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On names and forms: Why I don't feel represented

Originally Posted: 02 Jan 2024
Author: Lark

I have a complicated relationship with my last (family) name. To some extent, I consider it part of my deadname—I did not choose it, and so it doesn't feel like it belongs to me. I elected not to change my last name when I had my name legally changed; this decision was party out of convenience, and partly because I wasn't able to find a last name for myself that I was happy with. It was becoming increasingly difficult to navigate life with my legal name being my deadname, and I didn't want to wait any longer to change it.

I also have a complicated relationship with my last name because I don't really want one. If it were up to me, I wouldn't *have* a last name. The reason I do is because having your legal name consist only of a first name is nearly impossible in the US. There are a few reasons why I disidentify with the concept of having a last name:

It feels overly formal. I hate formal forms of address—especially honorifics. And it's not just that honorifics are typically gendered; I dislike "Mx." as well. I don't want to be referred to as Mx. Lastname or Firstname Lastname. I'm just Lark. If I want to be addressed differently in different contexts, I'll just use different first names.
I don't want the state to have a unique identifier for me. Anonymity is privacy, and privacy is important to me. I like having a name unique enough that it's unambiguous in most contexts who someone is referring to, but I don't want my government to be able to uniquely identify me. This is less a practical consideration and more an ideological one; I don't have much to hide or fear, but that's not a justification for invasions of privacy. This is part of why I elected to give up my given middle name when I had my name legally changed—to make my legal name less unique.
In the US, a last name is always assumed to be a family name. It's not something one chooses. I could see the appeal of having my name consist of multiple parts, but I dislike that people would assume the last part is a family name. I want my name to be *mine*.

In everyday life, my friends know not to refer to my last name. I'll sometimes joke, "Ew, don't call me that. You're not the IRS¹." But there are situations where not revealing your last name isn't feasible: legal forms, banking, professional contexts, etc.

A consequence of my preferred name not including a last name is that I'm always struck with indecision when a form requires me to provide both a first and last name. In some contexts (e.g. legal forms), I understand the need. But many online accounts expect names to take this form, which I think is often unnecessary. Why do they need that information? Maybe someday I'll find a chosen last name to use in these contexts.

Sometimes it's unclear which name I even *would* provide if required. I have multiple chosen names, of which Lark is only one. Lark isn't the name I chose to be my legal name, but it is what many of my friends know me as. So often, I'll want to make online accounts using this name. But when I adopted the name Lark, I never chose a last name to go with it. I feels wrong to mix Lark with my legal last name, because those are different identities, different personas.

This problem isn't unique to people like me; it's shared by anyone whose name doesn't follow Western conventions. I want to recommend this excellent resource from the W3C that gives examples of the many forms personal names can take in cultures throughout the world and gives recommendations for how to design forms with that in mind.

Personal names around the world

To summarize the article at a high level:

Names aren't always written using Latin script.
Names often include punctuation, such as hyphens and apostrophes, as well as diacritics.
Names don't always follow the order of given name followed by family name.
Names don't always include a family name.
People often have multiple family names.
The US convention of providing a middle initial isn't universal, even among Western cultures.
The Western convention of referring to someone by their last name in formal contexts isn't universal.
The written form of a name doesn't always convey how it's pronounced.
The correct sort order of names isn't always by last name.
Often names are longer than UI designers and database administrators might expect.
Which part of a name you should refer to someone as differs between cultures.

These aren't problems that will disappear anytime soon. The conventions of Western names are deeply embedded in both US institutions and the internet more broadly. One small consolation is that some services that require a legal name now also allow you to provide a preferred name. Hopefully the trend continues.

Footnotes

[1]: The IRS is a government agency in the US.

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