars, so we walked out upon the high terrace, to and fro, andâshe counselled me to go back.
ââMy dearest,â she said, and her sweet face looked up to me, âthis is Death. This life you lead is Death. Go back to them, go back to your dutyââ
âShe began to weep, saying between her sobs, and clinging to my arm as she said it, âGo backâgo back.â
âThen suddenly she fell mute, and glancing down at her face, I read in an instant the thing she had thought to do. It was one of those moments when one SEES.
ââNo!â I said.
âem
ââNo?â she asked, in surprise, and I think a little fearful at the answer to her thought.
ââNothing,â I said, âshall send me back. Nothing! I have chosen. Love, I have chosen, and the world must go. Whatever happens, I will live this lifeâI will live for YOU! Itânothing shall turn me aside; nothing, my dear one. Even if you diedâeven if you diedââ
ââYes?â she murmured, softly.
ââThenâI also would die.â
âAnd before she could speak again I began to talk, talking eloquentlyâas I COULD do in that lifeâtalking to exalt love, to make the life we were living seem heroic and glorious; and the thing I was deserting something hard and enormously ignoble that it was a fine thing to set aside. I bent all my mind to throw that glamour upon it, seeking not only to convert her but myself to that. We talked, and she clung to me, torn too between all that she deemed noble and all that she knew was sweet. And at last I did make it heroic, made all the thickening disaster of the world only a sort of glorious setting to our unparalleled love, and we two poor foolish souls strutted there at last, clad in that splendid delusion, drunken rather with that glorious delusion, under the still stars.
âAnd so my moment passed.
âIt was my last chance. Even as we went to and fro there, the leaders of the south and east were gathering their resolve, and the hot answer that shattered Greshamâs bluffing for ever took shape and waited. And all over Asia, and the ocean, and the south, the air and the wires were throbbing with their warnings to prepareâprepare.
âNo one living, you know, knew what war was; no one could imagine, with all these new inventions, what horror war might bring. I believe most people still believed it would be a matter of bright uniforms and shouting charges and triumphs and flags and bandsâin a time when half the world drew its food-supply from regions ten thousand miles awayââ
The man with the white face paused. I glanced at him, and his face was intent on the floor of the carriage. A little railway station, a string of loaded trucks, a signal-box, and the back of a cottage shot by the carriage window, and a bridge passed with a clap of noise, echoing the tumult of the train.
âAfter that,â he said, âI dreamt often. For three weeks of nights that dream was my life. And the worst of it was there were nights when I could not dream, when I lay tossing on a bed in THIS accursed life; and THEREâsomewhere lost to meâthings were happeningâmomentous, terrible things... I lived at nightsâmy days, my waking days, this life I am living now, became a faded, far-away dream, a drab setting, the cover of the book.â
He thought.
âI could tell you all, tell you every little thing in the dream, but as to what I did in the daytimeâno. I could not tellâI do not remember. My memoryâmy memory has gone. The business of life slips from meââ
He leant forward, and pressed his hands upon his eyes. For a long time he said nothing.
âAnd then?â said I.
âThe war burst like a hurricane.â
He stared before him at unspeakable things.
âAnd then?â I urged again.
âOne touch of unreality,â he said, in the low tone of a man who speaks to himself, âand they would have been nightmares. But they were not nightmaresâthey were not nightmares. NO!â
He was silent for so long that it dawned upon me that there was a danger of losing the rest of the story. But he went on talking again in the same tone of questioning self-communion.
âWhat was there to do but flight? I had not thought the war would touch CapriâI had seemed to see Capri as being out of it all, as the contrast to it all; but two nights after the whole place was shouting and bawling, every woman almost and every other man wore a badgeâGreshamâs badgeâand there was no music but a jangling war-song over and over again, and everywhere men enlisting, and in the dancing halls they were drilling. The whole island was a-whirl with rumours; it was said again and again that fighting had begun. I had not expected this. I had seen so little of the life of pleasure that I had failed to reckon with this violence of the amateurs. And as for me, I was out of it. I was like a man who might have prevented the firing of a magazine. The time had gone. I was no one; the vainest stripling with a badge counted for more than I. The crowd jostled us and bawled in our ears; that accursed song deafened us; a woman shrieked at my lady because no badge was on her, and we two went back to our own place again, ruffled and insultedâmy lady white and silent, and I a-quiver with rage. So furious was I, I could have quarrelled with her if I could have found one shade of accusation in her eyes.
âAll my magnificence had gone from me. I walked up and down our rock cell, and outside was the darkling sea and a light to the southward that flared and passed and came again.
ââWe must get out of this place,â I said over and over. âI have made my choice, and I will have no hand in these troubles. I will have nothing of this war. We have taken our lives out of all these things. This is no refuge for us. Let us go.â
âAnd the next day we were already in flight from the war that covered the world.
âAnd all the rest was Flightâall the rest was Flight.â
He mused darkly.
âHow much was there of it?â
He made no answer.
âHow many days?â
His face was white and drawn and his hands were clenched. He took no heed of my curiosity.
I tried to draw him back to his story with questions.
âWhere did you go?â I said.
âWhen?â
âWhen you left Capri.â
âSouth-west,â he said, and glanced at me for a second. âWe went in a boat.â
âBut I should have thought an aeroplane?â
âThey had been seized.â
I questioned him no more. Presently I thought he was beginning again. He broke out in an argumentative monotone:
âBut why should it be? If, indeed, this battle, this slaughter and stress, IS life, why have we this craving for pleasure and beauty? If there IS no refuge, if there is no place of peace, and if all our dreams of quiet places are a folly and a snare, why have we such dreams? Surely it was no ignoble cravings, no base intentions, had brought us to this; it was love had isolated us. Love had come to me with her eyes and robed in her beauty, more glorious than all else in life, in the very shape and colour of life, and summoned me away. I had silenced all the voices, I had answered all the questionsâI had come to her. And suddenly there was nothing but War and Death!â
I had an inspiration. âAfter all,â I said, âit could have been only a dream.â
âA dream!â he cried, flaming upon me, âa dreamâwhen, even nowââ
For the first time he became animated. A faint flush crept into his cheek. He raised his open hand and clenched it, and dropped it to his knee. He spoke, looking away from me, and for all the rest of the time he looked away. âWe are but phantoms,â he said, âand the phantoms of phantoms, desires like cloud shadows and wills of straw that eddy in the wind; the days pass, use and wont carry us through as a train carries the shadow of its lightsâso be it? But one thing is real and certain, one thing is no dream stuff, but eternal and enduring. It is the centre of my life, and all other things about it are subordinate or altogether vain. I loved her, that woman of a dream. And she and I are dead together!
âA dream! How can it be a dream, when it drenched a living life with unappeasable sorrow, when it makes all that I have lived for and cared for worthless and unmeaning?
âUntil that very moment when she was killed I believed we had still a chance of getting away,â he said. âAll through the night and morning that we sailed across the sea from Capri to Salerno we talked of escape. We were full of hope, and it clung about us to the end, hope for the life together we should lead, out of it all, out of the battle and struggle, the wild and empty passions, the empty, arbitrary âthou shaltâ and âthou shalt notâ of the world. We were uplifted, as though our quest was a holy thing, as though love for one another was a mission...
âEven when from our boat we saw the fair face of that great rock Capriâ already scarred and gashed by the gun emplacements and hiding-places that were to make it a fastnessâwe reckoned nothing of the imminent slaughter, though the fury of preparation hung about in puffs and clouds of dust at a hundred points amidst the grey; but, indeed, I made a text of that and talked. There, you know, was the rock, still beautiful for all its scars, with its countless windows and arches and ways, tier upon tier, for a thousand feet, a vast carving of grey, broken by vine-clad terraces, and lemon and orange groves, and masses of agave and prickly pear, and puffs of almond blossom. And out under the archway that is built over the Piccola Marina other boats were coming; and as we came round the cape and within sight of the mainland, another little string of boats came into view, driving before the wind towards the south-west. In a little while a multitude had come out, the remoter just little specks of ultramarine in the shadow of the eastward cliff.
ââIt is love and reason,â I said, âfleeing from all this madness of war.â
âAnd though we presently saw a squadron of aeroplanes flying across the southern sky we did not heed it. There it wasâa line of little dots in the skyâand then more, dotting the south-eastern horizon, and then still more, until all that quarter of the sky was stippled with blue specks. Now they were all thin little strokes of blue, and now one and now a multitude would heel and catch the sun and become short flashes of light. They came, rising and falling and growing larger, like some huge flight of gulls or rooks or such-like birds, moving with a marvellous uniformity, and ever as they drew nearer they spread over a greater width of sky. The southward wing flung itself in an arrow-headed cloud athwart the sun. And then suddenly they swept round to the eastward and streamed eastward, growing smaller and smaller and clearer and clearer again until they vanished from the sky. And after that we noted to the northward, and very high, Greshamâs fighting machines hanging high over Naples like an evening swarm of gnats.
âIt seemed to have no more to do with us than a flight of birds.
âEven the mutter of guns far away in the south-east seemed to us to signify nothing...
âEach day, each dream after that, we were still exalted, still seeking that refuge where we might live and love. Fatigue had come upon us, pain and many distresses. For though we were dusty and stained by our toilsome tramping, and half starved, and with the horror of the dead men we had seen and the flight of the peasantsâfor very soon a gust of fighting swept up the peninsulaâwith these things haunting our minds it still resulted only in a deepening resolution to escape. Oh, but she was brave and patient! She who had never faced hardship and exposure had courage for herselfâand me. We went to and fro seeking an outlet, over a country all commandeered and ransacked by the gathering hosts of war. Always we went on foot. At first there were other fugitives, but we did not mingle with them. Some escaped northward, some were caught in the torrent of peasantry that swept along the main roads; many gave themselves into the hands of the soldiery and were sent northward. Many of the men were impressed. But we kept away from these things; we had brought no money to bribe a passage north, and I feared for my lady at the hands of these conscript crowds. We had landed at Salerno, and we had been turned back from Cava, and we had tried to cross towards Taranto by a pass over Mount Alburno, but we had been driven back for want of food, and so we had come down among the marshes by Paestum, where those great temples stand alone. I had some vague idea that by Paestum it might be possible to find a boat or something, and take once more to sea. And there it was the battle overtook us.
âA sort of soul-blindness had me. Plainly I could see that we were being hemmed in; that the great net of that giant Warfare had us in its toils. Many times we had seen the levies that had come down from the north going to and fro, and had come upon them in the distance amidst the mountains making ways for the ammunition and preparing the mounting of the guns. Once we fancied they had fired at us, taking us for spiesâat any rate a shot had gone shuddering over us. Several times we had hidden in woods from hovering aeroplanes.
âBut all these things do not matter now, these nights of flight and pain... We were in an open place near those great temples at Paestum, at last, on a blank stony place dotted with spiky bushes, empty and desolate and so flat that a grove of eucalyptus far away showed to the feet of its stems. How I can see it! My lady was sitting down under a bush resting a little, for she was very weak and weary, and I was standing up watching to see if I could tell the distance of the firing that came and went. They were still, you know, fighting far from each other, with these terrible new weapons that had never before been used: guns that would carry beyond sight, and aeroplanes that would doâWhat THEY would do no man could foretell.
âI knew that we were between the two armies, and that they drew together. I knew we were in danger, and that we could not stop there and rest!
âThough all those things were in my mind, they were in the background. They seemed to be affairs beyond our concern. Chiefly, I was thinking of my lady. An aching distress filled me. For the first time she had owned herself beaten and had fallen a-weeping. Behind me I could hear her sobbing, but I would not turn round to her because I knew she had need of weeping, and had held herself so far and so long for me. It was well, I thought, that she would weep and rest, and then we would toil on again, for I had no inkling of the thing that hung so near. Even now I can see her as she sat there, her lovely hair upon her shoulder, can mark again the deepening hollow of her cheek.
ââIf we had parted,â she said, âif I had let you goââ
ââNo,â said I. âEven now I do not repent. I will not repent; I made my choice, and I will hold on to the end.â
âAnd thenâ
âOverhead in the sky flashed something and burst, and all about us I heard the bullets making a noise like a handful of peas suddenly thrown. They chipped the stones about us, and whirled fragments from the bricks and passed...â
He put his hand to his mouth, and then moistened his lips.
âAt the flash I had turned about...
âYou knowâshe stood upâ
âShe stood up, you know, and moved a step towards meâ
âAs though she wanted to reach meâ
âAnd she had been shot through the heart.â
He stopped and stared at me. I felt all that foolish incapacity an Englishman feels on such occasions. I met his eyes for a moment, and then stared out of the window. For a long space we kept silence. When at last I looked at him he was sitting back in his corner, his arms folded and his teeth gnawing at his knuckles.
He bit his nail suddenly, and stared at it.
âI carried her,â he said, âtowards the temples, in my armsâas though it mattered. I donât know why. They seemed a sort of sanctuary, you know, they had lasted so long, I suppose.
âShe must have died almost instantly. OnlyâI talked to herâall the way.â
Silence again.
âI have seen those temples,â I said abruptly, and indeed he had brought those still, sunlit arcades of worn sandstone very vividly before me.
âIt was the brown one, the big brown one. I sat down on a fallen pillar and held her in my arms... Silent after the first babble was over. And after a little while the lizards came out and ran about again, as though nothing unusual was going on, as though nothing had changed... It was tremendously still there, the sun high and the shadows still; even the shadows of the weeds upon the entablature were stillâin spite of the thudding and banging that went all about the sky.
âI seem to remember that the aeroplanes came up out of the south, and that the battle went away to the west. One aeroplane was struck, and overset and fell. I remember thatâthough it didnât interest me in the least. It didnât seem to signify. It was like a wounded gull, you knowâflapping for a time in the water. I could see it down the aisle of the templeâa black thing in the bright blue water.
âThree or four times shells burst about the beach, and then that ceased. Each time that happened all the lizards scuttled in and hid for a space. That was all the mischief done, except that once a stray bullet gashed the stone hard byâmade just a fresh bright surface.
âAs the shadows grew longer, the stillness seemed greater.
âThe curious thing,â he remarked, with the manner of a man who makes a trivial conversation, âis that I didnât THINKâI didnât think at all. I sat with her in my arms amidst the stonesâin a sort of lethargyâ stagnant.
âAnd I donât remember waking up. I donât remember dressing that day. I know I found myself in my office, with my letters all slit open in front of me, and how I was struck by the absurdity of being there, seeing that in reality I was sitting, stunned, in that Paestum Temple with a dead woman in my arms. I read my letters like a machine. I have forgotten what they were about.â
He stopped, and there was a long silence.
Suddenly I perceived that we were running down the incline from Chalk Farm to Euston. I started at this passing of time. I turned on him with a brutal question with the tone of âNow or never.â
âAnd did you dream again?â
âYes.â
He seemed to force himself to finish. His voice was very low.
âOnce more, and as it were only for a few instants. I seemed to have suddenly awakened out of a great apathy, to have risen into a sitting position, and the body lay there on the stones beside me. A gaunt body. Not her, you know. So soonâit was not her...
âI may have heard voices. I do not know. Only I knew clearly that men were coming into the solitude and that that was a last outrage.
âI stood up and walked through the temple, and then there came into sightâfirst one man with a yellow face, dressed in a uniform of dirty white, trimmed with blue, and then several, climbing to the crest of the old wall of the vanished city, and crouching there. They were little bright figures in the sunlight, and there they hung, weapon in hand, peering cautiously before them.
âAnd further away I saw others, and then more at another point in the wall. It was a long lax line of men in open order.
âPresently the man I had first seen stood up and shouted a command, and his men came tumbling down the wall and into the high weeds towards the temple. He scrambled down with them and led them. He came facing towards me, and when he saw me he stopped.
âAt first I had watched these men with a mere curiosity, but when I had seen they meant to come to the temple I was moved to forbid them. I shouted to the officer.
ââYou must not come here,â I cried, âI am here. I am here with my dead.â
âHe stared, and then shouted a question back to me in some unknown tongue.
âI repeated what I had said.
âHe shouted again, and I folded my arms and stood still. Presently he spoke to his men and came forward. He carried a drawn sword.
âI signed to him to keep away, but he continued to advance. I told him again very patiently and clearly: âYou must not come here. These are old temples, and I am here with my dead.â
âPresently he was so close I could see his face clearly. It was a narrow face, with dull grey eyes, and a black moustache. He had a scar on his upper lip, and he was dirty and unshaven. He kept shouting unintelligible things, questions perhaps, at me.
âI know now that he was afraid of me, but at the time that did not occur to me. As I tried to explain to him he interrupted me in imperious tones, bidding me, I suppose, stand aside.
âHe made to go past me, and I caught hold of him.
âI saw his face change at my grip.
ââYou fool,â I cried. âDonât you know? She is dead!â
âHe started back. He looked at me with cruel eyes.
âI saw a sort of exultant resolve leap into themâdelight. Then suddenly, with a scowl, he swept his sword backâSOâand thrust.â
He stopped abruptly.
I became aware of a change in the rhythm of the train. The brakes lifted their voices and the carriage jarred and jerked. This present world insisted upon itself, became clamorous. I saw through the steamy window huge electric lights glaring down from tall masts upon a fog, saw rows of stationary empty carriages passing by, and then a signal-box, hoisting its constellation of green and red into the murky London twilight, marched after them. I looked again at his drawn features.
âHe ran me through the heart. It was with a sort of astonishmentâno fear, no painâbut just amazement, that I felt it pierce me, felt the sword drive home into my body. It didnât hurt, you know. It didnât hurt at all.â
The yellow platform lights came into the field of view, passing first rapidly, then slowly, and at last stopping with a jerk. Dim shapes of men passed to and fro without.
âEuston!â cried a voice.
âDo you meanâ?â
âThere was no pain, no sting or smart. Amazement and then darkness sweeping over everything. The hot, brutal face before me, the face of the man who had killed me, seemed to recede. It swept out of existenceââ
âEuston!â clamoured the voices outside; âEuston!â
The carriage door opened, admitting a flood of sound, and a porter stood regarding us. The sounds of doors slamming, and the hoof-clatter of cab-horses, and behind these things the featureless remote roar of the London cobble-stones, came to my ears. A truck-load of lighted lamps blazed along the platform.
âA darkness, a flood of darkness that opened and spread and blotted out all things.â
âAny luggage, sir?â said the porter.
âAnd that was the end?â I asked.
He seemed to hesitate. Then, almost inaudibly, he answered, âNo.â
âYou mean?â
âI couldnât get to her. She was there on the other side of the templeâ And thenââ
âYes,â I insisted. âYes?â
âNightmares,â he cried; ânightmares indeed! My God! Great birds that fought and tore.â